Random Randomness
4 CommentsHey folks and welcome to another edition of your favorite JT article. It’s been a long week and I have things to do today so let’s get this show on the road: (more…)
Hey folks and welcome to another edition of your favorite JT article. It’s been a long week and I have things to do today so let’s get this show on the road: (more…)
Last week, Matt Hardy cost CM Punk his chance at regaining his World Heavyweight Champion, leading to Punk assaulting Matt’s younger brother, champion Jeff Hardy. Teddy Long agreed to give Punk a rematch at SummerSlam in a TLC match.
Speaking of CM Punk, he’s here! And he’s got an awesome new t-shirt that I want!
Punk says that if Teddy Long thinks that he’s punishing Punk by making the title match at SummerSlam a TLC match, he’s wrong. Punk knows his way around ladder matches – he won Money In The Bank at back to back WrestleManias. Chairs? Did you see what he did to Hardy last week? Punk says he’s speak about the virtues of living clean, but he realizes that anything he says or does will just make people cheer Jeff Hardy more. He’s figured out what he has to do to get through to them though. He figures all he has to do is end Jeff Hardy. He wants to do it the same way he lives his life – the right way. Straight up, one on one, no family on the outside, just Jeff Hardy and CM Punk with the World Heavyweight Championship hanging above the ring, and TLC. Jeff is already going to screw this up like he does everything else, he might not make it to SummerSlam.
You know it’s the Mack Militant…
Teddy Long makes his way out to the ring, interrupting Punk mid-sentence. What Punk did last week was deplorable. He could’ve ended Jeff Hardy’s career. Before he starts making alternative plans for SummerSlam, however, Jeff Hardy is in the building! He’s in no condition to compete, but he’s assured T-Lo that he’ll be ready to go for SummerSlam. But enough about SummerSlam, tonight, Punk is set to go one on one with a man he hasn’t beaten on SmackDown, John Morrison. Punk calls Long a Jeff Hardy suck-up like all the fans. He says tonight he’ll beat John Morrison, and then at SummerSlam, he’ll beat the poster boy…
So you see the writing on the wall…
Punk can’t seem to finish a thought around here tonight. The World Heavyweight Champion hobbles down to the ring, stopping to shake hands with the fans along the way. Hardy is hurt, but he’s here – “IN YO’ FACE!” Hardy says he’ll endure the pain and defend the title at SummerSlam.
Last week, Kane kidnapped Ranjin Singh.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Teddy Long has his theme song as his ring tone. I know this because Mr. McMahon called him on it when he was sitting in his office. The boss wants Jeff Hardy in action tonight. Long protests, but since he’s still on probation, he’ll agree to have Jeff compete – against The Hart Dynasty.
Finlay still has Hornswoggle’s music, and he makes his way to the ring. Last Friday, he was pinned by Dolph Ziggler, who will face Rey Mysterio at SummerSlam for the Intercontinental Championship. Speaking of Ziggler, guess who Finlay’s opponent is tonight. Hey wait a minute – when did Tony Chimel become the ring announcer for SmackDown again? I liked Justin Roberts, dammit!
Dolph Ziggler def. Finlay
Finlay likes to beat people up, and that’s what he does in the early going. Ziggler turns things around and kicks Finlay’s head into the ring post. Mike Knox appears on the ramp and starts walking down to the ring as we head to a…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Knox is getting a close up view of this match we’re watching from the comfort of our living rooms (or the BWF offices, as the case may be). Ziggler is still in control. Finlay starts to battle back, but Ziggler doesn’t let the comeback last too long. Finlay turns the tide again, taking Ziggler down for a two count. He builds momentum, sending Ziggler over the top rope and to the floor. Finlay hits Knox for good measure, then takes Ziggler down. While the referee was checking on Ziggler, Knox hit Finlay with the shillelagh, allowing Ziggler to hit his finisher for the victory.
After the match, Knox comes after Finlay with the shillelagh, but Finlay knocks hit out of his hand. No matter, Knox uses his brute strength to assault Finlay, and gives him a sidewalk slam onto the steel steps. Knox says that there are 206 bones in the human body, but what fascinates him is that the slightest trauma on the cervical vertebrae leaves one in excruciating discomfort.
Still to come, it’s John Morrison vs. CM Punk, and Jeff Hardy faces The Hart Dynasty by orders of Mr. McMahon.
