Well, WWE sure went and “TNA’d” RAW this week, giving us a taste of what the future has in store starting July 23rd, officially marking the 1000th RAW and the start of 3 hours of programming (including overrun). I’m on the fence about what I thought of last week’s RAW in consideration of the programs that will continue on tonight’s rendition of Friday Night Smackdown.
And in all fairness, describing a the quality of a program by using “TNA” as an adjective is kind of offensive to the oddly superior program, Impact Wrestling, over the last couple of months. This includes two great PPV’s out of the Orlando promotion (that nobody ordered, and I can’t blame them).
How long will it be before we describe TNA as botching their show as “WWE’ing” it? Enough with the editorial. Let’s just hop to it, shall we?
I bite my lip so often when hearing people mark out for new revelations in computer technology, and the internet. And I'm not even THAT savvy. I suppose I'm an elitist prick... and with that folks, let's get smarky!
The torture that is Friday Night Smackdown has been lessened somewhat over the past little while… tonight may bring similar stories, or it might just nose-dive. You never can know with this show these days. It’s funny, for years Smackdown is where you went to watch matches in contrast to RAW being segment-heavy and dominated by self-serving power-brokers. Let’s see what the McMahon cohorts have in store for us tonight, shall we? (more…)
The TNA World Heavyweight Champion dropped off the Power Poll last week, but is back with a vengeance after a victory over Samoa Joe on iMPACT and retaining his title in the four way at Victory Road. (My vote: 2)
2. Randy Orton (3)
The Viper holds strong this week, climbing to number two despite a loss to Edge. The reason? How about the Holy Shit moment of the night from RAW where Orton RKO’d Evan Bourne right out of Air Bourne? That twitter Trending Topic worthy move definitely boosted Orton’s ranking in the eyes of the voters. (My vote: 1)
3. Jack Swagger (5)
The World Heavyweight Champion and his ruthless aggression continue to shine on Friday Night Smackdown, where this week he dragged Rey Mysterio all across the backstage area in an Ankle Lock, then tried to pull the same on The Big Show before being interrogated by Kane. (My vote: 3)
4. Sheamus (1)
The WWE Champion drops three spots after running from The Nexus on RAW before saving his Money In The Bank challenger John Cena from the group later in the night. (My vote: 9)
5. John Cena (2)
Meanwhile, a decent promo to kick off RAW and a strong showing against the aforementioned Nexus in a 6-on-1 handicap match can’t keep John Cena from also falling three spots. (My vote: NR)
6. The Miz (NR)
The United States Champion continues RAW’s dominance of this week’s Power Poll after his decimation and humiliation of Mark Henry on Monday Night. (My vote: 6)
7. Edge (NR)
The Rated R Superstar, yet another RAW wrestler, breaks into the Power Poll top 10 with a victory over Randy Orton and a killer promo later in the night. (My vote: 7)
8. Kurt Angle (8)
Kurt Angle may be staying put on the Power Poll rankings, but a victory over The Pope at Victory Road will almost certainly move him up the rankings in TNA. (My vote: NR)
9. Wade Barrett (NR)
The leader of The Nexus made a huge splash in the first week of the Power Poll, but has just now found his way back. A great promo to kick off RAW, the Nexus’ subsequent beatdown of several Superstars backstage, and leading the group to victory over John Cena will do that. (My vote: NR)
10. Rey Mysterio (4)
The World Heavyweight Champion manages to stay on the list, despite his only appearance on SmackDown having been dragged down a hallway by Jack Swagger. Apparently, being a World Champion is heavily considered by several members of the Power Poll Panel.
Dropped out: Abyss, Evan Bourne, Jay Lethal, Jeff Hardy
Also receiving votes: Jay Lethal, Evan Bourne, Jeff Hardy, Abyss, Chris Sabin, Alex Shelley, Abyss, Justin Gabriel, Kofi Kingston, Chris Jericho, Pope D’Angelo Dinero, Doink the Clown, The Nexus, Samoa Joe, Kazarian, A.J. Styles, Percy Watson, Alicia Fox, Maryse, Kaval
Wrestlers that I voted for who did not make the list include: A.J. Styles (4), Kazarian (5), Samoa Joe (8), and Doink The Clown (10).
