Chris Jericho Archives - Page 13 of 20

RAW review 10/12/09

October 12, 2009 11:09 pm 1 Comment

To quote the underrated band Unwritten Law, “I’m sick of my sickness.” I feel like crap right now, so my goal tonight is to do as little as possible to get through this review before I turn it over to whomever tonight’s BWF guest host will be.

Chris Jericho kicks things off, explaining WWE Bragging Rights, explaining that the main event will be a 7 on 7 tag match between RAW and SmackDown. Jericho says he can choose whichever side he wants since he’s a Unified Tag Team Champion, but he’s been named the SmackDown team captain and plans to put together a great team. Guest Host Nancy O’Dell interrupts and tells him that we don’t start RAW with him, we start it with DX.

BREAK IT DOWN!

Shawn Michaels and Triple H make their way out to the ring. Or at least, Triple H does. Mark Eaton, the timekeeper, gets in the ring and does the running around Triple H bit. The Game says we’re doing things differently tonight. Are you ready?

For the thousands in attendance, the millions watching at home, and Shawn Michaels who’s not here. He says he got a call from HBK, with whom he was going to set up the RAW team for Bragging Rights. He could go ahead and make the team, but instead he’s going to be a true friend and call HBK at home and badger him. HBK’s voicemail is a parody of his theme music. HBK picks up. Triple H and the DX Army want to know where he is. He says his daughter got sick and he had to stay home. He just put her to sleep and finished reading her a bedtime story. Triple H asks if it was from the Unauthorized History of DX that’s on sale now, would he? He says he wouldn’t read his daughter that crap… um… he means… he means that of course he read it! Triple H says he reads it to his kids all the time. HBK says goodbye to Indianapolis, and Triple H is then interrupted by Chris Jericho and The Big Show. Jericho puts over SmackDown. Triple H says SmackDown is a good show. A very good show with a spineless GM that does whatever Vince says, it features a grumpy little troll who runs his mouth all the time (that’s Jericho), and it features great, great, wrestling. Y’know, like The Great Khali. Triple H says it’s nowhere near the league of RAW (Editor Note: He’s right. It’s in a much much better league). Jericho says that he’s going to take The Big Show for the SmackDown team despite the fact that he’s a RAW Superstar. Triple H says that Jericho’s the boss, then makes a couple of gay jokes. Show says that he and Jericho are equals, and Big Show carries the team. Jericho asks him what he just said. Show says he’s not the one who got pinned last week. Jericho says he’s not the one who was the laughing stock of Sportscenter after being humiliated by Shaquille O’Neil. Show says that at least he didn’t get punked out by a 200 Year Old fossil named Bob Barker. Jericho says he’d face Barker anywhere in the world. Jericho says he’s the best in the world at what he does, and he’s made The Big Show a champion. He’s no longer known as the guy who got knocked out at WrlestleMania 24 by Floyd Mayweather. Big Show tells Triple H he’s changed his mind and wants to be on the RAW team at Bragging Rights. Triple H says it’s the greatest news he’s heard, but unfortunately they don’t have any spaces open. He says he’ll do him a favor though. He’s been given the authority to earn his slot on the RAW team. All he’s got to do is win his match tonight. Show says he can do it. His opponent tonight is Chris Jericho. Oh yeah, and that match is now. The Tag Team Champions don’t look happy as Triple H leaves.

From some of our friends on Twitter:

@fozzyfan: They ruined a perfect opening of Raw by interrupting @IAmJericho for Triple Nose? Thumbs DOWN

@IAmJHPunk: How did HHH already talk to the guest host & get permission 2 make the match when he barely found out that Show wants 2 switch? #wwerawfail

The Big Show def. Chris Jericho

Big Show tries to calm Jericho down, but Jericho keeps slapping him. Show slaps him off the top rope, and Jericho falls to the floor clutching his knee. Show goes to help him up, and Jericho tries to sneak back into the ring before the 10 count. Show prevents that from happening and gets back in the ring himself for the count out victory.

Maria Menudos is standing by with Legacy. She asks how they’re doing and if they should be on team RAW at Bragging Rights. They both think they should be. There will be a triple threat match later tonight, and the winner will be on Team RAW. It’s Rhodes vs. DiBiase vs. Cena.

From the Twitterverse:

@leomc2: what a waste of 30 minutes that was #wwe #raw

@dasharpshooters: John Cena wants to qualify? dude is in a IRON MAN MATCH. #supercena #wwe #raw

The Indiana Pacers are in the house. And The Diva’s Champion is here – out first for a title defense. Tradition be damned. Apparently, Mickie James’ challenger is Jillian. How the hell did that happen?

Jillian Hall def. Mickie James to become the new WWE Diva’s Champion?!?

Um. What? Jillian just beat Mickie James to become the Diva’s Champion? Mickie had her foot on the ropes, but I guess it counts.

From Twitter: @SanzJohnson: since jill the new champ, hopefully she can get a new theme, outfit, and face! #WWE #RAW

Jillian decides to sing Lady GuyGuy’s song “Paparazzi.” She’s interrupted by the sounds of Lenny Kravitz’ version of “American Woman,” which brings out Nancy O’Dell. She made a major Diva’s trade over the weekend. Jillian is still on RAW. The bad news for her is that she has to defend her Diva’s Championship against RAW’s newest Diva right now. She knows a thing or two about paparazzi… MELINA IS BACK ON RAW! Jillian scrambles to put her belt around her waist before Melina gets to the ring.

Melina def. Jillian Hall to become the new WWE Diva’s Champion

Well, thanks for coming, Jillian. I wonder why Mickie dropped the title?

From Twitter: @BigD923: Thank you Melina, Jillian as Divas Champions would of sucked!!! #WWE #RAW

@steverechtman: Between Nancy O’Dell and Maria Menunos, this is some of the best mic work that the #WWE had had in a very long time. #Raw

Snoop Dogg is the guest host for next week’s RAW.

Triple H is talking to a cardboard cutout of HBK. Actually, he’s talking to him on speaker phone. Shawn’s music starts playing, and Hornswoggle comes out dressed like HBK! Shawn says he’s not watching and he’s going into the living room to see what’s going on. Triple H says it’s gimmick infringement, and Hornswoggle hits sweet shin music on the HBK cutout. Triple H tries to save him, but Hornswoggle knocks The Game down and gives him a crotch chop.

Full details of the Diva trade will be available on WWE.com after RAW tonight

Santino is with Nancy O’Dell, who is the Sexy Superfan of the Month from WWE Magazine. Santino does his best anchor work when Beth Phoenix comes in and shoves him out of the way. She says that she heard she’s been traded to SmackDown. Phoenix pretty much says she’ll kick O’Dell and Menoudos’ asses. Santino says that Maria isn’t scared, she’d compete against Phoenix in some kind of match tonight. Santino says it’s official while O’Dell tries to tell him it’s a bad idea. Santino says he faked every “organism” with Beth Phoenix in the past.

Last Week: An Iron Man Match was made for Bragging Rights

From Twitter: @DCsPeoplesChamp: Why do they keep Hornswaggle around? #midgetfail

@WellYoureWrong: Okay, how drunk and or high do you have to be to sit through Cena Vs Orton for an Hour? #wwe

@ANDaniloTheRef: Beth to SD!? I can only imagine the Matches she could have against Natalya but, the Matches ain’t gonna happen. Damn Bikini Models! #WWE

WrestleMania 26 Tickets go on sale in 26 days.

Legacy make their way out for their triple threat match. John Cena comes out and we’re ready for action.

John Cena vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase

The idea here is that Legacy are going to try and soften up Cena for his Iron Man Match at Bragging Rights, but they still want to win and get onto team RAW for Bragging Rights. Orton came out and distracted Cena while he had DiBiase in an STF, and Rhodes rolled DiBiase up for the pinfall.

DiBiase isn’t thrilled with being pinned, and Orton tries to get them to calm down, and Nancy O’Dell makes a match for later tonight – Legacy vs. John Cena and Randy Orton.

From Twitter:

@HandsomeGenius: #Raw – The they could team Rhodes with Chavo Geurrero and keep the Legacy gimmick alive. (This tweet is far-fetched.)

@johnnyz4282: So that was our first real match of the evening. Time, 10:13pm #wwe

@WellYoureWrong: I’m not a big Legacy fan but Cena didn’t win so, I approve.

