Ahhhhhhh Wrestlemania. The very name conjures up countless images which have both thrilled and entertained millions upon millions of people, never failing to lose its appeal in almost 30 years. It’s actually scary for yours truly to think that the very fist ‘Mania I can recall was way, way back in 1990 – when the “Immortal” Hulk Hogan was set to square off with the lunacy that was The Ultimate Warrior. Title for title, muscle-bound behemoth versus muscle-bound behemoth. It’s surely an iconic moment in the history of World Wrestling Entertainment and serves as a welcome reminder of just how much excitement Wrestlemania can cause.
With the induction of Drew Carey into the WWE Hall of Fame, most of us are embarrassed to call that a legitimate Hall-of-Fame. But let’s be honest. It’s not a Hall-of-Fame for the wrestlers. It’s a wing for the celebrities. Do I really think Drew Carey deserves a spot in the HOF? Of course not. But he’s not getting inducted as a wrestler. He’s going in as a celebrity. And he is the only celebrity to ever compete in the Royal Rumble. I understand he’s got something to plug, and I think it’s totally embarrassing the WWE is using a HOF induction to help him plug whatever crap he’s plugging. Maybe they could have named him the emcee of the event.
But in honor of Drew Carey getting inducted for giving Kane money, I have come up with a list of 15 celebrities that I feel deserve induction into the WWE HOF more than Drew Carey. These are not in order of priority.
1. Jenny McCarthy-A woman who started out as eye candy that moved on to being a child advocate against vaccines (even though she was wrong) and autism. She also was a very successful writer about books about pregnancy and motherhood. Maybe being inducted by Shawn Michaels, this would be a reminder of a big moment from Wrestlemania XI.
2. Pamela Anderson-The biggest part about the 1995 Royal Rumble was that the winner got to be escorted to the back by Pamela Anderson. And then at Wrestlemania, she escorted Diesel to the ring. This was a big moment as she was at the hottest her career got at that time. The WWE always likes to have their big celebrity moment. Inducted by recent returnee Kevin Nash? Nash on the mic is always great fun.
3. Regis Philbin-Regis has always had wrestlers on and never worried about his image. He’s freakin’ Regis. And then when Steve Austin propelled himself to superstardom, aside from the big Mike Tyson “shove heard round the world,” one of the watershed moments in his career was when he appeared on Regis & “the one before Kelly Ripa.” Austin wore his “Austin 3:16” and Regis had his “Philbin 911” t-shirt. And there was the moment when Austin got in his face and Regis rubbed Austin’s head and Stone Cold smiled. Stone Cold would be the perfect person to induct him.
4. Burt Reynolds-The guest ring announcer at Wrestlemania X, I don’t really think he has contributed THAT much. But he was a big name. And since WWE has always loved their Hollywood celebrities whenever they could get them, if they could get Burt Reynolds for this role, they would be in “We make movies” heaven. I’m sure HE has something he could plug. I could see him getting inducted by Bret Hart or Roddy Piper.
5. Joan Rivers-Is there anybody better at stirring up a buzz? And doesn’t she have some reality show or documentary to plug? And when has Joan Rivers ever turned down an appearance? Anywhere? I could see her getting inducted simply because she was Joan Rivers. Who would induct her? Take your pick. I’m sure any of the young lions would benefit from the rub: Ted Jr., Randy Orton, Zack Ryder.
6. Muhammad Ali-Arguably the greatest boxer ever, if not the greatest athlete ever. He was the referee at the first Wrestlemania. Plus, Ali makes news any time he goes to the grocery store because of the sheer legend behind him. Who would induct him? Again, take your pick. Any wrestler of Black or Muslim heritage would be great here. The Rock, Booker T, Kofi Kingston (I don’t know of any wrestlers who are of Muslim heritage or beliefs.), etc.
7. Dick Butkus-One of the greatest defensemen in the history of pro football and a man who appeared in several Wrestlemanias. I know that he has his charities that he takes care of. He definitely wouldn’t mind appearing to plug that. And who wouldn’t want to induct the great Butkus? Maybe somebody from Chicago like CM Punk. Maybe a college player like The Rock. I don’t see how they could go wrong.
8. Tommy Lasorda-A Hall-of-Fame baseball manager known for being very colorful on the mic. Of course, the Atlanta crowd may not warm up to a Dodgers legend. Any wrestler would love to induct him. It would get them on some MLB sites and I’m sure Tommy Lasorda would love to plug a charity.
9. Alice Cooper-Doesn’t he still put out songs and albums and stuff? I’m sure he’d love the chance to come back and speak to the fans. Who inducts him? Obviously not Jake “The Snake,” as that might require sobriety. But which wrestler wouldn’t want to induct a legend in the music world? Chris Jericho maybe?
10. Ozzy Osborne-A former figure in Wrestlemania 2, and one of the most-recognized music icons of all-time, Ozzy Osborne would be GREAT for publicity. The man can still draw, and he still must have some marketability as he was used for one of the biggest Super Bowl commercials this past year. Again, any wrestler would love to induct Ozzy freakin’ Osborne.
11. Mike Tyson-I’d just love to hear him say “My man Cole Stone” one more time. Wrestlemania XIV was one of the biggest moments in wrestling history. That was a watershed moment of the Attitude Era. Of course if he came back, we’d always be reminded of how great their product was back then and how it isn’t now. Who would induct him? Triple-H, Stone Cold, Shawn Michaels, Jim Ross, take your pick.
12. Chuck Norris-The possibilities would be endless. WWE Chuck Norris facts: Chuck Norris can defeat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Chuck Norris can cross the boss. Chuck Norris knew who attacked Edge. Any young wrestler would die at the opportunity to induct Chuck Norris.
13. Aretha Franklin-She sung at Wrestlemania III & XXIII. The Queen of Soul, who wouldn’t want to induct her? Of course, it could be a well-known Black competitor like Booker T, Ron Simmons (lots of “Damnnnnnnnnns” in that speech) or Kofi. Of course, the one who makes the most sense would be Lillian Garcia, whom I’m sure they could bring back for one night to induct Aretha.
14. Cyndi Lauper-The fact Drew Carey is going into the celebrity wing of the HOF before Cyndi Lauper is downright embarrassing. Cyndi Lauper has done more for the wrestling business than show up in a match to plug their show. Brawl to Settle It All, War to Settle the Score, Wrestlemania, she used HER name to get the publicity on these events. Again, Lillian Garcia would be a great fit to induct her. So would Roddy Piper, Edge or anybody who watched her as a kid and was inspired to get into wrestling because of her participation on these big events.