We’re still rolling here on the Road to WrestleMania! Will ShoMiz respond to getting rolled over by John Morrison and R-Truth on Monday? Will Chris Jericho continue to be rolled over by Edge when the number one contender to Jericho’s title is the guest on the Highlight Reel? Will I continue to try to work the word “roll” into every sentence?
Let it roll, let it roll, Friday Night SmackDown is unstoppable, and it’s starting now!
I think we all know what’s happening tonight already when CM Punk defends the World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Hardy in a steel cage, so let’s get started!
Jim Ross and Todd Grisham welcome us to Phoenix, AZ and Friday Night Smackdown! Justin Roberts introduces the only Straight Edge World Champion in history, CM Punk!
The World Champion hobbles to the ring, showing the effects of his TLC match this past Sunday at SummerSlam. He told us so. In case we were too intoxicated to remember, he’ll show us how he did it. (Video package highlighting the TLC match from SummerSlam). He’s never felt more alive than he does right now, and he’s positive that nobody in attendance have ever felt this way. He feels every ache and pain of every table, ladder, and chair. It was the most brutal match of his career, but it’s the pain that makes him feel so alive, and naturally, he hasn’t taken a thing for it. Unlike all of you, who double up on extra strength medication for the slightest headache. If anybody in here felt like Punk feels right now, they’d be on a morphene drip. But that’s not the only pain he felt at SummerSlam. He felt the pain of having his moment in the spotlight robbed by The Undertaker. After everything he’s been through, tonight he’s being forced to wrestle in a steel cage match. It’s unfair and it borderlines on conspiracy, since the higher-ups are terrified of him, just like all the fans. They fear what they don’t understand, and they don’t understand what Straight Edge is all about. He doesn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs, including prescription medication like Jeff Hardy. It just means that he’s better than you, and tonight, he’ll prove it again.
So you see the writing on the wall…
Jeff Hardy isn’t in much better shape physically than CM Punk as he makes his way to the ring. Hardy says that he hopes Punk’s enjoyed his reign as the straight-edge World Champion, because it ends tonight. Punk’s preaching as if the most important words in the English language are “Just Say No,” when tonight there are three words that are far more important, “steel cage match.” Punk says he knows Hardy is probably intoxicated right now, but how intoxicated is he? What did he put in his body to have the strength to come out to the ring? Painkillers to dull the scary reality he lives in? The reality is, Punk is sick and tired of hearing the fans boo him. He’s tired of seeing impressionable children cheering a guy like Jeff Hardy. He’s fed up with the fans, and he’s fed up with Jeff Hardy. One of them doesn’t belong here anymore. Hardy likes taking risks? How about this – tonight, the loser is out of the WWE. Punk elaborates, since he knows Hardy is having a hard time understanding because of all the narcotics. If Punk loses, the fans don’t have to listen to him preach anymore, but if Hardy loses, it proves that straight edge means “I’m better than you.” (There you go, Drow – he said it!) The fans chant Hardy’s name, and he says he doesn’t know. It’s risky. It’s crazy. Punk’s on!
You know it’s the Mack Militant…
Teddy Long comes to the stage, and he says it’s official. Since both are in agreement, if that’s what they want, it’s what they’re going to get. The loser of tonight’s match will no longer be in the WWE. The person that wins will defend the World Heavyweight Championship in two weeks at Breaking Point, where every main event match is a submission match. That means the winner will be in a submission match at Breaking Point – against The Undertaker! Punk waves goodbye to Hardy.
WrestleMania will be in Phoenix in seven months, but SmackDown is there tonight, and our opening contest is a tag team match. John Morrison, whose coat is apparently what Jim Ross wears to the grocery store when he goes shopping for his wife, is teaming with Matt Hardy, and they’re taking on The Hart Dynasty.
John Morrison & Matt Hardy def. The Hart Dynasty
I should watch what I say here, lest Matt go on MySpace and blast me, but I really think Matt needs to go back to the pants look instead of the tights – at least until he loses the weight he put on when he had a torn abdomen or whatever. If anything, he needs to stick with the black tights he wore during his RAW stint, because this blue thing is just not working for him. It’s looks so bad on him that it’s distracting me from what promises to be a very entertaining match. In the end, it’s John Morrison with the Starship Pain on David Hart Smith for the victory.
