Random Randomness
2 CommentsWell Happy Independence Day to everyone here in the good old U.S.A. Every go out and celebrate and be safe. Also Happy Canada Day to our friends up north, hop you all had a good day. Now lets get this show on the road:
Well Happy Independence Day to everyone here in the good old U.S.A. Every go out and celebrate and be safe. Also Happy Canada Day to our friends up north, hop you all had a good day. Now lets get this show on the road:
There is a topic that I need to talk about, but I will start by talking about something not so incredible. Raw last night was pretty bad. It was centered around somebody who wasn’t a major character-The Rock. All it does is show the wrestling world how little they have in John Cena. There were some good moments. Kharma (“Awesome Kong”) is money for the WWE if they do it right. The feud is ready-made with her and Kelly Kelly. And while I still think of Kelly Kelly as the girl who couldn’t unhook her bra on the first ECW on Sci-Fi show, it should be a really strong feud. Mason Ryan (“Matista”) looked like a million bucks last night. I see him being money; just don’t ask him to take a piss test. Great Khali in the tooth fairy outfit was awesome. This is entertainment. If you want to see pure wrestling, go find Ring of Honor, Dragon Gate USA or some other promotion.
I hated the show centering around The Rock’s birthday. While I did like the VKM, appearance, the rest of the celebrities were just WWE getting to brag they were on their show. (And I hate to say it, but with the exception of Ellen, none of them were funny.) I hated the finish of the Miz/Cena match. The Pied Piper needs to come along and take all the Cena fans somewhere so we can get him off our tv. And I hated the WWE doing their 9/13 retrospective. At least they didn’t show Stephanie comparing 9/11 to when her dad got indicted for steroids.
The more and more I think about it, the Raw wasn’t horrible, it just wasn’t “incredible.”
Now onto the meat of my rant: Dallas/Fort Worth has a lot of good wrestling promotions. I enjoy going to MPX. I know there’s LWA, NAWA, TWE, CWF, (Sorry if I forgot anybody) and the victim of today’s rant, Pro Wrestling Onslaught. I really wish I could go to all of them, but I have a wife and 2-year-old daughter. I can get my wife to do an MPX show once in a while (and the Christian Wrestling Federation once when AJ Styles worked), but I seriously thought about going to PWO. I casually know some of the guys who work there. My mother who is a teacher has worked really hard this year, and we love going to wrestling together, and I thought about taking her to celebrate all the work she’s put in this year. My mom and I used to go to indy wrestling together back in the day, so it was kind of a no-brainer.
You see, PWO was advertising the former Portuguese Man-o-War, Justin Credible. I’m a total ECW mark. So here was one of the main eventers in ECW’s dying days. Hello, why not? I found my Justin Credible action figure (yes, I still have all my olf ECW action figures). People I respect in the industry said it was a really well-run show. I was ready to go.
Then life happened. Work was brutal, and I just needed to rest after the week that had been. My grandfather was injured and my mom needed to take care of him. My daughter suffered a concussion, and we spent most of Saturday in the hospital. (Thanks to Joe for his well-wishes for my daughter.) I felt really bad about not going.
Well, it turns out I’m not the only one who didn’t show up. The namesake of the show, Justin Credible, didn’t show up. I don’t know why he didn’t. I was not privy to the conversations or the details of his life. What I know is that according to the wrestlers that worked that night, he no-showed. It’s one thing for a wrestler to cancel at the last minute. While not optimal, it’s still good business to notify them through some method somehow. There’s emails, phone calls, text messages, the list goes on. It’s 2011. You have no excuse for no-showing.
So fans, understand, if you see Justin Credible advertised, understand that there is a distinct possibility you won’t see him that night. Fans, promoters, wrestlers, take this into consideration before you book Justin Credible.
Kudos should still be given to PWO. I heard that they had a strong main event nonetheless and brought home a very solid show.
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As you’re all aware, or should be, the WWE Draft was this Monday on RAW. The supplemental draft was yesterday at noon (Eastern time), and I had to leave for work before it was all over. However, my beloved @Niki_Sushi made sure that I knew all the results so that you would all be informed of what was going on.