15. Motorhead-The group who has created one of the most iconic entrance themes in the history of wrestling. It is also arguable that is the most iconic entrance theme ever (with respect to “Real American,” Piper’s & Undertaker’s music and maybe Stone Cold’s and The Rock’s). From the first time you hear “Time to play the gaaaaaaaaaaame” you know that Triple-H is coming to the ring. Obviously, it’s kind of silly who would induct them. Triple-H, of course.
What are your favorites? Who do you think we should see?
Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages… it’s time for a Celebration of Professional Wrestling. That’s right folks! The showcase of the immortals, WRESTLEMANIA, is just over a week away! In a conjoint assembly of marks, smarks, and fans alike, Bored Wrestling Fan and Wonderpod-Online staff have united to create a week long tribute to the art and performance that is professional wrestling. And while much of the content will be WWE related, this is not limited to the one promotion. It’s an acknowledgement to all federations and organizations, big or small. (more…)
Well here I am back on my usual time slot on Sunday, mostly because I didn’t feel like doing this yesterday, but it’s great to be back in my regular time slot. Will this be a permanent thing, I don’t know just yet, but for right now does it really even matter as long as you get an article from me right. Well since we lost an hour today, lets get this party started: (more…)
Monday night the WWE announced they were inducting Sunny into the WWE Hall-of-Fame. They showed a video package reviewing who she was and what she did. I realized that I could not explain to my wife what she meant to wrestling and what she meant to me as a fan during the era she reigned supreme. She was Sunny.
Who was the first “Diva?” Sherri Martel wore skimpy outfits and caked on the make-up. Missy Hyatt definitely has her place in the great canon of women in wrestling. Miss Elizabeth was definitely seen as a sex symbol, even though she was always treated with class and elegance. Nancy Benoit was a great female manager, but she was more wicked, and people didn’t tune in to see her. Sable was the first WWE superstar to pose nude for Playboy. But what made Sunny special?
I’m going to be honest. I started watching wrestling in early 1996, before Wrestlemania XII. I was 15. I was at the height of my hormonal teen years. Sunny was every 15-year-old boy’s dream. And in the WWE at that time, Sunny reigned supreme. Todd Pettengill used to host a show called WWF Mania on Saturday mornings. WCW Pro was at 8 am. WWF Mania was at 9am. That’s what I did with my Saturday morning. When I first started watching the show, Sunny was the host. And yes, my little 15-year-old heart pitter-pattered.
I have a lot of great memories watching Sunny. I remember her coming out with the LOD at Wrestlemania XIV and forming LOD 2000. I remember the feud with Dawn Marie (“Tamara Lynn Bytch”) in ECW. I remember her showing off those buns of steel to the live crowd in Dallas at Raw. And of course, who could forget her getting slopped by Phineas I. Godwinn (a then-clothed Naked Mideon)?
Last night they showed a video package that showed Sunny’s greatest moments. Tamara Lynn Sytch was a pretty girl. She was athletic, naturally very pretty and had lots of charisma. She was the girl you wanted but you knew you could never have, but you were going to dream about her anyway. She was one of the first Divas to draw. What makes her the first Diva, you might ask? Here is what I think. I think she was one of the first females in wrestling to do lingerie shoots and bikini shoots and, at some point in her career, served no other purpose than to come out and wave to the crowd. Sherri was a manager. Woman/Nancy Benoit was a manager. Miss Elizabeth was a manager/valet. And while Missy Hyatt did her share of bikini modeling, she pushed the envelope nowhere like Sunny did. Sunny was a pioneer who set the standard for every Diva we watch every week.
That being said, when I watch her footage, while she was the highlight of my mid-adolescent years, her stuff actually was pretty tame, all things considered. Her character was pretty simple. “I’m the drop-dead gorgeous woman you want. You can’t have me because I’m with Chris Candido.” That’s all she needed. Her body also looked like something that would be a foreign concept to Divas nowadays. She was natural. Her breasts didn’t enter the rooms three days before she did. Her lips didn’t look like flotation devices. And her hair didn’t look like Extension City. She was an insanely beautiful woman. And speaking from the fantasies of a 15-year-old boy, she more than got the job done. And I’m not alone. She was the most downloaded celebrity in 1996 on AOL.
The woman has earned her place in the annals of WWE history, and for what little it’s worth, I wish her congratulations for this time.
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Hello everyone! Terribly sorry about my absence the last two weeks, but things were crazy. Huge thank you to G for taking over the RAW review when my brother came in, and sorry about no RAW review being up last week. Turns out, the boss man, ThinkSoJoE, is having some computer problems, so no one was able to cover. BUT THAT’S OKAY! We’re here now! Or, at least, I am.
Tonight, Punk takes over as leader of the Nexus, and John Cena’s going to confront him for the first time since Punk showed interest two weeks ago! And I’ve been hearing rumors about a Hall of Fame nomination!
Strangely enough, we start out Monday Night RAW with a tag team title match! … No opening promo?!
WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov with Tamina vs ??? for the WWE Tag Team Championship
Before their opponents can even be announced, Nexus comes out and demolishes the tag team championships. Tamina is nowhere to be seen, and Punk enters the ring rather calmly, watching the chaos. Nexus clears the ring of the champs, thus answering my question about an opening promo. Turns out we’re gonna get one.
Punk says that he’s sorry and I notice he’s wearing black and yellow shoes. He says that the tag team title match is rescheduled for a later date. Ever since Nexus has made its impact on RAW, it’s been the most dominant force the WWE has ever seen. And, as scary as it sounds, they are even stronger now. He tells Nexus that each and every single one of them has the ability and chance to shine brighter than any other Superstar in history. He can give them the chance to succeed, and says that Barrett consistently failed at setting any kind of example. Two weeks ago, Punk single-handedly put Cena out of the equation. That’s right, their hero in all of his broken down hero will appear tonight. Cena will, he’s hoping, deliver a tear-jerking encore farewell speech tonight. Cena’s days of Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect are over, while Punk’s are just beginning. And then, the coup de gras later tonight, in an act of selfless leadership, Punk will make the ultimate sacrifice when he initiates himself the new leader of the new Nexus. But, he’s getting ahead of himself. His won’t be the only initiation tonight. Each one of the Nexus must prove to themselves, the group, to Punk, to these ‘worthless people’ that they have what it takes to belong in the new Nexus. If they all pass, the Nexus will be at the apex of their power, and they will not only take over RAW, but the WWE entirely.