The Indianapolis Colts are here, and we’ve got a Bragging Rights qualifying match set for one fall. First, it’s the All-American American Jack Swagger, who has guaranteed he won’t lose a match for the rest of the year. His opponent tonight is a former United States Champion, MVP!

Jack Swagger vs. MVP

Swagger actually won this one pretty easily. Impressive victory for the All-American American.

So far, team RAW is DX, Big Show, Cody Rhodes, and Jack Swagger.

Legacy are still arguing backstage. Orton says he won’t team with Cena and he won’t let O’Dell tell him what to do. He’s not going to let himself get tagged in, so it’ll be a handicapped match. DiBiase says that Rhodes is thinking what it would mean to pin both DiBiase and Orton in one night. Rhodes says that DiBiase is thinking that he can redeem himself by pinning Orton tonight. Orton says if that’s what they’re thinking, they’d better keep thinking.

Kofi Kingston makes his way out for a Bragging Rights qualifier. His opponent tonight is the high flying Evan Bourne.

Kofi Kingston vs. Evan Bourne

From the Twitterverse:

@aemckay: Kofi Kingston vs Evan Bourne? Wow. This is going to be awesome.

@NekoEyes: Evan Bourne’s theme music is KA!

@MigotoShiShi: Evan Bourne looks like Cody Rhodes and The Miz’s love child…

Back from break, the match is underway. A hard fought match, but Bourne gets caught with a Trouble In Paradise kick, giving Kofi the victory, and qualifiying him for Bragging Rights.

The RAW team is now Big Show, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger, and Kofi Kingston. Mark Henry and Chris Masters will have the final qualifier this Thursday on Superstars.

Triple H is still talking to Shawn Michaels when Nancy O’Dell and Maria Menoudos come in, shill the book, and ask if Maria is ready for her match tonight. Chavo comes in and asks what’s up with Triple H and Hornswoggle. He thinks it’s a conspiracy. Triple H says he doesn’t like the troll anymore than Chavo does. Chavo says he should be the captain of the RAW team. Triple H has Menoudos kick him in the balls. HBK says if you’re not down with that, they’ve got two words for you.

From twitter:

@SanzJohnson: chavo isnt a stuntman anymore..he’s on crash test dummy level #WWE #RAW

@WellYoureWrong: If you wearing the PPV T-Shirt, You’re not going to be on said PPV. #wwe

@BradMilner: Poor Chavo … he’d give anything to be opening on Nitro again

It’s time for 6 Diva tag team action. Beth Phoenix and her team (Alicia Fox and Roza Mendez) are already in the ring. Their opponents are Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, and Maria Menoudos. Before the match we get a sneak peek at Menoudos’ new movie, “Serial Buddies.”

Maria Menoudos, Kelly Kell, and Gail Kim def. Beth Phoenix, Alica Fox, and Rosa Mendez.

I stopped paying attention for a second and I missed the end of the match, but I know the faces won.

Later tonight, it’s Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase against Randy Orton and John Cena!

As is customary on Monday Nights, I’ve got to take off and won’t be able to watch the RAW main event. I’ll turn it over to this week’s BWF guest host, Drowgoddess. Take it away, Drow!

Hi!

We get a recap of The Miz (and he’s awesome!) winning the US title from Kofi Kingston. Then we actually get The Miz, title and mic in hand. He tells us to show some respect to the new United States Champion. He asks if he’s bragging too much, and says to get used to it. At “Bragging Rights,” The US Champ from RAW faces the Intercontinental Champ from Smackdown, John Morrison. John Morrison was nothing more than a hairdo with abs. The Miz was the talent of their tag team. Morrison is the new Richard Simmons, who will wear bedazzled tank tops and hang out with 400-pound women while the Miz is the face of the biggest company in the world. Any promo by The Miz is, of course, AWESOME!

Cole and Lawler run down the matches from Smackdown that will be on the ppv card, then push the Cena/Orton 60-minute Iron man match.

Randy Orton & John Cena vs. Legacy: Orton enters first. We go to commercial. When we return, Legacy is already in the ring. Orton has the mic, and says that he just got off the phone with Snoop Dogg, next week’s guest host. Snoop agreed that since it may be Cena’s last RAW, Cena will compete in one of the biggest matches of his career next Monday night. Cena enters, and the roof is blown off. Orton jumps down off the apron and stares at Cena. Legacy bicker in their corner before DiBiase and Cena lock up. Actual mat grappling for a bit. DiBiase drives Cena into the corner with kicks and punches, and Rhodes wrenches Cena’s neck. Legacy double-teams Cena. DiBiase and Cena again. Punches fly. Rhodes locks in a variation of the Camel Clutch on Cena. After this match, we will learn who Cena’s opponent next week is. Rhodes works the submission holds, but Cena stands and plants Rhodes. Cena tags Orton in when Orton glances down, and Cena stays far away from Orton. Orton has to wrestle Rhodes, and Rhodes tries to pin Orton! Cena loves it, and Orton is surprised. DiBiase tags in and tries to pin Orton repeatedly. Orton tags Cena in, and they make constipated faces at each other. Cena lays out DiBiase, and prepares for the Attitude Adjustment, but Orton tags in right then. DiBiase tags in, and pins Orton! Orton is livid and stunned. Cena waits for Orton, and hits him with the Attitude Adjustment when he finally turns around.

Winners: Legacy (Ted DiBiase Jr. pinned Randy Orton)

The huge announcement of John Cena’s opponent for his possible last match ever on RAW? Triple H. No, really, it is.

Peace out!

(P.S. from ThinkSoJoE – thanks to all of you from the Twitterverse who kept me entertained through this show!)

SmackDown recap and thoughts 10/9/09

October 10, 2009 12:37 am Leave a Comment

I watched SmackDown, but I was eating at the time and didn’t feel like actually reviewing the show. So, to keep up with things this week, I’m going to do a recap/thoughts column on the show. Hope you enjoy it!

In ring segment: Teddy Long says that John Cena is more than welcome to join SmackDown if he should lose at Bragging Rights. CM Punk comes out and demands a submission match against The Undertaker for the World Heavyweight Championship with Scott Armstrong as the referee and Long at ringside at the PPV. Long says he can’t do that. Before he gets a chance to announce his plans, Mr. McMahon steals his thunder and announces that Long was planning a fatal four way pitting The Undertaker against CM Punk, Batista, and Rey Mysterio for the World Heavyweight Championship at Bragging Rights.

Match #1: Rey Mysterio def. Chris Jericho following a 619.

Word Up: This week’s word is Eve, because she’s next.

Match #2: Michelle McCool def. Eve.

Backstage segment: Teddy Long enters his office to find Vickie Guerrero and Eric Escobar. Vickie says that The Undertaker is going to be furious and that Punk should’ve gotten a one on one rematch.

Match #3: John Morrison def. Dolph Ziggler in an Intercontinental Championship match. Ziggler set a chair at ringside, but Maria took it and sat on it before he could use it, leading Morrison to use the distraction to pick up the victory.

Backstage segment: Dolph tells Maria that he sees bright lights in his professional future, but he doesn’t see her in his personal future.

Match #4: Drew McIntyre & Kane def. R-Truth & Matt Hardy. For the love of not seeing your underwear every week, Matt, please go back to regular pants!

Backstage segment: Rey Mysterio and Batista agree that the best man should win at Bragging Rights.

Match #5: CM Punk def. Batista via count out.

My thoughts: If the rumors are true that Punk is in the WWE doghouse for not dressing in a suit when it doesn’t fit his gimmick, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. The Undertaker does NOT need the World Heavyweight Championship. He’s a legend, and a shoe-in for the Hall of Fame the moment he retires. Batista gets injured every time he wins a major championship, and Mysterio hasn’t done much of anything lately to indicate that he’d have a successful run with the title.

Dolph Ziggler either needs to win the title, or move on from trying to win it. I like Ziggler, I like Morrison, I don’t mind them feuding, but it should’ve been Ziggler who picked up the title from Rey Mysterio in the first place.

And Matt Hardy. I’m begging you Matt, go back to pants. The tights look terrible on you, they’re just not your style. And yes, I will say this every week in my SmackDown reviews.

RAW results, 9/28/09

September 28, 2009 10:56 pm Leave a Comment

RAW is in the capital city of mine and JT’s home state, Albany, NY.