Seriously, Matt, if you’re reading this, go back to the pants. I can’t take you seriously in those ridiculous tights.
Still to come, Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk in a cage – winner is the WWE Champion, loser is unemployed!
Melina tells Maria that she saw Dolph Ziggler out with another woman after SummerSlam, but Maria doesn’t want to believe her. She asks Melina if she has a boyfriend who really cares about her. Melina says she should ask herself that question. Dolph shows up, and Maria asks him about the girl. Dolph says it’s true – it was his sister, Kristen, who was in town for the show.
Drew McIntyre is in the ring. Good to see him back on TV, even though he’s clearly doing the j.o.b. tonight – and as I type that, McIntyre assaults R-Truth as he’s getting in the ring. He takes Truth’s mic, and he says that if the people like to be entertained by somebody dancing and rapping to the ring. Well, his name is Drew McIntyre, and the party is over. He throws the mic down and walks out. Welcome back to SmackDown, Drew!
Before the break, Drew McIntyre beat the crap out of R-Truth.
Josh Matthews welcomes the WWE Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool, who is outside of the ring on crutches. We paid to see her wrestle tonight, but she was injured by Melina last week for no good reason. She’s got an injured knee and isn’t medically cleared to compete. Michelle says it’s ok, we can trust her. She’s going to introduce Melina’s opponent – Layla. Layla makes her way to the ring, followed by Melina, and we’re set for… no, it couldn’t be… is it? Holy crap, it is! It’s a one on one Divas match!
Melina def. Layla
Layla is vastly improving in the ring week in and week out, all credit where it’s due. The problem is, you can usually expect her to do the job. Melina tweaks her ankle early onin the match, and Layla capitalizes, but it only postpones the inevitable as Melina hits her finisher for the victory.
After the match, Melina exits the ring and dumps Michelle McCool out of her chair.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK> – “The Rise and Fall of WCW” is highly recommended by both myself and JT.
Video: Celebrities I’ve never heard of and WWE Superstars talk about SummerSlam
Booyakah, booyakah! (Don’t get too used to that – after next week it’s gonna be a month before I have to type that again.)
The WWE Intercontinental Champion is on drugs his way to the ring for a steroid injection competition. He’s scheduled to defend the Intercontinental Championship against Dolph Ziggler – guess that’s not happening, huh?
Kane makes his way to the ring to take on the Intercontinental Champion in this non-title match.
Rey Mysterio def. Kane
Meh. I’m still not ready for this match after their infinitely long feud on RAW last year. Kane gets himself disqualified because he won’t stop ramming Mysterio into the steel post.
After the match, The Great Khali comes after Kane. He goes for the Punjabi Plunge, but Kane escapes. Ranjin (in his new “The Great Khali Says…” Bobby Heenan style jacket) hits him with a Singapore cane (he hit Kane with a cane – get it?), which draws Kane’s attention long enough for Khali to hit him with it. Khali drives Kane to the back with cane shots, and Dolph Ziggler attacks Rey Mysterio.
One half of the Unified Tag Team Champions, Chris Jericho, is set for action and accompanied by The Big Show. They’ll be facing MVP and Mark Henry at Breaking Point. But for now, Jericho has something to say.
JeriShow is the most powerful team in sports today – and while great teams don’t always win, they win when they have to. Just because Floyd Mayweather helped them cheat to win on RAW doesn’t mean that MVP and Mark Henry will win at Breaking Point. JeriShow will win at Breaking Point, just like they did at SummerSlam. JeriShow don’t cut corners, they’re men of principal, men of honesty, but most importantly, they’re champions. Unified Tag Team Champions.
Yo yo yo yo yo – Shad Gaspard and JTG, it’s Cryme Time
Shad will be representing his team in this singles matchup.