Otunga takes the mic, damn it, and Otunga says that he speaks for all of Nexus and they would be honored to be initiated into the new Nexus tonight. Punk says that the honor will all be his. Punk starts with McGuillicutty, and says that he’s up first. He knows, Punk knows, the people knows, that Nexus is famous for these group attacks. They’ve beaten down Hall of Famers, the Chairman, and John Cena too. McGuillicutty’s initiation is to be on the receiving end of a beat down. Husky’s name is called and he’s told to start it. Husky looks at McG for a minute, Otunga takes the initiative and starts it, dropping him. Slater asks what the hell he just did, and Punk goads Slater into action. Husky looks at him again, and then drops himself onto McGuillicutty. Husky and Otunga move McGuillicutty to the corner, and Punk leads Gabriel up to the corner, where the Axe Murderer of Nexus Gabriel stands up and hits the 450 Splash. Punk kneels in front of McGuillicutty, and Nexus puts him on Punk’s shoulders, and Punk finishes it off with the Go to Sleep. Punk leaves, and Nexus carries the unmoving McGuillicutty off.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi ‘It wasn’t your turn! >:O’ ‘YOU TOOK TOO LONG!’ #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes David Otunga speaks for no one. Not even for himself. We all know, J-Hudson speaks for him.
@kickoutblog CM Punk is the only one with the right to wear pants though.
@StrikerSays Is The Nexus going to be CM Punk’s new SES? Are they all going to shave their heads?
@CMPunkSays Screw your tag team titles, it’s NEXUS TIME! #WWE
@Lunna1969 Isn’t that how gangs do their initiations? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@JonHexLives Nexus CM Punk shirts! #WWE #RAW #BWF
DAMN IT! R-TRUTH IS BACK!
R-Truth vs Alberto del Rio
If del Rio honks that horn one more time, I’m bitch slapping his face off.
Truth goes for del Rio, but del Rio moves, and Truth chases him, throwing him into a corner and then yelling WHAT’S UP at the crowd. Del Rio is sick of Truth’s shit and gets the momentum before going for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two. Is it just me, or does the arena look smoky? Anyway, del Rio Whips Truth, then misses a clothesline. Truth counters with a head scissors and then clothesline. Truth runs back at del Rio, and clotheslines him out of the ring, sending them both to the floor. The ref starts a count, and it takes a few minutes before either man moves. Del Rio attacks Truth, who attacks back. But, Ricardo Rodriguez starts yelling at Truth, and Truth gets counted out thanks to that.
Alberto del Rio wins via count out.
Del Rio takes the mic and says that’s another victory for him! But we already know that. We also know that his destiny is to win the Royal Rumble, and headline Wrestlemania. Okay, he knows that’s a different story, because tonight they’re in Nashville! The music city? Oh, you silly, silly, Americans. You don’t know anything about music. You don’t know anything about culture. Oh, del Rio, these people will kill you outside the arena. All they know is about their Justin Biebers, Idols, hip-hop, and that horrible and boring country music. This is a bad place to diss country music… In Mexico, they know about music. They know about culture. He says to allow a man with many attributes to show them real music, mariachi music! He motions to Ricardo and asks him to sing. Ricardo says that he can’t sing, probably thanks to that hit he just took to the face, and del Rio asks nicely. Ricardo takes the mic and sings La Cucaracha. Which I learned in Spanish. He’s really not that great at it, but I can’t blame him.
Two weeks ago, Punk gave Cena a Go to Sleep, and tonight, Cena is going to confront him. Holy crap, Ricardo is jamming. Tonight, we have to watch yet another John Morrison and King Sheamus match. Goodie. Why am I always covering RAW when people who can’t sing try to? Anyone remember Mark Henry rapping?
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar “And I haven’t even started yet!” You have started! You’ve been doin this shitty song for like 5 years!
@Niki_Sushi DAMMIT! Just when I thought I escaped it! Truth, how bout you go to TNA too? CAROLINA CONNECTION! :B #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Okay, if Del Rio starts winning every match by count-out, he’s going to become the world’s greatest asshole.
@typicalROHfan CAN DEL RIO RUN OVER R TRUTH WITH HIS CAR?
@JonHexLives I’m hoping Alberto Del Rio does at least one promo where he warms up like Ramses from NACHO LIBRE. #WWE #RAW #BWF
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Two weeks ago, WWE Champion The Miz violently attacks Jerry “The King” Lawler.”>
Jerry says that he’d be lying if he said he was fully recovered. Cole says that Randy will be sorely disappointed when he can’t take the WWE Championship from The Miz. Cole tells Jerry to apologize, but we have an email.
“Recently, Michael Cole has been on the receiving end of a lot of criticism. However, I support Michael Cole in every conceivable way. Even though, he’s a conceited, pompous, arrogant, self-centered, pretentious jerk. Okay, just kidding. The reality is that Michael Cole has done a phenomenal job and is the epitome of manhood. I wish we had more people like him, with the guts to stand up against popular opinion. Michael is an award winning journalist, a two-time Slammy award winner. He is witty, highly intelligent, and not to mention, handsome. Ladies and gentlemen, the highest honor one can achieve is to refer to themselves as a Cole Miner!”
Jerry finally interrupts, and my dinner stays in my stomach. Jerry says that he’s just received a message from the entire WWE Universe, and he quotes: “Will you please SHUT UP?” Really, Cole, nobody in their right mind would ever even think, say, or much less type, that Cole is handsome. What he really is is a coward. Cole says that Jerry can’t touch him or he’ll be ordered, but Jerry slams the laptop shut.
Cole says it still works.
“I assure you that Michael Cole is not a coward. And King, neither are you. That’s why I know that even though your body hasn’t fully recovered, you can’t wait to exact revenge. Therefore, tonight, WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on the team of Jerry “The King” Lawler, and Randy Orton.”
Punk is backstage and says that McGuillicutty’s in and passed with flying colors. Husky’s next. His initiation, if he chooses to accept, is in his left hand. He will willingly, without reprisal, take three lashes from everybody, with… a strap? A belt? Something. Husky says he accepts. Punk tells him to take the shirt off. Husky takes the shirt off, and Otunga starts. Justin’s next, and doesn’t seem as anxious as Otunga was. Slater comes up, and seems more discontent with the belt than with Husky. Punk tells them to get Husky up and hold his arms. Then, Punk delivers eight quick snaps with the belt.