Ranjin Singh is tied up backstage, and Kane says he’ll let him go if he says what Kane wants him to say. Singh says that his name is Ranjin Singh, and he’s been punished for his association with The Great Khali. He’s been well taken care of. Kane says he wants to hear from Khali. He wants to see him. He wants him to come and have a look at Kane’s handy work.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Video package on R-Truth, for some reason.
Maria’s got a date with Dolph and can’t figure out what to wear. Melina asks what they’re doing SummerSlam weekend. Dolph is taking her to LA a few days early and they’re getting a nice hotel room. Layla comes in and says Dolph will leave when somebody better comes along. Layla tells Melina that Michelle McCool is coming back next week. Melina says she’s got a message for Michelle, and she’ll give it to her in the ring.
John Morrison is out first for his match. Last night he beat David Hart Smith on Superstars, and tonight he’s got a match with the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship, and that is NEXT!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
CM Punk and his awesome new shirt come down to the ring when we come back, and we relive his attack on Jeff Hardy last week.
CM Punk def. John Morrison
You knew it. I knew it. This is one of those matches. One of those matches you just have to sit back and watch. Back and forth action early on, but Punk suckered Morrison out of the ring, knocking him down with a kick and hitting a guillotine kneedrop of sorts to the back of Morrison’s skull before we proceed to a…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Punk is in control when we come back. He smiles, and the crowd boos accordingly. Morrison starts battling back. JR calls them “two future world champions.” Nevermind the fact that both men are former ECW Champions, and that Punk is the former two time World Heavyweight Champion. Morrison takes control of the match, scoring two counts on a standing moonsault and a top rope cross body. Punk manages to get control back, and gets Morrison up in GTS position, but instead rams Morrison head first into the turnbuckle a couple of times. Punk lays in the kicks as the fans start to chant for Morrison. JoMo mounts another comeback, but as he goes for Starship Pain, Punk gets up and crotches Morrison on the top turnbuckle. Morrison winds up in the tree of woe, allowing Punk to get in a number of shots before picking him up and hitting the Go 2 Sleep for the victory!
This is why I love SmackDown. Even when there’s not a whole lot of wrestling on the show, there are still some of the best wrestling matches in recent memory. Anyways, Hardy vs. The Hart Dynasty is still to come!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Melina makes her way out to the ring, and… and… I think… Could it possibly be? Oh my god, it is! It’s a one on one Divas match! Layla starts heading down to the ring, and…
Backstage, Kane is asking Ranjin why Khali is such a freak. Singh says that he’s not a freak, he’s his brother. Kane wants to know if he’s jealous of him because he’s been given gifts of which he was deprived. Kane says he’s running out of patience, so if Khali is going to save him, he’d better make it quick.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Hey wait! We’ve still got a Diva’s match!
Melina def. Layla
It’s a one on one Diva’s match! That never happens! And nobody really cares, because JR and Todd Grisham are talking about The Great Khali. Anyways, while I’m happy it’s not another 4, 6, 8, 12 Diva match, I really don’t care because we know who’s going to win this match – despite the fact that Layla is getting some offense in. More evidence that nobody cares about this match. JR and Grisham talk about Gail Kim being the number one contender for the Divas Championship on RAW, and the crowd is chanting “Let’s Go Oilers.” Layla looks to be improving in the ring, but she’s only postponing the inevitable. Melina hits her finisher, and the match is over.
Speaking of things nobody cares about, DX is reuniting, and Cryme Tyme is (are?) making their way to the ring.
Oh no. Somebody gave them a microphone. Yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo. Yo. Yooooo. They babble like idiots for five minutes about Jericho and The Big Show. I don’t care. Then they do a modified version of that stupid catch phrase (yeah yeah).
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The Big Show makes his way to the ring, set to eat take on JTG.
Big Show vs. JTG
Chris Jericho joins in on commentary, meaning that this match might actually be watchable. That’s not to say I’m watching it – I’m eating some lasagna instead. Anyways, Show hits the chokeslam and then the camel clutch for the relatively easy victory.
As Show and Jericho go to leave, Shad dumps Big Show over the top rope. He challenges Show to get into the ring, but apparently that’s not going to happen because…
Ranjin Singh is tied upside down backstage when The Great Khali finally finds him. As Khali is getting him down, Kane attacks him with a lead pipe. Kane says he’s never been afraid of Khali, but Khali should be afraid of him.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
VIDEO: Triple H finds Shawn Michaels.