To Smackdown
The Great Khali (And Ranjin Singh)
Daniel Bryan
Jimmy Uso
Alicia Fox
William Regal
Natalya
Yoshi Tatsu
Ted DiBiase
Tyson Kidd
Jey Uso
Tamina
Alex Riley
Sheamus
To RAW
Jack Swagger
Drew McIntyre
Kelly Kelly
JTG
Curt Hawkins
Chris Masters
Kofi Kingston
Tyler Reks
Beth Phoenix
I don’t know about you, but it looks to me like RAW got robbed a little and got not a whole lot in return. I’m excited, however, to see Drew McIntyre on RAW, as well as both Swagger and Beth. Should be pretty damn good.
Well when it all goes down, will you be the one still standing at the end. But to take it all in stride makes it more real for the person or persons involved to make things right. Where the hell I came up with that, I don’t know but I figured I had to give you all something. So with out further ado, lets get this show on the road:
Last week, the WWE celebrated its 600th episode of SmackDown!, and it was quite the eventful night – Teddy Long returned, rehired Edge, and then promptly fired Dolph Ziggler after the Rated R Superstar recaptured his World Heavyweight Championship.
Tonight, how will Vickie (and myself, for that matter!) deal with the loss of Dolph Ziggler? What repercussions will she face for her role in recent events? Let’s find out!
Well it seems to me that the world is on fire and I just saved a bunch of money by not switching to Geico, I concur that reality is just something and nothingness is everywhere, but as we all know none of that really made any sense (except the Geico part) we shall take a look at the world as only the Random one sees it:
Yours truly with my live (on tape) Rumble Thoughts:
World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge vs. Dolph Ziggler
Tony Chimel has finally gotten through puberty – his voice didn’t crack when he announced Edge as “The Rated R Superstar”
I absolutely cannot buy Dolph Ziggler as a legit challenger for the World Heavyweight Championship when he still looks like a knockoff dyslexic Billy Gunn (Ziggler has a backwards D and a backwards Z on his tights).
A 16:9 aspect ratio on a computer monitor is wonderful for doing BWF stuff because I can watch the show on one side of the screen while typing on the other, and I’ve still got a pretty decent sized picture.
Can I get the “NICKY” Spirit Squad graphic that G used a couple weeks back for Ziggler? I can? Awesome!
Is that a “Let’s Go Ziggler” chant? What are these people seeing that I’m not?
And Edge kicks out of the FameAsser, or whatever Ziggler calls it.
See Edge, if you would’ve hooked the tights, you would’ve won there. It’s like Jesse Ventura always says, “Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat.”
Kelly Kelly?? Please don’t ruin Edge with a Kelly Kelly angle!
Has anybody EVER won a championship with a sleeper? Can somebody look into that for me?
Hmm. No Vicky. No referee. Hmm. I wonder what could happen now?
Yep. SPEAR! Jesse Ventura would be proud.
Killswitch?!?!?!? That reeks of awesomeness! Edge Wins!
And Chimel’s voice cracks, making the first point I made in this match null and void.
—
WWE Championship: The Miz vs. Randy Orton
Wait, what? World Heavyweight Championship match first, WWE Championship match next – it’s gotta be the Royal Rumble! And an Angry Miz Girl shot in the buildup video!
We get a Miz interview! Awesome! Ooh, and a shot at the Patriots!
Hey, they got it right this time – the challenger is coming to the ring first!
I like Miz’s trench coat better than mine. I wonder if he’d trade me.
Michael Cole’s commentary on the Miz reminds me of Bobby Heenan’s commentary on Ric Flair back in the day. Back when things weren’t often “Fair to Flair.”
I’d venture to say that A-Ry is going to be in the Rumble match, since he’s in his wrestling gear.
I wonder if the announcers realize that winning a title match at Royal Rumble doesn’t mean you’re going to WrestleMania – there’s still Elimination Chamber next month.
The voice of the WWE? I miss JR.
Can we get one of those old Batman graphics? Orton hitting his skull on the ringpost? KAARRR-AAAACK!
Nexus?!?!? Holy crap, Mason Ryan does look like Batista!
Nice dive out of the way by Chad Patton.
And Punk with the assist!
King isn’t the only one who doesn’t understand this – I have no idea why Nexus helped Miz win.
Actually, here’s a thought – A-Ry was on NXT with Harris and McGuillicutty. Perhaps he’s joined Nexus to help The Miz?