<COMMERCIAL>
@RhymesWithPen CM Punk is treating Nexus like a frat, but lets be serious, no frat would ever allow Heath Slater to be a brother …
@KeepItFiveStar This is payback for the last week’s RAW/Smackdown with all that wrestling
@Niki_Sushi I have officially gotten to the point that until I see Cole, I literally can NOT hear him. I’ve blocked him out. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Just when you thought it couldn’t get creepier than the opening segment, New Nexus turns to S&M
@jaded_prinz Ugh Raw has now turned into mini Bondage bear porn featuring a submissive Husky Harris lol
@dasharpshooters I guess Husky couldn’t remember the safe word. #wwe #raw
United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Mark Henry with The Bella Twins vs Ted DiBiase and Tyson Kidd with Maryse
Bryan and DiBiase start out the match with Bryan dominating. However, Bryan gets distracted and goes to take Kidd out of the match, but DiBiase throws him out of the ring. Kidd sneaks in a hit real quick and then DiBiase brings Bryan back in. DiBiase tags in Kidd, who keeps Bryan in the corner. Kidd distracts the ref, and DiBiase chokes Bryan. Kidd tags in DiBiase, and DiBiase gets Bryan in the center of the ring with a headlock. Bryan fights out and bounces off the ropes, hitting a hard clothesline on DiBiase. Bryan tags in Henry, and DiBiase tags in Kidd. Kidd runs face first into a clothesline, and then is head butted to the ground. Twice. Kidd crawls away and Henry runs toward him in the corner, but Kidd dives over and tags DiBiase in. They hit a double dropkick, but Ted is hit by a clothesline and Kidd is hit by Bryan. Then, Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the win.
Mark Henry and the United States Champion win via pinfall.
Later tonight, WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on Jerry “The King” Lawler (again) and Randy Orton. We have The Big Show here tonight and we find out why next.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog No Jackson Andrews with Tyson Kidd, I’m sure that tells you all you need to know about his WWE future.
@TheMizMagnet: GODDAMN IT! JERRY! STOP FIGHTING MIZ! I HATE THESE MATCHES! *storms off* #BWF
@TKeep123 This whole RAW is from a bad parallel world.
@Niki_Sushi I’m not going to be happy with the Diva’s division until A) Bellas are fired for being stupid or B) Awesome Kong comes n eats them #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes A couple years ago Mark Henry would have been ALL over them twins. #wwe
@KeepItFiveStar Mark Henry continues to be a threat for the Royal Rumble
On NXT, that guy with the giant nose was eliminated, and Dolph Ziggler said that he was terrible, and basically sucked. Not like anyone cares about NXT.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, it’s a big show!
Between Alberto del Rio and The Big Show, we have been invaded by Smackdown. Awesome. And Show just wiggled his ass. I’m so sorry to that guy in the front row.
Show says thank you very much, and it’s great to be back on RAWR…er… RAW. He is here to discuss some issues. Number one is Wade Barrett. He finds it funny that last week Barrett is knocked out of Nexus, and this coming up Smackdown, he wants to knock Barrett out! Number two, the Royal Rumble. He’s letting every superstar know that they’re on notice. The Big Show is coming to the Royal Rumble and he’s not playing games, go on and main event Wrestlemania-
We walk alone…
Punk, Gabriel, Slater, and Otunga make their way out to the stage, and Punk looks at Otunga, as do the rest of Nexus. Otunga makes his way down to the ring, and this is apparently his initiation. He looks back at Punk, who merely stares at him, and then makes his way into the ring.
Show holds up a finger, and Otunga pushes it down and smacks Show’s ear. Show looks at him, and Otunga looks like he’s just offering himself up for a smack, but then Show kicks him and then throws him out of the ring. Show follows Otunga and chucks him over the announce table. Punk rips his shirt (DAMN IT!), and then delivers that massive slap on the announce table. Show yells at him, and then drops him right on the floor. Show slams Otunga into the steel steps, and then shoves him into the ring. He then choke slams Otunga. Show then delivers the knockout punch to Otunga. Punk, Slater, and Gabriel don’t move, except to raise their fists up. I guess Otunga passed.
Later, Cena will address Punk, and next up, John Morrison will take on King Sheamus.
<COMMERCIAL>
@seraphalexiel I think you can get arrested for this type of hazing
@kickoutblog Seriously, if someone told me I could take 25 lashes from a leather belt or a 25% punch from Big Show, I’d ask for 50 lashes.
@KeepItFiveStar And now the WWE, and Jack Link’s present: Messin With Sasquatch
@RobMcNichol If Henry is Sexual Chocolate, Bryan Danielson must be Erotic Marshmallow.
<VIDEO PACAKGE: Last week’s Falls Count Anywhere Match for the WWE Championship>
John Morrison vs King Sheamus
Sheamus gets a good start in this match, but Morrison fights back, only to eat Sheamus’ knee with his stomach. Sheamus stomps on Morrison, and then continues to methodically pick Morrison apart before bouncing him off his knee. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Sheamus puts his foot in Morrison’s throat and then steps off, dominating Morrison. Morrison tries to fight back, but Sheamus puts a stop to that with his elbow in Morrison’s face. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out. Sheamus puts Morrison into a vicious looking hold that my brain refuses to give me a name for, but Morrison fights out, climbing up to his feet only to take a hit from Sheamus. Sheamus goes to knee Morrison in the stomach again, but Morrison goes for a cover. Morrison kicks out and picks up speed, getting the momentum. He this a heel kick to the jaw before Sheamus crawls into the corner. Sheamus, however, has none of that, and Morrison ends up on his stomach before kicking him again. Morrison plants his feet in Sheamus’ face, and then pulls himself up with a very on-PG pelvic thrust, but Sheamus shoves him out of the ring instead of facing up against Starship Pain.
<COMMERCIAL>
Nobody tweeted anything that I could really use here, so here’s a picture for your entertainment.
We come back to Sheamus dominating Morrison again, but Morrison fights out of the headlock. He goes to Whip Sheamus, but Sheamus drops him onto his back and goes for the cover, only for Morrison to kick out at two. Sheamus holds Morrison’s head off the apron, and drops hard elbows onto Morrison before letting him roll back into the ring and going for another cover. Morrison kicks out at two again, and Sheamus puts him in another submission. Morrison fights to his feet, and then out of the hold, fighting back against Sheamus with quick punches and kicks. Morrison pulls Sheamus out of the corner, and then goes for the flash kick, but Sheamus ducks it. Sheamus runs across the ring at Morrison, but Morrison pulls down the top rope and sends Sheamus out. Morrison then jumps out of the ring, attempting a suicide dive, but Sheamus plants his knees into Morrison’s ribs. Sheamus then plants Morrison onto the steel steps, ribs-first, and rolls him into the ring. Sheamus gets ready to use the Brogue kick, but Morrison fell onto his ass, and Sheamus just kicks him in the back. Sheamus then puts Morrison on the top of the turnbuckle and climbs up after him, because this always ends well, , but Morrison drops onto the steps and puts Sheamus’ face into the steel post before hitting something I missed and winning.
