Tag Archive: John Cena

  1. WWE Extreme Rules … with a twist!

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    This is BoredWrestlingFan.com’s review of WWE Extreme Rules. Proudly brought to you by ThinkSoJoe, Legend Killer and Drowgoddess, through the powers of MSN Messenger. The following contains some Coarse language and mentioning of John Cena. Reader Discrection is advised. Also, the following was viewed via a stream. Streams are illegal, and BWF does not recommend viewing WWE PPVs this way. However for us, it works really well.

    Legend Killer: this could be good, if the streams decide to work lol

    ThinkSoJoe: right. The one I’m watching is up and running the pre-show, so I should be good unless WWE snipes it at some point

    Legend Killer: I have one thats died and another that just loves to cut out

    ThinkSoJoe: well, that was weird. the pre-show just ended and my browser crashed. I got it back up though.

    Legend Killer: somehow I see the WWE sniping this like 2 seconds in

    Legend Killer: It contains scenes not suitable for children LOL

    ThinkSoJoe: Well, I guess we’ll find out in about two minutes if you’re right. I love the European disclaimer at the start of the shows over there

    ThinkSoJoe: Kofi Kingston is out first – breaking the age old wrestling tradition that says the champion comes out last

    ThinkSoJoe: This match could do well as just Kingston vs. MVP in a rematch from Monday. Luckily Matt Hardy and William Regal are pretty good wrestlers in their own right and will probably add to the match quality rather than take away from it

    ThinkSoJoe: Matt Hardy’s trying to steal a win, but Kingston is holding his own

    ThinkSoJoe: Regal caught Kofi out of the Trouble in Paradise, tossed him into Hardy – Kofi got a two on the move

    ThinkSoJoe: Trouble in Paradise on Regal – Kingston retains!

    Legend Killer: that was predicted, you dont normally change a title twice in a week

    ThinkSoJoe: I’m 1 for 1 so far tonight in my predictions from my column from yesterday

    Legend Killer: I made my predictions in the forum at WWI

    ThinkSoJoe: Josh Matthews is special. He gets to be on RAW and ECW for some reason

    Legend Killer: maybe because he finished third in Tough Enough?

    ThinkSoJoe: Big Show has his own bus. He’s planning on doing worse to Cena than what he did at Backlash.

    ThinkSoJoe: shhh… don’t tell anybody – Rey lost his mask in WCW

    Legend Killer: maybe Big Show thinks he’s DX?

    Legend Killer: or the new Lex Luger?

    Legend Killer: is it just me, or is Jericho getting as big as JBL?

    ThinkSoJoe: he’s definitely put on a bit of weight

    Legend Killer: it looks like he could eat the Filthy Animal

    ThinkSoJoe: Even with his added girth, Jericho’s still a hell of a wrestler

    Legend Killer: I cannot agree more

    ThinkSoJoe: nice counter there by Jericho, catching Rey out of a low dropkick into a Walls of Jericho attempt

    Legend Killer: oh no shit JR, the first time the IC Title has been defended at Extreme Rules

    Legend Killer: probably because this is the first Extreme Rules PPV, do we really think we’re that stupid?

    ThinkSoJoe: finally, we’re getting down to the no holds barred stuff. sort of. I don’t think the plastic top piece of the table is really going to make a difference.

    ThinkSoJoe: I just saw WCW Rey Mysterio!

    Legend Killer: without the mask?

    Legend Killer: They dont want Mysterio to look 6

    ThinkSoJoe: indeed, Jericho had it pulled up, Rey’s face was on camera.

    ThinkSoJoe: interesting note is that Jericho mentions in his book “A Lion’s Tale” that the first time he met Mysterio, he thought he was a 12 year old kid.

    Legend Killer: thats because he really is 12

    ThinkSoJoe: Rey’s call got disconnected – nice backbreaker by Jericho

    Legend Killer: they just say he’s older so he can drink

    Legend Killer: Why do I see Rey winning?

    ThinkSoJoe: Jericho once again hits the Codebreaker out of nowhere

    Legend Killer:oh look, 619 got countered! HA!

    ThinkSoJoe: Finally, some plunder – Jericho’s got a chair

    Legend Killer: I’ve somewhat enjoyed this match

    ThinkSoJoe: Rey Rey goes Raven with the drop toe hold onto the chair

    ThinkSoJoe: WALLS OF JERICHO out of nowhere! But a nice counter by Mysterio with the chair!

    Legend Killer: I was gonna say, that chair seems comviently placed doesnt it

    ThinkSoJoe: Jericho got the mask! And the Intercontinental Championship for the 9th time!

    Legend Killer: look at his small, small head

    ThinkSoJoe: Jericho should start collecting trophies from his opponents like he did in WCW

    ThinkSoJoe: in fact, bring back the WCW trophies, such as Juventud Guerrera’s mask and whatnot

    Legend Killer: it wouldnt surprise me if they re-hashed old gimmicks for Jericho

    ThinkSoJoe: they’re not really going to do the WWE Championship match this early, are they?

    Legend Killer: is Batista/Randy next?

    ThinkSoJoe: well, I did see Josh Matthews standing by with Batista, so maybe they’re just re-living what happened on Monday for the fun of it

    ThinkSoJoe: Batista wants Orton to get ready for a long road of pain and suffering.

    Legend Killer: or because they have to kill time

    ThinkSoJoe: Samoan Strap match is next. Complete with a real live Samoan

    ThinkSoJoe: According to JR, Umaga was not born on the Bayou. Thank you for pointing that out there, Jimmy.

    Legend Killer: He’s been the king of the obvious tonight has Good Ol’ JR

    ThinkSoJoe: shouldn’t the arms be crossed on CM Punk’s shirt? I mean, it’s a cool shirt and all, but when does he just put his arms like that?

