Barrett’s assertive leadership over The Nexus has gained him more power amongst the Power Poll voters. (My vote: 2)
2. Edge (2)
On the face side of the proverbial fence again, Edge has once again started to run roughshod over the Blue Brand. Pinning David Otunga to give Team SmackDown the victory over The Nexus helps The Rated R Superstar maintain his position at number two. (My vote: 6)
3. Randy Orton (3)
The voices in his head may not be enough come Survivor Series with the odds stacked firmly against him. Despite finding himself on the losing end of a Wade Barrett pinfall victory for Nexus, The Viper stands strong at number 3. (My vote: 5)
4. The Miz (7)
How do you bounce back up the ranks of the Power Poll? Dropping the WWE Champion skull first into the canvas when you’re supposed to be his partner certainly helps. (My vote: 4)
5. Kane (1)
The World Heavyweight Champion drops way down this week, finding himself on the winning end of a tag team match that was dominated by another member of his team, who happens to be his Survivor Series opponent. (My vote: 9)
6. John Cena (6)
Hilarious promos and wins over future endeavor fodder are fun sometimes, but not when you’re John Cena, apparently, as Mr. Invisible once again charts at number 6. (My vote: 3)
7. Alberto Del Rio (10)
Del Rio continues to impress the Power Poll voters every week, and has found his way back up to number 7. (My vote: N/A)
8. Jeff Hardy (9)
Despite having to face Matt Morgan instead of his scheduled opponent Mr. Anderson, Jeff Hardy shined in the main event at Turning Point, retaining his gold in the process. (My vote: 7)
9. Daniel Bryan (4)
With yet another strong showing in a big match setting, Daniel Bryan continues to show the world that he is the absolute best at what he does. (My vote: N/A)
10. Santino Marella (NR)
Living proof that non-wrestling segments can be just as – if not more – entertaining as the matches on a wrestling show, Santino’s tea party with “Shay-moose” was hilarious enough to boost the Milan Miracle – for the first time, I’m willing to bet – onto the Power Poll (My vote: 1)
Dropped out: Matt Morgan
I also voted for: Rob Van Dam (8) and Vladimir Kozlov (10)
Man, it’s been nearly two months since my last ESW fix – these guys need to start putting on more shows, or alternatively, I need to start going out to their parent company, Maximum Force Wrestling’s shows. Several of tonight’s scheduled matches were set up at Overdrive on September 11th, including ESW Interstate Champion “Inferno” Johnny Adams taking on “Bad Boy” Barry Hardy, Johnny Puma taking on Ryot, and the ESW Championship match between champion Chris Cooper and challenger Brandon Thurston. Let’s go!
Hello ladies and gentlemen! The RAW Review is back this week, just as it was last week, and I’m frazzled. I decided to take on the challenge that is National Novel Writing Month, but I’ll suck that up quietly in peace and not bring it to RAW. Anyway, I’ve tucked away all the stuff for that for now, and I am focused on RAW! Just a side note, however, I am going to be missing the November 22nd edition of RAW, for I will be there LIVE when they come to Orlando!! So I may get a late review up on the 23rd or something like that depending on how tired I am. We’ll see how that goes, but why am I jumping ahead!? I have to get through tonight!!
However, before we begin, our very own ThinkSoJoE and Random Redhead’s birthdays are on the same day as Wrestlemania 27 tickets… Just an idea… 😉 There’s your plug, sweetie.
I hear voices in my head, they council me, they understand, they talk to me…
We start out RAW first thing with Randy Orton making his way onto the stage and into the ring. He says that he doesn’t think there’s a man alive who could take the title from him, but if someone did, he would accept it, but he couldn’t accept it if he lost it because of a crooked referee. Especially if that crooked ref just so happened to be John Cena. So, he’d like to ask Cena to come out to the ring because if he’s gonna screw Orton over at Survivor Series, the least he could do is be man enough to say it to his face.
BRRRRRRRRRR SLAM THAT DOOR!
Cena walks out and says that he will say something to Orton’s face: cut him some slack. He knows Randy is the WWE Champion, he’s been there before, they both have. Orton’s smart enough to know that championships are won and lost, they come they go, and he has a decision to make at Survivor Series. If Barrett beats Cena at Survivor Series, he’s finally out of Nexus, but if Orton wins, Cena’s fired. And he has to be the guest referee. Cena says that if there’s a situation, if something happens, he doesn’t … He asks if he sees all that chaos on unrest, but he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. He’s either free or fired. Orton says that he sees that, and it’s Cena’s bleeding heart way of saying that he is gonna screw Orton over at Survivor Series. Cena denies it, but Orton says that if he does screw Orton over, then he keeps his job, but he’ll be the biggest phony in the WWE. And don’t bother coming out talking about Hustle, Loyalty, Respect, especially respect, because he’s obeying Barrett and disrespecting every champion, including himself. Then, Orton tells him to get out of his ring, because Cena doesn’t deserve to be in it. Orton then apologizes and says that Cena can’t get out of the ring without asking his master for permission. Cena says that they both worked hard to get there, and that Nexus runs the show while Cena gets coffee. Cena says that Barrett may have enough skill to compete for the WWE Championship, but he’s classless, and Barrett’s the one who doesn’t know about respect.
We walk alone, through the unknown…
Nexus – now with their new members McGuillicutty and Harris, make their way onto the stage. Barrett thanks Cena for his kind words, and he gives Cena permission to say whatever he wants about Barrett because actions will speak louder than words, and when push comes to shove, Cena will do exactly what he’s told. And at Survivor Series, Cena will raise his hand as the new WWE Champion. Cena says that all he knows that in three weeks, it’s over. He’s either out of Nexus or, and Barrett says or he’s fired. Cena asks Orton if he can have a second with his boss. Cena says that in three weeks, this thing is coming to a head, and whether he leaves Nexus or leaves the WWE, he’ll leave Barrett a parting gift: when this is all over, Cena will beat the hell out of Barrett. Orton then says that he doesn’t have to wait until Survivor Series, and as far as Orton is concerned, Barrett’s a scared little child who needs to hide behind seven other guys, and he’ll beat on him until the only thing left for Cena to do is count to ten and declare Orton the victor. Barrett starts toward the ring.
“Randy Orton, as the WWE Champion, I feel for the position you’re in. You want to know what Cena is going to do, we all wanna know, so I think we should find out tonight. Later this evening, there will be a main event with Wade Barrett and a partner of his choice vs you, Randy, and a partner of your choosing. And the special guest referee is going to be John Cena.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@CawCawBang Someone’s going to get their head punted in
@thinksojoe No, Michael Cole, you may NOT have my attention. #BWF #RAW
@Niki_Sushi So… was Cole reading the ‘e-mail’ off of Microsoft Word?
@Lunna1969 And I quote, shut the hell up Michael Cole!
We return to WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater in the ring.
WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater vs David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd with Natalya
So, are these two actually going to split, or is this going to be teased the entire time? Curious… And I may be wrong. I don’t see Natalya.
Kidd and Slater start out, getting good momentum, but Kidd tags – see, punches – Smith in, and Smith dominates Slater. Smith hits the suplex on Slater, going for a cover, but Slater kicks out at two. Smith continues to dominate in the center of the ring, until Slater manages to get behind Smith and Gabriel tags himself in, getting a quick hit on Smith and taking advantage. Slater and Gabriel tag in and out, dominating Smith in their corner. Gabriel gets Smith in the middle of the ring in a headlock, and I see now that Natalya was not out here. Smith hits a scoop slam on Gabriel. Smith manages to get Kidd in, and Kidd gets a good advantage, hitting a neckbreaker before going for a cover, only for Slater to break it. Smith sends Slater flying outside of the ring, and Kidd takes advantage, dropkicking Gabriel out of the ring. Slater shoves Smith into Gabriel, sending Kidd flying into Smith. Slater then distracts Kidd, and Gabriel goes to the top rope and hits the 450 for the win.
WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater win via pinfall.
Smith yells at Kidd for a while, once again teasing the breakup.
Backstage, Cena’s standing there and Truth comes up. Truth says Cena got buck, confusing all of us, and then explains that Cena just stood up for himself. Truth then says when the moment of truth arrives, what is Cena gonna do? He says that he’s Cena’s friend, and Cena walks away.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Oh Hart Dynasty…ya dun goofed…again
@Niki_Sushi I was all pumped up to see Justin and Heath, but then a couple Harts came out and ruined it for me. Ah, dammit. #BWF #RAW
@seraphalexiel I wanna know when Truth and Cena got so chummy. Did anyone know they were friends before Cena became a slave?
@HitTheRopes Umm, that’s not what “getting bucked” means, R-Truth. #wwe
@kickoutblog I’d really like to see Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel lock up in the future.
The guest star tonight is PeeWee Herman. And just this song is driving me crazy.
It’s a shameful thing, lobster head, too many limes, too many limes!
<VIDEO PACKAGE: John Morrison assists Santino Marella defeat Sheamus.>
Sheamus says that everyone expected him to come out and throw a tantrum over Santino’s loss last week, but Santino didn’t beat him, he beat himself. Santino, he’s given you a week to bask in the glory of his fluke victory, but now he’s gonna pay. So, fella, come out here and try that one more time. And come out Santino does, in street clothes. Santino says that first of all, he would just like to say that he respects Sheamus as a human being. In fact, he is a little bit of a fan of his. Actually, he went trick-or-treating dressed as Sheamus. The only problem is that everyone thought he was a ghost. Sheamus smirks a little. Santino says that it was quite irritating and no wonder Sheamus is so angry. Sheamus isn’t grinning anymore. Santino says last night he consumed too much candy, and bad things happen. So, unfortunately, the doctor said that if he wrestles against Sheamus, he’s going to accidentally throw up in Sheamus’ face. He doesn’t think that anyone wants to see that, but the crowd disagrees. Santino says that he did find Sheamus a suitable replacement.
Yeah, you’re a stoopid boy…
Vladimir comes out and says that Sheamus talks funny. Now, Vladimir crush him. HULK SMASH!
Sheamus vs Vladimir Kozlov
Vladimir gets a good start against Sheamus, getting an early advantage, but Sheamus fights back. Vladimir wastes no time in getting it back, and Santino plays cheerleader for Kozlov. Sheamus gets Kozlov in the corner and gets Kozlov in the middle of the ring, hitting a back breaker and going for a cover. Kozlov kicks out at two, and Sheamus uses some rather Orton-like knee drops to the skull. Kozlov then grabs Sheamus and head butts his chest, going for the cover, but Sheamus gets his foot on the rope. Sheamus fights back and hits the Brogue kick for the win.
Sheamus wins via pinfall.
Sheamus then gets Santino’s hand under his boot and steps back, only for Santino to scurry out of the ring. Sheamus follows him, and Santino offers Sheamus candy in exchange for safety, then offers to give him money. Sheamus drops the money and continues to stalk Santino. Santino then offers him the credit card, and Sheamus chucks that too. Santino then offers to write Sheamus a check, but Sheamus shoves him backward, and then kicks his stomach. Sheamus lifts Santino, and gets ready to hit the Irish curse, only for Morrison to come to his rescue, kicking Sheamus in the stomach and head. Santino trumpets the fact that he’s okay, and Morrison watches him.