John Morrison wins via pinfall.
Now we’re reminded of McGuillicutty’s initiation into Nexus, then Husky’s initiation, and then Otunga’s demise at the hands of The Big Show.
Punk is holding onto two Singapore canes, and says that Otunga did well and is in. Punk says that Slater and Gabriel’s initiations… He’s not going to beat them with the kendo sticks, my bad, and Punk says that they’re going to beat each other with the kendo sticks until he tells them to stop. Punk says he’s serious, and neither one looks like they want to do it, and this is going to be an EPIC LIGHTSABER DUEL! Neither one moves to do anything, and Punk just watches like, “you fucking babies” before he stops them. Punk says that if they’re not in, they’re out. He expects home runs from all his soldiers, so swing for the fences. Slater and Gabriel look at the frustrated Punk, weapons in hand, and Punk asks them if they’re going to hit him, then tells them to do it. They both drop the Kendo sticks, and then walk out of the locker room.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Please…PLEASE hit Punk with those sticks! Get some balls! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@HitTheRopes It’s a light sabers duel. #StarWarsMeetsWWE
@Niki_Sushi Awwww! I’m so proud of Justin! Punk kinda looked like he was gonna eat their faces, though. #RUNFORTHEHILLS #BWF #RAW
@stephensonmc @JustinG_Nexus twirled his kendo stick like he was Obi-Wan #Raw
@YourBoyDrew So is anyone else convinced CM Punk runs a BDSM dungeon somewhere?
The first inductee into the Hall of Fame class of 2011 is about to be announced!
Jerry Lawler is in the ring and says that the greatest accomplishment of his career was being inducted into the Hall of Fame. So many individuals, even in childhood, dream of competing in the ring, and less that 100 of them have been inducted into the Hall of Fame. Hall of Famers share qualities like skill, drive, determination, charisma, and the respect of the WWE Universe, and the inductee he’s about to name, has earned the respect of the WWE Universe. He deserves, more than any other, to be a first ballot nominee. And it is the Heart Break Kid Shawn Michaels.
I think I’m cute… I know I’m sexy…
Holy shit, Shawn is there. I hate them right now. But it’s a personal thing. Just ignore me now.
Shawn takes the mic and motions for silence, but a one more match chant start-
Del Rio walks out, obviously not even caring. HE says his name is Alberto del Rio, and Shawn stares at him. Del Rio says that we already know that, and he, he is Shawn Michaels, the Heart Break Kid, the Legend, the Icon, the Showstopper. These people used to cheer Shawn. An HBK chant starts. Del Rio says but now, they cheer him. Which is greeted by a giant boo. It’s simple, del Rio says, that he’s the present and the future of the WWE. And Shawn is just history. After del Rio wins the Royal Rumble match, he’s going to win the Heavyweight or the WWE title, and after that, he will be known as the New Mr. Wrestlemania. And Shawn says nothing, just gives him a good dose of Sweet Chin Music. He then pockets his microphone like a gun, and makes sure his shoe isn’t scuffed up. Shawn then takes the scarf and dances his way back up the stage.
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown Congratulations to @ShawnMichaels_ Can’t wait to be there live to see one of my childhood heros get inducted. #HBK #WWE #RAW
@Lunna1969 Omg I’m actually crying cause I’m so happy! Congrats @ShawnMichaels_
@TKeep123 HBK into the #WWE Hall of Fame! Works for me! Well deserved! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@CMPunkSays I am grinning my face off. #HBK #WWE
@Niki_Sushi I just joygasm’d right here. Very few people have done everything Shawn did and incited the same love and adoration he has. #ThankYouShawn
@Niki_Sushi Shawn, keep that scarf. You’ll need it for the weather down there. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Shawn Michaels didn’t plan on going hunting but he just bagged himself a wild Del Rio.
@KeepItFiveStar Alberto Del Rio and his scarf just got Sweet Chin Music! That’s unfair. The scarf had nothing to do with this!
@TKeep123 Is there anyone that doesn’t see Sweet Chin Music in ADR’s future? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Saiyavenger Sweet Chin Music. Still epic in ways even complex flippy-dippy finishers only wish they could be.
@RingsideRants ADR had time to shower and put a suit on after his match, but Otunga couldn’t even change his shirt?
Riley is excited about Lawler and Orton being in the ring at the same time, but Miz doesn’t seem excited, and asks what’s wrong with Miz. Miz says that in two week’s time, he’s attacked a Hall of Famer and defended his title in a match that people should be talking about. But no, people are talking about Randy Orton. People are saying that it’s a fact that Randy will win The Miz’ championship at the Royal Rumble. NO matter what he does, people won’t give him the respect that he has earned. Tonight, in their match, he doesn’t just want to beat them, he wants to demoralize, embarrass, and hurt them, so they can show the world that the only fact is that he’s going to be the WWE Champion for a very, very long time. Alex starts to say his catchphrase, but Miz stops him and says that catchphrases are for closers, and he won’t’ say it until after he finishes Randy Orton tonight
Cole is in the ring and says that they are about to be joined by John Cena. Two weeks ago, John Cena was assaulted by the new Nexus and their soon-to-be new leader, CM Punk. Punk interrupts from on top of the tron, which is pretty badass. Punk says that they are through talking about John Cena, and this is the CM Punk show now. What he wants to talk about is the new Nexus. What tonight has shown is that McGuillicutty, Harris, and Otunga have proven themselves strong enough to be in the new Nexus. They sacrificed themselves through their initiations, and now he is prepared to do the same. His initiation will be the ultimate sacrifice, and it is his hope and dream that through his sacrifice, it will prove that not only was he a member of Nexus, but he was their leader. Should he dive off this tro- Jesus Christ Nashville wants death. Fucking hell. Punk asks if he should break every bone in his body, rupture every muscle, and Matthews says no. So do I. Punk spreads his arms, and pauses. He says there’s one question he needs to ask: How gullible are all of you people? He’s wearing a bright yellow harness. He has two guys spotting him. He’s safer there than anyone in their seats. He then says what kind of an idiot jumps off the tron? Consider themselves initiated, Nashville, they are all the biggest, mindless, group of sheep – JERICHO! – he has ever seen in his entire life. The injured, but members, of Nexus make their way out to the ring, short Gabriel and Slater.