    ThinkSoJoe: notice they never show the part where Umaga actually challenged Punk to a strap match in plain English?

    ThinkSoJoe: I think this is the first time the announcers have actually pointed out that you have to be dragging your opponent by the strap when you touch the turnbuckles in these kind of matches. I was wondering why the faster guys never just tried to run around the ring touching the turnbuckles as soon as the bell rings

    ThinkSoJoe: a sign of the dumbing down of humanity – there’s actually a score graphic to illustrate if a corner has been touched, despite the fact that you have to touch all four uninterrupted. There’s only four corners, it’s not that hard to keep up, people.

    Legend Killer: they are dumbiying this down for children remember

    ThinkSoJoe: ah, the old PG rating

    Legend Killer: people like us who have a fully developed brain can understand

    ThinkSoJoe: but still, my four year old can count to four, I don’t know how hard it is to figure out

    Legend Killer: but those who the WWE are targeting as their fanbase, they have to explain everything to them

    ThinkSoJoe: I suppose those who found RAW at the Staples Center a couple weeks ago entertaining would probably need to have this concept visually explained to them

    Legend Killer: they’re probably wondering what the red and green lights mean

    Legend Killer: for us well minded people, JBL beat Eddie Guerrero in a similar match for the WWE Championship at the first WWE version of the Great American Bash

    ThinkSoJoe: Umaga showcases his strength with that pull of the strap

    ThinkSoJoe: GO TO SLEEP! and Punk falls conveniently back into the fourth corner and picks up the win!

    ThinkSoJoe: now maybe Punk can go on to other things, like using the MiTB briefcase again

    Legend Killer: I forgot he had that until it said at the start

    ThinkSoJoe: well there it is. He’s confusing it for a hat

    ThinkSoJoe: Gregory Helms standing by with Captain Charisma. WASSUPWITDAT?!?

    ThinkSoJoe: Dreamer seems confident. Hey look, it’s Jack Thhhhhhwagger

    Legend Killer: it’s Dusty Rhodes!!!… I mean Jack Swagger!

    ThinkSoJoe: Ah Tony Chimel. I remember when you got to work more than one match at a PPV

    ThinkSoJoe: Christian’s got a 33% chance of leaving with his championship – but it’s “hardcore rules,” which completely benefits Tommy Dreamer

    ThinkSoJoe: and once again, the Champion is out first for the title match

    Legend Killer: although Jericho came out first, so it-s 1 and 1 in that count

    ThinkSoJoe: You are correct, sir

    ThinkSoJoe: ECW Chants – I bet Vince can’t wait to get rid of Dreamer, which will probably kill that chant off in WWE once and for all

    Legend Killer: the ECW chant will never die

    Legend Killer: it’s like Matt Hardy

    ThinkSoJoe: Tommy and Christian bringing the Extreme

    ThinkSoJoe: Tommy needs to hit people with random things again, not just the usual crap

    ThinkSoJoe: I remember in ECW he hit a guy with a Nintendo

    ThinkSoJoe: Christian did the Tree of Woe dropkick – that’s gimmick infringement!

    Legend Killer: Jack Swagger is gimmick infringement of Dusty Rhodes.

    Legend Killer: is Dreamer and Christian carrying this match?

    ThinkSoJoe: THhhhhwagger’s gotten a bit of offense in so far

    ThinkSoJoe: but indeed it’s mostly Christian and Dreamer

    Legend Killer: which doesnt surprise me

    ThinkSoJoe: Tower of Doom by Christian, Dreamer crashes into the trash cans and Swagger to the mat

    Legend Killer: that move is unique to WWE, yet TNA seem to do it every PPV

    ThinkSoJoe: I used to see it in NSPW before I ever saw it on TV

    ThinkSoJoe: In fact, I think Eric Young was the first one I saw do the move

    ThinkSoJoe: DREAMER WINS! DREAMER WINS!

    ThinkSoJoe: Did Striker just say Dreamer’s real name on the show?

    Legend Killer: I missed it

    ThinkSoJoe: Dreamer picked it up with a crutch shot and DDT to Thhhwagger

    Legend Killer: I just caught the replay, notice how Christian didnt get pinned

    ThinkSoJoe: yup

    Legend Killer: we are 1 hour and 17 minutes into the PPV, and already four matches are won and done

    ThinkSoJoe: and two titles have changed hands
    and I’m currently two for four

    Legend Killer: I’m three for four

    ThinkSoJoe: Chavo just got popped in the snout by Aunt Vickie

    Legend Killer: the winner will join Henry Godwinn as the only winners of a Hog Pen match

    ThinkSoJoe: Jerry Lawler is standing by a bunch of pigs. And I don’t mean the Jerry Lawler type of pig, I mean like real pigs
    did he say “without further doo doo?” Is John Cena scripting Jerry Lawler’s promos?

    Legend Killer: I thought for a second it was Billy and Chuck

    ThinkSoJoe: You asked about three minute warning earlier, well, you know what happened to Rico’s theme music.

    Legend Killer: I bet we can reviews this match without needing to watch it
    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    Legend Killer: oh look, Lieutenant Loco is taking the place of Vickie

    ThinkSoJoe: I wonder if Corporal Cajun will make a triumphant return to help out tonight – they are in Louisiana

    Legend Killer: Doesnt the Cajun do cartoons for a wrestling magazine?

    ThinkSoJoe: As a matter of fact, he does for PWI

    Legend Killer: I thought so

    ThinkSoJoe: Vickie’s been slopped.

    Legend Killer: Cole’s impersonation of JR. Slop! Slop! Slop!