Truth walks up to Orton backstage and Truth says that he’s cool with Orton, but he and Cena are friends. Truth says that he doesn’t like what he saw, and he thinks that Cena’s already made up his mind. Truth says that Cena’s not going to let himself get fired, and he has a funny feeling that Cena’s gonna count Barrett victorious. Orton says that tonight, he’s going to make Truth his tag-team partner. Cena and Orton have never gotten along, but Orton wants to see how he treats his friends. Orton says that tonight, they’re going to find out that Cena doesn’t have any friends.
<COMMERCIAL>
@seraphalexiel Obviously, Truth’s new gimmick is Danny Glover. More hood, less awards
@Niki_Sushi Its a shameful thing, lost my shorts! Too much sun, too much sun! #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes When the Hell did R-Truth become Dr. Phil of the Raw locker room? Stop being an instigator, Truth. #wwe
@ThingsColeSays Hey Truth, who is Wade Barriet?
@FrankWWEClown “Odds are I will eventually throw up…….IN YOUR FACE.” –Santino #WWE #RAW
@bethsharae I’m not entirely positive that R-Truth speaks the English language.
Mark Henry is on the phone with PeeWee and says that things aren’t the same since Evan got hurt, because he’s not just his tag partner, but his friend too. PeeWee says that he felt the same thing with a splinter, and I don’t know what he’s talking about. Henry turns around and says it’s a great story, but he still has to find a tag partner, which is why he’s there to see him. Herman says he’d be glad to be his tag partner. Henry says that Herman is just the man to give him a big hug, and Henry crushes him. Herman says that he knows what may cheer him up, and that’s Diva Twister. The Bellas, Melina, an Eve. Dear, God.
PeeWee says he’s taking some time off from his Broadway show – the PeeWee Herman show – for plenty of surprises, and Lita shows up!, joining them for Twister.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Thank gawd they introduced the Divas because this segment had *PAUSE* written all over it. #wwe
@kickoutblog Ya know, as much as I love Pee-Wee, it’s probably a really bad idea to play Twister with him. Just sayin.
OH, RADIO, TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!
Well, Joe, you got part of a Ryder entrance!! That counts, right?
Zack Ryder vs Ezekiel Jackson
Ryder gets a small advantage, and Jackson takes that away without even blinking. Big Zeke wins.
Ezekiel Jackson wins via pinfall.
The main event is going to be Orton and Truth against Barrett and Otunga with Cena as special guest ref!
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Zack Ryder, meet your new pimp. Be sure to shave your legs and wax your bikini line; clients don’t like that shit.
@kickoutblog Ow, Ow, Ow… you know it! #BigZekeWillBreakYou
… PeeWee came out… but now I’m terrified.
Tonight’s secret word is ring. Apparently, we’re supposed to do something. And King is too excited about this. Scream, of course. I must have erased that from my memory. And I totally did just put arrested… Freudian slip.
AWESOME!
Cole welcome us to Miz-ville, and I want to punch him. PeeWee’s making some kind of noise in the mic as Miz climbs into the ring.
Miz says he thought RAW losing at Bragging Rights was the lowest point of the show, but he was wrong. Miz doesn’t like PeeWee – though Riley does – and he always liked He-Man. PeeWee asks why he doesn’t marry He-Man. Miz tells him to get out of the ring, and everyone screams. Riley tells him not to say the secret word, and Miz says that he doesn’t care about the secret word, and he wants PeeWee out of his ring – cue screaming. Miz says that he’s not a cultural icon, just a pathetic excuse for a man. Miz and PeeWee proceed to fight like kindergartners, and Riley says he’ll handle it, but Riley gets in PeeWee’s face and Miz has to stop him. Miz asks if PeeWee is stupid, and says that he’s Mr. Money in the Bank. Miz doesn’t care who PeeWee is, and asks if PeeWee wants him to beat him into a pulp, and PeeWee says that he’s shaking, and that PeeWee is starting to get angry. He’s a loner and a rebel. PeeWee says that they should not anger the P. He got his cousin backstage, and Miz mocks him a little bit. Miz says that’s so funny he forgot to laugh, and to bring his cousin and the whole Herman family, because he will destroy them all. PeeWee says that he’ll be out there to wipe the smirk off his face.
WELL, It’s a Big Show!
Show comes out in a PeeWee imitation suit, and I die a little inside. Show double clotheslines Miz and Riley out of the ring and picks PeeWee up. Pee Wee asks if they had a nice trip out of the ring.
“Miz, you’re not getting out of this so easy. You said you’d beat anyone in PeeWee’s family, well, tonight’s secret word is pain. Because you’re going to face PeeWee Herman’s cousin, the big PeeWee, next.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog If Big Show does the Pee-wee Tequila dance, I might have to stop watching wrestling since nothing will ever top that.
@HitTheRopes Okay, who came in and changed the channel. I could have sworn I was tuning in to watch WRESTLING. #wwe
@Niki_Sushi Oh fuck me. This is…. this is horrifying. Even Miz looks embarrassed for Show.
@RingsideRants Jesus, I miss wrestling. #WWE #RIPWrestling
@KKonvictionCom Oh it’s Pee-Wee. Hide yo kids, hide you wives, hide your husbands…cuz he’s rapin errbody up in hurr.
The Miz vs The Big Pee Wee Show
Show dominates Miz, which just hurts my heart even more than- no, less than that last segment. Show Irish Whips Miz, who ducks out of the ring for a moment, climbing back in the ring. Show then returns to dominating Miz, which we all know is because of his movie (alright, alright, I’ll stop being a fangirl. xP), and steps down on Miz’s throat, though Miz comes back, ducking under a clothesline and getting some hits to Show’s knee. Show comes back with a hard hit to Miz, then flips him onto the ground and hits a hard elbow drop. Show goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out. Miz looks a little dizzy, but continues to kick at Show’s knee, alternating between his head and knee. Miz hits a dropkick on Show’s knee, finally getting him down to his knees. Miz then gets Show in a headlock, holding it there tight. Show stands up, but Miz holds on, paying for it as Show falls backwards. Miz and Show both make their way to their feet, Show regaining momentum. Show climbs up to the second rope, watching Riley, and then dropping backward, only for Miz to roll out of the way. Miz then goes for the cover, but Show throws him into the ref. Miz attacks Show while he’s down, kicking him in the face before hitting some hard hits and going up to the top rope, aiming to knock Show down again. Miz goes up again, dropping his knuckles on Show’s head, once, and then doing it again for a third time. He goes for the cover, but Show throws him off again. Miz gets Show in a headlock, holding on tight once again. Show struggles to get up to his feet, flipping Miz off him and then clotheslining Miz once, twice, and Irish Whipping Miz and then throwing him over his back. Show makes a train noise and then runs across the ring, getting Miz set up for the choke slam, but Riley distracts Show, who uses the briefcase and gets disqualified.
The Big Show wins via disqualification.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Stand up for WWE, Celebrity Edition.>
Backstage, Cena is talking to Barrett. Barrett says after Cena raises his hand in victory, he wants Cena to clean his locker room: Sweep, mop, and then scrub Barrett’s back. Cena looks over and sees Otunga. Otunga says that Cena won’t be scrubbing Barrett’s back, because he’ll be raising Otunga’s hand. Otunga has more talent than anyone in Nexus, and more than Cena. Yeah, okay, Otunga.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar John Cena’s also gonna shave Wade Barrett’s back and Barrett will purr like a Walrus
@kickoutblog Pee-wee + Big Show + The Miz = wrestling gold
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Goldust and Aksana get married tomorrow night on NXT.>
That may have been a commercial, but it made me grin. Remember, DiBiase has a personal vendetta against Goldust for stealing Daddy’s belt. Which means daddy’s more pissed off.
Ted DiBiase with Maryse vs. Daniel Bryan
DiBiase starts to get an advantage, but Daniel eats his advantage with his feet. … I don’t know what that meant either. Anyway, Maryse walks over to Cole and says something, and Cole says that he’ll let us know. DiBiase tries to get the advantage away from Bryan, and does so after a hard fight. He gets Bryan in the middle of the ring, holding Bryan in a headlock. Maryse looks like she’s got something in mind, so keep an eye on her Bryan, and not a creepy one. Bryan attempts a LaBell lock in mid-air, but turns it into a cover, twice, and DiBiase kicks out both times. Alright, that staircase flip thing off the ropes was impressive. Bryan pounds the mat as he avoids DiBiase, getting pumped up, and then kicks DiBiase in the chest once, twice, three, four, five, six times. DiBiase counters a jump into a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. DiBiase gets behind Bryan and tries for Dream Street, but Bryan gets him in the LaBell Lock, and DiBiase taps.
Daniel Bryan wins via submission.
DiBiase freaks out on Maryse and says that he can’t concentrate and he needs his title back.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! #LeBellLock
@TheWWETweeter AHAHAH!! David Otunga just said he’s the most talented guy in @TheNexusWWE!! That was hilarious!! ..Oh wait.. He wasn’t kidding..? #WWE #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar #umad Ted. Its Daniel Bryan, there’s nothing you can do
Damn it. LayCool is here. I mean… No, that’s what I meant.
McCool says that she feels that LayCool got off on the wrong foot with everyone and she doesn’t care. They apologize for hurting the WWE Universe. They just need a fresh start, and the more they give, the more people take it the wrong way. Natalya, for example, is what they call special. She’s Canadian, and they’re going to be nice. They say that they’re going to give Natalya another chance at Survivor Series if she beats McCool tonight, but she won’t do that because they’re the best there was, is, and ever will be.
Diva’s Champion Michelle McCool vs Natalya
I really thought Cole was going to say it was time for the most exciting sixty seconds of RAW. I was going to cry a little as I laughed myself to death. Anyway, Natalya gets a pretty good start, but McCool yanks it away from her and beats the shit out of her for a while. Just when it looks like Natalya can’t get back in it, Natalya steals an advantage back and throws McCool into Layla, then moves out of the way so that McCool kicks Layla, and then sneaks a pin in there for the victory.
Natalya wins via pinfall.
We see a heart monitor beeping, and then Freddie Prinze Jr comes up, and says that the someone’s still in a coma, and he’s going to miss the election. Then, we see it’s Vince McMahon?!
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Michelle’s weave met some chlorine, apparently. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Look out, women are actually wrestling on WWE TV. #SignsofApocalypse
@CawCawBang THERE’S NO TIME OUT IN WRESTLING!!!!!
@BrdWrstlngFn As much as I can’t stand these two – I love the gimmick. It works.
@ThingsColeSays Oh God. That can’t be good.
@FrankWWEClown Aw, Layla is crying. How dare you Natalya. #WWE #RAW
@YourBoyDrew Vince..I just saw you at the appreciation show, what happened within that one day? Haha
Freddie talks to Vince and says that at least Linda comes over to visit, and she’s dedicated, even though she spent $50 million on a campaign. I was right. This is the obligatory Linda for Senate segment!! Now Freddie has to break the news that Taker was buried, Nexus is stronger than ever, Cena’s in Nexus, Paul Bearer’s back, Goldust is getting married, and RAW’s being taken over by PeeWee Herman. Vince says next, Freddie’s going to tell him Bryan is US Champion. Right on the money, Vince. Vince pulls off all the stuff keeping him hooked p and says that he has to go to the bathroom. Then again, if his wife can run for Senate, he can run to be the President. Oh, dear God. There’s a Blumenthal sign on Vince’s butt.