Chris Jericho vs. Shad Gaspard
Shad is angry and assaults Jericho early on. It’s all Shad for the first couple minutes of the match, using his power to virtually destroy Jericho. Shad goes for a pin, but only gets a two when Big Show pulls Jericho out of the ring. All hell breaks loose as both teams fight on the outside…
You know it’s the Mack Militant…
SmackDown General Manager Theodore Long comes out and orders the referee to restart this as a tag team match.
Chris Jericho & The Big Show def. Cryme Tyme
The match has already started when we come back from the break. Jericho is faring much better now than he was in his one on one matchup with Shad earlier on. In fact, it’s all JeriShow in the early going. In the end, it’s The Big Show knocking Shad out for the win.
Jeff Hardy is drawing on himself backstage when he’s joined by Matt Hardy, who tells him to beat CM Punk so that the Hardys can take over SmackDown. Jeff says he lives for the moment, and the moment is now.
The steel cage is lowering, and it might as well be the curtain on the career of one of the two men who will be entering it when we come back! (Hey! when did I get all metaphory and stuff?)
This is a steel cage match for the World Heavyweight Championship. This match can be won by pinfall, submission, or by escaping the cage with both feet touching the floor.
Jeff Hardy makes his way to the ring, and he gets attacked from behind by the World Heavyweight Champion. Punk slingshots Hardy face first into the cage, then hiptosses him to the floor. Punk suplexes Hardy on the outside, then finally tosses him back into the ring. Punk follows Hardy in, and the bell rings, starting this match.
CM Punk def. Jeff Hardy
Punk tries to escape early, but Hardy stops him. In fact, that seems to be Punk’s M.O. – escape early. Personally, I don’t see why he didn’t just go for the door as soon as the bell rang instead of climbing out. This is definitely going to be one of those “must watch” matches. It’s all Punk, but Hardy, like his older brother, will not die. Punk ducks a high cross body, slowing Hardy’s comeback attempt, but not for long. Hardy hits a Whisper in the Wind and scores a two count.
Hardy tries to escape as we come back from the break, but Punk stops him – and eats a cross body from the top rope for his troubles – and a two count. Hardy tries another escape, but Punk stops him again. Hardy crotches Punk on the top rope and hits the Swanton Bomb after the champion crumbles to the canvas. Hardy goes for the cover, but Punk kicks out at two! Punk goes to climb out, and Hardy goes for the door. Punk realizes this, and prevents Hardy’s escape. Both men are down, and we head to another…
It’s Punk trying to escape through the door when we come back this time. Hardy drags him back in and the door is closed once again. Punk goes for the Go To Sleep, but Hardy reverses it into a backslide for a two count. Punk nails a double underhook backbreaker and only scores a two. Punk goes for the Go To Sleep again, but Hardy again counters, this time into a Twist of Fate. Hardy crawls over to the corner and uses the ropes to pull himself up. He begins to climb. He gets on top of the cage, but Punk sees this and the adrenaline starts to flow, causing Punk to rush to try and stop him. Hardy gets over the top of the cage, but Punk manages to pull him back in and superplex him to the canvas. Punk pulls himself to the ropes and uses them to get to his feet. He starts to climb the cage. He gets to the top, but Hardy’s adrenaline rushes and he leaps to his feet to try to pull Punk back in. Punk thumbs Hardy in the eye and bounces his head off of the top of the cage, sending Hardy crashing to the mat and allowing Punk to drop to the floor to retain his title and bring Jeff Hardy’s career to a screeching halt.
The champion makes his exit, the cage raises from the ring, and the copyright graphic appears on the screen – at 9:55PM. Odd. The fans chant “Thank You Jeff,” and the Charismatic Enigma rises to his feet. He ties his hair back and applauds the fans. He grabs a microphone and apologizes if he’s let anybody down. He’s sorry we’ll be seeing CM Punk instead of him on SmackDown, but it’s been a hell of a ride, hasn’t it? He wants to thank all of the fans and wants to let us know it’s not goodbye forever, it’s only goodbye for now. If the time is right, he’s sure he’ll see us in the future. He says “Thank you all.” He says at least Matt’s back on his side, there’s still a Hardy on this show. “Yours truly, Jeff Hardy, ours truly, this life.” The saddened fans in the arena chant “Thank You Jeff” once again as the now former WWE Superstar leaves for perhaps the last time. Hardy stands at the top of the ramp to salute the fans one last time, when Punk smacks him in the back of the head with the World Title. Punk stands tall over the fallen Hardy as we fade to black.