—
Cody Rhodes has dropped out of the Rumble because his face has been shattered by Rey Mysterio.
The fans in Boston think John Cena, Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, Big Show, Wade Barrett, CM Punk, Rey Mysterio, Santino, Drew McIntyre, and Kofi Kingston are going to win the Royal Rumble. Apparently.
—
WWE Divas Championship: LayCool vs. Natalya
Ugh. I just wanna get to the Rumble. In the wo…
Ha! Cole got stuck!
And now we’ve got a Fatal Four Way: Natalya vs. Layla vs. Michelle McCool vs… Eve?!?
We couldn’t get Kong?!?
—
WWE Divas Championship: Natalya vs. Layla vs. Michelle McCool vs. Eve
Why Eve? Didn’t we start something with Gail Kim on RAW this week? She couldn’t be in here? Again, it’s the WWE using Gail Kim in a way that says, “she’s only on our roster so TNA can’t have her.”
Has the Double Sharpshooter ever been done before? I think I saw Natalya use it before.
Cole and Lawler are acting like they don’t know about Taka Michinoku, when both of them were in WWE while he was. Indeed!
Wait – so did Eve win? I’m confused. Where’s the GM? Michelle had Natalya pinned at the same time!
Guess he doesn’t want LayCool on RAW either.
—
Oh look, there’s Gail Kim now! She’s with Daniel Bryan who is talking about how cool it would be to win the Rumble. The Bellas apologize to the two of them, then insult them. Eve is the Divas Champion, and Gail Kim is fighting with the Bellas backstage. Once again. Say it with me, kids: “She’s only on our roster so TNA can’t have her.”
—
Is it time?!? Huh??? Is it?!? I don’t care about the Elimination Chamber PPV next month – I just want to see the Rumble match! Kudos to Matt Striker for pointing out that “Paul Revere” is also the title of a Beastie Boys song.
Rumble by the numbers – that means it’s almost time!
—
“Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time… for the BIGGEST ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH in history!” Hooray!
CM Punk is number one?!? New Nexus has their work cut out for them helping him win tonight. Hopefully we’ll get Punk cutting promos between eliminations again this year, I loved that last year!
Wade Barrett?!? Or is it Zeke? Oh crap, The Corre just surrounded the ring! Where’s Nexus? There they are! WTF is going on?
The GM says to stop. The only superstar who has the right to be in the ring is CM Punk. Everybody else needs to GTFO or they’re out of the Rumble.
And a CM Punk chant breaks out as Daniel Bryan makes his way out, a former member of Nexus himself.
How awesome is it that we get 90 seconds of Punk and Bryan? The fans in Boston love it too!
Justin Gabriel officially in. Uh oh…. 450 on Punk? Nope, he missed. Bryan dumps him and we’re back to Punk/Bryan!
Oh, radio, tell me everything you know… At least I got to hear a bit of Zack Ryder’s theme! And two eliminations for Bryan – more Punk/Bryan!
William Regal! More great technical expertise in the ring! Punk/Regal/Bryan!
The ring’s filling up, who’s number 7? JoMo!
Holy shit! Morrison is FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!
And Regal got dumped by DiBiase in the meantime.
Yoshi Tatsu? He still works here?
Husky Harris here to help!
Oooh, Jobbo! Bets on which one goes out first, Guerrero or Tatsu. I got Guerrero.
Jobbo hits two suplexes on three straight guys, then the Three Amigos on Bryan.
Mizark Henry out next. And he tosses Chavo. I win!
And then Tatsu goes, also courtesy of Mark Henry.
JTG is bringin’ the hood to the Royal Rumble!
Lucky number 13 is Michael McGuillicutty, here to join his Nexus mates CM Punk and Husky Harris in battle, and he eliminates JTG.
Harris and McGuillicutty eliminate DiBiase as Chris Masters makes his entrance.
Why would Masters want to jump right into the middle of the New Nexus members that are in the ring? Of course, he gets Punk in the Masterlock and almost eliminates him before McGuillicutty saves the day.
David Otunga joins Nexus in the Rumble, and immediately, Punk eliminates Bryan, and Masters, while Nexus quadruple team Morrison out. It’s Nexus and Mark Henry in the ring, and they dump the World’s Strongest Man as well.
Tyler Reks runs into the ring where The New Nexus are waiting. Thanks for coming, Tyler!