    ThinkSoJoe: Vickie did the J.O.B.

    Legend Killer: Goldust has turretts again

    ThinkSoJoe: Goldust needs expense reports signed – and still has turrets

    ThinkSoJoe: no, Chavo, I’m laughing at you

    ThinkSoJoe: EDGE!

    Legend Killer: they’re not even married are they?

    ThinkSoJoe: Edge calling for the divorce. First Jeff Hardy, then the marriage
    Not a good night to be the GM of RAW

    Legend Killer: here comes the Cage!!

    ThinkSoJoe: Speaking of RAW…

    ThinkSoJoe: be interesting to see which superstar is out first

    …and it’s the Champ

    Legend Killer: 1 and 2 for champs out first

    ThinkSoJoe: so that’s three out of four title matches tonight where the Champion has come out first – tradition be damned, it’s Extreme!

    Legend Killer: but Kofi’s the only one to retain

    ThinkSoJoe: So far. This and the World Heavyweight Championship to go for title matches

    ThinkSoJoe: John Cena vs. The Big Show is still to come as well

    Legend Killer: wheres Triple H?

    ThinkSoJoe: “injured”

    Legend Killer: isnt it about time he returns?

    ThinkSoJoe: he was kicked in the head at Backlash, which was in April, so given the timetable for a return from the Randy Orton Mega Final – whatever G-Bag calls it is about 4 months, so since we’re talking about The Game, probably soon

    Legend Killer: he is the Super-Being Triple H after all

    Drowgoddess: I’m in!
    Like Flynn!

    ThinkSoJoe: LK and I were just discussing the timetable for a Triple H return from his “injury”

    DrowGoddess: A Randy Orton Super Mega Kick of Final Ultimate Death
    I see.

    Legend Killer: it only took Vince like a month to come back didnt it?

    ThinkSoJoe: He got kicked in the head before the Royal Rumble in January and came back after WrestleMania in April, so three months
    (LK EDIT: Vince McMahon was back the RAW before Wrestlemania.)

    Drowgoddess: But he was, of course, superhuman.

    ThinkSoJoe: well, of course. He’s the boss.

    Drowgoddess: How much more superhuman than Vince is Trips supposed to be?

    ThinkSoJoe: He’s not – Vince came back from torn quads faster than Triple H did

    Drowgoddess: Didn’t Vince tear two and Trips just one?

    ThinkSoJoe: indeed

    Drowgoddess: Ok, let me rephrase. Trips is Vince’s representative on Earth, and therefore cannot compete with his power, but is the next closest thing.

    ThinkSoJoe: that sounds about right.

    Drowgoddess: Who thinks the Batista chants are “helped?”
    Of course, he may actually be that popular.
    What do I know of such things?

    ThinkSoJoe: Batista recently lost a cage match to Jericho – and Monday on RAW defeated Cody Rhodes in a cage by pinfall instead of climbing out of the cage. Then he didn’t climb in to help Ric Flair. Perhaps Batista’s been rendered incapable of physically climbing the cage?

    Drowgoddess: Between nailing Divas like his name was Bob Vila and “medicating,” would you be shocked that he can’t?

    ThinkSoJoe: As far as Batista’s popularity, I’ve been at WWE shows with Batista chants, but the one I attended recently wasn’t one of them

    Drowgoddess: I remember when Randy ORton had reversals for everything.

    Drowgoddess: My friend Arthur was playing an e-fed character called “The Pinfall Wizard” Michael merlin (from the mean streets of suburban Delaware), and he thought that Orton was the exact wrestling style that his character would have.

    ThinkSoJoe: Chris Jericho is the one who does that now. Hell, he reversed a 619 into stealing Mysterio’s mask and rolling him up for a pin earlier in the night.

    ThinkSoJoe: Holy shit – Batista won?

    Drowgoddess: BULLSHIT!!!

    Legend Killer: Oh FUCK no

    ThinkSoJoe: WHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?
    As if RAW didn’t suck bad enough as it was

    Drowgoddess: What the fuck was that???

    Legend Killer: he must’ve ‘polished off’ Triple H

    ThinkSoJoe: look – he’s climbing the ropes but not even bothering to climb up the cage to show off the belt

    Legend Killer: thats because he cant

    Drowgoddess: What a shit match for a world title change, regardless of the outcome. And the outcome is proof that there is no god.

    ThinkSoJoe: I absolutely have to agree with you on that one, Drow

    ThinkSoJoe: Hopefully this means Edge is going over

    ThinkSoJoe: Hell, they have to have The Big Show go over Cena too to make up for this shit

    Legend Killer: If Edge doesnt win, I’m rioting

    Drowgoddess: A one-man Aussie riot. I’d pay to see that. Moreso than this show.

    Legend Killer: mand I’m starting with PenisMan himself, Batista

    Drowgoddess: It’s at times like this that I feel TNA gets a disproportionate share of shit from people.

    ThinkSoJoe:You can’t lose a step if you never had it, Cena!

    ThinkSoJoe: Which means I’m probably stuck watching John Cena and The Big Show pretend they know how to properly apply submission holds

    Legend Killer: oh wait, I’m back

    Drowgoddess: And better than ever…

    ThinkSoJoe: got a knack for making things better?

    Legend Killer: I’m surprised their not showing footage from 2004 and WM

    Legend Killer: face facts, cause your opinion dont matter

    ThinkSoJoe: my official prediction for this match on BWF yesterday was that I’m going to fall asleep.