Rundown of the SummerFestSlam card.
Jeff Hardy is forced to wrestle tonight by order of Mr. McMahon, and the World Heavyweight Champion appears to be in pain as he makes his way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The fans are cheering for their Canadian brethren, The Hart Dynasty, as they make their way to the ring.
The Hart Dynasty def. Jeff Hardy
This is one of those handicapped matches where the tag team has to tag each other in and out, which is good for Hardy, but is also essentially a moot point, considering the apparent physical condition of the Charismatic Enigma. The Hart Dynasty dominate this one, and pick up the win with a modified Hart Attack.
CM Punk comes to the ring following the match and assaults Hardy again until John Morrison makes the save. As Morrison is battling the Hart Dynasty, Punk cracked him across the back with a steel chair before resuming his assault on Jeff Hardy. He once again wraps the chair around Jeff’s throat, but Matt Hardy makes the save, attacking Punk from behind. Matt Hardy wails away on the number one contender until the Hart Dynasty breaks it up, but John Morrison helps dispose of them. Matt looks at his fallen brother and walks over to him slowly. Jeff backs into the corner, but Matt helps him to his feet. Jeff flashes the V1 sign to his brother, and as Teddy Long watches on a monitor backstage, he’s joined by Mr. McMahon. McMahon says the show was pretty exciting, but next week? Next week it will be CM Punk and The Hart Dynasty taking on John Morrison and The Hardyz. Mr. McMahon tells him he’s still on probation. Next week’s two main event teams glare up the ramp at one another as we fade to black.
My Thoughts: Matt Hardy, eh? I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens there. Another solid episode of SmackDown. I don’t really have a lot to say, however. I’ll be around in a few for a new edition of ThinkSoJoE’s thoughts.
Ok… Raw sucked (read the results, didn’t watch) and ECW was very mediocre this week, so let’s see what Superstars has in store for us.
Match 1: John Morrison vs David Hart Smith
WWE is Canada is always ass backwards. David Hart Smith and Natalya get the huge pops in their home country. John Morrison is one of the few bright spots in WWE right now. Hell of a main event for Smackdown as Morrison takes on CM Punk. Little Bulldog is massive! He pounds on the Shaman of Sexy for a lot of the match. He hit a terrific suplex off the top rope. Morrison eventually hit all of his spots (Pele kick, standing moonsault, spinning kick, etc.) The Guru of Greatness gets the win with Starship Pain.
Match 2: Goldust vs Sheamus
The Celtic Warrior is huge, but looks smaller than he is because of his almost transparent skin. Dude is ghostly. How many times in a row are they going to do this match? Shouldn’t Sheamus be taking on other people to gain experience? This is just another example of WWE’s lazy booking. Anyway, Goldust wins with a rollup for some reason. Sheamus didn’t look weak, but shouldn’t they be booking him better than to lose to Goldust?
Random main event time: Mickie James and Kofi Kingston vs Rosa Mendez and Carlito in a Mixed Tag match
Alrighty then. This does nothing to enhance any feud. What’s up with Carlito’s hair? He look’s like a shi tzu who hasn’t been groomed in a while. I guess its part of his new dark and gloomy persona. This match was dominated in time by Kofi and Carlito. I think Mickie and Rosa were in the ring for about 15 seconds. Carlito gets the win after a backstabber off the top rope.
Random Random Random. I get that Carlito should be in the mix for the US title, but shouldn’t he also be dealing with his brother? Isn’t Gail Kim the number one contender for the Diva title? Why wasn’t she in that match? Sheamus should be booked to be taking people out…not losing to Goldust. John Morrison is great…nuf said.
Remember to check out Smackdown, which is obviously the best show WWE has to offer right now. See you next week.
Welcome to the War for another week.
First off, let’s discuss the happenings of Monday Night RAW this week from Calgary. Alberta, Canada. Hall of Famer, Sgt. Slaughter was the guest host and did nothing but annoy and piss off the Canadian fans all night. I didnt mind this, as the Sarge lapped up playing bad guy host.
Good to finally see the Woggle get what he deserved, at the hands of Legacy. The sad thing is, Legacy then went on and challenged the reformed D-Generation X at SummerSlam. Nice to see you booking yourself to lose guys!