Next victim: Vladimir Kozlov. He gets a good shot on Punk, but The Nexus gang up on him and take him down. Harris hits his finisher, and Punk tosses him. Nexus still standing tall.
Next victim: R-Truth. He barely makes it into the ring before Nexus swarm on him. Punk his the knee/bulldog combo in the corner, stopping to mock Truth in the meantime. R-Truth, gone. Nexus stand tall.
Next victim: The Great Khali! He’s back! He takes his time to get to the ring, he manages to hold his own, even eliminating Husky Harris. Khali taking care of Nexus as number 20 gets set to come out…
But it’s Mason Ryan! Nexus is back at four men in the ring, but Khali gets the upperhand. Momentarily. Ryan eliminates Khali, and the Nexus stand tall again.
CAN YOU DIG IT, SUCKA!!!
The six time World Champion, Booker T has arrived here in the Royal Rumble! He manages to hold his own against the Nexus, even hitting the scissor kick on Otunga before McGuillicutty attacks – and gets dropped with a bookend…
SPINAROONIE!!!!!
Mason Ryan saves CM Punk from elimination and dumps Booker T. Nexus still strong.
BRRRRRRRRRRRAPPLEJUICE! John Cena is here to take on The Nexus! Cena eliminates Mason Ryan, he gets Otunga and McGillicutty, and it’s down to John Cena and CM Punk!
With Punk and Cena down, entry number 23 enters – it’s Hornswoggle!?!
Punk sees Hornswoggle, who tells Punk to bring it. He catches a knee from Punk who goes back to work on Cena. He tries to eliminate Cena, but Cena reverses it into an AA over the top rope! Cena’s eliminated, single handedly, 4 of the 5 New Nexus members! Cena and Hornswoggle stand tall!
Tyson Kidd has no chance here. Hornswoggle and Cena double team Kidd, and Hornswoggle hits an Attitude Adjustment! You can’t see Hornswoggle! You can’t see Kidd either, since Cena tossed him out.
Heath Slater, no stranger to John Cena, is representing the Corre. Hornswoggle hit Sweet Shin Music and a Stunner on Slater, and Swoggle and Cena hit a double 5 knuckle shuffle, and Horny nails the Tadpole Splash. Thanks for coming, Heath Slater! Cena and Swoggle are rolling here!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Friday Night SmackDown’s Intercontinental Champion is fired up and ready to go! Cena and Kingston look at the WrestleMania sign, and it looks like we’re set for a friendly competition here. Kingston’s offense stuns Cena.
Jack Swagger has drawn Number 27, the lucky number in the Royal Rumble match, at least in the past. He hits Cena and Kingston with Vader Bombs, but lets himself get distracted by Swoggle. Kingston hits a Boom Drop on Swagger off the back of Hornswoggle.
Sheamus joins the fray. Hornswoggle tries to form an alliance with Sheamus, to no avail. He tunes up the band, and hits Sweet Shin Music for the second time in this match. Cena saves Swoggle, but gets socked by Swagger. Swoggle gets Brogue Kicked by Sheamus out of this match.
Rey Mysterio jumps in, a former Rumble Winner himself, and he takes everybody out, but gets clotheslined by Sheamus before he could hit the 619 on Swagger.
Swagger gets 619ed out of the match by Mysterio.
Wade Barrett represents the Corre at number 30.
Dolph Ziggler is still beat up from his World Heavyweight Title match earlier as he enters at number 31 – the very first number 31 entrant in Royal Rumble history!
BIG DADDY COOL DIESEL!!! Number 32 is freakin’ Diesel!!
Drew McIntyre joins the growing number of men in the ring. A “Let’s Go Diesel” chant breaks out.
Diesel gets hit with a 619 by Rey Mysterio. And in true Kevin Nash fashion, he no-sells it.
AWESOME!!! But it’s not The Miz in the Royal Rumble, it’s Alex Riley!
Diesel gets eliminated by Wade Barrett.
The Big Show walks slowly toward the ring, stopping to eyeball Diesel as Matt Striker makes references to Boston Bruins defensemen Zdeno Chara being the tallest player in the NHL and shorter than The Big Show.
Show sends Ziggler packing.
Barrett gets some assistance in the form of Ezekiel Jackson, as Drew McIntyre gets dumped by the Big Show.