We’re kicking things off with the VIP Lounge with your host MVP, and his tag team partner, The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry. That means, big things poppin’, little things stoppin’. Whatever that means. MVP gets ready to introduce tonight’s guest host…

WELLL… BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!

The World Tag Team Champions are here, and the VIP Lounge security doesn’t stop them. Jericho says shame on MVP for giving an introduction like that to a man like Reverent Al Sharpton. He shouldn’t call him a guest host. He should call him the greatest civil rights leader of all time. MVP and Jericho go back and forth over Sharpton’s accolades. MVP goes for the introduction again, but Jericho steals his thunder.

Reverend Al Sharpton comes to the VIP Lounge to “Living In America.” He says it’s the most elaborate introduction he’s ever gotten in his life – and the fans boo. He says it’s a tough crowd, and that tomorrow in Philadelphia, he’ll be embarking on a tour to promote education reform. MVP says we need reform on RAW in the form of the Unified Tag Team Champions. He suggests that Mark Henry and himself should face Beauty And The Beast, JeriShow, here tonight. Sharpton asks Jericho what he thinks. Jericho says he’s surrounded by hypocrites and parasites, liars and people with no morals. Jericho says they can’t have another match tonight because they’re already competing against John Cena in a gauntlet match, and they’ve already beaten MVP and Mark Henry. Jericho says the people don’t deserve to be educated, because they’re too far gone already. They shouldn’t have the right to vote and their opinions do not matter. Sharpton says everybody deserves and opportunity. He asks the fans if they want to see a championship match tonight. The fans cheer, and Sharpton says that we’re going to have a championship match, next! Jericho says it’s discrimination.

Chris Jericho & The Big Show def. MVP & Mark Henry

This must be some new record for RAW – we’ve got a match just 13 minutes into the show! I can’t honestly remember when the last time that happened was, though I’m sure there was probably one recently that I’m forgetting. In the end, despite the momentum built up by MVP, Jericho managed to hit the CodeBreaker for the victory!

Primo says that Reverend Sharpton is an inspiration to all minorities. Hornswoggle runs in, being chased by Chavo, who calms things down and introduces himself and his partner, Chris Masters. Santino comes in and calls Chavo and Masters the Geico Cavemen. He then confuses Sharpton with Don King and Issac Hayes. Sharpton tells Primo he’s not sure what he’s gotten himself into. Primo says it gets a little loco around here, and welcomes him to Monday Night RAW.

Josh Matthews is standing by with Randy Orton. Orton says that Cena doesn’t stand a chance to survive tonight, let alone compete. Then he goes on the usual spiel about having been in a Hell In A Cell match before and he says he’ll win the WWE Championship.

Alicia Fox and Rosa Mendez are walking backstage. I was hoping they were walking towards the exit, but The King says we’ve got Diva action, NEXT!

Ugh. I don’t even feel like covering the entrances for this match, let alone the match. Let’s just get this over with.

Mickie James def. Rosa Mendez

The Carolina Panthers scored a touchdown and are up 7-0 over the Cowboys during this match. Mickie won. That’s all I know.

We get a glimpse of a Hell In A Cell hanging above the ring for no apparent reason. Hey look, Legacy are here!

DiBiase says that they get it. Nobody expects them to win on Sunday. Nobody expects them to beat DX in the Cell. But you should, because of what they’ve done to them over the past few weeks. For those with short attention spans, Legacy have put together a video for you. I got a phone call and missed a bunch of what Legacy said, but HBK said they were boring. DX is up in the stands and making fun of them. Legacy get mad and DX make fun of them some more. Cody interrupts, and HBK interrupts Cody to tell him that Triple H wasn’t finished. Essentially it comes down to, “why wait ’til Sunday?” DX head down the stairs and to the ring. Legacy bail, and Triple H says there’s no hiding on Sunday and that for Legacy, it’s going to be pure Hell.

The All American American Jack Swagger has a flag on his belt. That’s because it’s the United States Championship he stole from The Miz, who stole it from Kofi Kingston last week. The three of them will be in a triple threat match at Hell In A Cell for the title. Swagger’s jobber to the stars opponent tonight is Evan Bourne.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne

Bourne looks like a dwarf next to Swagger. Swagger picks up the win in a short match.

After the match, Swagger says he’s going to be the next US Champion. The Miz thinks otherwise. He says he’s been the most impressive draft pick for RAW this year, and that he’ll be the next US Champion. Swagger and The Miz start brawling, and Kofi Kingston shows up and steals his belt back.

Santino Marella and Hornswoggle make their way out to the ring, followed by Chavo Guerrero and Chris Masters, and we’re underway.

Santino & Hornswoggle def. Chavo Guerrero & Chris Masters

Masters gets the blind tag and locks Santino in the Master Lock, passing out and losing for his team without Hornswoggle ever even getting in the ring.

After the match, Masters grabs Hornswoggle, and hooks him in the Master Lock, much to the surprise of Chavo, who decks Masters and takes off. Masters gives Chavo a “WTF” look as he leaves.

Lynyrd Skynyrd’s new album comes out tomorrow

Big Show, Chris Jericho, and Randy Orton are discussing strategy in the back.

Ben Roethlisberger is the guest host of RAW next Monday, and is bringing the entire Steelers offensive line with him, apparently. The King and Cole run down the card.

On that note, I’m going to turn things over to this week’s guest hostess for BWF’s RAW review, the Empress of iMPACT, Drowgoddess!

Alicia Fox and Rosa Mendez are walking backstage. I was hoping they were walking towards the exit, but The King says we’ve got Diva action, NEXT!

Hey, all!

Reverend Al Sharpton is backstage. He still receives tremendous boos. He thanks everyone for the fun time that he has had. Jillian comes running up and interrupts him. She, fortunately, is not allowed to hang around and sing for extended lengths of time. Reverend Al dances with the Bella twins instead. We see John Cena backstage before we go to a commercial break.

When we return, John Cena enters first for the three-on-one gauntlet match. Whether Cena wins or loses, he must fight all three opponents, one at a time. Chris Jericho is up first.

John Cena vs. Chris Jericho: Cena tries to pin Jericho quickly, but Jericho squirms out repeatedly. Massive “Cena!” chants. Jericho lays into Cena with kicks to the midsection. Jericho attempts to wear down Cena with holds. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho rolls through and counters, continuing to punch Cena. In the face. Jericho is in control. Cena flattens Jericho with a shoulder tackle off the ropes. Cena takes Jericho down, and we can’t see him! Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Jericho fights out of the Attitude Adjustment. Walls of Jericho on Cena! Cena makes it to the bottom rope. Jericho refuses to release the hold. The referee counts to five. Jericho refuses to release the hold. Jericho is disqualified for refusing to break the hold, and Cena gets the win. Jericho only releases the hold when the Big Show reaches ringside.

Winner by DQ: John Cena

John Cena vs. the Big Show: Jericho remains at ringside to comment and encourage Show. Show pounds on Cena as we go to commercial break. When we return, Show drives Cena into the corner, and targets Cena’s lower back. Jericho shouts at Show and bangs his hand on the mat. Show catches Cena in a bear hug. Show drops Cena with a kick to the gut. Show goes for a chokeslam, but Cena counters with a DDT (By DDT, I mean a gently rolling summersault). Cena picks up Show for an Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho rushes the ring and knocks Cena down. Jericho and Show beat Cena down. Show is disqualified due to Jericho’s interference, and Cena gets a second victory.

Winner by DQ: John Cena

John Cena vs. Randy Orton: Orton enters slowly, staring unblinkingly at Cena. Cena gestures, “come get some.” No, King, Delirious doesn’t work for WWE. Cena is not Delirious. Sorry, I had to go there. 🙂 Orton slowly circles Cena, every inch the predator. They stand almost nose-to-nose. Cena raises one finger, and the Hell in a Cell cage lowers over them. Orton tries to escape, but Cena grabs him around the waist, and drags him back in as the cage lowers. Randy Orton has been outsmarted! The massive “Cena!” chants continue. Cena looks at the opened cage door. He looks at Orton. Orton must get past Cena to get out the door. They fight outside the cage door. Cena gets Orton up for an Attitude Adjustment, but Orton leaps up on the cage wall and climbs like Spiderman to the top. Cena follows. Cena and Orton square off on top of the Hell in a Cell cage. Which has lighting equipment sitting on it. For some reason. Cena hits Orton with an Attitude Adjustment on the roof of the cage. Cena stands tall over Orton, then drops down and talks trash. Cena appears to have won this match, though precisely how, is unclear.