Stephanie suddenly shoots up in bed and says that she had the weirdest dream. She asks Triple H to make sure her dad’s still in a coma, and he says yes, and Thank God.
BRRRRRRRRRRRR What the hell is Creative on tonight?
Wade Barrett and David Otunga vs Randy Orton and R-Truth with Special Guest Referee John Cena
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes With the Blumenthal poster on his keister, WWE gave both candidates time in that segment. LOL
@RingsideRants Stay classy, Vince.
@kickoutblog Okay, Vince waking up after hearing his wife spent $50 million was pretty funny. Not digging the free Linda ads though.
@seraphalexiel D: I hate politics too. Go away
@CawCawBang Mr. Mcmahon is Mr. Krabs
@FrankWWEClown Cena would make a great ref if he wasn’t a Superstar, he just pulled out the tag ropes for this match. So vital. Eat that, Chioda. #WWE
@Lunna1969 Super Cena don’t look right in black and white stripes…
@KeepItFiveStar If John Cena destroys R-Truth I will love him for life
@ThingsColeSays Vince McMahon has lost his damn mind.
Otunga and Orton start out, locking up in the middle of the ring. Otunga backs Orton into a corner and beats on Orton for a while. Orton gets out, and hits a shoulder block on Otunga, getting him to his knees before kicking him in the stomach. He then Irish Whips Otunga and runs into an elbow. Otunga tags in Barrett, who gets a clothesline from Orton as he gets in. Cena gets Orton off of Barrett and Barrett takes advantage and rolls Orton up, only for Orton to kick out at two. It happens again, but Barrett tags in Otunga, who eats a scoop slam. Orton and Barrett lock eyes, and Orton drops his knee in Otunga’s face, then follows him out of the ring. Cena tells them to get back in the ring, and Orton goes to throw Otunga into the steps, only for Otunga to reverse it and throw Orton in. Cena tells Otunga to get Orton back in, and he does. Otunga goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two. Otunga tags in Barrett, who immediately begins stomping on Orton. Barrett gets Orton in a headlock, but Orton gets to his feet and gives Barrett a very hard throw to the mat. Both men are down and work toward their corners, Otunga and Truth tagged in. Truth hits a hard, two hard elbows on Otunga, then throws Otunga down. Otunga Irish Whips Truth, who jumps off the corner and does his fancy dance moves, and goes for a cover, only for Otunga to kick out at two. Truth throws Otunga into the ropes, and Barrett is tagged in. Barrett goes for the cover, but Truth kicks out at two. Barrett Whips Truth into the corner, and Barrett hits a back breaker. Barrett lifts Truth and punches him in the face, then going up to the second rope and missing an elbow drop as Truth moves out of the way. Both men are down, again. Truth tags Orton, but Cena never saw the tag due to Otunga climbing into the ring and distracting Cena. Barrett drags Truth over to their corner and the Barrett tags Otunga in. Otunga slams Truth onto the mat and hits an elbow drop, going for a cover only for Truth to kick out at two. Otunga tags in Barrett, Cena kicks Otunga to the apron, and Barrett beats Truth up a little. Otunga goes for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two, then puts Truth in a headlock. Truth fights back, and the two of them are down in the center of the ring after a double cross body. Otunga tags in Barrett, but Cena misses it because Orton distracts him. As Cena yells at Barrett, Orton hits the RKO on Otunga and takes Barrett out of the ring. Truth then gets the pin on Otunga.
R-Truth and WWE Champion Randy Orton win via pinfall.
For some reason, Truth’s music changes to Randy’s. The sound guys probably realized that playing Orton’s music made more sense since Orton really got them the victory. Either way, we end RAW with an epic staredown between Orton, Barrett, and Cena.
Overall, not a bad RAW, if you take away the scary ass PeeWee segments. See ya next week, ladies and gentlemen.
This is simply an extended reponse to my previous column dealing with the wide-open subject of John Cena. “Bored Wrestling Fans” very own Jana always provides a good read and I thought that her opinions were so great that it’d be a shame not to share them with the rest of you! Couldn’t fit THIS into one measly comment!
—————-
The current anti-Cena attitude can be traced to several factors.
The easy thing to do, which is also incorrect, is to make blanket assumptions, such as “The IWC hates Cena,” or that only women and kids cheer for Cena. Both of those statements are demonstrably false. Show me a fan of ANYTHING today who doesn’t spend time on the internet, researching and seeking to connect with others of like mind. I don’t remember anyone ever claiming that only women and kids cheered for Hulk Hogan back in the 80s, and if it were true for Cena, it would almost have to be true for Hogan. The argument that Hogan was a star in a more innocent time, where older kids and guys would have felt comfortable supporting him, and that we today have already experienced the age of the anti-hero, making the more traditional hero less attractive, doesn’t stand up either. Hogan’s heyday in the 80s was the time of Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry, the X-Men comics (which I know were created earlier, but were still very popular), the golden age of hard rock and heavy metal, and a host of other tv, movie, and comic book characters who were as dark, edgy, and of the anti-hero vein as anything that we have today.
Wrestling fans have grown up accustomed to “cool” heels. The nWo holds much responsibility for this, as does DX, the original ECW, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, and the Rock. We’ve almost been trained to be contrary, cheering for heelish characters and booing babyfaces. The example of the Rock is always trotted out, and the comparison has some merit. Rocky Maivia was too goody-goody and boring. The Rock was everything that we wanted to be. Cena was quite popular all around when he first started the rapper gimmick, largely because he was unpredictable on the mic. He would cut down anyone, including Vince McMahon. Nowadays, he grunts and makes rather constipated-looking facial expressions while repeating lackluster catchphrases like “Never give up.” Cena is doing exactly what he is supposed to do by playing the indestructible super hero that every kid loves, but in doing so, he has completely alienated the rest of the audience that is not part of the PG demographic.
This leads me to the next point. Whether it really happened because Linda McMahon decided to run for Senate or not, the shift to the PG product and tightly focused marketing on kids is, to a degree, a very sound business decision. The golden age of WWF in the 80s (I consider the Attitude Era a completely different creature from any sort of “golden age.”) targeted kids. Business boomed. Now those very kids are grown and have their own kids. It’s a basic business concept to “get ’em when they’re young,” and then you have customers for life. It certainly worked before. The problem with catering to a new generation of fans is that the previous generation of fans, who have supported the product with time, money, and passion, feel slighted and even cheated. The resentment and hatred over that is transferred to the company’s poster boy, John Cena. The thing that WWE seems to have forgotten in their new business model is that the kids aren’t paying for anything. Parents and guardians, adults, in other words, have to take the kids to the shows, buy tickets, t-shirts, masks, and all the other merchandise that gets created, and sit through the shows with the kids, both live on on tv. If the parents think that the content is stupid, or embarrassing/insulting to human intelligence, they won’t want to spend the time and money on WWE that they once did. Basically, there has to be something in it for them as well, and WWE is ignoring that.
This ties in with my final point. You were dead-on about having a company that has a bit of everything. That’s why I (and so many others, by the sound of it) feel so disappointed and let down by both WWE and TNA. I wouldn’t mind sitting through a John Cena match if I knew that I would get an Alex Shelley match somewhere else on the card. The most effective and profitable concept for pro wrestling has always been, and always will be, what I call the circus model. It has a little bit of everything, and all of it is good. Comedy acts, like Santino Marella and Hornswaggle. Over-the-top epicness like the Undertaker and Kane. Special attractions like the Great Khali and the Big Show. True tag teams like the Hart Dynasty, the Usos, Beer Money, and the Motor City Machine Guns. Legitimate women’s matches with actual wrestlers like Beth Phoenix, Natalya, Mickie James, Daffney, Sarita, MsChif, and Sara Del Ray. Mat-based technical wow-fests with people like Douglas Williams, Nigel McGuinness, Christopher Daniels, AJ Styles, Davey Richards, KENTA, and Roderick Strong. Powerhouses like Drew McIntyre, Samoa Joe, and Sheamus. Super-athletic high-fliers like Brian Kendrick, Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne, Justin Gabriel, John Morrison, and Austin Aries. That would be every wrestling fan’s dream.
The company with the broadest appeal does the best business. ROH caters to a very specific audience, and that’s great for that audience. They specifically say that they aren’t interested in the casual fan, and that they provide serious wrestling that has nothing to do with sports entertainment for fans of real pro wrestling. Fine, that’s their thing. The big two aren’t much better. WWE hates tag teams, most of the smaller and more athletic high-fliers, and legitimate female wrestlers who don’t look like Barbie dolls. They focus on children at the expense of the adult audience. TNA prides themselves on being a more adult product, but Eric Bischoff mocks the hardcore wrestling fans and says repeatedly that they don’t matter, that the casual fans were the target audience. As you said, TNA has tried so hard to be WWE that they have lost almost everything that made them different. The X-Division, the six-sided ring, the legitimate Knockouts division, the focus on true tag teams, and the international talent are all gone.
How does all this tie back in to John Cena? While there are a given number of douchebags who have to make sure that everyone knows that they are far too cool to ever like something that is popular or mainstream, most of it, I honestly believe, stems from frustrated and disappointed fans who feel that there is nothing in the WWE product for them anymore. They resent having devoted so much time, money, and passion into something that has essentially ditched them. Because John Cena is the embodiment of the current WWE product, all the negative feelings are transferred to him. Booing and criticizing him is easier than actually getting the desired changes from Vince and the WWE. It’s rather like spending huge quantities of time, effort, and money on dating someone, and then you get kicked to the curb for someone else. Of course you hold that individual up as the epitome of all that is wrong with the world. It’s how human nature works.
Originally, I thought I wasn’t going to be able to catch this RAW, due to homework, but I managed to just miss about 18 minutes of it. I’m sure RAW will more than make up. Anyway, basically all that happened during that block I missed was that Cena and Otunga lost the WWE Tag Team Championships to Gabriel and Slater. Awesome.
We come back from the first commercial for a WWE Rewind.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week: United States Daniel Bryan challenges Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler to a Champion vs. Champion match at Bragging Rights.>
Vickie Guerrero and Kaitlin make their way out to the ring. Vickie says that there was a blemish in Smackdown’s perfect night at Bragging Rights, and that Ziggler was cheated by shoddy officiating, and that there was a bias for RAW by the WWE referees. Ziggler is going to embarrass Bryan tonight.
Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler vs United States Champion Daniel Bryan
Before the match even begins, CM Punk comes out.
In the ring, Ziggler gets an advantage over Bryan, and Punk joins them for commentary. Bryan takes the advantage back and gets Ziggler in the ‘surfboard’, and Ziggler manages to get out or Bryan lets him out. Ziggler goes for a cover on Bryan, but Bryan kicks out on two. Ziggler tries to keep advantage, but Bryan takes that away with a dropkick to the face, and Ziggler kicks out of the cover. Ziggler hits a low gut-kick on Bryan and Bryan flips him right out of the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes I love that @CMPunk is about to school King and Cole on announcing. #wwe
@ThingsColeSays CM Punk burying King is AWESOME!!!