The crowd gave rather unique remarks to Chris Masters during his match. Chants of ‘Roid Rage’, among other comments were chanted by the Canadians. Does the Masterpiece really deserve this?
It’s nice to see that after he leaves TNA, his finishing move is used by the Calgary Kid on RAW.
I still don’t watch ECW.
What did Teddy Long do exactly to end up on probation?
One wonders if John Morrison will be World Champion by the end of the year, seeing as many sources will say that Jeff Hardy will take time off later this year?
Moving onto the other side of the tracks now, and TNA thought it would be best to have a massive brawl to take up 15 minutes of their time. What they didnt show however, was BG James Frog Splashing a car.
Have you heard Ric Flair rap?
Have you heard Hulk Hogan rap?
Curt Hennig thinks Rap Is Crap.
Yet, the Macho Man rapped a rap just for him.
Twilight star nude! Wait, what’s a Twilight?
I just thought I’d let you know, that as this particular sentence is written, is it exactly 1:25am on Thursday 13th August. As I write this sentence as the BWF servers crashed when I tried to post the column, it is now 9:43am on Thursday 13th August.
Random Code Monkeys clip of the week.
Greatest news article of the week, even though it is an outdated news article.
Finally tonight, as I’m sorry this column is so short. If the ECW results arent posted in the next say … 16 hours? I will bring them to you. Also, be sure to check out our forums. Sign up and have fun.
That’s the lot. Stay tuned to BWF throughout the week. I am the one they call ‘Legend Killer’, reminding you to read the latest Vintage Collection review.
We’ve got ourselves another World Heavyweight Championship match tonight as Jeff Hardy defends against former champion CM Punk. Why waste any more time with an introduction, let’s get started!
As many of the BWF faithful know, the resident Lord and Master of Randomness, JT, has been on a well-deserved holiday as of late.
I have returned! I’m awake, home, and ready to review WWE SmackDown! The Charismatic Enigma is your new World Heavyweight Champion, so let’s get this Hardy Party started!
Let’s get crazy and see what happens.
Match 1: John Morrison vs Tyson Kidd
I’m looking forward to seeing Morrison/Hardy for the World Heavyweight title on Smackdown! The craftiness of Kidd and Morrison make for a great match. These two guys are prime examples for why Smackdown is so much better than Raw right now. Kidd hit a sick neckbreaker at the edge of the apron on Morrison during the middle of the match. Morrison exhibited his usual greatness. David Hart Smith and Natalya were ejected from ringside, which ulitimately spelled doom for Tyson Kidd in this match. John Morrison is one of my favorite superstars and his explosiveness is second to none. The Shaman of Sexy hit Starship Pain for the win.
Match 2: William Regal vs the Japanese Sensation Yoshi Tatsu
Yoshi Tatsu gets some of the biggest pops when he comes out to the ring. The fans love this guy. He kicks and karate chops guys to death. However, William Regal gets the win with a running knee. Regal gets his win back with that one.
Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton in the locker room. He asks Orton’s impressions on John Cena winning the beat the clock challenge. He said Cena has won pain and agony with his beat the clock victory.
Main Event: WWE Champion Randy Orton vs the cartwheeling Primo Colon
Here is the random match of the night…but I like it. Primo is exciting and its always nice to see the CHAMPION get a chance at a real victory. Primo starts like an A.D.D. kid without his meds. He bounces all over the place and gets his offense in until the commercial break. During the break, Orton regains control and starts his methodical beatdown of Primo. Primo hits the ropes and nails a flying elbow and then his cartwheel. Missile dropkick hits but the springboard splash misses and Orton hits the RKO for the win. Refreshing match for the both of them.
This was a good, entertaining show. I like how they mixed good matches with the randomness this week. I guess thats what Superstars is for. Anywho…come back and check me out next week.
The main event for WWE Superstars is John Morrison vs Kane. Let the randomness begin.
Match 1: Christian (the next ECW champ) vs the man who despises foreigners William Regal
Continuous lockup to start the match, into a reversal of headlocks. This match has shown alot of flexibilitly and technical skill. William Regal pushes Christian off the top rope and to the outside, in a dangerous bump. You Suck chants aimed towards Regal start in the crowd. Back in the ring after the commercial break, Regal controls Christian’s head and neck in a series of blows and torque moves. After being sent back outside the ring, Christian re-enters and connects on two missile dropkicks from the top rope, but misses on the flying headbutt. Regal gets a near fall after a reverse t-bone suplex. Christian gets thrown into the corner and hits the springboard sunset flip on Regal for the win.