Winner: John Cena

That’s it for RAW, everybody! Join us here at BWF for a staff round table for the Hell in a Cell pay-per-view, along with all the usual wrestling goodness!

Peace out,

Drowgoddess (for ThinkSoJoE)

SmackDown results 9/18/09

September 18, 2009 10:00 pm 1 Comment

Teddy Long shows up in his limo and looks paranoid after what he did to The Undertaker this past Sunday at Breaking Point. He surrounds himself with security and asks them to stick close to him.

The SmackDown video plays, and we’re on our way!

Batista is here. Great. He chose to be on SmackDown, and he can’t wait to get started.

BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!

Chris Jericho is here to save this segment. He says Batista makes him sick. He calls him an injury prone loser like Edge. He tells Batista that Jericho is the true face of SmackDown, and that everybody knows it. A lot has changed since Batista’s been gone, and he’s been gone a long time, and Jericho is now the man on this show. Batista says to be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man. He says they’ll have a chance to catch up, because tonight, Jericho has a match against Batista. The Animal promptly hits a spinebuster on Jericho.

Jericho asks Big Show backstage where he was. Big Show says that Jericho wanted to do it by himself. Jericho says he’ll do it by himself and tells Show to wait backstage. Show tells him to relax.

Still to come, an interview with Scott Armstrong.

Dolph Ziggler is sitting in on commentary, and the WWE Intercontinental Champion, John Morrison makes his way to the ring for action. His opponent will be Mike Knox, who gives us a lesson on Restless Leg Syndrome.

John Morrison def. Mike Knox

SmackDown always has the best wrestling of the week. This match, no exception. Morrison picks up the win with the Starship Pain.

Morrison takes the mic after the match and he says he hopes Dolph had a good time playing footsie with Todd Grisham (who is awesome on the new SmackDown 10th Anniversary DVD). He says does the Mr. Ziggles bit again, and it’s way less funny this week. The fans aren’t getting behind it as much, either.

Todd Grisham and JR show us footage from Breaking Point. Meaning, if you paid for it, you should be pissed off because they just showed the only important part of the whole show on free television. Anyways, Josh Matthews asks Armstrong why he did what he did. He says he answered to somebody in a position much higher than the one he’s at. He was asked to do something he knew was wrong, and something he’s not proud of. He makes no excuses, he did what he had to do to keep his job.

Batista vs. Chris Jericho will be our main event tonight, but for now, here’s somebody that Batista’s allegedly slept with, Melina! Her opponent, the WWE Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool, limps to the ring.

Michelle McCool def. Melina

Justin Roberts did not announce this as a Triple Threat. Anyhow, Michelle is aggressive in this one, but it’s not enough as Melina picks up the victory with a rolling powerbomb.

Teddy Long is backstage with his security force when Mr. McMahon walks in. The Chairman excuses the security team and he wonders again where his picture was. He enjoyed the surprise of Batista coming to SmackDown. He doesn’t seem so impressed with what he came up with for Breaking Point. He wants to know why T-Lo double crossed The Undertaker. McMahon wants an explanation, and it’d better be the right one. In fact, he owes the WWE Universe an answer. He sends Long to the ring and tells him he’ll be waiting back in his office. He asks if Long has any idea what The Undertaker is going to do to him. Long heads to the ring.

Theodore Long is flanked by security as he heads to the ring to offer up an explanation as to why he screwed The Undertaker at Breaking Point. Long welcomes Batista back to SmackDown. He then admits that all of this was pre-planned. It was pre-planned to prevent The Undertaker from becoming the World Heavyweight Champion. Long isn’t going to say that he’s proud of what he did, because he’s not. He’s not going to say that he’s not afraid of The Undertaker, because he is. He knows that The Undertaker may show up here sometime tonight, which is why he’s surrounded himself with security. He’s not the only one involved, Scott Armstrong and CM Punk were in on it too. Long knows how he feels about this conspiracy, and he’d like to tell us why he did what he did. You see, he’s got a family to take care of. Times are tough, and he can’t let them down. He’s too old to learn to do something new, so therefore, he’d like to apologize for his actions. The crowd boos. He says he’d like to apologize to the WWE Universe, and he’d like to apologize to each and every one of the fans. He’d especially like to apologize to The Undertaker. One last thing. He hopes that The Undertaker can find it in his heart to forgive him. Long leaves with his security in tow.

Backstage, the security team hears noises as they walk Long to his limo. Long gets in and tells the drive he’s ready to go. The doors lock, the privacy window rolls down, and The Undertaker says “Buckle up, Teddy” as smoke and lightning fill the back of the limo.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK> – if you’re in the Buffalo area, MyNetwork TV is giving away tickets to Monday Night RAW in a “watch and win” sweepstakes. Yes, it’s possible to win – I won last week!

CM Punk, the World Heavyweight Champion is here, and he has a microphone. He says, “I told you so.” Punk says he’s the only man who ever made The Undertaker tap out. Which isn’t true. Watch the Angle/Undertaker match on the SmackDown DVD. Punk admits he’s been preaching, because the people need a good preaching to. He then goes on a tirade about drugs. He calls everybody a liar, and says he’s a prophet, the choice of a new generation, a champion everybody can be proud of, the first and only straight edge World Heavyweight Champion in history. If you’re not Straight Edge like Punk, that means he’s better than you.

Still to come, Batista vs. Chris Jericho!

The Great Khali vs. Kane is still to come, but right now, it’s Cryme Tyme. Did I fall asleep and miss the good matches on SmackDown and wake up on Monday? Their opponents are from Canada, which happens to be where SmackDown is, so they’re getting cheered – they’re the Hart Dynasty!

The Hart Dynasty vs. Cryme Tyme

I swear if the Harts lose tonight, I’m done with WWE. Luckily, Kidd hit the Blockbuster on JTG and picked up the victory, so it hasn’t come to that.

Melina is looking trashy as ever backstage when she walks into the Divas locker room, which is plastered with pictures of Dolph Ziggler helping Michelle McCool last week. Maria says she’s sure Dolph has a logical explanation and wonders why Melina wouldn’t come to her with this instead of plastering pictures all over the wall. Melina tries to explain that she didn’t do it, but Maria walks away.

Still to come, Batista vs. Jericho, but up next, Kane vs. Khali.

The Great Khali is out first for this next abomination of a professional wrestling match. Kane follows, and we’re underway.

Kane vs. The Great Khali

Kane knocked Khali out with a chair.

After the bell, Kane used the steel steps to completely destroy Khali’s knee.

WWE Smack of the Week: Drew McIntyre destroying R-Truth over the last few weeks.

Charlie Haas is on non-entrance jobber duty. R-Truth’s music plays, but Drew McIntyre comes out instead. He says R-Truth had an accident in the backstage area and can’t compete. He declare Haas the winner by forfeit. Haas shakes his hand, and then gets attacked and dropped with a double armed DDT.

Batista def. Chris Jericho

Jericho went for a Codebreaker but was caught and hit with a Batista Bomb for the win.

Backstage, Big Show says Batista got lucky, and that when he gets in the ring with him next week, his luck will run out.

Sorry for the lack of detail, guys, I got caught up in something else that I didn’t think would take as long as it has. I’m hitting up an independent show tomorrow night, so I’ll be here to give you thoughts and pictures from that. See you then!

WWE Breaking Point 2009 Results

September 14, 2009 12:40 am 2 Comments

I didn’t watch this PPV, and I’m refusing to. At first, I was refusing to watch because of the whole “submission matches without primarily submission wrestlers” thing. Now there’s another reason, but I’ll get to that at the end.

Chris Jericho & The Big Show def. MVP & Mark Henry to retain the Unified WWE Tag Team Championships. As if we didn’t see that coming.

Kofi Kingston def. The Miz to retain the WWE United States Championship. And the point of that was?

Legacy def. DX in a Submissions Count Anywhere match. Really? Wow! There’s some credibility for the two young guys there – which will no doubt be destroyed by Hell In A Cell next month.