@TKeep123 Here come Chuck Norris…err..I mean….Bryan Daniel. #WWE #RAW
We’re back to Bryan and Ziggler back in the ring, and Bryan takes Ziggler out with a hard clothesline. Bryan goes for the cover, but Ziggler kicks out. Ziggler looks like he’s begging for mercy, and Bryan ignores him, hitting hard kicks on his abdomen. Bryan misses his first kick, but hits the second one, only for Ziggler to kick out at two. Bryan goes for the LaBell lock, but Ziggler gets to the ropes. Bryan puts Ziggler on the top rope, and hits a hurricanrana off the top, only for Ziggler to flip it into a pin, though Bryan kicks out. Ziggler goes for the sleeper, but Bryan gets out, and Ziggler hits what could have almost been Sweet Chin Music on Bryan. Bryan kicks out of that cover though, and Vickie screeches about the ref cheating or something. Ziggler goes for the Zig-Zag, misses, Bryan goes for a cover, reverses into Ziggler covering Bryan, and then Bryan kicks out at two. Vickie is still screeching. Ziggler and Bryan trade moves, and then Ziggler throws Bryan, but Bryan kicks out of the cover. Ziggler goes for the sleeper again, but Bryan wonders absently around the ring, but Bryan counters into the LaBell lock, and Vickie pulls Ziggler’s foot outside the bottom rope. The ref takes his submission, Vickie freaks out, and the ref basically says that that’s too bad and keeps his decision the same.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan wins via submission.
Bryan’s enjoying his victory, and Ziggler slips back into the ring, but then flees when Bryan turns around.
Last night, Smackdown beat RAW again. Boo.
Later tonight, John Cena will take on WWE Champion Randy Orton, and the winner decides the special guest referee for their next match (or… Barrett and Orton decide).
<COMMERCIAL>
@WWEsAngel_Nef Okay, Bravo #WWE Good match w/ Punk as a God on commentary
@CawCawBang LMAO! I love CM Punk’s brutal honesty
@TKeep123 Ziggler’s gonna get callouses from tapping so much! #WWE #RAW
The guest star tonight is country megastar, Toby Keith.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: WWE In Your Corner: WWE Wrestlemania Reading Challenge.>
Toby Keith gives a copy of his albums to the Bellas, and they give him a Championship belt. Santino comes up, dressed like a cowboy. He said that when he came to America, it was all pop, and now it’s country and western. He then sings a song of sorts that he wrote. I’ll try to find these lyrics later, alright? It is funny. Toby tells him to keep his night job, and then Sheamus comes up.
Sheamus mocks Santino, of course, and says that Santino embarrassed his team last night, but Sheamus is going to give him an opportunity to prove he’s not worthless. He challenges him TONIGHT! Santino says he’s on. Sheamus then tells Santino he’d better show up. Santino then asks Toby if he thinks Sheamus was ‘for really’.
Cena walks up and yells at Barrett, who calls him out for finding a loophole last night. The only reason Cena’s still employed, is because Barrett is allowing it. If he tells Cena to make a cup of coffee, be silent, or lay down to give up a championship, then he’s gonna do it. Cena says that for the last few weeks he’s been trying to hold onto something he loves, but he can’t do it anymore. Fired, quit, it’s the same damn thing, and it beats working for Barrett. Barrett tells him to hold on, and that he may have a solution. If Cena beats Orton tonight, Barrett will make him an offer that will benefit both of them.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Santino still looks less ridiculous than Toby Keith usually does.
@inkincisions Please. Someone, anyone, get in that ring, and wrestle!
@thinksojoe Best. Country. Song. Ever! #BWF
@TKeep123 Cowboy crooner Santino Morella! Fear The Cobra! #WWE #RAW
@HitTheRopes The Bellas doing what they do best, standing next to the guest star….. Wait, wasn’t there some kinda dysfunction between them? #wwe
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Slam of the Week: LayCool mocks The Harts on Smackdown.>
LayCool vs Melina and Gail Kim
Melina goes straight for McCool, then dominates Layla. Melina goes for a cover on Layla, who kicks out. The two switch each other around, and then Layla knocks Gail off the apron, and they hit each other mid-ring with a cross body. Layla tags in Michelle, but Melina didn’t see it and takes a boot to the face and a cover for the win.
LayCool win via pinfall.
Short ass Diva’s match? Check!
Lawler tells us not to wear a WWE T-shirt when you go to vote next Tuesday.
Miz and Riley make their way to the ring, and Cole says Miz is going to read the Riot Act to the rest of the team.
<COMMERCIAL>
@divadirt Michelle pins Melina after a big boot and it’s all over in 1 minute. Yay(!) [/sarcasm] #WWE
@CawCawBang Does this mean we get to see psycho Miz again?
AWESOME!
Wheeeeeeee, Miz~! I haven’t done it in a while. Just… let me have a moment.
Okay, moment over.
Miz says he’s accomplished more in his career than everyone in this arena can dream of achieving in their entire lives. No matter how superior he is to everyone in the arena or the locker room, he is not a miracle worker. Last night, he endured adversity, overcame hardship, he lasted longer than any Superstar on RAW, but they still failed against Smackdown. If the WWE Superstars had a fraction of the talent that he possessed, the Bragging Rights trophy would be on Monday Night RAW. But his talent doesn’t just speak volumes. It screams ‘AWESOME’. That’s why he’s a leader. That’s why he’s the captain, and that’s why tomorrow, the poster child of THQ’s Smackdown vs RAW 2011 is none other than him. The Miz joins Cena and the Big Show on the cover of the game. Miz says that if they really wanted to make some money, then the cover should have just consisted of him. The RAW team should have just consisted of seven Miz’, instead of one Miz and six losers. If those people understand anything, understand this: he blames his team, he blames Smackdown, he blames Rey Mysterio, and if Rey wants to come over there, he’s putting out the challenge. Step right up over to RAW, next week, he doesn’t care. The reason people watch RAW is because of him. Because he’s the Miz and he’s the only person on the RAW roster that can honestly say that I’M AWESOME!
Eve comes out after his speech and makes her way into the ring, and Miz even holds the ropes apart for her. Miz says that Eve is there to apologize on behalf of all the Divas, but she doesn’t have to. She should, instead, be apologizing for her horrific taste in men, music, and hair extensions that don’t match. She says she didn’t come out to apologize. He needs to be worried about the fact that everyone in the locker room, arena, WWE Universe thinks he’s a… bunch of words here, loser. Miz asks if they all really think he’s a frog-faced loser, and I disagree. :3 Anyway… Miz says that the Packers aren’t going to the SuperBowl, so they’re all losers as well. As for Eve, Miz finds it amusing that the Superstars sent out a Diva to insult him. Eve says that she knows what he’s going to say and he’s quite possibly the furthest thing from awesome she’s ever seen, and he’s ugly. Riley says for her to shut the front door. Riley says that he doesn’t speak Gucci, but the reason the rest of the RAW team isn’t out there is because they’re all tip-toeing their way toward unemployment, and the Miz could have beat any of those slackers by himself. So, why doesn’t Eve take that little switch in her walk back to the back and find out if anyone in the team wants to take a piece out of the captain.
Truth comes out, thus ruining a few nights on Twitter. I wish he’d stop rapping though, I really would… God, I almost miss him screaming ‘What’s Up?’ at me… and yes, Cole, Santino’s singing was better.
Truth says slackers was a bit harsh. Anybody wanna piece of Miz? Truth would like to have a piece of Mr. Kermit. Don’t get mad because what Eve said is the truth, and they all know the truth hurts. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t have a problem showing Miz that the truth hurts. God, this is corny.
“Ding ding ding.”
The Miz vs R-Truth
Miz misses a clothesline, and Truth takes advantage, knocking Miz out of the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@WWEsAngel_Nef Is it just m or is Eve channeling some serious Dixie Carter right now? #WWE
@dasharpshooters: The Miz should Choke that bitch. STFU EVE! #wwe #raw
@StrikerSays For a minute, though, I was REALLY hoping for an intergender match.
@kickoutblog All those pansies in the Raw locker room had to send a woman to trash talk Captain Awesome.
@inkincisions LMFAO. Alex Riley. OMG. This segment has made my night. “OH YOU FANCY HUH!?”
@CawCawBang get back in the kitchen woman
@divadirt Miz says Eve should be sorry for her ‘extensions that don’t quite match’. You got served! #WWE
@TKeep123 I love Eve and she’s a trained dancer, model, cheerleader, etc, but when she dances to Truth’s rap…it’s just sooo bad. #WWE #RAW
Miz has Truth in a headlock as we return, getting momentum back with a big boot to the head. Truth goes for a roll-up, but Miz kicks out at two, and then pummels Truth’s head. Miz goes for a cover, but Truth kicks out. Miz gets advantage again, but Truth fights back, countering in mid-air and going for a cover, but Miz kicks out. Miz gets Truth in the corner and beats on him until the ref pulls him away. Miz then hits the swinging corner clothesline and goes for a cover again, only for Truth to kick out again. Miz gets him to his feet and then puts him on the top turnbuckle. Miz tries for a suplex, but Truth holds steady and knocks Miz off. Miz runs into Truth’s foot, and Truth jumps over him, hitting some hard hits on Miz before Miz counters with a kick to the gut. Truth then hits a vicious clothesline and keeps his momentum going. Truth goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Truth slams his elbow into Miz and ducks under a clothesline, hitting some weird move on Miz, and going for a cover. Miz kicks out at two, and Miz is outside on the apron. Truth knocks him right into the announce table. Truth then shoves Miz into the ring, and Riley shoves Truth into the apron. Eve walks over and slaps Riley. In the ring, Miz goes to suplex Truth, but Truth manages to get on his face. Truth then takes Riley out outside the ring, and goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Truth tries to hit Lie Detector, but Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale.
The Miz wins via pinfall.
Miz blows Eve a kiss after the match, getting some attitude back, of course.
Still to come, Cena takes on Orton.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar That’s R-Truth’s signature move, looking up a the lights, flatback.
Tonight’s guest star is Toby Keith, and he happens to be the special guest referee for the next match. The Bellas need to learn how to dance to country music. Seriously… and get off him, you whores. He’s too important to get herpes from you two.
Honestly… I’m a fan of Toby Keith (born and raised listening to him), but I don’t know what he’s saying, to be honest.
It’s a shameful thing, lobster head…
Sheamus vs Santino Marella
I love Santino. He just poked his head out from behind the lights there. Santino seems reluctant, but Toby Keith works on getting him in the ring. Santino managed to get one quick shot in before Sheamus decided to massacre him for his mistake. Sheamus went for the Brogue Kick, and Santino literally just flops onto his butt. John Morrison runs out and tells the ref something, falling on his butt again when Sheamus goes for another Brogue Kick. Sheamus went for another Brogue Kick, but ended up getting his feet all caught up in the ropes, and Santino capitalizes with a pin. He and John Morrison flee up the ring.