    Legend Killer: my predcition is Cena, because Cena secretly wears the Yellow and Red

    ThinkSoJoe: The only thing that could save this match is the ghost of he-who-shall-remain-nameless coming back and making them both tap in a total of 5 seconds. Or killing them

    ThinkSoJoe: I did wind up saying Cena would win

    Legend Killer: theres no pillows or kettle cords, so theres no chance of that happening

    Drowgoddess: I’d rather see Benoit kill them both than watch this match.

    ThinkSoJoe: The set for this PPV is a giant X. That’s almost as good of a set as the inVasion set with it’s giant V

    ThinkSoJoe: wtf. There wasn’t a PPV in March, but since WrestleMania, there’s been a WWE PPV every three weeks.

    Drowgoddess: Ooo! Maybe Bryan Danielson is stopping by to see Regal, and he hits the ring to show those bitches what real submission wrestling is all about!

    Drowgoddess: It’s what Jesus would do.
    You know you want it.

    ThinkSoJoe: I’ve never wanted to see Kurt Angle make a run-in any more than I do right now.

    Drowgoddess: Ok, yeah, but I like my idea better.

    Drowgoddess: Is it a submission if Big SHow sits on your chest?

    ThinkSoJoe: I guess you get what you pay for – or in this case, don’t pay for

    Drowgoddess: Ah, back on.
    Not that that’s a good thing.

    ThinkSoJoe: *disclaimer: BoredWrestlingFan.com and it’s staff do not endorse streaming PPV feeds*

    Legend Killer: *disclaimer* However, the staff member who writes columns on Wednesdays endorses not paying for a WWE Pay Per View*

    Drowgoddess: *disclaimer* The Executive Shareholder endorses ppvs not being mind-numbingly shit-tacular, regardless of company.

    ThinkSoJoe: I figure if I say we don’t endores streaming the PPVs then it’s less damaging if WWE reads this review and decides “hey, these guys are telling people that it’s possible to watch our completely unnecessary and shitty PPVs for free on the internet”

    Drowgoddess: Good point.

    ThinkSoJoe: especially since I’d be the one getting the letter from their attorney

    Drowgoddess: That’s why you’re the boss.

    Drowgoddess: But hey, we’d be proving Vince’s assertion that fans watch the show together, instead of each person buying it separately.
    🙂

    ThinkSoJoe: and if WWE legal are reading this, Hi, Mr. McDevitt!

    Drowgoddess: I’m glad Big Show is enjoying something about this. Someone should, it sure as hell isn’t us.
    Jerry! Wassup, man!

    ThinkSoJoe: of course, if anybody from WWE were actually reading this, they’d know that real fans hate John Cena and Batista

    Legend Killer: if WWE were watching, they’d have shut BWF down due to my links in my columns

    Drowgoddess: The man has a point.

    ThinkSoJoe: this is true

    Legend Killer: how can this match go longer than anything else so far?

    Drowgoddess: Your links are patently offensive.

    ThinkSoJoe: This match isn’t over yet?

    Drowgoddess: Slow, lumbering plodding takes time.

    Legend Killer: my links also dont lead to what I hint them to

    ThinkSoJoe: the longer this crap goes, the shorter the ladder match that everybody actually wants to watch will be

    Drowgoddess: Therein lies the beauty of them.

    ThinkSoJoe: I hate leaving comments about the links in your articles, LK, for the sheer fact that I don’t want to spoil them for anybody who reads the comments first for some reason

    Drowgoddess: You know, at “Tag Wars 2008,” ROH had a tag match between AOTF (Black and Jacobs) and the MCMG. It really ended up being a submissions match between Alex Shelley’s Border City Stretch and Jimmy Jacobs’s End Times. THAT was a fantastic submissions match. I wish I were watching that match right now.

    Drowgoddess: Sorry, I waxed nostalgic for actual submission wrestling done by people who, you know, can actually do it.
    In case WWE reads this.
    😛

    ThinkSoJoe: every time I see a submission match between two guys who suck at submission holds, I really miss Kurt Angle and you-know-who. Their ultimate submission match was just pure awesome

    ThinkSoJoe: hooray for using the attitude adjustment in a submission match.

    ThinkSoJoe: goodnight, Cena

    Drowgoddess: I don’t mean to sound rude, because you ARE the man, but why do you call him you-know-who? This isn’t “Harry Potter,” and I don’t see the point in not saying his name when everyone knows who he was.

    ThinkSoJoe: “if Cena can’t answer the count, this one’s over”
    when did this become a last man standing match?

    Drowgoddess: You’re totally right about the match, though. A thing of beauty, it was.

    Drowgoddess: Don’t get me wrong, I’m not stepping on your right to call it as you see it, I just honestly want to know from someone who isn’t twelve or retarded. Or both.

    Drowgoddess: BULLSHIT!!!!

    Drowgoddess: Sure, we could all see it coming, but I cry BULLSHIT!!!

    ThinkSoJoe: bullshit or not, it’s thankfully over.

    Drowgoddess: Indeed.
    My soul hurts.

    ThinkSoJoe: for the record – no problem with mentioning Benoit by name, just habit after two years.

    Drowgoddess: Ok.
    The best announcers ever could not make this match work.
    The only thing extreme about that match was my desire to gouge out my own eyes with a plastic fork.

    ThinkSoJoe: PPVs have to end by – I think – 10:57, so with intro video and entrances, we’re looking at no more than 30 minutes for this one

    Drowgoddess: They can make it work. They’re both good enough.

    Legend Killer: I thought they had to end 10 minutes before

    ThinkSoJoe: it’s either 10:53 or 10:57
    I’m not entirely positive
    and that’s here in the States, so I don’t know if it’s earlier on that side of the pond

    Drowgoddess: Either way, WWE isn’t know for filling the entire time.