Speaking of Big Show, that’s who Zeke eliminates.
IT’S-A HE! SANTINO! Beware the Cobra! He catches a Brogue Kick from Sheamus and rolls under the bottom rope to the floor.
Alberto Del Rio enters the Rumble in a 2008 Bentley, and gets a ring announcement from Ricardo Rodriguez.
Matt Striker mentions that Alex Riley has been eliminated, but I’m not so sure about that. Randy Orton’s music hits and he attacks Del Rio, who hadn’t made it to the ring yet. He nails several RKOs before eliminating Kingston and Sheamus.
The two men standing at the moment: John Cena, and Randy Orton. They gaze at the WrestleMania sign, but before they can go at it, Kane, making his 13th straight Rumble appearance, enters at number 40!
Hmm. No Triple H?
Ezekiel Jackson eliminated by Kane.
Kane by Mysterio, followed by Mysterio by Barrett.
Apparently Santino and Riley are gone, despite neither one of them, from my vantage point, being thrown over the top rope to the floor. The final four – Barrett, Orton, Cena, and Del Rio.
Orton and Cena start going at it with Barrett and Del Rio down. Cena goes for an AA, but Barrett stops him.
Cena hits the AA on Del Rio, but A-Ry distracts Cena, as Miz dumps Cena over the top rope! Barrett, Del Rio, and Orton are left!
Orton eliminates Barrett – and Del Rio sneaks up behind and eliminates Orton!
The referee tells Del Rio that he hasn’t won. Santino was never eliminated. He nails the Cobra! Throw him out, Santino!
Santino tries, but Del Rio turns the tide and tosses Santino. Alberto Del Rio is going to WrestleMania!
Hey! That’s right, something before RAW?! Yeah. I decided at the beginning of the Royal Rumble match to do a real quick rundown of the Royal Rumble. This is not going to be anywhere near as long as the usual RAW Reviews, and it’s not going to be as detailed. The backstage segments may be out of order, but I barely paid attention to them…
Edge vs Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero for the World Heavyweight Championship
So Edge comes out, we’re reminded that he can’t use the Spear or he loses the Championship, and then Vickie comes out, reminds us, and introduces Dolph. The match goes on for a while and was a pretty decent match. I didn’t expect it to be, but it turned out to be. Vickie got on the apron and slapped Edge, but Kelly Kelly, of all fuckin people, came out and took her out. Dolph locked in a sleeper, and during Edge’s wild flailing to get out of it, he slapped the ref, and knocked him down. So, Edge hit a quick Spear when no one was looking (except the whole audience), and then locked in the Killswitch (or the Unprettier) for the win.
World Heavyweight Champion Edge wins via pinfall.
There’s a small segment backstage with WWE Champion The Miz saying that he’ll win, and Riley backs him up.
The Miz with Alex Riley vs Randy Orton for the WWE Championship
Randy gets an early advantage, but Riley interferes and Miz gets it. Match was pretty decent, with Riley interfering a good amount, and The Miz about to walk out before Randy stopped that idea with a harsh clothesline. It ended, surprisingly, with Nexus coming out to stand by the ring. Riley came in to try to get Randy, but was thrown out onto Nexus and the ref, and then Punk came up from underneath the ring and hit the Go To Sleep on Orton, and dragged Miz over for the cover.
WWE Champion The Miz wins via pinfall.
Gail Kim was backstage with Daniel Bryan. Bellas faked an apology and then attacked.
Natalya vs LayCool in a Two-on-One Handicap Match for the WWE Diva’s Championship
Before the match can get started, the RAW GM says that he’s gotten enough emails about Cole being annoying (“That’s just a joke!”), and won’t get more about LayCool, so this is now a Fatal Four Way. NO! IT WASN’T AWESOME KONG’S DEBUT, OR EVEN BETH! IT WAS!!!!!!!
Natalya vs Layla vs Michelle McCool vs Eve Torres for the WWE Diva’s Championship
You read that right. Anyway, the match was alright, kind of, and then Eve pinned Layla as McCool pinned Natalya. However, ref was looking at Eve and Layla.
WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres wins via pinfall.
Michelle was pissed.
Then, the Royal Rumble match (and there was a thing at some point about how “Dashing” Cody Rhodes had an official statement about his not making it, thanks to Rey’s knee brace breaking his face nose.) started.