Santino Marella wins via miracle pinfall.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Toby Keith told Santino that Sheamus is no longer Triple H’s gym buddy.
@TKeep123 Toby Keith can’t keep his eyes open? OH, that’s right, protecting them from the Sheamus glow! #WWE #RAW
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Stand Up For WWE.>
More video packages, less wrestling. Totally makes sense.
Gabriel and Slater take pride in their title win. Otunga, on the other hand, wants to talk to Barrett and looks pretty pissed. Otunga asks why he had to go through that. Barrett says that he’s sorry he feels that way. Otunga says that since he couldn’t win last night, Barrett made him lay down. Otunga says that he may be a little pissed and may decide to tell everyone why they really attacked Taker last night. McGuillicutty and Harris come in wearing Nexus shirts, and Barrett says that they’re members, and while he understands Otunga’s frustrations, Otunga is either Nexus or against us, and he needs to make that choice right now. Otunga glares at them all, and then says he’s Nexus. Barrett says he’s pleased about that and for Otunga to keep up the excellent work. I wonder where they found enough fab- okay, no fat jokes. I’m sorry.
Next up, Cena vs Orton.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar “I was in prison watching the WWE because the inmates used to watch the show to get ideas on how to-” – MVP
@HitTheRopes Hey, Stand Up for WWE ad, I visited China…town! Chinatown, dammit! #wwe
@kickoutblog Okay, Stand Up for WWE is lame, but this promo is pretty damn cool.
@ThingsColeSays OK, I actually like this video package. I know it’s got ulterior motives, but it’s different.
Oh, dear God… Next week, Pee Wee Herman is the guest host… I may avoid RAW next week… He makes me twitchy.
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SHUT THE FRONT DOOR, EVE!
John Cena vs WWE Champion Randy Orton
Cena and Orton part seven million and forty-five starts now! … I love all their matches though, I’ll be honest.
Orton and Cena lock up, Cena getting Orton in a headlock, but Orton fights out of it and takes Cena down with a hard shoulder. Cena ducks a blow from Orton and gets him in another head lock. Cena gets out, but Cena hits a hard shoulder knockdown on Orton. They lock up yet again, but Cena backs Orton into a corner, then they run across the ring, and Orton counters Cena’s usual bulldog, hurling Cena across the ring. Orton gets the momentum and holds onto it, sparing Barrett a glance before focusing back on Cena. Cena launches himself at Orton, but Orton drops onto the mat and ducks under it, sending Cena right out of the ring. Barrett sneaks up on Orton from behind, but Orton catches him, and hits him, sending him scampering backward.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi @RandyOrton , why do you look like you were sculpted to make the Greek’s jealous?
@KeepItFiveStar Wade Barrett is doing the Smackdown vs RAW Manager bit. Just walk out while the person does their entrance.
We come back to Orton holding the momentum still, Cena fighting out of his headlock. Cena pulls Orton onto his shoulders, but Orton plants Cena face-first onto the mat first. Orton goes for a cover, but Cena powers out at two. Orton hits Cena with some hard hits to the face. Orton flings Cena into the corner, and Cena lifts his boot. Cena then hits a series of shoulder blocks on Orton and then drops him to the ground, calling for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, giving the You Can’t See Me to Barrett, before hitting it on Orton. Cena attempts the Attitude Adjustment, Orton attempts RKO, Cena attempts STF, and Orton hits a scoop slam. There was stuff in between, but it was moving fast. Orton glances at Barrett, and Orton pulls Cena into the ring, but Cena avoids the DDT and plants Orton outside the ring. Barrett goes to help, but Cena shoves him head over heels away from Orton. Orton and Cena exchange blows outside the ring, and then Cena throws Orton into the ring. Cena climbs onto the top turnbuckle and hits a leg drop on Orton. Cena goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two. Orton gets up, Cena attempts the Attitude Adjustment, and Orton wiggles free. Orton gets back into the ring and Cena locks in the STF. Orton is inching toward the ropes, but Barrett pulls the rope back, and Cena gets up in his face. They argue whether Cena should listen to Barrett or win the match. Cena gets back in the ring, and Orton hits a drop kick on him. Orton then hits his DDT on Cena, dropping to the mat and pounding in preparation for the RKO. Cena inches up to his feet, Orton watches him closely, and misses the RKO. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment instead and Orton manages to kick out at two. Cena gets Orton back up, but Orton hits an RKO on Cena, who rolled out of the ring. Orton rolls out of the ring to Cena and pulls him up and shoves him back into the ring, rolling back in himself. Orton gets to his feet and backs into a corner, but Barrett pulls Cena out and clotheslines Cena.
Jon Cena wins via disqualification.
Randy attacks Barrett from behind after the disqualification. Nexus runs to the ring and starts to take Orton out. Cena, on the other hand, fights Nexus back, and Barrett yells at them all to stop, and tells Nexus to get out of the ring. Barrett tells Cena well done, and that he gets to choose the special guest referee for his match with Orton at Survivor Series. His ref will be Cena. Barrett says that Cena will be an impartial referee, but if Barrett doesn’t win the championship at Survivor Series, he’ll fire Cena on the spot. When Barrett wins the WWE Championship, Cena will be relieved of any and all responsibilities to the Nexus. Cena looks like he can’t believe it, Orton looks pissed, and Cole poetically says that Orton is screwed. Way to take the words out of my mouth, Cole. Way to go.
What will Cena do? What will Orton do? WHAT WILL I DO?! There’s RAW. Til next week.
It’s the go home show before Bragging Rights – Does SmackDown Know the Enemy? Indeed, it’s RAW, and tonight the Monday Night superstars invade the Blue Brand! It’s Randy Orton vs. Kane in our Main Event tonight, and the two teams for Bragging Rights kick things off in the ring as Teddy Long presides over them.
Hey, my Peeps! Sorry for the absence as of late. I’m in Colorado at the moment and have been really busy lately. That’s no excuse, but life happens. I’m here today to give you some results from this past week’s WWE Superstars. I understand that some people don’t get the channel that carries Superstars, so here we go.
Match 1: Santino and Kozlov vs The Uso’s
Santino picks up the win for his team with the Cobra on one of the brothers. This is good to see, since Santino has been built as a comical jobber throughout the majority of his career in the WWE. We all know he will continue to be that, but it’s good to see him get a win every once in a while.
Match 2: Darren Young vs William Regal
I’m glad Young is getting some face time here. He has talent, but needs to develop his character now that he is out of Nexus. Regal is in a good spot here with a YOUNGer talent…see what I did there??? Regal gets the win here with the running knee.
Nexus invades Superstars. Wade Barrett says that if Cena doesn’t help him win the WWE Title at Bragging Rights, then he will be fired.
Main Event: Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre vs MVP and Chris Masters
I like the pairing of MVP and Masters. I think they could work out if given the opportunity. This was a good match with Cody Rhodes getting the win with the Crossroads.
Sorry about no RAW review last week. I originally planned to do it on Tuesday, but I completely forgot about a midterm, and real life caught up with me and bitch slapped be across the face. Anyway, there’s one gonna be up tonight, and that’s all that matters, right?
Tonight, John Cena will team up with WWE Champion Randy Orton against the men that got him into Nexus in the first place, Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris. How will Nexus feel about this?
RAW starts with Teddy Long, of all people, coming out. He says he’s here tonight because he can. Tonight, he’s going to take over RAW.
“Get out of my ring. Get out of my ring, now. You have no business being here.”
Teddy interrupts and says that Smackdown vs Raw this Sunday at Bragging Rights, and brings out the Bragging Rights trophy. Teddy says that the trophy belongs to Smackdown, and they laid the Smackdown on RAW last year.
“Get out of my ring, or else.”
Teddy says he’s not threatening him? He’ll show him, or else. Teddy climbs out of the ring and he starts arguing with Cole.
<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>
Teddy shoves the mic at Cole and goes up to the podium. He says that the Smackdown General Manager has an announcement to make. Right now, the RAW GM is going to be disconnected. He then introduces the Big Show and the rest of Team Smackdown. Edge, Alberto del Rio, Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger, Tyler Reks, and Rey Mysterio.
AWESOME!
Turns out Team RAW wasn’t too happy about that, and Captain Miz comes out with a laughing Alex Riley. Miz says this is the team that’s supposed to take over RAW? It looks like Smurf Village next to a power plant. Miz reminds us that he was the sole RAW superstar to win at Bragging Rights last year, is the team captain this year, and will lead RAW over Team Smackdown. The trophy and the Bragging Rights that go with it, will go over to the A-Show. Miz then brings out the rest of Team RAW: CM Punk, John Morrison, Santino Marella, Ezekiel Jackson, and Sheamus. Miz then tells them to get out of their ring, or they’ll make them get out.
Team RAW starts walking down to the ring, and then the brawl starts in the ring between the two teams. While they’re all killing each other, I wanna say that it’s really cool to see Ezekiel Jackson back. Miz then grabs his team and exits the ring, saving that they need to save it for Sunday. Show takes a mic and says, don’t go back there and start a ruckus. He gets it, it’s his ring. Smackdown will get out of the ring, willingly, if Miz will face Show one-on-one in a Captain vs Captain match. Miz agrees to it.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The Miz becomes captain of Bragging Rights after defeating John Cena in a No DQ match. Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty interfere, costing Cena the match. Cena attacks them, Barrett interferes, and Cena almost hits him. More Barrett-Cena heat. The company makes Cena look like he’s losing his damn mind. Barrett calls Cena a coward, pathetic, and a disgrace. Barrett then says until next week, “You Can’t See Me.”>
Still to come, WWE Champion Randy Orton and John Cena take on Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty.
<COMMERCIAL>
@legendkiller515 will someone please smack the hell outta cole #wwe #raw #bwf
@CawCawBang Go away Cole you ugly troll
@Lunna1969: Smurfette! Lmao! W2g Miz #RAW #WWE
We come back to the Tag Team Champions standing in the ring.
WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and “Dashing” Cody Rhodes vs The Hart Dynasty with Natalya
Rhodes and Kidd start out, Kidd going for McIntyre before Rhodes plants him and gets the advantage. Rhodes tags in McIntyre, who dominates Kidd. McIntyre plants Kidd’s face into the barrier before getting him back in the ring and tagging in Rhodes. McIntyre drops Kidd onto the ropes and holds him there for Rhodes to kick him in the ribs. Rhodes then tags back in McIntyre and they throw Kidd into the turnbuckle. Kidd manages to tag in Smith, who hits a drop kick on McIntyre and gets the momentum back on their side. He then hits two big kicks on Rhodes and McIntyre. He goes for a cover on McIntyre, but he kicks out at two. Smith hits a running power slam and goes for a cover, but Rhodes breaks it up. Rhodes goes to attack Smith, but Kidd attacks him. They set up for the Hart Attack, but Smith decides to attempt a Sharpshooter last minute. Smith gets distracted by Kidd and McIntyre hits the Future Shock DDT for the win.
WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes win via pinfall.
Natalya proceeds to yell at David Hart Smith about how they’re a team.