    ThinkSoJoe: JR mentions Bob Vila just about an hour after Drowgoddess mentions him in our conversation here. Is JR spying on us?

    Legend Killer: Thats not good

    Drowgoddess: But does JR have a webcam?

    ThinkSoJoe: Once again, the Champion makes his way out first

    Drowgoddess: If we can’t be personally identified, nothing can be proven.
    Anyone could have sat here and typed.

    Legend Killer: I just realized, I have to somehow edit this (LK EDIT: The edit is what you’re reading right now :D)

    Drowgoddess: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Legend Killer: and turn it into something readable

    ThinkSoJoe: yup. You sure do

    Drowgoddess: SOrry, that was rude of me.
    Drink up, then!

    Legend Killer: and the Vampiro fans go wild

    Drowgoddess: Are there any left?

    ThinkSoJoe: I’m still a fan of Vampiro

    Legend Killer: I thought they were gonna call him the Charismatic Enigma

    ThinkSoJoe: They’ve been calling him the unique enigma. I’m sure if you search for Charismatic Enigma you’ll eventually find the DVD that TNA put out on him

    Drowgoddess: I liked Vampiro back in the day. He’s honestly been off my radar. I watch him every now and then on the luche libre show on Galavision.

    Legend Killer: I believe they’re still selling that DVD on shoptna.com

    Drowgoddess: Unique enigma is even dumber than the original name.

    Legend Killer: its better than the ‘Rainbow Warrior’

    Drowgoddess: Granted.

    ThinkSoJoe: http://shoptna.com/enigma-the-best-of-jeff-hardy.aspx

    Drowgoddess: Yup.

    Legend Killer: these two are the best in ladder matches *cough*Shawn Michaels*cough*

    Drowgoddess: I’ll give Michaels credit where it’s due, but even things that the great and powerful Michaels has done can be improved upon.

    Legend Killer: I’m finding it funny that Todd Grisham is trying to tell us that this is the first Ladder match Jeff Hardy and Edge have competed in

    ThinkSoJoe: these guys get the credit though because they took the standard that Shawn Michaels set and, as Drow said, improved on it

    Drowgoddess: Perhaps he means against each other, one on one. Or perhaps he’s retarded.

    ThinkSoJoe: I’m sure he meant it’s the first singles ladder match between the two

    Drowgoddess: YEs. What he said.
    🙂

    Legend Killer: I agree. Todd Grisham is retarded

    Legend Killer: Edge meet Ladder. Ladder meet Edge

    ThinkSoJoe: and now, Mr. Ladder, let me introduce you to Jeff Hardy

    Drowgoddess: Now that we all know each other….

    Legend Killer: Those ladders will not give, yet that ladder is bent up all out of shape

    Drowgoddess: Shhh!

    ThinkSoJoe: that ladder must’ve been in the clearance aisle at the home depot
    it was a factory defect

    Drowgoddess: This show is a factory defect.
    Todd Grisham is a factory defect.

    Legend Killer: Factory defect? I thought all ladders were meant to have a guy like Hardy fall on them
    WWE Extreme Rules is a Factory Defect

    ThinkSoJoe: how much do you think the annual ladder budget is for WWE?

    Drowgoddess: What’s the entirity of the Gross National Product of Sweden?

    Legend Killer: thats probably why Jeff Hardy wont re-sign, they’re taking the Ladders out of his paycheck

    Drowgoddess: LOL

    ThinkSoJoe: best submission hold I’ve seen all night – and there was a submission match on the card!

    Drowgoddess: Two of the best wrestlers all night.

    Legend Killer: I still dont know how a Submission match is ‘Extreme’
    It’s about as extreme as a ‘Judy Bagwell on a Pole’ match

    Drowgoddess: It would have been if Angle and Danielson and Low Ki were doing it.
    Or Samoa Joe from 2004-06.

    ThinkSoJoe: the fatal four way “stipulation” was more extreme than that submission match

    Legend Killer: or these two circa 2001
    reviewing Extreme Rules the way we have, is more extreme than a Submission match

    Drowgoddess: Playing around with my dogs is more extreme than that submission match.

    Legend Killer: getting up of a morning is more extreme than a Submission match

    Drowgoddess: A working ladder. As opposed to the white-collar variety.

    ThinkSoJoe: I’m getting ready for work right now – and THAT’S more extreme than a submission match

    Legend Killer: why doesn’t Jeff just knock the title down with the Ladder?

    Drowgoddess: Look at the size of that ladder! Could Todd Grisham be much more homoerotic?

    ThinkSoJoe: he does know he’s nowhere near the belt, right?

    Legend Killer: I wanted to see Jeff’s legs stretch like a Stretch Armstrong

    ThinkSoJoe: oh shit, that was a slick move by Hardy. Kid’s got more guts than brains, but that was a smart move right there

    Drowgoddess: Edge’s move was likewise smart.

    ThinkSoJoe: Hardy, for those reading the conversation instead of watching the match, tipped a very tall ladder in the corner forward and kind of fell on the belt. Edge sprang up and pulled him down off the title

    Legend Killer: Why wouldnt someone else not in the match, think of climbing up the ladder whilst these two are outside, and grab the title?

    ThinkSoJoe: because it wouldn’t count. Unless you’re CM Punk.

    Legend Killer: Why wouldnt it count? You could claim to be World Champion
    much like if you did it at Wrestlemania in MiTB

    Drowgoddess: You could claim to be Emperor of Rome, and if you aren’t booked in the match, it won’t count.

    ThinkSoJoe: this isn’t TNA where you can just steal something and then defend it at will

    Drowgoddess: Oh, snap!

    Legend Killer: or WCW where you can find a title in the rubbish and claim it as your own

    Drowgoddess: But that’s just the American Way!