Match 2: Evan Bourne vs Jamie Noble
Jamie Noble has gotten slow. This match was a pretty good back and forth contest. Evan Bourne is amazing in the air. At one point, he came off the ropes and connected on a head scissors take down from a standing position. Bourne gets the win after the prettiest move in professional wrestling. His Shooting Star Press is what makes him a superstar.
Main Event: Kane vs The Friday Night Delight, The Shaman of Sexy, The Guru of Greatness John Morrison
Morrison is a future World Champion. Hopefully sooner rather than later too. This match was really good. Any time you have the best athlete in the company going up against one of the greatest big men to ever step foot in the ring, you have a great mix. John Morrison gets the win after Kane threw a chair in his face. As Kane looks to do more damage, Khali comes out and Morrison hits Kane in the back with a chair. Kane then runs off as Khali enters the ring.
Night of Champions predictions
Dolph Ziggler (challenger) vs Rey Mysterio (Intercontinental Champion)
Winner- Rey Mysterio
Christian (challenger) vs Tommy Dreamer (ECW Champion)
Winner- Christian
6-pack Challenge: Kofi Kingston (US Champion) vs The Miz vs The Big Show vs Carlito vs MVP vs Jack Swagger
Winner- Jack Swagger
Maryse (Diva Champion) vs Mickie James
Winner- Maryse
Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes (challengers) vs Chris Jericho and mystery partner (Tag Champs)
Mystery Partner- Brett DiBiase (why not right)
Winners- Jericho and DiBiase
Jeff Hardy (challenger) vs CM Punk (World Heavyweight champ)
Winner- CM Punk
HHH vs John Cena vs Randy Orton (WWE Champ)
Winner- John Cena
Hi, ThinkSoJoE here for WWE Superstars, filling in for tharvey1 who is on vacation this week. This is the first time I’ve ever actually watched this entire show, so here we go!
Santino Marella is the first Superstar we see. His opponent tonight is The Brian Kendrick. Jerry Lawler talks to Michael Cole about Twitter – where you can find BoredWrestlingFan.com at twitter.com/brdwrstlngfn
Santino Marella def. The Brian Kendrick
I’m going to try to do the format that tharvey1 uses here every week some justice. Kendrick controlled the match until he started telling Santino he was a loser and begun slapping him. Santino says “oh, you make-a me so mad!” He then goes on the offense, eventually picking up the win with a rollup. Funny match.
Later on tonight, CM Punk takes on Edge!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Charlie Haas is in the ring when we come back. Know what that means? He’s going to lose. Especially since his opponent is John Morrison, who beat CM Punk last week on SmackDown.
John Morrison def. Charlie Haas
Younger viewers may remember the original WWF Superstars television show, where all the matches were squashes. This could’ve very well been on that show. Nice to see you, Charlie, eat Starship Pain.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Oh radio, tell me everything you know…
Zack Ryder is on this show pretty much every week. Woo Woo Woo, you know it. His opponent, as announced Tuesday on ECW, is Tyler Reks, who has generic surf music.
Zack Ryder def. Tyler Reks
Reks held his own, but Ryder put him away with the Zack Attack. Woo Woo Woo
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Video Package: Christian, for no apparent reason.
RAW Rebound: Mark Henry pinned Randy Orton.
The Bash: CM Punk hurt his eye and apparently inadvertantly kicked the referee
Speaking of Punk, here’s the World Heavyweight Champion now!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
One half of the WWE Unified Tag Team Champions, The Rated R Superstar, EDGE! makes his way to the ring, and we’re ready for our main event!
Edge def. CM Punk
Punk’s eye is the story here. Edge continues to work over the injury. That’s not to say Edge dominated, Punk showed an aggressive streak at times. Punk went for the GTS and Edge raked his eye to escape. Punk told the referee he couldn’t see, and the referee rang the bell, awarding the victory “by forfiet” to Edge.
Josh Matthews asks CM Punk if he’d done the same thing if this were a title match. Punk says his eye is more than a little bit injured. He doesn’t want to forfiet anything, but if he can’t see he can’t compete. He’ll be happy to grant Edge a rematch when his eye is better, but he can’t see right now.
That’s it, that’s the show – now it’s time to cross the line! Drow will be around in the next 24 hours with the iMPACT! review.