Backstage, Cena’s thoughtful and Randy Orton walks up. He says that they should lay all the cards on the table. He can tell that Cena being a part of Nexus is eating him up, but he doesn’t think that it would stop him from helping Barrett take the WWE Championship away from him. So, if Cena helps, Orton won’t have any problem punting him in the skull. Cena says that if he even tries, Cena will break that leg off.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog We need Bret to fix these… broken Harts. YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
@HitTheRopes Look, Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre are offering their 2 cents…. Get it? 2 cents. (tag titles look like 2 pennies) #rimshot #wwe
<VIDEO PACKAGE: R-Truth’s new theme song. I’m still not sure these lyrics are PG-13.>
Goldust with Aksana vs. Zack Ryder
Damn. I hate that they won’t play Ryder’s theme song. I jam out to it when they play it. Anyway.
Ted DiBiase and Maryse make their way out to the stage to watch the match as Ryder gets an early advantage over Goldust, which Goldust gets back by slapping Zack in the face. Goldust hits the final cut, and the match is over.
Goldust wins via pinfall.
Ted DiBiase makes his way to the ring and attacks Goldust from behind. Maryse went to grab the Million Dollar Belt, but Aksana got it. Maryse then chases Maryse out of the ring to try to get the belt back. Goldust gets up in the ring and hits the Final Cut on DiBiase too. I admit, I’m loving the weird Goldust’s return.
Still to come, Smackdown vs RAW starts early as the Big Show takes on The Miz.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog I kinda wish they would’ve done that video like those old Disney sing-a-longs with a bouncing R-Truth thread.
@WWEsAngel_Nef Bwahahahahahahahaha <—-My reaction to R-Truth’s video package. #WWE
@HitTheRopes Maryse and Aksana face to face. It’s as if Maryse was looking in a mirror…. a mirror that is worn, dusty, and doesn’t show sexy #wwe
Barrett is standing with Nexus and Cena walks in. Barrett says that he wants Cena to test Harris and McGuillicutty, to see if they’re good enough to join the Nexus. Cena said that Barrett just told him to go out there and give it everything he’s got, and those are his orders? He asks what the catch is, and Barrett says that there’s no catch: tonight he has the opportunity to show the WWE Universe the Cena they know and love, then orders him to get him a glass of water.
The kid from Role Models and the new Knucklehead movie, Bobbie Thompson, is playing Smackdown vs RAW with Show vs Miz, and Show wins. Miz then picks him up and to tell him that Miz has a surprise for him. Show then takes Bobbie, and puts him down. Bobbie then says that Show has to knock Miz out for him.
Cena comes back with a glass of water and hands it to Barrett, who says it wasn’t difficult. Barrett wants Cena to know that he’s really enjoying it, then splashes the water in Cena’s face.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Miz is assaulting children now? #favoritewrestlerever
@FrankWWEClown Heath Slater, stop smirking, you little creep. #WWE #RAW
@CawCawBang When did little chris rock come in?
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Harris and McGuillicutty cost Cena the Team RAW Captain match.>
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WATER BOY!
John Cena and WWE Champion Randy Orton vs Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris
Is it just me, or does Husky look like a pedobear remake? Hmm…
Nexus come up to the stage to watch the match. Cena and McGuillicutty start, and Cena starts unleashing on McGuillicutty. Cena hurls McGuillicutty around the ring before throwing McGuillicutty after a vicious looking fisherman suplex.
<COMMERCIAL>
@redsandman99 I think it should be illegal for Husky Harris to not wear a shirt
@kickoutblog Should be interesting to see what Husky & Imperfect can do when they don’t have to carry a keg.
Now Randy and McGuillicutty are in the ring, and McGuillicutty kicks out of a cover as Orton tags in Cena. Cena hits McGuillicutty, then goes to take Harris off the apron, then running into a dropkick. Harris gets his chance at retribution and beats up on Cena in the corner. Harris goes for a cover, and Cena kicks out. Harris tags in McGuillicutty who beats up on Cena and goes for a cover, only for Cena to kick out. Harris tags himself in and seems to get stuck for a minute between the ropes, throwing himself into Cena’s face. He goes for a cover, and Cena kicks out. Harris has Cena in the middle of the ring in a headlock, but Cena fights to his feet before Harris puts his knee in Cena’s spine. Cena’s flat on the ring floor, but rolls out of the way before Harris squishes him flatter than a pancake hits him. Orton gets in the ring with McGuillicutty and hits a scoop slam. McGuillicutty rolled out to the apron, hoping it would save him, and Orton pulls him between the top and middle rope before hitting the DDT. He points to Barrett, getting ready for the RKO, pushing Harris into Cena for an Attitude Adjustment. Orton then hits the RKO on McGuillicutty and pins him for the win.
WWE Champion Randy Orton and John Cena win via pinfall.
Cena seems content that he, for once, was able to fight in his own way and won, again. He offers Orton a hand, but Barrett tells him to hold it right there, and tells him not to shake Orton’s hand, and then tells him to get out of the ring, and it’s an order. Cena looks at Orton for a minute, then climbs out of the ring. Barrett says that Cena has the best spot in the house to witness the demise of the Viper, as Nexus surrounds the ring. Orton looks at Cena and then hits Barrett before throwing Slater out of the ring and then is ambushed by Nexus outside the ring. Nexus gets Orton back in the ring, but Orton manages to fight back for a minute before getting overwhelmed again. The crowd is cheering for Cena, but he hasn’t moved. Slater hits his finisher, for the first time since NXT, then Otunga does, then Gabriel. Barrett tells Cena to get in the ring, and Cena does so. Barrett says that he wants Cena to give Orton an Attitude Adjustment, and Cena says that that’s enough. Barrett says do it, or Cena’s fired. Cena gets Randy up to his feet, then on his shoulders. Barrett then tells Cena to give Randy to him. Barrett then hits the Wasteland on Orton. Cena walks out of the ring and starts walking up the ramp, shaking his head.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Even better joke: Husky Harris is only heavier because he’s being weighed on the metric system. #Canada
@HitTheRopes Slater and Otunga need to go back to the lab and come up with a better finishing move. #wwe
Vickie comes out, just when everyone thought that it couldn’t get worse, but guess what! This is RAW!! Vickie says that she is happy to take credit for the Smackdown superstars appearing on RAW tonight, and there is one special superstar who has a special twinkle in his eyes, because his eyes are only on her: The Intercontinental Champion, Dolph Ziggler.
Dolph says that people confuse his cockiness when it’s really just confidence. He can’t blame them, he’s got it all: The looks, the shredded physique, gorgeous head of hair, and that’s not the best part. The most beautiful, intelligent woman on the face of this earth is with him. She’s the ray of sunshine when his skies are gray, she makes his heart go pitter-patter—
Daniel Bryan interrupts and says that he may not be a lady’s man (to which Dolph replies with, “I noticed”), and says that even he could do better than Vickie. Bryan says that he doesn’t have the movie star looks, peroxide infested hair, but he does have the ability to capitalize on any mistake in that ring, and the ability to make Dolph tap out. So, he proposes the United States Champion vs the Intercontinental Champion at Bragging Rights. Vickie seems to be encouraging this. Dolph says that he accepts, but why wait until Sunday? Why don’t they do this right- and then slaps Bryan. Dolph then steps behind Vickie, who steps in front of Dolph. Bryan then side-steps Vickie and tackles Dolph, preventing him from leaving. Bryan then locks in the LaBell Lock, making Dolph tap. Then, the Divas randomly come out and make their way into the ring with Vickie. The Divas surround Vickie and tell her to leave the ring. Gail throws a bucket of glitter at her, then Eve pours it on her. The Divas then seem to be paying way too much attention to Daniel, and they all start to dance with him… and it’s painful.
Anyway, hopefully Captain vs Captain can save RAW… because my head is already spinning.
<COMMERCIAL>
@bethsharae Oh no! Not glitter!!! #WWE #Raw I guess I should scream all the time at crafts time.
@TKeep123 How can Dolph say this crap with a straight face? (Better check the Wellness policy again!) #WWE #RAW #BWF
@kickoutblog Vickie Guerrero is amazing, why does she need that many zippers? Because fuck you, that’s why!
@Niki_Sushi I don’t know which is more obnoxious – ‘EXCUSE ME!’ or ‘AND I QUOTE!’… #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes: Oh, @WWEDanielBryan, in wrestling you might be best in the world…. at dancing, not so much. LOL
Natalya vs Alicia Fox
Let’s see how short this match is! I’m going to time it!
Alicia slaps Nat a few good times and then tries to shout out to Calgary. Natalya then throws Alicia into the turnbuckle, twice, and then throws her across the ring. Nat tries to go for the Sharpshooter, but Alicia grabs the ropes. Natalya pulls her back, and locks in the Sharpshooter, making Alicia tap.
Natalya wins via submission.
LayCool interferes and says it’s a beautiful moment in a NOT beautiful hometown. LayCool says they would love Canada, but it’s so cold and they have watered down beer, and they say ‘eh’ all the time. And they see Harts everywhere. They say the Harts don’t belong in the Hall of Fame, but in the loony bin. LayCool then starts to go into the ring, but Natalya’s ready. Nat gets Layla, but Michelle comes in. Michelle then puts Natalya in the Sharpshooter, Layla takes a picture, and Natalya counters. Lay tries to help Michelle, and nearly gets put in the Sharpshooter herself. LayCool runs off.
Oh, overall Diva MATCH time, about a minute and fifteen seconds.
<VIDEO PACAKGE: CM Punk debuts on RAW again and Evan Bourne is out due to injury.>
Teddy, Show, and Hornswoggle are talking backstage, and Josh Matthews says that it’s rather brazen of them to show up on RAW with Team Smackdown. Hornswoggle grabs a Team Smackdown flag and the entire Smackdown Roster starts heading out.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog If I were The Undertaker and had to listen Michelle McCool talk all the time, I’d want to be buried alive too
@CawCawBang Nattie don’t play along with Laycool’s bullshit
@bethsharae Alicia is gonna throw a hip out if she swings them any harder. #WWE #Raw
@WWEsAngel_Nef God I hate Alicia Fox’s walk. I can’t stand it. She’s gonna break a freaking hip. #WWE
So, the longest part of this show is the Stand Up For WWE video package. So… Yeah.
Oh, we’re back. Cena’s walking away and Barrett stops him, saying he’s not finished with him or Orton yet. There we go. Next up, Team RAW’s captain The Miz will take on Team Smackdown’s captain, The Big Show… and all of Smackdown?
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi So.. I’m loving this video. Because it’s showing where the WWE goes, and not just on land and the airwaves. They reach hearts-who else does?
@CawCawBang I’m so happy and proud to be a WWE fan
@kickoutblog And “Do you smell what Barack is cookin?” is still amazing. #TheRockObama
@WWEsAngel_Nef LOL God Vince McMahon is good at what he does. Way to do some quick damage control. Nice video package. #WWE
We’re finally going to introduce the guest star, Bobbie J Thompson. Sweet. He says he loves the boos and to keep them coming. He says that he’s there to introduce the man who’s going to leave Team Smackdown to a victory over Team RAW: The Big Show. No, but seriously. Where’s the muzzle on that kid?
Show comes out with Hornswoggle behind him, waving the flag, and Team Smackdown follows him out. Actually, all of Smackdown follows him out.