    ThinkSoJoe: well, to be fair, WWE did something similar when Mideon found the European Championship in Shane’s bag

    Drowgoddess: But that was kind of funny.
    Kind of.

    Legend Killer: It could have been Naked Mideon?

    Legend Killer: I wonder do they realize that their not gonna reach the title from there?

    ThinkSoJoe: shades of WrestleMania 23

    Legend Killer: will those Ladders give now JR?

    Drowgoddess: Jeebus, that looked like it hurt a LOT.

    Drowgoddess: Can they talk about impact on WWE programming?

    ThinkSoJoe: after that fall through a ladder, they’re back in the ring and trying to climb for the title? Somebody should do an article on the art of selling.

    ThinkSoJoe: Oh wait

    Legend Killer: is that a ref bump in a Ladder match?

    ThinkSoJoe: Twist of Fate out of a midair spear!

    Drowgoddess: That’s a great idea, someone should.
    Wow!!!

    Legend Killer: That was impressive

    Legend Killer: We ready for the post PPV show Drow?

    Drowgoddess: Huh?

    Legend Killer: may as well do a post-PPV show considering we’re here

    Drowgoddess: Ok.

    ThinkSoJoe: Hardy just tied Edge up in the ladder…. NEW CHAMPION!

    Legend Killer: Oh FUCK no

    ThinkSoJoe: Well, my predictions all sucked for tonight

    Drowgoddess: Your predictions weren’t the only thing.

    Legend Killer: I enjoyed Mysterio and Jericho for some reason

    ThinkSoJoe: this show certainly isn’t going to be the breeding ground for any MOTY conversations, but I have to agree that Mysterio and Jericho wasn’t terrible

    ThinkSoJoe: Show’s not over yet folks…

    Legend Killer: CM Punk!!

    ThinkSoJoe: IT’S CM PUNK!!!

    Drowgoddess: So we have Kofi as IC champ, Batista as one world champ and Jeff HArdy as the other.

    ThinkSoJoe: LET’S GO PUNK!!

    Legend Killer: this is what happens when you dont sign new deals Jeff

    ThinkSoJoe: GTS! NEW CHAMPION – WHAT?!

    ThinkSoJoe: Hardy Kicked Out!

    ThinkSoJoe: Hardy gets two!

    ThinkSoJoe: this PPV just got exciting

    Legend Killer: things just got exciting all of a sudden

    ThinkSoJoe: GTS #2

    Drowgoddess: I want Punk to win, but I don’t see it.

    ThinkSoJoe: 1, 2, 3 NEW CHAMPION!!

    Drowgoddess: YES!!!!!!!!
    Sweet mother of god, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Legend Killer: Two NEW Champions in the space of three minutes

    ThinkSoJoe: Finally, something good on this PPV

    Drowgoddess: CM Punk ruined nothing, JR!

    ThinkSoJoe: CM Punk is your New World’s Heavyweight Champion!

    Legend Killer: at least they know how to end things with a BANG!

    ThinkSoJoe: OMG what an end to a pretty weak show

    ThinkSoJoe: Hardy winning would’ve been enough, really, but Punk taking it makes it even better

    Legend Killer: it kinda makes it worthwhile in a sense

    Drowgoddess: Too bad Punk isn’t supposed to turn heel. As popular as HArdy is, it would be a g reat time.

    ThinkSoJoe: I’ve got to get out of here guys

    Drowgoddess: Awww.
    Bye, then, Joe!

    ThinkSoJoe: Later

    Legend Killer: Joe leaves for work, now stay tuned for the post-PPV show

  2. WWE Superstars

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    Hey everybody. Welcome to another catch-phrase filled review of WWE Superstars.  Ain’t no stoppin’ me now….

    Match number 1: the World’s Greatest Tag Team against the team that “spits in the face of people who don’t want to be cool,” Primo and Carlito.

    Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo,yo,…..yo,….yo,….yo,….YO!  During the match, Cryme Time makes an appearence to distract the WGTT.  Carlito hits a springboard flip into a backstabber.  The San Juan Southpaw gets the win for the Colons.  Now that’s cool.  This was a good tag match.  It looks like WWE is seemingly rebuilding the tag division.  This match gets a 8 out of 10

    Match number 2: The two time, two time All-American American Jack Thwagger against Finlay

    On his way to the ring, Swagger does his monkey walk.  I find it really weird.  His name may be Finlay and he may love to fight, but he got dominated in this one.  Swagger gets the win with his gutwrench powerbomb.  This short match gets a 5 out of 10.  It didn’t present enough for anything more. 

    The main event: The Champ is (not) here for this one.  John Cena against The Million Dollar Man……errrrrr…..I mean the Million Dollar Man’s son, Ted DiBiase.  Oh well….Everybody’s got a price and everybody’s gonna pay! 

    Word Life against the Priceless one.  This is definitely a future main event fued.  John Cena gets the win in this match with the STFU.   This match was decent for a Cena match.  The guy has gotten better and is no longer torture to watch in the ring.  This match gets a 7 out of 10.

    The show was ok.  The show was definitely not The Miz, so it was not awesome.  I am however, because that’s how I roll!  Peace out PEEPS!!!

  3. Wednesday, Wednesday, Happy Days. Wednesday, Wednesday, Happy Days.

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    Wednesday. The only day in the week where there is zero wrestling on your TV. Monday Nights are RAW, Tuesdays have ECW. Thursdays make an iMPACT. Friday nights have SmackDown! Saturday Nights are ROH and Sundays are for Pay-Per-View. Where does that leave Wednesday? Luckily, at BoredWrestlingFan, yours truly has completed your weekly wrestling fix.