Kane def. The Great Khali in a Singapore Cane Submission match. And people actually paid for this?

Christian def. William Regal to retain the ECW Championship. By Pinfall. On a submission themed Pay Per View. Where the main events are all supposed to be submission matches. In the ECW main event. Yup.

John Cena def. Randy Orton in an I Quit Match to win the WWE Championship. Great. Now we have to deal with Cena as the champion again.

The Undertaker def. CM Punk to win the World Heavyweight Championship – but wait, there’s more!

Teddy Long came out and announced the the Hell’s Gate submission was still technically banned, so the match had to be restarted…

CM Punk def. The Undertaker to retain the World Heavyweight Championship. Punk reversed a Last Ride into an Anaconda Vise, and the referee immediately called for the bell. Punk and the referee then bolted up the ramp to where Teddy Long was standing. Yes folks, another rehash of the Montreal Screwjob.

You know what, I’m sick of this crap. Every time the WWE is in Canada, they have to do some kind of screwjob angle. 2003 in Montreal with The Rock and Hulk Hogan. A few years back with Shane McMahon and Shawn Michaels. Look. The Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels thing happened in November of 1997. That’s nearly 12 years ago. The fact is, that wasn’t a storyline – that was real, or as they say in the business, a “shoot.” That pissed off a lot of people because Bret Hart was loved by the fans – especially the Canadian fans – and was legitimately screwed out of the WWF Championship. I get it, wink wink, nudge nudge, we screwed the fan favorite in Canada. It’s getting old. I get where you’re coming from with it, but enough is enough.

I also hate the whole gimmick PPV thing. John Cena, Randy Orton, The Undertaker, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Ted DiBiase, Cody Rhodes, The Great Khali, and Kane are not names that spring to mind when you mention submission wrestling to me. And next month is Hell in a Cell. Because a John Cena/Randy Orton Hell in a Cell main event makes any sense. Really, to have, at the very least, two Hell in a Cell matches in one Pay Per View sort of diminishes the significance of the match. Same with the TLC Pay Per View coming up in December. These type of matches should be kept to one per year, maximum, and the guys in the matches should be guys who specialize in them. Undertaker or Triple H in Hell in the Cell, for example, or Edge, Christian, or Matt Hardy in TLC.

Given the lack of anything decent or new on the card, and the oh so cliche Montreal Screwjob ending, I’m glad I didn’t waste either my time or my money on this PPV.

ThinkSoJoE’s (post SummerSlam) thoughts

August 24, 2009 4:54 am 1 Comment

I’m slacking again, aren’t I? I missed reviewing SmackDown on Friday, but to be fair, I haven’t had a lot of time to do anything all weekend. I missed my usual Saturday timeslot for ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts. I did not, however, miss SummerSlam.

It’s very rare for me to miss any of the big four WWE Pay Per Views. I’ve been watching SummerSlam since 1988, and I wasn’t about to let the fact that I was only on about 3 hours sleep and am going to be trying to get a new job in the morning get in my way of watching the 21st edition of the Biggest Party of the Summer. Besides, CM Punk was winning his title back.

We’ll start at the beginning, I guess. Rey Mysterio beat Dolph Ziggler, which is fine with me. My biggest problem with the match is that Mysterio came out first. I remember watching a WCW show – I want to say it was a Clash of the Champions event on TBS – and whoever the champion was at the time came out first for the main event. The announcers explained that the champion wanted to come out first to avoid being assaulted backstage – or something like that. Anyways, the point is, in championship matches, it’s the challenger that’s supposed to come out first. If you have to have the champion come out first, give us a reason for it. Don’t just wake up one day and decide, “ah, you know what, I’m going to chuck tradition out the window and have the champion come out first for almost every title match.”

Later in the night, The Big Show and Chris Jericho also came to the ring first for their title defense, as did Christian for his.

Speaking of Christian, I actually missed the match. I was in the BWF forums typing a message before the bell rang, and by time I clicked over, Regal was standing tall over Christian, who retained his title in a SummerSlam-record 8 seconds before being beaten down by Regal and his cronies.

Was anybody else really hoping that Legacy would get the win over DX? I was already tired of RAW, now I have DX to deal with every week. Fun.

That Orton/Cena match was bizarre. From the second Lillian screwed up her announcement of the first false finish, to the fan who jumped in and attacked the referee, it was just a strange match. The question remains whether or not that fan was a plant or just some stupid mark. The fact that it looked like Cena had the match all but won and wound up losing due to the involvement of that “fan” leads me to believe that it was definitely a plant.

And the Undertaker returned. While I was expecting the lights to go out and a message to be sent to CM Punk, I was certainly not expecting The Undertaker to magically appear in the place of Jeff Hardy and chokeslam Punk.

Tonight should prove to be Lillian’s last night with the WWE, and Friday’s SmackDown may be Jeff Hardy’s last night, but of course, Matt Hardy has said that Jeff is staying with the company past SummerSlam. Take that for what it’s worth, it was another Matt Hardy attempt to work the internet.

That’s it for me guys, I should be around tonight with the WWE RAW results.

WWE SummerSlam LIVE … and in Real-Time

August 23, 2009 9:00 pm Leave a Comment

The one they call ‘Legend Killer’ here to bring you SummerSlam. Now, due to technical difficulties, I missed a portion of the event. Here’s what we’ve missed.

SUMMERSLAM PRE-SHOW: 15-DIVA BATTLE ROYAL

Chavo Guerrero is Guest referee.

YOUR WINNER: Beth Phoenix with help from Chavo Guerrero.

Post-Royale, Hornswoggle comes down to ringside, and with the Divas holding Chavo down. Hornswoggle hits the Tadpole Splash.

MATCH#1: WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler

YOUR WINNER AND STILL INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION: Rey Mysterio

Josh Mathews interviewed MVP and Jack Swagger before their match.

MATCH#2: MVP vs. Jack Swagger

YOUR WINNER: MVP

Spot the celebrity was next. Luke Perry, Nancy O’Dell and last week’s RAW Guest Host, Freddie Prinze Jr. are in attendance.

MATCH#3: UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP

Chris Jericho and Big Show (c) vs. Cryme Tyme

YOUR WINNERS AND STILL UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Chris Jericho and Big Show

An interview with CM Punk comes next. He’s going to re-write the ending of the Jeff Hardy screenplay he was handed.

That’s it for the catch-up. The Real Real-Time, begins NOW!

MATCH#4: Kane vs. Great Khali w/Runjin Singh

Kane tries to attack, but Khali counters easily. Khali sends Kane over the top, but Kane hangs him up on the top rope. Khali misses a Leg drop, and Kane takes advantage. Kane apparently has evil elbows. Kane goes foe the chokeslam, but Khali breaks it up and goes for the Punjabi Plunge, but Kane breaks that up. Great Khali tries for the pin but only gets a 2.

Kane goes up top with a Clothesline, and gets a 2. Kane applies a reverse chinlock, with half a leg scissor, but Khali powers out of the hold, and breaks it with elbows, then hits a boot to the face. Khali gets a near fall, then applies the Vice Grip. Kane escapes, and drags in Runjin Singh. Khali doesn’t attack, and receives a dropkick to the knees for his trouble. One DDT later, and Kane gets the fall.

YOUR WINNER: Kane

A shot of Vince’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. More celebrity sightings. Someone from the Today Show, Slash and Robert Patrick.

Promo video for DX/Legacy.

Side Note: My predictions are 2 and 2 going by my predictions on this very site, earlier in the week.

MATCH#5: D-GENERATION X (Triple H and Shawn Michaels) vs. LEGACY (Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes)

DX with a new opening section to their music, as the Army come out and fire guns in the air. HHH and HBK come out on a tank. After what seems like an eternity, DX finally enter the ring, say their usual, then Legacy hit the ring.

Helmsley and DiBiase start. Both men fight for early momentum, and it goes to the Game. Hunter with a suplex, into a Knee Drop for the two count. Rhodes gets the tag, and meets the High Knee of the Game. Rhodes slaps HBK, so HHH tags him in. Cody beats HBK in an upper hand battle with a slap, so Michaels takes him down with a tackle. Michaels repays one of the slaps, then starts tuning the band, but Rhodes escapes to the outside.