Miz comes out, but tells Alex Riley to stay behind and walks down to the ring alone. He pauses though, grinning and motioning for everyone else to come out. Team RAW comes out, followed by the RAW roster.
The Big Show vs The Miz
Show closes in on Miz, rips his shirt, and slaps his chest. Show continues to rip up the RAW shirt and slaps his chest again. Show then Irish Whips Miz into a corner, and Show throws him out of the ring. Smackdown closes in, and RAW starts to close in too. Show attacks RAW, and when Smackdown comes in, Show rolls in the ring.
Teddy Long comes out and says that since Bragging Rights is only six days away and everyone from both rosters is out there, he says that they have themselves a Smackdown vs RAW battle royal, and they’re going to do it right now.
Now, I hate reviewing battle royals. So, I hope you watched RAW to figure out what happens, because I’m only going to tell you the winner.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Ok, I’m old, but the Red and Blue is reminding me of “Rock’em Sock’em Robots!” #WWE #RAW #BWF
Hornswoggle beats Cole up and takes his spot as an announcer, and no one knows what the fuck is going on in the ring. I can’t tell you what’s going on, but Swagger loses his mind and puts Edge in an ankle lock. Toward the end here, a bunch of RAW guys got eliminated and Smackdown is doing a good job holding their own. The last Smackdown guy ends up as The Big Show against Sheamus, Bryan, Jackson, and Miz. Down goes Bryan, then Jackson. Miz and Sheamus work together to get Show over the top rope, and no one remembered Edge wasn’t technically eliminated. So, Edge and Show are the only two left in the ring.
Team Smackdown wins.
Nexus is watching backstage, and Barrett says that all of them, and Cena, are going to witness what’s going to happen Sunday when he’s crowned WWE Champion. Barrett tells Cena to raise his hand as a token of victory. Cena shoves Slater and Gabriel out of the way and raises Barrett’s hand before walking away.
And that’s all she wrote, folks. Daniel Bryan dancing is burned behind my retina, so I’m going to go watch… something to get the image out of my head. Good night.
Last night was Hell in a Cell! Did John Cena join Nexus? Is Randy Orton still the WWE Champion? Was Daniel Bryan brutally mu-… I’ll leave that one to myself. Find out tonight, as Jackass star, Johnny Knoxville guest stars what is sure to be another amazing Monday Night RAW!
Nexus comes out and talks about their victory at Hell in a Cell. Barrett says the two men who helped were Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty, which didn’t surprise anyone. Barrett says he doesn’t know them and they aren’t a part of the Nexus. Barrett then scolds Nexus for going down to the ring and potentially causing him his match. Tonight’s about inducting Cena into Nexus. Please welcome, the newest member of Nexus, John Cena.
He comes out with no music, which is just heartbreaking, to be honest. I’m upset. I wanted to make a joke.
Tarver says the joke is on Cena, because he failed. They have a gift for Cena: The Nexus armband. Cena looks at the arm band and puts it on. Slater says they know the transition’s going to be difficult, but they’re all there for him. The public wants to know exactly what his thoughts are. He says that he will read the official statement they made instead of saying what he wants to. Barrett says it’s not negotiable, and he’ll read it and read it now.
It essentially says that he acknowledges that he’s a member of Nexus, and an enemy of Nexus is an enemy of his. Barrett says that Cena has to participate in a tag match with a partner of his choice against Evan Bourne and Mark Henry. Cena picks Tarver.
Mark Henry and Evan Bourne vs. John Cena and Michael Tarver
Cena starts off the match with an offer to shake Bourne’s hand, and they do. Tarver’s pissed about it, but Cena doesn’t look like he cares. Cena then tags in Tarver and climbs out.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar HEY! Where’s your Nexus Shirt Cena?! There’s a dress code damn it! Put it on!
@seraphalexiel I hope both men don’t suddenly get to join. The end of Season 2 was a failure for a reason, and it begins and ends with McGuillicutty
@Niki_Sushi Awwww. His own wittle armband. Are they slowly going to give him different parts to the ‘uniform’ or what? #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Geez, Cena sure likes to pick on the black Nexus guys. Wasn’t content with getting rid of your brother, now he’s going for Tarver. LOL #wwe
@CawCawBang Cena got something planned I don’t like it
@TKeep123 I wonder if Cena gave any secret signals while he was forced to read his (confession) speech. (Viet Nam era folks will get it.) #WWE #RAW
We come back to Tarver getting his ass handed to him by Henry. Cena really doesn’t seem interested in helping Tarver at all, to be honest, even mockingly reaching for a tag. Tarver manages to get toward Cena for a tag, but Cena leans away, and Henry seems amused by it, toying with Tarver. Tarver goes to tag Cena again, but Cena jumps down off the ring and begins signing signs in the crowd. Henry picks up Tarver and hits him with the World’s Strongest Slam.
Mark Henry and Evan Bourne win via pinfall.
Cena takes a mic after the match and says that he’s gonna make his own statement. As the newest member of Nexus, he plans on doing one thing and one thing only: destroying it from within. Like no one expected that. Tonight, he proves that you can be Nexus and against us. He hits Tarver in the head with the mic, and then body slams Tarver onto the steel steps. Twice. Then he gets Tarver back in the ring and locks in the STF.
“The terms of the stipulation for your match with Wade Barrett stated that if you lost, you must join the Nexus. Now, Nexus is clearly a group that takes direction from its leader, Wade Barrett. And thus as a member of the group, John, you must also take direction from Wade Barrett. If you don’t, as much as I would hate to do it, as much as it would be bad for business, as much as the WWE Universe would despise it, I would have no alternative but to terminate your WWE contract. Mr. Cena, no one man, despite his popularity, is bigger than WWE. In other words, Mr. Cena, I will fire you.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown And who says Cena is boring, and not interesting? Are you watching this?! #WWE #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar Cena’s looking at this all wrong. The Nexus have a great benefits package. Family picnics, BBQs, and other fun Nexus activities.
@HitTheRopes We CLEARLY see Michael Cole reading from a paper and NOT the computer screen. #fail #wwe
@TKeep123 For months we can’t keep #NEXUS away from the ring, and now Tarver gets a beat-down and NO NEXUS to be found? #WWE #RAW
@Niki_Sushi Tarver is in Soul Sucking Position! YOU BETTA HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO WIFE! #BWF #RAW
@WWEsAngel_Nef Okay. Say what you want marks but John Cena has the best fans. So devoted. I actually love that they chanted ‘Never Give Up’ #WWE
Alicia Fox vs Natalya
No warning on this one at all, but good to see Natalya in the ring. Natalya hits the sharpshooter pretty quick, and Alicia taps. Great 30 second match.
Natalya wins via submission.
WTF? 30 second match, 30 second reminder of the guest star, Johnny Knoxville, and now five minutes of commercials.
<COMMERCIAL>
@RingsideRants That wasn’t even long enough for a bathroom break!
@CawCawBang wow that was quick
@kickoutblog My thoughts on Natalya vs. Alicia are longer than the actual match
@redsandman99 The good news is, Nattie won. The bad news is, the match was over in five seconds
@JoeyStyles What a match for Nattie…and I thought I finished fast.
Knoxville is talking with Gail and Melina, promoting Jackass 3D. Zack Ryder comes up, and Knox calls him a tool. He offers Ryder a high-five, only for him to get the shit smacked out of him by a giant hand. Knox mocks him a little.
Cena’s backstage with the Nexus armband again, and Josh Matthews comes up, asking what he’s gonna do. Cena says he doesn’t know. Cena suddenly takes off running after Husky and McGuillicutty, and Barrett says that there’s a lot he needs to talk about, concerning his future.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 FIRST time I was ever happy to see Zack Ryder during a Promo! “You know it!”…. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi Johnny Knoxville just wtfpwn’d Zack Ryder without even getting in the ring. I DEMAND WEE-MAN VS HORNSWOGGLE DAMMIT!!!! #BWF #RAW
@legendkiller515 damn zach ryder got his ass kicked and he aint even in a match #wwe #bwf #raw
Daniel Bryan is in the ring with his crazy ass music. God, I wanna punch him.
It’s a shameful thing, lobster head! … Too many limes, too many limes!
United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus
Sheamus beat the shit out of Bryan. Not even kidding.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan wins via disqualification.
I think. Sheamus hits the High Cross on Daniel after beating the hell out of him. Sheamus climbs out of the ring and starts back up the ring. Dear, God. Was RAW booking only Nexus and Cena tonight? This is ridiculous.
Anyway, Edge makes his way to the ring to supposedly apologize to the computer.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Oh. Damn. Forgot this fruit existed. Daniel Bryan, go awa-nevermind. GO SHEAMUS GO! #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Oh God, it’s the battle of wrestlers who don’t tan!
@KeepItFiveStar Did Daniel Bryan fail a Wellness test or something? Did he piss the Vegan police off? That was weird.
@Niki_Sushi OMFG! Who put a wrestling match in my commercials?! #BWF #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar “And THAT’s for fulfilling your indy dates while under contract!” – Sheamus after destroying Daniel Bryan
And a Video Package of what we just saw, like fifteen seconds ago. Jesus Christ, RAW. I get that Cena joining Nexus is a big deal, but there are other Superstars…
Oh, God, Michael Cole’s in the ring. He’s now going to speak for the General Manager. I guess Stephen Hawking got pissed at the WWE for using his voice. Supposedly, it’s because of the events of the last few weeks, and will now communicate via email. So, the GM hates us all, is what I’m getting.
Awesome.
Before Edge comes out, the GM wants us to see the hilarious, I’m sorry, horrific events of last week.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Edge WTFPWNS the GM.>
The destruction of the GM last week was unacceptable. Two things are going to happen: Edge is “going to apologize”, and the GM will make a huge announcement regarding the WWE Championship.
You think you know me…
Edge, of course, says he won’t apologize. He’s on a personal crusade against all things stupid, and around here, there are a lot of things that are stupid. Michael Cole has been the personification of stupid since 1997. He’d rather listen to a recording of JR than a live Michael Cole. And if the GM thinks he has attitude, then when Edge becomes WWE Champion, then he’ll see attitude. The GM says that tonight they will decide the Number One Contender for the WWE Championship in a 20-Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royale. Don’t expect me to keep up with that. The winner will face Randy Orton at Bragging Rights. Edge, however, has disrespected the GM one too many times, and won’t be in the battle royal tonight, because the GM has officially traded him to Smackdown.
Edge says it’s the greatest night of his career, because he now doesn’t have to listen to a computer, or this tool say, “And I Quote.” Cole flips out, and everyone boos him. Yeah, good job Cole. Cole says that now that he’s the official voice of the WWE, Edge needs to treat him with respect. Edge asks if he went off RAW after spearing Cole into next week would be respectful.