    WWE Judgment Day

    Judgment Day is this Sunday according to WWE programming. Didnt they just have a PPV last month? Anyways, it’s time to sort out just who will win. But first, check out the awesome video for the PPV!

    CM Punk vs Umaga

    Remember what I said last month about CM Punk’s match at Backlash and how he only gets matches because the WWE thinks the fans want to see him? This is another one of those matches. This match means absolutely nothing to anyone, except for Umaga, because he’s actually getting used on a PPV. Punk win, just because the event is held in his hometown of Chicago. I have nothing more to say about this, because I dont care.

    Rey Mysterio vs Chris Jericho – Intercontinental Championship

    Promo Video

    Tough one. Submission match. Crossface vs Walls of Jericho. Can Jericho win the IC belt from Benoit, or will Benoit retain? I’m gonna say Benoit, but it’s tough for me to decide either way … wait … it’s not Benoit in the match, it’s Rey Mysterio vs Jericho? The IC title’s on the line. What is this? The year 2000? Jericho wins. Someone boot that little Mexican back over the border where he belongs. Oh, and I hope het gets swine flu.

    Christian vs Jack Swagger – ECW Championship

    Christian wins. I suppose I’d better add something else here. Here we go, the greatest RAW match of all time according to yours truly. Part One.

    John Cena vs the Big Show

    Like I said in last week’s column. John Cena needs to learn to sell injures a lot more. He was thrown into a spotlight by the Show at Backlash and this past week, he was in a match against the Miz. 15 Days after being thrown in a spotlight, John Cena wrestled. That is just ridiculous. However, I’ve seen  this match before. Infact, it happened at a Judgment Day, several years ago …

    Shane McMahon John Cena vs Big Show

    Edge vs Jeff Hardy – World Heavyweight Championship

    Been here. Seen it before. See? StingEdge vs Vampiro

    Randy Orton vs Batista – WWE Championship

    This past week on RAW, Batista refused the chance to join a group including Randy Orton. I dont see why he refused,  I mean, it wouldnt be the first time Batista has joined in the same group as Randy Orton. Maybe Randy should’ve offered 100,000 as well.

    Two former Evolution members go head to head with the gold on the line. Both were World Champion during Evolution. Both beat Triple H for their first title reigns. Batista has a penis for a head and Randy Orton has a penis for a stablemate, as well as Ted DiBiase. Randy wins, but let’s just hope that this match doesnt go the same way as this one

    and now, here’s Part Two!

    TNA

    They have a PPV coming up too, it’s called Sacrifice and the main event is for the TNA Title. Champion Mick Foley defends against Kurt Angle and Sting, in a match that is sure to push the young talent that TNA say they are doing.

    However, each man must Sacrifice something in order to compete and if they get pinned, then they lose what they sacrifice to the person that pinned them. Sounds simple, doesnt it? I know, a real shocker coming from TNA. So, your question now is, just what exactly is everyone Sacrifing? Well, let me tell you …

    If they lose …

    If Mick Foley gets pinned, he loses the TNA Heavyweight Title
    If Kurt Angle gets pinned, he gives up leadership of The Main Event Mafia
    If Sting gets pinned, he has vowed to never wrestle again

    Also on the card, is as follows:

    I-QUIT MATCH FOR THE TNA LEGENDS CHAMPIONSHIP
    Booker T vs. “The Phenomenal” AJ Styles

    Who cares? I believe AJ became Champ, so he could be the first TNA Grand Slam Champion.
    TNA KNOCKOUT WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP
    Champion Angelina Love vs. Awesome Kong

    I hope Kong eats her. I really do. Cannibalism on PPV will make me want to watch TNA more.

    MAIN EVENT MAFIA VS. TNA FRONTLINE
    Kevin Nash vs. Samoa Joe

    The teacher versus the student. Remember when Nash mentored Joe? Big Kev mustn’t be a good tutor, because Joe has found himself a new tutor. Speaking of this match, Scott Hall won’t be getting involved, let Joe tell you.

    THE FIRST-EVER KNOCKOUTS MONSTER’S BALL
    Check back for the complete lineup

    THE FINALS OF THE TEAM 3D TOURNAMENT

    The winners get a shot at the TNA World Tag Team Title *cough* Beer Money win *cough*

    Well, thats it. Stay tuned next week, when I, will hopefully provide not only my weekly Wednesday column, but also, a special May 19th column, in honour of Kane.

  4. Backlash thoughts

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    Holy crap, there was a WWE Pay Per View last night, wasn’t there?  I haven’t seen more than 5 minutes of it (by time I sat down to watch it, I was exhausted), so I’m going to wing this.  Here we go!

    Christian def. Jack Swagger to become the new ECW Champion.  Captain Charisma has finally won a World Championship – nevermind the fact that he’s, y’know, a two time NWA World Heavyweight Champion.

    Chris Jericho def. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat as if you couldn’t guess.  Another accolade to add to Jericho’s Hall of Fame resume.

    Kane def. CM Punk for some reason.  The Money in the Bank briefcase wasn’t on the line, so um, yeah.

    Jeff Hardy def. Matt Hardy in an “I quit” match that I’ve been told was WrestleCrap worthy and had a lackluster finish.  You’d think after all the time they’d been wrestling together they’d be able to put on a show stealer.

    Santina can’t kiss Khali because she’s in love with Jim Ross.  Yup.

    Santina Marella def. Beth Phoenix in an impromptu match for the title of Miss WrestleMania.  I love Santino Marella’s character, but this angle must die.