Shawn with a side headlock, but Cody escapes and tags in DiBiase. Michaels with hard chops in the corner, but gets sent across the ring by Teddy, and he does his traditional flip on the turnbuckle, meeting a clothesline on his way back. Rhodes back in, and he continues the assault. A near fall follows, and DiBiase gets the tag back in.DiBiase with a chin lock, but Michaels escapes, then hits a running neckbreaker. Michaels gets the tag to Hunter and he lets loose on Legacy. Triple H looks for the Pedigree on DiBiase, but Rhodes breaks it up. Michaels takes care of Rhodes, and as the referee is distracted, DiBiase gets a Low Blow in on Helmsley.

Legacy work on HHH in the corner, tagging in and out frequently to keep each man fresh. DiBiase with a chin lock on Helmsley, Trips tries to make the tag to his partner, but its inches in it, before Teddy pulls him away. Trips finally escapes the hold, and both men are down. Cody gets the tag and DDT’s Triple H. Cody with what looks like an Armbar-type hold, as Helmsley tries to make the tag to Shawn. Triple H escapes, and both men down again. DiBiase gets the tag, and he knocks down HBK before Triple H can get the tag.

DiBiase and Helmsley share punches in the corner, then Helmsley whips DiBiase across, but HHH meets a back elbow. DiBiase charges at H, but Trips side-steps, sending Teddy Jr. to the outside. Both men in, and both get the tag. Michaels fires at Cody, attacking on all cylinders, until diBiase attacks him from behind. Triple H takes care of DiBiase, as Michaels continues the attack on Rhodes. HBK heads up top for the elbow, but Rhodes counters, knocking HBK down. Cody tries a suplerplex, but HBK knocks him off the ropes and onto the mat. Michaels goes for the elbow again, but this time Cody gets his knees up. Rhodes tries a pinfall but only gets 2. Michaels locks in the Figure 4 on Rhodes, but DiBiase breaks it up. Triple H tries a Pedigree on DiBiase, but Rhodes breaks it up.

Shawn tries Sweet Chin Music again, but Rhodes counters into the Cross-Rhodes. Cody tries a pin, but Triple H breaks it up. Carnage follows, as DiBiase gets in DreamStreet on Michaels, but Triple H takes DiBiase out. Michaels and Rhodes help each other up it seems, then HBK fires Sweet Chin Music from nowhere, and gets the fall.

YOUR WINNERS: D-GENERATION X

I now go above 50% for my predictions, and after being 0-2, I’m now 3-2.

A promo for the NBC special of Wrestlemania 25.

MATCH#6: ECW CHAMPIONSHIP

Christian (c) vs. William Regal w/Ezekiel Jackson and Vladimir Kozlov

A confrontation before the match as both men argue, the bell rings, and as Regal is taking off his robe, Christian nails the Unprettier for the pinfall.

YOUR WINNER AND STILL ECW CHAMPION: Christian

Post-match, Jackson and Kozlov, begin a beatdown of the Champion, Regal applies the Regal Stretch, and the Champion is left laying. Just like that, I’m 3-3.

A video of the WWE superstars around Los Angeles for SummerSlam.

OFFICAL SONG: ‘You Gotta Move’ by Aerosmith

Recap of last week’s Main Event from RAW between Orton/Cena and Jericho/Show.

MATCH#7: WWE CHAMPIONSHIP

Randy Orton (c) vs. John Cena

Time to hear those Voices in your head. The ones the council you, that talk to you, that understand.

Champion introductions, as the bell rings.

Cena with a takedown into a Front Facelock for the early advantage. Cena tries to work on the arm of Orton, but receives right hands in the form of a fist to the face for his troubles. But these don’t last long, as Cena regains the advantage. He sends Randy to the corner, then drops him with a Bulldog for the two. Orton now with the upper hand, pummeling Cena in the corner, before sending him hard across into another corner. Orton starts dissecting Cena, stomping on everything that makes up the being of John Cena, before a jumping knee lands on the chest of the challenger, and Randy gets a near fall from it.

Cena tries to regain momentum, but Orton nails his BackBreaker for another near-fall. Randy now applies a chin lock, as the crowd is divided between the Cena haters and the ten-year old Cena fans. Randy turns the hold into a Leg Scissors as well as the chin lock, but Cena powers out. Cena with the Warrior Shoulder blocks, then the reverse powerbomb-type move. Next comes the 5-knuckle shuffle, and as Cena looks to finish him off, Orton gets a slam in and the near fall.

Randy begins the dissection, but Cena rolls out of the way of the Knee Drop. Cena attacks, but Orton avoids and Cena ends up on the outside. Cena tries to get back in, but Orton gets a DDT in, and gets a near fall. Orton begins his stalking for the Scott Norwood Punt, and like Norwood, he misses as Cena gets out of the way, and nails the Throwback. Cena nails what looked like the Fame Asser for the two. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Orton escapes, and both men down take each other down with clotheslines. The ref’s ten count begins, and both men are up at 8. Both men exchange shots, and Cena gains the advantage with the Back Body Drop. Thats enough for Orton however, as he pushes the referee down and gets the blatant DQ.

YOUR WINNER AS A RESULT OF DISQUALIFICATION: John …

Wait a minute, Lilian sends a message, on behalf of Vinnie Mac, that the match is restarted, and if Orton is DQ’ed again, then he loses the Gold.

Orton sends Cena into the ring steps, then sends him in the ring for a couple of near-falls. Orton rolls out of the ring, as I notice two BEER MONEY!!!! fans in the audience. Orton decides that he’ll deliberately get counted out this time, allowing Cena to win again.

YOUR WINNER VIA COUNTOUT: John …

Wait, wait, wait. Vinnie Mac talks psychically with Lilian and the match gets restarted again.

Cena tries to finish it, but Orton rolls him up with his feet on the ropes and gets the 3!!

YOUR WINNER AND STILL WWE CHAMPION: Randy …

Just when you thought it was all over, a second referee comes down and tells the first referee, that Orton’s feet were on the ropes. So we restart again …

Cena locks in the STF and has Orton beat, until what looked like a fan comes in and attacks the referee, causing confusion amongst everyone.

The match gets started yet again, Orton nails the RKO and finally gets the victory.

YOUR WINNER AND STILL WWE CHAMPION: Randy Orton

Promo video for the TLC match for the World Heavyweight Championship is shown.

MAIN EVENT: WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

TABLES, LADDERS AND CHAIRS (oh my!)

Jeff Hardy (c) vs. CM Punk

Champion introductions once again, as the bell rings. Punk with the assault early in the corner on Hardy. Punk with a chair, and introduces it to Jeff Hardy. Punk with the ladder in the ring, and as he climbs, Jeff knocks him down. Now it’s Hardy with an attack in the corner. Jeff goes to climb, and Punk knocks him down. Punk goes for the GTS, but Hardy blocks it.

Jeff with the chair, sets it up, goes for Poetry In Motion and misses, and Punk catches him and hits a Back Breaker on the chair. Punk slams the Ladder on Hardy, then nails him with a low dropkick. Punk sends Hardy to the outside, then jumps out of the ring with a Suicide Dive, aniling the champion. Punk sets up a table at ringside, then grabs a chair and tries to mush Hardy’s head against the turnbuckle post, but to no avail. Hardy tries to send Punk to the ring steps, but Punk avoids the steps, only to receive a chair shot from the champion. Hardy then hits Poetry In Motion in the chair. Hardy sets Punk up on a table, and tries to put him through it with a Splash, but Punk rolls out of the way, and Hardy crashes and burns.

Punk tries for the belt again, but Hardy stops him and goes for the belt himself. Punk stops him before he can grab it and goes for the GTS, but receives a sit-down Powerbomb for his troubles. Hardy goes for the title, and just as he gets there, Punk pushes the ladder over, and Hardy crashes. Punk then puts Hardy on the top rope, and nails a Superples off it, onto a Ladder. Jeff nails a Twist of Fate, then heads up top and goes for the Swanton, but Punk gets his knees up. Punk goes for the Bulldog Headlock, but Hardy puts Punk through the table that Punk had setup earlier.

Hardy goes to climb again, but Punk springboards off the ropes and knocks Hardy off. Punk puts the chair around Hardy’s neck, and looks to send him into the turnbuckle post, but Hardy blocks it, and bashes Punk with the chair. Hardy hits Punk with a piece of the Spanish announce table, then hits him with the chair again. Hardy then grabs a super ladder, climbs to the very top, and Swanton’s CM Punk through the Spanish Announce table.