The Undertaker returns to SmackDown, NEXT WEEK!
My Thoughts: Man. I knew this was coming, but I still feel weird sitting here knowing that Jeff Hardy has wrestled his last match for a while. Love him or hate him, Jeff Hardy was probably the most exciting superstar on any of the WWE brands. Hopefully it’ll be sooner, rather than later, that we see the Charasmatic Enigma back in the ring.
Speaking of Hardys, those blue tights look terrible on you, Matt. Not as bad as The Big Show’s Mr. Perfect singlet looks on him, but still pretty bad.
If Michelle is injured as bad as she seems to be, shouldn’t the WWE higher-ups make her relinquish the title? I know, I know. I’m talking about logic in the same sentence of the WWE.
That’s it for tonight guys. Not sure if I’m doing a ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts tomorrow since I’m working on another project at the moment, but I guarantee you that JT will be here for Random Randomness on Sunday!
So on RAW earlier tonight we found out that Evan Bourne, Jack Swagger, and Mark Henry have all joined RAW as part of a 15 Superstar trade. Here’s the complete list:
Coming to Monday Night RAW:
Jack Swagger (from ECW)
Evan Bourne (from ECW)
Mark Henry (from ECW)
Alicia Fox (from SmackDown)
Gail Kim (from SmackDown)
Coming to Friday Night SmackDown:
Matt Hardy (from RAW)
Finlay (from ECW)
The Hart Dynasty – Tyson Kidd, DH Smith, and Natalya (from ECW)
Coming to ECW:
Shelton Benjamin (from SmackDown)
Goldust (from RAW)
William Regal (from RAW)
Nicki & Brie Bella (from RAW)
Somebody please tell me – what the hell was the point of the draft? The Bellas went to RAW from SmackDown with the Draft, as did Matt Hardy. Alicia Fox just got over to SmackDown from ECW and now she’s on RAW. It’s ridiculous. Ah well, whatever. Be interesting to see if ECW is as good minus Swagger, Bourne, Henry, and the Hart Dynasty. Shelton Benjamin is the only major SmackDown loss – and I say this because they pretty much treat Gail Kim like she’s a jobber anyway. In fact, SmackDown will be even better with David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, and Natalya (who was drafted to ECW from SmackDown earlier this year in the supplemental draft, incidentally).
I just don’t see the point of this – the draft was just two months ago!
Well, like I said yesterday, folks, I was under the weather. I didn’t tell it to get up and move, like Drowgoddess suggested – it did that on it’s own. Either that or it saw her comment and decided it didn’t want a Texas sized ass kicking.
Hey, speaking of Texas sized ass kickings, Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker will wrestle at WrestleMania! They kicked off Monday Night RAW with a killer back and forth promo – probably one of the best promos in years in the WWE. Undertaker was going to tell HBK to rest in peace, but HBK interrupted, saying he’d rest comfortably knowing that he ended the streak.
More of RAW, and all of ECW, after the jump! (more…)
Welcome to this week’s edition of Crazy Shit Happens to Jeff Hardy, a.k.a. Friday Night SmackDown. Tonight will feature Victoria’s retirement match as she takes on Michelle McCool before setting off into the sunset. We’ll also see the return of Jeff Hardy following his unfortunate hit and run accident last week. What insanely bizarre thing will happen to the WWE Champion this week?
Well, I’m sure that JT was a more than a little drunk last night, I know I’ll likely be tonight, as the two of us celebrate our shared birthday, which was this past Thursday. November 13th, of course, is also a day of mourning for us wrestling fans, as it was three years ago on that date that Eddie Guerrero passed away. You can imagine, that was a very unwelcome birthday present for us as wrestling fans. Eddie was the hottest thing going in WWE at the time, and we still miss his in ring antics to this day.
In any event, my thoughts on this week’s SmackDown as I watch it on DVR are after the jump! (more…)