ENTRANT NUMBER – ENTRANT – ELIMINATED BY
1) CM Punk
I have to stop here. Punk came out, and then the Corre’s music hit, and then the Corre surrounded Punk, and then the New Nexus came in and it was a mini-brawl. Essentially, the RAW GM told them that this was not how the Royal Rumble match was going to start and sent them all (minus Punk) back to the back to wait their turns.
1) CM Punk – John Cena
2) United States Champion Daniel Bryan – David Otunga
3) Justin Gabriel – Daniel Bryan
4) Zack Ryder – Daniel Bryan
5) William Regal – Ted DiBiase
6) Ted DiBiase (with Maryse) – Nexus
7) John Morrison – Nexus
8) Yoshi Tatsu – Mark Henry
9) Husky Harris – The Great Khali
10) Chavo Guerrero – Mark Henry
11) Mark Henry – Nexus
12) JTG – Michael McGuillicutty
13) Michael McGuillicutty – John Cena
14) Chris Masters – Nexus
15) David Otunga – John Cena
16) Tyler Reks – Nexus
17) Vladimir Kozlov – Punk
18) R-Truth – Punk
19) The Great Khali – Mason Ryan
20) Mason Ryan – John Cena
21) Booker T – Mason Ryan
22) John Cena – The Miz
23) Hornswoggle – Sheamus
24) Tyson Kidd – John Cena
25) Heath Slater – John Cena
26) Kofi Kingston – Randy Orton
27) Jack Swagger – Rey Mysterio
28) Sheamus – Randy Orton
29) Rey Mysterio – Wade Barrett
30) Wade Barrett – Randy Orton
31) Dolph Ziggler – The Big Show
32) Diesel – Wade Barrett
33) Drew McIntyre – The Big Show
34) Alex Riley – John Cena
35) The Big Show – Ezekiel Jackson
36) Ezekiel Jackson – Kane
37) Santino Marella – Alberto del Rio
38) Alberto del Rio – WINNER
39) Randy Orton – Alberto del Rio
40) Kane – Rey Mysterio
There were a lot of hijinks in the ring during the match. The Miz ran into the ring, after sitting commentary since Alex Riley entered the Rumble, and eliminated Cena after Cena eliminated Riley. Hornswoggle copied a lot of moves, and a lot of the people lasted longer than they may have seemed to. It wasn’t a hugely, wildly spectacular match, but it was alright.
See ya tomorrow night for Monday Night RAW!
Can Edge even the odds before his title defense against Dolph Ziggler on Sunday? Why was Michael Tarver skulking around backstage (and again on RAW)? And, most importantly, who was responsible for the attack on Teddy Long?
Vickie kicks off the show tonight, informing us that Teddy Long will not be here. Therefore, she is the acting General Manager. There’s a motive right there for attacking Teddy Long – with him out of the picture, Vickie has complete authority and the ability to potentially screw Edge over at the Rumble and cost him his title. Vickie is soon interrupted by Randy Orton who, we are told, is on the blue brand to participate in a tag match in tonight’s main event. Randy makes some promises about his tag match against Vickie’s boyfriend, and also vows to take back his WWE championship from The Miz this Sunday. Then he insults Vickie’s hair. Okay… ‘creepy, intimidating Orton’ is always great; ‘personal insults Orton’? Not so much. Dolph comes out to the rescue. He demands Randy shows Vickie and himself respect. Seriously, Ziggler has come on leaps and bounds on the mic. Dude has ‘it’. Not that ‘it’ helps him in this scenario, because he’s soon eating canvas as Orton strikes with an RKO.