The stretchers are out, and Hardy’s being whisked away. Meanwhile, Punk has crawled in the ring, and is headed for the belt. Punk climbs, Jeff makes it to the ladder as well, and both are on the ladder. Punk kicks Hardy off the ladder, and unhooks the belt to become champion.

YOUR WINNER AND NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: CM Punk

Punk towers over Hardy and just when you think it’s over, the lights go out, and Taker’s gong hits. The lights come back, and Punk isn’t towering over Hardy anymore. Taker gets up and chokeslams the new Champion.

My predictions ended at 5-3. Pretty good I think, always over 50% is a good thing.

Overall, the PPV was good. I enjoyed watching it. The opening match was a good opening, and the Main event was a good viewing, even thought the finish was a little scrappy I thought, but with Hardy leaving, the return of the Undertaker, means that Punk has his opponent for Breaking Point. This has been the one they call ‘Legend Killer’, tune in tomorrow night for RAW.

The War on Everything

August 5, 2009 11:19 pm 4 Comments

Weclome to the War for another week, were we dwelve into the happenings of the week that was.

For those who watched Monday Night Raw this week, I’m sorry you had to sit through that. For those who didn’t, well it’s a good thing you did.

Jeremy Piven was guest host this week, andwas entertaining at times. Whereas his co-host, Dr. Ken, was not. He was just, awful. The highlight of RAW was Chris Jericho, during the match between Kofi Kingston, and Jericho Tag Team partner, the Big Show. Jericho’s commentary provided the lone highlight for this viewer, in an otherwise dull show. I might just have to start boycotting WWE programming.

However, also on that same broadcast, John Cena defeated the Miz. That may not seem a shock, however, the stipulations for the match, were plentiful. Because the Miz lost, he is banned from the SummerSlam, the Staples Center and Monday Night Raw. That means, the former reality show star does not offically have a show yet, according to these stipulations. Let’s just hope that he isnt in TNA in four months.

Jeff Hardy should not be World Champion.

Does Legacy really mean that much to the company, if they have to do the J.O.B to the returning D-Generation X at SummerSlam?

TNA are having a clearout. No, you can’t buy t-shirts at half price. You can buy, genuine supporters of Jeff Jarrett. That’s right! Dutch Mantel, and Savio Vega have been given the boot, and they can be yours to own for only $49.95. Not even Billy Mays could get you a better deal. Act now, and Dixie Carter may throw in the added bonus of one Vince Russo. Might I also suggest buying TNA stock. That’s if, TNA actually have a stock option.

Did anyone else notice Kaz during the recap of Comic-Con ’09 on iMPACT last week? That would mean that Kaz, Daniels and Suicide, were in the same place at the same time. That means … who the hell is Suicide? (NOTE: Suicide is Nicole Bass)

Who has dodgier facial hair? Carlito, Primo or Kurt Angle?

Time to step outside the realms of the wrestling world for a moment here.

Watch Code Monkeys on G4! and buy the DVD! You will be entertained. I promise.

Has anyone ever had their Tom Selleck BlackJacked?

It seems that Vanessa Hudgens is at it again. You’d have thought that after the first time she posed nude for her phone, that she wouldnt do it again. Well, she did it again. This just shows you what exactly High School Musical brings to the world. Underage Porn.

Short and sweet. Just the way I can be bothered writing it. I shall go back to Guitar Hero.

WWE SmackDown results 7/31/09

August 1, 2009 12:12 am 1 Comment

I have returned! I’m awake, home, and ready to review WWE SmackDown! The Charismatic Enigma is your new World Heavyweight Champion, so let’s get this Hardy Party started!

(more…)

RAW 7/27 LIVE and in Real-Time

July 27, 2009 9:15 pm 3 Comments

Welcome everyone to RAW, I am your Legend Killer, subbing in for Joe this week, as he has disappeared off the face of the Earth at the time of this. We begin with RAW’s guest host for the night, 4-Time NBA Champion, Shaquille O’Neal.

Lawler and Shaq are in the ring, and Shaq reveals a Beat the Clock challenge to determine Orton’s opponent for SummerSlam. The participants are Triple H, MVP, Jack Swagger, Mark Henry and John Cena. Shaq chants for D.C. to get ready, and the music of Chris Jericho hits.

Jericho and O’Neal staredown, and Jericho looks like a midget. Jericho makes a Kobe reference, then reminds Shaq that the most powerful duo in sports history isnt Shaq and LeBron. It’s Jericho and … but Shaq cuts him off and calls him Christina. Jericho talks himself up, then demands respect from everyone in the company, including Guest hosts. After another staredown between the two, Y2J introduces his new Tag Team partner, the Big Show.

Shaq and Show look eye to eye and bald head to bald head. Show says that Shaq has a better chance of making 2 Free Throws in a row, than intimidating him. Show calls Shaq slim, Shaq calls Show fat, then challenges the largest athlete in the world to a match. Show calls him a 7ft toothpick, and complains because he doesnt want the entire NBA on his back, when he cripples Shaq. Shaq knew they wouldn’t fight him, but he hired two guys that would. Enter SmackDown!’s Cryme Tyme. Jericho and Show walk away, but Shaq has one more announcement. In the match between Jericho/Show and Cryme Tyme, there will be an outside enforcer, Shaq! Shaq then chants Christina as the Tag champs head up the ramp.

COMMERCIAL: Looks like I’m here for the long haul. RAW better be good.

Did You Know? WWE Raw is a complete waste of TV space.

Match #1: Beat the Clock challenge

Mark Henry vs Carlito

My prediction. Henry in about 2 minutes 30 seconds, and it wins.

Carlito heads straight to the outside,to kill time, and the moment he heads back in. Sexual Chocolate is on the attack. Carlito tries to run again, but Henry goes and gets him. Carlito tries to jump out of the ring, but Henry catches him and throws him back in. Henry tries to go for the pin, as 2 minutes tick by. Carlito tries to escape again, but to no avail. A close pinfall as my predicition is out the window. Carlito firing kicks and punches but none of them phases Henry. Henry trying to get quick pinfalls, then a splash as four minutes tick by, but Carlito rolls out of the splash. Carlito hangs Henry up on the top rope, then springs up and knocks him off his feet for a near fall.

Carlito applies a Sleeper, as 5 minutes tick by. Henry backs Carlito into the corner, then goes for a headbutt, and gets another near fall. Carlito applies another sleeper and Henry is fading, but he quickly regains his composure. Carlito off the second rope, but Henry catches him and looks for the World’s Strongest Slam, but Carlito escapes. Carlito tries a BackStabber, but he can’t connect. Carlito off the ropes, Henry catches him, and this time lands the World’s Strongest Slam and gets the three.

YOUR WINNER: Mark Henry in 6:49.

COMMERCIAL: Up next is a 6-Diva Tag match. Joe, I’m going to kill you for making me watch this.

WWE Rewind: Mickie James defeating Maryse at Night of Champions

Washington Redskins players are at ringside.

Match#2:Six-Diva Tag Team match

Divas Champion Mickie James, Gail Kim and Kelly Kelly vs Beth Phoenix, Rosa Mendes and Alicia Fox

Michael Cole has been sent to the back to see if he can get an interview with Shaq, allowing Lawler to masturbate all on his lonesome at ringside.

If there’s no action being called here, it’s because I’m trying to finish off my bag of Doritos. The heels dominating the faces early on. Mickie gets the tag, and Mickie starts to take over the match. Jerry Lawler is no help here, as it seems he’s paying as much attention as I am right now. Gail Kim tags herself in and gets the pin with a Missile Dropkick.

YOUR WINNERS: Mickie James, Gail Kim and Kelly Kelly

Beth Phoenix looks down in somewhat disgust, then a slight smile appears.

In Shaq’s office, Cole tries to interview Shaq … however … enter the Hornswoggle. Hornswoggle tries to score a dunk, but fails miserably. Apparently, Hornswoggle and Shaq went to high school together. Also, it seems Michael Cole has found his new man-crush. Somewhere, Heidenreich is crying.