Punk is in the ring now and says that if anyone watching actually thought he was going to jump off the tron, they are stupid. He takes off his shirt, and says that as we can see, he’s wearing a safety harness, and then says that someone who would consider doing such a rash thing, is mentally challenged (still hating on Jeff Hardy! =D), and he is mentally superior. There’s never been a thought in his mind to jump off the tron, he doesn’t need their approval or initiations, and he is the leader of the new Nexus. Punk says that Cena is no longer there. He got rid of Cena.
Cena’s voice comes and Cena says that he’s there, on that big screen you were gonna jump off of. Cena proceeds to insult him and that kind of thing, and says that he is wasting everyone’s time. Why would he bother to give the new Nexus a physical imitation? He’s already given them one. He said he would get his hands on each and every member of the Nexus, and he di-wait. There’s a new member he hasn’t managed to initiate, and that’s CM Sucks. Punk says he’s not afraid of John, and he will not stand in his ring on his show and be intimidated by John. John says prove it. Next week, CM Sucks faces John Cena in a match. Punk says that he accepts. Cena says he was hoping that Punk would. All those things Punk has been saying about Punk, they’re right. If you provoke him, he’s the most animalistic, brutal, violent, physical man on the planet. That means, next week, Punk gets dealt with. As sure as Cena wears purple and the sun rises in the morning, Punk gets dealt with. Next week, it’s not about t-shirts and armbands, it’s about him whooping Punk’s ass.
Up next, the WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on Jerry “The King” Lawler and Randy Orton.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi What kind of idiot jumps off the Tron?! Me: Jeff Hardy? #BWF #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar “What kind of an idiot jumps off the tron?!” Jeff Hardy
@kickoutblog Punk is gonna Shane-O-Mac it up there.
@CMPunkSays I really wish John Cena wouldn’t bury the best thing in the WWE. That’s just… it’s just wrong.
@ThingsColeSays “CM Sucks” has to stop.
@kickoutblog John Cena’s been watching George Carlin.
@JonHexLives It’s like indie Punk has come back. #WWE #RAW #BWF
AWESOME!
The WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley vs Jerry “The King” Lawler and Randy Orton
Alex Riley and Jerry Lawler start the match, and Lawler goes for Miz, who jumps off the edge of the ring. Riley takes advantage and knocks Lawler down. Riley tags Miz in and Miz knocks Lawler across the ring. Lawler gets Miz down on the mat and begins to pound him. Miz runs out of the ring, but Lawler follows closely. Lawler then bounces Miz’ head off the announce table before sending him into the apron, and then into the steel steps. Miz rolls into the ring off a punch in the face, and then Miz sends his elbow into Lawler’s face and tags in Riley. Lawler sends Riley to the ground and tags in Orton. Riley backs away from Orton who follows, upper cutting him in the corner. The ref has to forcibly remove Orton from Riley, and Orton goes back, Whipping Riley across the ring, only to get a kick to the stomach. Miz is tagged in and hit with a clothesline before Orton stomps on Miz’ face once, then again. Orton then stomps on his stomach and steps on him, tagging in Lawler. Lawler gets Miz to his feet and punches Miz to his knees, twice, three times. King proceeds to unload on Miz in the corner, the referee having to force Lawler off. Miz retaliates with a kick to the face, and then goes over Lawler and punches him repeatedly, having to be forced off by the ref. Miz then sends Lawler to the mat before putting him in a headlock. Lawler fights up to his feet, but gets a knee to the midsection for his troubles. Miz then hits his swinging corner clothesline, sending Lawler face first into the mat.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar C’mon Randy Orton. How you gonna wipe your mouth before coming out to wrestle? Didn’t wash your hands or anything.
We come back to Riley dominating over Lawler, and Riley runs shoulder first into the turnbuckle as Lawler rolls over, and nearly goes to tag in Miz. Riley runs to Lawler, and gets punched in the face for his troubles. Lawler reaches for Orton, but Riley tries to get Miz. Riley manages to tag Miz in, and Lawler technically tags in Orton, but Orton never saw it. Miz sets up the Skull Crushing Finale, but Orton gets in and manages to hit the RKO. Lawler goes for the cover as Orton hides behind the apron, and Riley breaks it up. Riley makes Miz tag him in, but Lawler manages to tag in Orton. Orton hits the scoop slam, and then the back breaker on Riley, all the while, keeping an eye on Miz too. Riley rolls under the ropes, but Orton grabs him and hits that DDT. He then hits the mat and sets up for the RKO. Miz tries to sneak in, but Orton sees him, and Miz slips back out. Riley stands up and tries for something, but Orton hits the RKO. Orton keeps his focus on Miz. Orton moves back and tags in Lawler while Orton stares at Miz. Lawler then drops his right hand on Riley for the win.
Randy Orton and Jerry “The King” Lawler win via pinfall.
Next week, CM Punk and John Cena will finally face off!!
Tonight’s RAW was made up for by the fact that del Rio got Sweet Chin Music’d by Shawn Michaels. And… I wasn’t fond of the main event, but I’m starting to get sick of Jerry wrestling. It’s a personal thing, I suppose. Anyway. We’ll see what happens next week! Later!
Hey folks, the man the BWF staff call “Boss” is here to fill in for AlyKat tonight as she is in attendance at the Amway Arena in Orlando, FL for tonight’s edition of RAW. I’ve actually been to a WWE event in that very venue – the 2008 WWE Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. Tonight, however, I’m on my couch in Niagara Falls, NY watching USA HD and bringing you my thoughts on this post-Survivor Series edition of RAW. Will we see John Cena tonight? What kind of mood will Wade Barrett be in? Will Aly have a heart attack in the Amway Arena as The Miz cashes in Money In The Bank? Who knows! It’s uncooked, uncut, uncensored, it’s RAW!
Find the nearest line and cross it, peeps! Your Empress of “Impact,” your Girly Parts Jesus, the one who suffers through this programming so that you don’t have to, is ready to lead you. Precisely where, I have no idea. 😛
We have out first Pro vs Rookie match tonight as Cody Rhodes take’s on Mark Henry’s rookie Lucky Cannon.
We open with the new announcer Ashley Vallence, a rather generic new diva. She tells us about the Pros Poll next week and when voting will open.
The Pros come out. Mark Henry is wearing a shirt the says I Got Lucky.
The first match is a tag team match, Alex Riley and the Mizand their opponents are MVP and “Showtime” Percy Watson.
Thes guys really do look right together.
Riley wants to start and wants to face Percy Watson, instead of MCO. Watson dancing around. He eats a knee and a headlock and is run over with a shoulderblock.