    Legacy def. Triple H, Shane McMahon, and Batista making Randy Orton the new WWE Champion – and all is right with the world.  Well, except for the fact that for the moment, John Cena is the World Heavyweight Champion.  Speaking of…

    Edge def. John Cena in a Last Man Standing match to become the new World Heavyweight Champion!  Now all is right with the world!

    RAW coverage will be up later tonight, probably in the same format as last week, so stay tuned.  Meanwhile, that other wrestling website’s owner must see that BWF is gaining a huge amount of popularity, because he decided to step up his game and do a Real-Time RAW Insanity tonight, if you’re into that sort of thing.

  5. RAW Bullet-points 4/20/09

    5 Comments

    Rather than do a full blown RAW review tonight or skip the thing entirely, I’m here to do a “bullet-points” edition of the RAW review!  Basically, it’s a condensed version of what you usually get from me on Monday nights Tuesday Mornings, and I hope you all enjoy it!

    • RAW still wants to be loved, even after Papa Roach has released another album.  From what JT tells me, it’s pretty good.
    • Triple H takes on Orton later tonight as RAW emanates from the UK
    • SmackDown’s Chris Jericho kicks things off tonight.
      • He says he’s done with RAW.
      • Ricky Steamboat interrupts.
      • Steamboat thanks Jericho for bringing back his passion to perform.
      • Jericho challenges Steamboat to a match at Backlash.
      • John Cena interrupts.
      • Jericho tells Cena that his last act on RAW is to walk out on him.
      • Steamboat accepts Jericho’s challenge for Backlash
      • Cena tells Jericho that Vickie Guerrero is not here tonight, but she said Edge isn’t competing tonight, but Cena has to. Jericho’s last act on RAW is a match with Cena tonight.
    • Rey Mysterio takes on The Big Show later tonight.
    • Chavo Guerrero is officially a member of the RAW roster.
      • He can push around anybody on the RAW roster
      • Batista’s music hits, and the Animal hits the ring
      • Batista beats Chavo in mere seconds
      • Chavo apologizes to Vickie, saying he wasn’t ready
      • Batista returns and drops Chavo with a second Batista Bomb
    • Shane McMahon meets up with Batista backstage
      • They agree to be on the same page at Backlash and apologize for attacking each other last week.
    • Kane vs. CM Punk
      • Both of these guys are on SmackDown now.
      • Apparently the draft “takes full effect” next week after Backlash
      • Punk picks up the win with a rollup
    • IT’S-A HE! SANTINO!
      • Last week, he lost his match to The Great Khali, so now his poor sister has to kiss Khali
      • Some people think that he and his sister are the same person, he’s going to prove them wrong.
      • Santina’s music is a remix of Billy and Chuck’s old theme
      • She can’t kiss Khali because of a blister on her lip. She’s in Italy and joining us by satellite
      • She starts to explain that she won’t be able to make SmackDown this Friday, then mysteriously speeds up her speech, which Santino explains as her drinking too much Red Bull
      • Santino wrote a poem about the family
      • Beth Phoenix and Rosa Mendez inturrupt
      • She’s sorry to hear about Santina’s sister
      • Santina will be able to kiss Khali at Backlash
      • Santina starts to sing on the titan tron, but Santino cuts her off
      • Santino tells Beth she’d better pray she wins back the Women’s Championship tonight, because she’ll never be Miss WrestleMania
    • SmackDown’s WWE Women’s Champion, Melina is here to defend against Beth Phoenix
    • Melina vs. Beth Phoenix (WWE Women’s Championship)
      • If Beth wins this match, RAW will have both World Championships and both Women’s Championships
      • Beth utilizes some Awesome Kong like moves in this match
      • Melina hits a Sunset Flip Powerbomb combo for the victory
    • Shane McMahon wishes Triple H good luck tonight
      • Shane reminds Triple H that if their team gets disqualified at Backlash, Orton wins the title
    • John Cena vs. Chris Jericho
      • “Y2J” chants fill the arena
      • The crowd seems to be behind Jericho, but all yelled “You can’t see me” for the Five Knuckle Shuffle
      • Jerry Lawler trash talks Fozzy, saying that the crowds booed so loud that Jericho couldn’t hear himself suck. Apparently he confused Jericho with Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger
      • Jericho escapes the Attitude Adjuster and drops Cena with the Codebreaker, but Cena kicks out at two
      • Cena catches Jericho out of a second Codebreaker attempt with the Attitude Adjuster, but Jericho kicks out at two.
      • Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho, but Cena counters into the STF. Jericho counters into an eziguri
      • Cena and Jericho battle on the top rope until Edge comes out and shoves them both down
      • Edge spears Cena
      • Edge hits the Con-chair-to on Cena
      • Edge reminds us of the rules to a last man standing match, then counts Cena out, announcing himself as the winner
    • Rey Mysterio vs. The Big Show
      • Big Show catches Mysterio out of a 619, holds him in a sidewalk slam position, and punches him in the head, knocking him out for the victory
    • Ted DiBiase tells Cody Rhodes that it’s not the same being in a group when your leader isn’t a champion
      • Orton says Triple H knows he’s done and that this Sunday Legacy will win
    • Triple H vs. Randy Orton (no disqualification)
      • Lots of weapons used here
      • Triple H focused on Orton’s leg
      • Legacy comes out to save Orton.
      • Shane comes out to help HHH, but Legacy takes control
      • Batista comes out and dominates
      • Batista accidently hits Shane.
      • HHH and Batista clear out the ring.
      • Orton hits the RKO from out of nowhere. 1,2,3, ORTON WINS!!!!!!!!
      • We fade to black as both teams stand face to face. Orton & Legacy on the ramp, HHH, Shane & Batista in the ring.

    Thanks to JT for getting me the highlights of the last match after I left for work!