LayCool vs. Kelly Kelly/Kaitlyn: It’s incredibly lame, but I love it when Striker sings along to LayCool’s entrance music. The No. 1 contenders for the Divas title are taken out on the ramp by Kelly and Kaitlyn – wait, Kaitlyn has a match?! I swear I can hear some members of the crowd booing this sneak attack on LayCool. This match lasts about a minute – that’s not me being hyperbolic; it seriously lasts around 60 seconds. Layla distracts Kaitlyn, and Michelle McCool takes advantage with a big boot. And people say the Divas don’t get enough screen time! Your winners: LayCool
Drew McIntyre vs. JTG: Kelly Kelly has remained at ringside for this bout; Michael Cole rightly calls her a hypocrite for attacking LayCool earlier on, despite going flippin’ mental (my words, not Cole’s) at Drew for essentially the same thing last week with Trent Baretta. Right on, Cole! This match goes on a little longer than it should, I reckon. As is typical of Drew’s matches lately, JTG is resilient and even manages a few offensive flurries (I need to stop saying that phrase; seem to use it every week) but, in the end, McIntyre prevails. I like this finish – JTG goes for a backslide, which Drew rolls through and delivers a devastating Futureshock DDT. These matches against lesser opponents have been noticeably longer than they would have been, say, 6 months ago. Is this deliberate on WWE’s part to give the impression that Drew is working hard, in order to give the fans a reason to respect or get behind him? He’s as vicious as ever, but he seems to appreciate getting pinfalls lately. This is gonna be a slow-burning face turn, for sure. Credit to Kelly Kelly – she’s performing her role in this storyline very well. I totally didn’t mean that to sound so patronising… Your winner: Drew McIntyre
Todd ‘Don’t Look Him In The Eyes’ Grisham is backstage with Dashing Cody Rhodes, who has his back to the camera. Last week, Rey’s 619 – complete with an exposed knee brace – broke Cody’s nose. Cody keeps his back to the camera as he delivers his promo; a whining affair about deviated septums and extensive reconstruction surgeries. Basically, it’s great. Rhodes sounds on the verge of tears as he informs Todd that doctors have told him he is not to compete in the Royal Rumble match. Jeez, Rey. What a jerk. This is the best promo I’ve ever seen from Cody. Good job, Not-So-Dashing One!
We cut to Jack Korpela (Jack Korpela?! We want Scott Stanford, damn it!) who is with Edge. Edge talks about his tag match tonight, where he will reunite with his former Rated RKO partner. After he’s said his piece, we see Alberto Del Rio walking backstage. He bumps into Michael Tarver and introduces himself. Tarver smiles and walks away. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH TARVER?! I’m dying to know, but I want them to drag this out for as long as possible. Providing the outcome is exciting, of course.
Alberto Del Rio’s Royal Rumble Exhibition: Del Rio announces that backstage there are 39 fighters from around the globe who are ready to fight him. He’ll start with one, and another will enter every 30 seconds. First up is Seth Allen. WOO! SETH ALLEN! Seth Allen has a sweet beard. Unfortunately, his in-ring prowess isn’t quite as sweet – he lasts about 25 seconds before Del Rio throws him over the ropes. Next up is Mike Stevens, whose beard is even sweeter than Seth Allen’s. These guys look like default create-a-wrestlers in the SmackDown! vs. RAW games, it’s amazing. The clock ticks down for the 3rd competitor… and flames erupt. Uh-oh. Here comes Kane. Damn it, I was genuinely looking forward to 37 more jobbers with generic names! What about Zac Stone? Rick Daniels? Chuck Awesomesauce? (Actually, Chuck Awesomesauce is a real wrestler. I kid you not. He is my hero, purely for having that name.) Kane grabs Del Rio by the throat and goes to push him over the ropes, but for some bizarre reason, Kofi Kingston appears. He grabs Kane’s legs and pushes both men over the ropes. Umm. Okay. Del Rio and Kane slowly get back in the ring to seek revenge. I was hoping the 39 jobbers would run to the rescue (they could start a new megafaction) but, unfortunately, Rey Mysterio appears instead. The goodies stare down the baddies, and Vickie Guerrero comes out to announce they will compete in a tag match… right now!