Headlock by Riley. Another shoulder. A leapfrog by Watson then he gets a dropkick on the reboud. Followed by a second. Front facelock and MVP comes in. Double hiptoss.
MVP tosses Riley, even saying “Annnndddd Out you go,” as he does it.
Miz yells him, then tags in. Watson comes back in. Suplex. Watson loses his glasses. Forearms by Miz. Riley in with a shot to the gut. Hard whip to the corner and a corner crush. Miz chokes him on the ropes.
Riley with a rear chinlock. MVP chant by the crowd. Jawbreaker by Watson. MVP in. Belly to belly throw. Asiatic thrust. Facebreaker. Ballin Elbow. Riley with a kick to the hamstring and he tags out.
Watson in. Flying clothesline. Leaping splash. It’s like he dropkicks the air then turns over as he falls.
Hotshot by Miz. Skull crushing finale for the win. By the way we learned the Riley calls himself the Varsity Villain.
We get Titus O’Neil’s promo. He talks about his troubled youth and his twin sons. He’s in the University of Florida’s Hall of Fame.
He’s up next.
Cole mentions NXT season 1’s attack on Vince.
His opponet is Michael McGillicutty. He was interviewed earlier. He called his mother last week after his first win. It’s a moment he’ll never forget.
Tie up. Titsu throws him to the corner and hits a choulder. Mike with a kick to the knee and a headbutt. He hits the ropes but is caught. They’re just fighting it out.
Big clothesline. Rear chinlock. Fights out but there’s a botch and he gets dropped to the mat. Bodyslam by O’Neil but Mike McPerfect gets hits knees up on a splash. He hits his neckbreaker finish for the win.
Next up is Kaval vs Eli Cottonwood, which gets a tale of the tape. Matthews says it’s a Porche 911 vs a Mac Truck along with other superlatives.
Laycool comes down to ringside with Kaval. Morrison with Cottonwood.
Kaval with kicks. Gets backed up but hits a double kick to the chest and a rolling kick.
Cottonwood throws him to the corner and then stomps him. Bearhug. Rams him into the corner. Chokes. Kaval gets an armbar to the rope. Kick to the chest.
Springbaord kick to the chin. Eli throws him over the top. He lands on the apron. Double stomp to the back of the head. Two count. Front chokeslam by Eli for the win. And the crowd doesn’t mind.
Lucky Cannon promo again. In 2004 he got hit in the back of the head with a lead pipe helping a friend and he talks about the rehab.
Next up is the update about the attack.
Laycool is giving some support to Kaval. Michelle says thrid times the charm. They give him a pink shirt that says property of LayCool and he tries very hard to be polite.
Next we get a replay of the setup for the Rhodes/Cannon match. Striker just wants to put Rhodes smacking him behind him.
I really don’t have anything to say about the replay of the beating. No comment on Vince’s health. AnonGM says these actions will be met with appropriate consequences.
Hucky Harris accompanies Cody to the ring.
Henry accompanies Cannon. Both are wearing the I got Lucky shirt.
Cody on the mike. He says he said Lucky would be lucky to last five minutes with him. So this is a five minute challenge.
Cannon into the corner and Rhodes points at the clock. Armbar. Slaps Lucky. Headlock takeover.
Michael Cole won’t stop praising him. Dropkick to Lucky who roles outside. Punch by Rhodes. Double leg takedown by Cannon. Rhodes grabs a facelock and rolls over. Rhodes with a knee to the side of the head. Elbow to the back of the head.
Rhodes sets up an upside down Gorybreaker. Cannon slips out and gets a rollup. Lucky ducks a punch, hits a flapjack. Kick to the face by rhodes who then runs into a big boot.
Matthews points out he’s doing it to a former tag champ as Cole kept talking about that.
Cannon over the top, Rhodes with a kick to the face. Crossrhodes with 1:02 minutes left.
The rookies now get a chance to talk before the poll next week. Each guy gets 45 seconds.
Alex Riley does a stereotypical jerk jock. Kaval apparently tried to get in WWE ten years ago but was told he was to small. Titus O’Neill had to work just like everyone else in the audience. Always told what he wouldn’t do. But he will make it. McGillicutty possesses no weaknesses and he’s undefeated. And he times his promo PERFECTLY. Cottonwood is the baddest and meanest. He’s patient. He’ll lie in the weeds and hide in the shadows until he can strike with a vengeacnce. But this means nothing because his actions speak louder than his words. Percy Watson likes to have a good time just like the WWE Universe. He’s getting better and better and he’s got two words for us. Oh yeah. Lucky is lucky because he stands on his own two feet and he knows and appreciates everything he has. Hucky Harris doesn’t need 45 seconds. He beats down Striker.
After the worst week in recent iMPACT history (0.5) last Monday, how will the Orlando crew address this on a live to air episode. One thing we can be sure of is that tonight’s episode will be Bubba the Love Sponge free since he got his ass turfed on the weekend for basically… being himself (i.e. total waste of flesh piece of trash). Which “band” member will no show/show up drunk… tonight?
– We kickstart the show with a brief teaser of Hogan and Bischoff in a limo discussing another person coming in and defecting implied from WWE. Tenay and Taz announce that due to feedback, iMPACT will be moving back to Thursday nights. Also, they are adding a new show called TNA Reaction (not sure when this will air, but it sounds like Thursday as well). Hence, admitted failure!
– Nature Boy, Ric Flair’s music hits but it’s Black Machismo, Jay Lethal who comes out. He is not dressed like Randy Savage, rather in a suit and is wearing Flair’s HOF ring. Superstar Billy Graham somewhere feels confirmed in his fairly recent allegations against the fraud the WWE calls a Hall of Fame. And he does a pretty convincing impression (including attacking his jacket).
WOO!
– This is turn brings out Flair and he’s pissed. Lethal apologizes, gives back the ring, and tells Flair that this was something all he’s want to do his whole life… even if for 2 minutes. It’s a pretty endearing little rant, but Flair will have NONE of it. “I’m Ric Flair, I AM WRESTLING!” and slaps him across the face… Lethal slaps back and they go back a forth a bit until Lethal slaps on the figure four. Heels pour out of the back to back up Flair… Abyss and Team 3D clears the ring. Chaos! RVD comes down with a chair and the heels bail. The only bad part about this segment was Flair having his shirt off for most of it…
Yep
– An ad for Deadliest Warrior featuring Jesse James versus Al Capone is tomorrow. And it’s going to be awesome.
-RVD (w/ 3D, Abyss and Lethal) call out Desmond Wolfe, Beer Money!, and AJ Styles to continue the brawl. They do, and I can’t find many non-porn clusterfuck images… so you’ll have to get the idea. This continues for a bit until Hogan makes his way out… Hogan somehow takes out all of the heels with absolutely no moves. Pretty odd.