COMMERCIAL

Match#3: Beat the Clock challenge

MVP vs Chris Masters

6:49 is the time to beat, set by Mark Henry

What the hell? the Masterpiece makes his return to the WWE. What not the way to make your return. So it’s the Masterlock versus the Bright Red Power Ranger. Masters with the advantage in the early going in this one. It’s good to see MVP doesn’t hang around with that ‘thing’ from the View. MVP goes for the Boot, but misses and Masters attempts the Masterlock, but MVP escapes.

Both men brawl to the outside, and I sense a countout here. MVP tries to enter the ring, but Masters stops him and applies the Masterlock, leading to a double countout.

YOUR WINNER: Double Countout

Mark Henry still has the time to beat, as MVP is upset with himself.

Triple H’s opponent for the Beat the Clock challenge? Chicken Legs himself, Cody Rhodes. Also don’t forget the Tag match with Shaq as outside enforcer.

COMMERCIAL

We’re back and THE Brian Kendrick is in the ring, ready for his match with … the United States Champion, Kofi Kingston.

Kendrick is angry at Lawler, the bell rings and Kendrick is still ranting, Kofi nails the Trouble in Paradise, and Kendrick is jobbed out inside of 5 seconds.

Backstage, and Triple H is being beatdown by Ted DiBiase Jr., and some kind of club. How will this affect his chances against Cody Rhodes in the Beat the Clock? Will Triple H still be able to beat Mark Henry’s time? Does anyone actually care? … I didnt think so.

COMMERCIAL

We’re back …

Match#5: Beat the Clock challenge

Triple H vs Cody Rhodes

Mark Henry still has the best time of 6:49.

Lawler just called the Crippler Crossface, the STF. Jerry Lawler doesnt even know the names of the moves now.

I’m just waiting for either Cole or Lawler to say ‘Beat the Cock’ instead of Beat the Clock. RAW is NOT bought to you by Verizon Wireless, as Cole just told me. RAW is bought to you by the ‘Legend Killer’ Chris Cooley, because ThinkSoJoe has decided to no longer care about his beloved readers of this site. Either that, or he is sensible and decided not to watch RAW.

Helmsley favouring the leg that was attacked by DiBiase, and Cody focuses all his attack toward that leg. Triple H trying to avoid Cody, but Rhodes will have none of it, and continues after the leg of the Game. Rhodes applying various submission moves, but Triple H fights out of every one of them. Cody to the second rope, and drops Helmsley to the mat, as 2 minutes remain on the clock. Rhodes tries again, but HHH counters and goes for the Pedigree, but Rhodes gets a chop block.

Rhodes takes a page out of Daddy Dusty’s book, and applies the Figure Four, but Helmsley quickly rolls the move over. Under a minute remains, and Triple H connects with the Spinebuster. Ted DiBiase comes up to the apron, daring Trips to hit in. Instead, he sends Cody Rhodes into DiBiase, sending the Million Dollar baby to the mat. Trips hits the Pedigree, but it’s all too late as he fails to beat the clock.

TRIPLE H DOES NOT BEAT THE CLOCK

Mark Henry’s time of 6:49 is still the top time.

In Shaq’s office, Shaq and Santino are playing Scrabble. Santino is complaing about the words Shaq is using, as Cryme Tyme enters. Cryme Tyme an Shaq chant ‘Money, Money, Yeah, Yeah’, as Santino begins rapping. Santino rapping is pure gold! Once the rap is done, Shaq is left alone with his scrabble game and says “Vince McMahon couldn’t even beat me at this game”. A commercial follows.

COMMERCIAL

Match#6

Hornswoggle vs Chavo Guerrero

Why is he wrestling? Hornswoggle that is.

This is a complete waste of Chavo’s skill and ability in the wrestling ring. Oh look, a stipulation, Chavo must wrestle blindfolded.

Hornswoggle crawls under the ref’s legs, and Guerrero takes down the referee. This match can only be described as un-needed filler. Chavo wants to go off the top rope, but Hornswoggle has long since moved. Chavo crashes and burns with the Frog Splash, Hornswoggle heads to the top rope, hits the Tadpole Splash, and gets the victory.

YOUR WINNER: Hornswoggle

Randy Orton backstage, and he is confronted by Jack Swagger. Swagger says he’ll beat the clock. Orton isnt scared. Swagger leaves, Henry enters, and stands next to Orton, smiling. Either it’s because Henry currently holds the fastest time in the Beat the Clock, or that Henry just urinated down Orton’s leg.

COMMERCIAL

DID YOU KNOW?: TNA iMPACT airs Thursday Nights on Spike in the U.S., and Saturday Nights on FOX8 in Australia

Match#7: Beat the Clock challenge

Jack Swagger vs Evan Bourne

Two former ‘ECW’ superstars face off. Evan Bourne has new music. It’s Matt Sydal vs Dusty Rhodes 2.0

Swagger using his power advantage and gets the upper hand on Bourne. Swagger with an Inverted Northern Lights suplex, and gets a near fall. Swagger goes for snake-eyes, but Bourne counters. He heads up top, but Swagger throws him off the top, then quickly nails a splash and gets two near falls in succession. Swagger goes for a Powerbomb, but Bourne counters into a roll-up, and gets the three.

YOUR WINNER: Evan Bourne

JACK SWAGGER DOES NOT BEAT THE CLOCK

Mark Henry’s time of 6:49 is still the best time, although, in my opinion, Evan Bourne should now have the best time.

John Cena’s opponent has been announced … the Miz!

COMMERCIAL

Jeremy Piven is announced as next week’s RAW guest host! He has a movie coming out, the Goods.

A replay of Triple H’s Beat the Clock match comes on, then Josh Mathews interviews the Game. Trips decides that if he takes out Rhodes and DiBiase, then Orton is nothing. Thus, he challenges them to a 2-on-1 Handicap match next week.

Match#8: Beat the Clock challenge

John Cena vs the Miz

Miz comes out on the mic, and gets a shot in on the sports teams. The Redskins and Wizards to be exact. He talks about how all he’s gotta do is dominate early, and then run the clock down. Will we find out? Nope, commercials come first. You know that.

COMMERCIAL: The toaster is real, Brian!!

We’re back, and Randy Orton joins Lawler and Cole at ringside. Enter the Cena.

The match is underway, and Miz is stalling as much as he possibly can, until he has to get back into the ring. Cena gains the advantage, but Miz gets it back. Four minutes remain, Miz with a Sleeper, but Cena escapes, only for Miz to regain the advantage, and toss Cena to the outside. Miz sends cena into the ring steps, and Cena crawls back into the ring at 9. Miz hangs Cena up between the top two ropes, and teases Cena. The ref helps Cena out of the ropes, and locks in the STF on Miz. The normal formalities ensue.

YOUR WINNER: John Cena

John Cena advances to Summerslam to face Randy Orton for the WWE Championship. Before you say anything, yes I know, groan when ready.

COMMERCIAL

The offical song for Summerslam is “You Gotta Move” by Aerosmith. Nice to see the WWE get a nice, modern band for their music.

MAIN EVENT or Match#9 if you like it that way

Chris Jericho and the Big Show, the Unified Tag Champs, vs Cryme Tyme (JTG and Shad) with Shaquille O’Neal as Special Enforcer.

For those watching, did you notice that loud reaction Cryme Tyme received? Me neither.

Jericho and JTG start off, and JTG gains the upper hand early on in this one. Jericho gets a cheap shot in on JTG, and the blue does not suit the Big Show. Show looks like he borrowed from the wardrobe of Mr. Perfect, as he beats down JTG. Show tags in Jericho, and Y2J continues the assault. Tag champs dominating until JTG knocks down both men. Shaq helps JTG get the tag, and Shad comes in with all the momentum. The special enforcer helps out Cryme Tyme as the start to beat over Jericho. This leads to the Big Show, and what appears to be a DQ as Show just cleans house, chokeslamming both of Cryme Tyme at once.

This brings Shaq in the ring, and the two big men staredown. They grab each other by the throat, and Cryme Tyme helps Shaqs get the upper hand. Shaq then sends Show out of the ring with a Shoulder Block. Shaq and Cryme Tyme stand tall in the ring, as RAW winds down.

Overall, Michael Cole has found his new man-crush which is very, very disturbing. This was Monday Night RAW, stay tuned next week, where Jeremy Piven is guest host. This has been your Legend Killer, reminding you, to pick up Season one of Code Monkeys on DVD.

Tag Archive: Chris Jericho

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