Alberto Del Rio/Kane vs. Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio: Most of this match is standard, nondescript fare, so let’s skip to the end. Alberto’s mad at Kane, because Kane wasn’t there to be tagged in. Uhh, he was kinda busy lying on the floor after Kofi knocked him off, jerk. Kane doesn’t like being pushed around, so he hits Del Rio with a big boot and takes off. Mysterio hits a 619 (watch you don’t break his nose, Rey! Yeah, I said it! Jerk.) and Kofi follows it up with a Trouble In Paradise. Striker reiterates what he said earlier about his belief that a ‘new face’ will win the Royal Rumble this Sunday. Nice sentiment, but it’s never gonna be Kofi Kingston. Your winners: Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio
Big Show vs. Heath Slater: Big Show’s in the ring to talk about the emergence of Corre and their attack on the giant 2 weeks ago. Needless to say, he’s pretty angry. The Corre soon appear, replete with terrible t-shirts. Heath Slater slides into the ring, and I guess this is a match-up! Every time Big Show runs the ropes, I wince, expecting them to snap and send him tumbling to the floor. Show soon plants Slater with a Chokeslam, and it’s all over. The other Corre members enter the ring. Show swats Barrett and Gabriel away, but Jackson takes him down with a clothesline. A bunch of good guys run from the back to chase off The Corre. Your winner: Big Show
The Miz/Dolph Ziggler vs. Edge/Randy Orton: Midway through this match, Ziggler hits Edge with an X-Factor facebuster. Is Ziggler working his way through DX members’ finishers? Actually, I joke, but I’m pretty sure he’s used a superkick a few times in the past! This match reaches fever pitch as Dolph fails to connect with the Zigzag. Edge hits the Spear, and it’s all over. Or not, because Vickie Guerrero grabs a microphone and starts shrieking. She announces that, until further notice, the Spear is illegal. Wow, this is very reminiscent of Vickie protecting Edge by banning Undertaker’s gogoplata submission hold, eh? How time flies. Vickie announces that if Edge hits Dolph Ziggler with a Spear at the Royal Rumble, not only will he be DQ’d… he will lose his World Championship! Edge snaps, and hits Ziggler with a trifecta of, yes, Spears. Better get it out of your system tonight, buddy.
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I started out this report focusing on the Teddy Long mystery, but not a lot was said about all that… Oh well. Seeing as we’re oh so very close to the Rumble, here’s my take on what will (but probably won’t) happen.
Rich Flynn’s Royal Rumble Predictions (Which Probably Won’t Happen)!:
Beth Phoenix made history last year by being only the second female entrant in Rumble history – and the first to eliminate a Superstar. There’s a good chance she could appear again.
And what about Awesome Kong? I have a strong feeling she will make an appearance – either during the Diva’s title match or the Rumble itself. It’s a long shot, but what better a way to debut a monster Diva?
Drew McIntyre will have an impressive Rumble. He’ll make a very deep run, and I’m putting him in the final four.
I fully expect Triple H to return during the Rumble. Admittedly, I haven’t heard what his recent plans are regarding his in-ring career, but giving Sheamus the King of the Ring is too perfect a set-up for a ‘Mania match between the two. Sheamus will dominate early on, but Triple H will appear and throw himself at Sheamus. Both men will be eliminated, but all Triple H will care about is destroying Sheamus on the outside.
When a friend pushed me for a Rumble winner prediction, I could only make one cautious choice – John Morrison, but with the caveat that his ‘Mania match would be at least a Triple Threat affair so the WWE don’t have to rely on his star power to sell the match. My friend, however, picked CM Punk, and it is a very good choice. I could see the following happen: Punk wins the Rumble. Miz retains against Orton. At the Elimination Chamber, Morrison eliminates Miz early on, resulting in a guaranteed new champion. John Cena wins the belt, which sets up a WWE championship match against Punk at WrestleMania. This also establishes a nice little grudge match between Morrison and Miz, either midcard or between the two big title bouts. One of the headline matches is going to have to be a biggy and, with SmackDown!’s lack of headline Superstars, I think we’ll be seeing it on RAW’s side. So, long story short, I’m going with CM Punk (but secretly I’m rooting for a big surprise such as Morrison).
Either way, this year’s winner needs to be a ‘new face,’ as Striker said. With their youth movement and the dire need to create new stars, the WWE needs to use the Rumble as a tool for pushing someone who has never before won. The increase to 40 men has given the Royal Rumble a shot in the arm, so hopefully this excitement will result in an equally thrilling result – not another victory for Randy Orton, John Cena or the like.
And, most importantly of all, the Soaring Eagle will be an entrant. Mark my words, kids.
See you next week!
For those residing in the U.S.A., Smackdown has officially moved to SyFy and broadcasts live tonight. Whether or not this move will improve ratings for the B show or not, obviously remains to be seen. WWE will likely pull out all the stops tonight and feature some RAW talent to bolster the viewing audience. Let’s see what in tarnation they’ve done… (more…)