This ^ is odder…
– We come back, and Hogan more or less books everyone into matches for the night… and since I’ll to those as we suffer through tonight’s episode. Then cut to Sting up in the rafters pacing… more commercials.
– The Beautiful People are in their dressing room applying the pancake and having a bull bitch session about having to defend their titles tonight… eye candy? Yes. Relevant promo? No.
– Doug Williams was stripped of his X Division title (the volcano from last month prevented him to make the last PPV). That was pretty lame on TNA. He lets us know he is still the title holder in his own mind and will face Kazarian at the next PPV event. Him and Kendrick (stoned from the bong rips with RVD earlier) will tag against Shannon Moore and Jesse Neil and their retarded Mohawks… we used to call these types of guys “Punks for a day” in Calgary when going in indie shows back in the early-mid nineties. Punk rock is a mentality, not the way you look. Matt Morgan continues his pluralized reference to himself on commentary.
– In all fairness, this is a fun high spotfest of a match. If you’re like me, this was a highlight of the night. Team Mohawk picks up the win in a far too short match. Samoa Joe comes out post match and takes out both Kendrick and Williams.
Punk for a day!
– Flair and his heel crew meet backstage as Flair tries to “coach” them. Then cut to a Hogan interview about building up the new TNA and whining about Sting going awry. I call this filler. Tenay/Taz + Sting explanation = blah, blah, blah… meh.
– Desmond Wolfe won the fan voting poll for the number one contender shot, which seems about right. Last time I checked, Wolfe and Hardy were both tied for 27% with no one else even close to contending. I guess those internet indie darlings do well when the internet actually gets the opportunity to vote, eh Daniel Bryan? We then cut to Mr. Anderson beating the crap out of your Pope, my Pope… the Pope backstage. Anderson is wearing some fucked up choir boy outfit and takes Dinero’s Pope Glasses and walks off.
I never tire of this picture.
– Anderson makes his way down to address the congregation. As per usual, I will just take in the over-the-top antics that are Ken Anderson. After delivering the gospel in the fashion of a Jim Baker style southern evangelist, the crowd is clearly divided, but loud “We want Pope” chants prevail. This is turn, logically of course, calls for Jeff Hardy whose first retort is “The Congregation and the Creatures of the Night are one and the same.” … … Anderson puts on his WTF epic logic fail face to my own pleasure. This is getting too gothic and emo for my comprehension. Hardy’s challenge to face Anderson is turned down… so Hardy KO’s him and uses his hands to make Anderson’s mouth move like a puppet and accept the challenge at Sacrifice.
AWESOME!
– By the way, after Hardy rips the choir boy outfit off of Anderson, Ken’s trunks say the following on the reverse: “Talk into…” and on the front “…the mic.” I wouldn’t wear these with Orlando Jordan around unless you are REALLY comfortable with your sexuality.
– Like the PatMan, known amongst the inner circles as PatMan of all that is Horny, the Beautiful People are out to defend their Tag and World titles against Sarita, Taylor Wilde, and Tara in an “I Don’t Understand the Stipulations Either” match. “What’s Lacey doing… it’s like the Elaine dance from Seinfeld…”
Good call Taz! AWKWARD…
– The match dissolves fast shortly thereafter allowing for the Beautiful People to retain all of their titles while Tara’s antics take out Sarita and piss off Taylor Wilde. So far, not a lot of action tonight. Hemme addresses the issue with Tara post match… Tara will put her career on the line against Rayne for the title….
– Three way tag match. Team 3D versus Beer Money! versus the Motor City Machine Guns. If there is any justice, the MCMG’s (best tag team out there) will prevail. God hates wrestling fans so…
Charles Barkley@ G: “I’ve got a public speaking function tonight, so I have to skip out on the TNA stuff…
G@ Charles Barkley: “Ok, just let me know when I have to bail you out of jail again…” Click here for stats on celebrities and how many times they’ve been bailed out.
– In what starts out to have potential is ruined quickly… dammit. The “Band” interferes and a DQ is issued. In a turn, Eric Young runs down and appears to have joined the Band by making the Wolfpack gang signs. The MCMG’s pull some awesome double teaming to take out the Band briefly until Beer Money! takes them out. I didn’t see Waltman anywhere out there… so Waltman must be the guy to not show up or show up drunk as I referred to at the start of this retarded review.
– Welcome to the “O Zone” with your sexually ambiguous host Orlando Jordan. Honestly I will try to give this a chance… He brings out Rob Terry as promised last week, in the form of a cardboard cutout. Meh. The real Terry comes out, attacks Jordan, turns his back, Orlando takes him out. Tumbleweeds blow through as nobody is shocked nor cares.
– Monster’s Ball Match (i.e. garbage weapons match) between Styles and Abyss. I’m doing my best to stay awake…. it’s 1 AM here and I worked from 8:30 AM through 11:00 PM today (and did I mention I’ve been drinking?). It’s a pretty decent bout, but for some reason Chelsea comes out to distract? Umm… who? The ruse is used to allow Flair to toss brass knuckles in and allow Styles to use them for a win. And Abyss of course ends up in a pile of tacks as Styles picks up the win. What the point of that was, is beyond me. WEAPONS ARE LEGAL. BRASS KNUCKLES ARE LEGAL. STUPID.
WTF?!?! Weapons are legal!
– Finally, we get RVD versus Desmond Wolfe in what HAS to be our main event. It sure starts off good with some excellent ring action… I’m focusing my typing hands on watching this… ahh crap, another 2 minute match in what could have been epic. Retarded. After RVD picks up the win with the 5 Star Frog Splash, he is attacked by Styles…
– Hogan finds Jarrett beat up backstage… due to Sting. Right, I could give a shit about his heel turn forgot about that.
– Hogan calls out Sting, who comes down to retort… Basically Sting says it’s about Hogan having a “veil of protection” throughout the years and that he loves TNA, blah blah blah. Hogan uses the word “brother” a bunch and pretty much says nothing. Sting cackles, “I’ve always said you’re one of the best chess players of all time […] it’s your move Hulkster.” Hogan throws down the challenge to take his best shot. Jarrett comes down first and attacks Sting with his own bat. Hogan and Jeff argue as Sting gets to his feet…
– The TNA logo comes up, and I’m out.
Charles Barkley@ G: “Ok, I need that bailout G. Hook a brother up honkey!”
G@ Charles Barkley: “Good. I’ve got no time for final thoughts this week anyways…”