AWESOME
The Miz and Alex Riley make their way down to the ring. Miz says that Edge will do no such thing. Cole is a visionary, the one person that realized Miz’ awesomeness before anyone else. Cole leaves the ring, tripping. Miz tells him to go back to the announce table. Edge calls Miz an Edge-wannabe. Edge then goes through the checklist of Edge. Miz says that that was an interesting analysis, but they’re nothing alike. Edge says that he’s right, because Edge has been WWE Champion, and has been married, divorced, had a live celebration. He hasn’t even seen Miz talk to a woman, unless you count Alex Riley. Riley says that whether Edge likes it or not, Miz is the future of the WWE. Edge says that Miz is awesome at tapping out to Daniel Bryan.
Miz says that if Edge is trying to agitate Miz, it’s not working. Miz is either going to be competing in a WWE Championship match, or leading RAW into decimating Smackdown. So, why doesn’t Edge go to SyFy and tell all his new Smackdown buddies that he’s the Miz and he’s awesome.
Edge then attacks Miz and Alex Riley, Spearing Alex Riley, only to get a Skull Crushing Finale from Miz.
Cena backstage with Nexus, and Barrett says that Cena did him a favor in attacking Tarver. He wants Cena to help him with tonight’s battle royal. Cena asks what happens if he wins, and Barrett says that he’s ordering Cena to help him win. Otunga sticks his foot in his mouth and gets berated for it, and then tells Cena to either do as he’s told or get fired.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Michael Cole has to stand on a box to be seen? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@seraphalexiel Fool. Hide yo paper, at least.
@TKeep123 “I’d rather listen to a recording of JR than a live Michael Cole!” – Edge #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi That’s….. three or four laptops now? I seriously hope that’s included in the budget… I don’t think Nextel makes laptops. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Hey Otunga, know your role and shut your mouth. #wwe
@bethsharae I love Edge’s crusade. I shall join him. I now destroy all things stupid. #Raw #WWE
Oh, fuck me running… It’s the Bellas.
Nikki and Brie Bella vs. The Unified Divas Champions LayCool
Jesus Christ, someone put a mic on LayCool. My head hurts bad enough right now… I have no idea what the fuck is going on, okay? I don’t even care anymore. Oh, and there goes the Switcheroo again. Someone kill me. Seriously.
Nikki and Brie Bella win via the same old shit… er, pinfall.
Maryse is backstage, talking to Knox. He says that he doesn’t speak Spanish, and she accuses him of sending the messages. Ted then walks up and accuses him too, and Ted walks right into the huge hand. Maryse throws her shoes at Knox, and then Maryse is hit by the hand and lands right on top of Ted. Knox is apologizing repeatedly, and then runs away from a very pissed looking Ted.
<COMEMRCIAL>
@StrikerSays Are you serious. You just put the BELLAS over your champion. What is this fuckery.
@KeepItFiveStar This match is already longer than Natalya vs Alicia Fox
@ThingsColeSays They have found a way to make LayCool ever more annoying. Well done.
@inkincisions WHAT IS UP WITH DIVAS AND THROWING SHOES ?!?!?!?!?!
@divadirt LMAO! Maryse continues the shoe-throwing trend only to get hit by a giant hand. There’s a very un-PG joke in there somewhere. #WWE
@legendkiller515 that big ass hand is funny #wwe #raw #bwf
<VIDEO PACKAGE: R-Truth and Eve Torres defeat Maryse and Ted DiBiase two weeks ago; the secret admirer messages start.>
Please welcome the guest star of RAW, Johnny Knoxville. Oh, Jackass 3D is in theaters October 15th. Yes, let’s put Knoxville in the ring. Because that went so well last time.
Knoxville’s talking really fast, is obviously freaked out by DiBiase coming after him, and tries to leave before he does. Too bad, because he’s here…
Knox says that he was just trying to make Maryse laugh, like Ted does… And proceeds to make a fool out of himself. Then smacks the taste out of Knox’s mouth. Then, it looks like he’s trying for Dreamstreet, but Knox just lays there like a limp noodle. Another message comes over the tron: You are mine. Goldust attacks DiBiase, and Maryse just stands there.
Goldust then tells DiBiase he doesn’t want him, obviously, and walks over to Maryse, who seems to be trying hard not to laugh. He does, however, say that he doesn’t want Maryse. What he wants, is the Million Dollar Belt. Only Goldust would send love notes to a belt. Seriously.
Next up: The 20 Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal.
Here are all the guys I think I saw. I’ll fix it as I can:
John Cena, Mark Henry, Evan Bourne, Mr. Money in the Bank The Miz, William Regal, David Otunga, Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Zack Ryder. That’s all I managed to catch, but I’ll do the best I can.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes It’s amazing how great Raw started and where we are now. #wwe
@kickoutblog OMG IT IS GOLDUST! HE WANTS THE MILLION DOLLAR TITLE!
@ThingsColeSays Hey Johnny, there’s a new joke going around have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAPPPPPPPPPP!
@StrikerSays So happy for the return of BIZARRE Goldie. He had dialed down to just “odd.”
<VIDEO PACKAGE: WWE Superstars and Make A Wish.>
King and Cole remind us that a shitload of stuff has happened… if you’ve been watching, you know. If not, scroll up. I’m tired of repeating the same shit.
And Cena’s backstage, brooding over the arm band. Otunga walks up and says that he knows he’s upset. He wants to tell Cena that Nexus isn’t all bad. Barrett is a bit demanding sometimes, but deep down, they can make it work. Cena may feel like this is the end, but it’s not. If Cena ever needs to talk, Otunga’s there for him. Just let him know.
Cole opens his mouth and reminds us of what we’ve already seen. It’s okay, Cole. I have the memory of a goldfish. Thanks a bunch, man.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Randy Orton punts Chris Jericho last week.>
Twenty Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal
Fuck keeping up with this, so here’s who in the damn match. I’ll just tell you who wins, because it’s easier.
Participants: John Morrison, R-Truth, Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, Sheamus, John Cena, Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, David Otunga, Zack Ryder, William Regal, Evan Bourne, Mark Henry, The Miz, Ted DiBiase, David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, Darren Young, and Primo.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar CENA! WHERE’S YOUR SHIRT! You had time!
@bethsharae …. Truth doesn’t get to sing anymore?! HELL YES!!! #Raw #WWE
@HitTheRopes Otunga, don’t you pay attention!? Darren Young, Michael Tarver. What do they AND you have in common? Stay far from Cena. LOLZ #wwe
@legendkiller515 once again no one understands what the hell r-truth is saying in his damn songs #wwe #raw #bwf
Found all the damn contestants. I don’t know what’s going on… Don’t make me figure it all out. Cena eliminated Otunga, and now Barrett yells at him for it. Nexus just argues in the middle of the ring, and no one is aware of it, apparently. God, idiocy.
<COMEMRCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Why is Mark Henry asking why? Did he not see the first 10 minutes of the show?
@HitTheRopes I always wish for something unexpected like Santino to win something like this. #wwe
@kickoutblog Why the hell is Darren Young in this match?
@Niki_Sushi I look up to see Nexus, and totally went ‘GO GO POWER RANGERS!!!’ #BWF #RAW
@legendkiller515 this is the oddest collection of #raw superstars for a battle royal ive ever seen. most of them dont belong in this match #wwe #bwf
I don’t’ know what I’m supposed to say. The outcome was obvious.
Wade Barrett wins.
But, cutting his victory celebration short is none other than the WWE Champion, Randy Orton, who makes his way right up to the ring and right inside, like Barrett ain’t nothing. Which, he probably isn’t. Insert epic staredown, Randy holding up the title, and thus, RAW ends.
Proud of myself for getting this finished for you all tonight, even with a headache and some weird ass dizziness. Anyway, until next week!
Hello, everyone! Terribly sorry about not getting a review up for last week’s RAW, but things were really hectic. Anyway, I’m back tonight, and you can bet there’s gonna be a review up this week!
If you didn’t know it by now, Randy Orton is the new WWE Champion following Night of Champions! And at Hell in a Cell this Sunday, he’s got his hands full with Sheamus in a one on one rematch for the WWE Champion. But, this week? He’s got his hands full with Chris Jericho as they compete. And if Chris wins? Well, if Chris wins, Randy Orton will give Chris a title opportunity whenever he wants it.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The Miz didn’t tap out at Night of Champions, and Daniel Bryan pays for his win last week on RAW.>
AWESOME
Miz and Alex Riley get to the ring tonight, and Miz says that Daniel Bryan challenged him and Alex Riley to a tag team match. Didn’t Bryan learn his lesson last week? Bryan’s like the guy who wins a hundred million dollars in the lottery and thinks he’s gonna win every time he plays. What happens every Monday night? Bryan gets embarrassed by The Miz. And on tonight’s episode, he’s bringing a tag team partner to join in on the fun. So, come one, come all, and join in on the beatdown!
Daniel Bryan’s music plays, and Miz asks if that’s really his music. Then, he asks who Daniel’s tag team partner is, and if he even has any friends. Miz is interrupted in his catchphrase yet again by John Morrison’s music.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan and John Morrison vs Mr. Money in the Bank The Miz and Alex Riley
Bryan and Riley start out, with Bryan getting the momentum early. He goes for an early cover, but Riley kicks out. Bryan tags in Morrison, but Riley attacks back. Morrison gets the advantage, however, and Riley drops him into the top rope. Riley keeps the advantage over Morrison as Miz is in the ring. Miz then drops Morrison right into the bottom rope. Miz gets covered, but kicks out. Miz manhandles Morrison, then backs up to have Riley come up. Riley stomps on Morrison in the corner before the ref pulls him out. Riley then drops Morrison and goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out. Miz gets tagged in, and hits a swinging corner clothesline on Morrison before going for a cover, only for Morrison to kick out. Morrison goes for a tag, but when he jumps up, Miz catches him. Miz misses a clothesline and dives for Bryan, but Miz grabs his leg and goes to pull him back, only to get a kick in the face. Morrison finally tags Bryan in, and Miz misses a clothesline as Bryan takes out Riley and hits a dropkick on Miz. He goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Bryan goes for the Labelle Lock but Miz counters with Skull Crushing Finale. Miz pins him for the cover.
The Miz and Alex Riley win via pinfall.
Miz attacks Bryan after the match, but Morrison comes to his rescue, and Bryan takes out both Morrison and the Miz. Morrison pulls Bryan off of Miz, but Bryan attacks Morrison. Morrison attacks Bryan, then Miz goes back to attacking Bryan, and then Morrison jumps on them both.
“I’ve decided that this Sunday, at Hell in a Cell, for the first time ever, Daniel Bryan will defend the United States Championship against both John Morrison and The Miz. But it will be defended in a match that I just invented: A Triple Threat Submissions Count Anywhere Match.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@legendkiller515 since when was hell in the cell an important pay per view #wwe #raw #bwf
@ _MFS_ Can King please read the emails? Cole already talks WAY too much #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Damn Tamina. What’d the O-Zone Layer do to you?
@kickoutblog KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! #danielfudd
@bethsharae Yep, Miz and Riley will win this one. I’m already calling it. Morrison has once like once or twice against Miz since they broke up. #Raw
Divas Battle Royal for the Number One Contender for the Unified Diva’s Championship
I see Melina, the Bellas, Eve, Gail, Jillian, Maryse, Alicia, Tamina, and Natalya. Then LayCool comes on out to sit ringside. I’m not even going to try to keep up with this cluster fuck.
Natalya wins.
Good to finally see Natalya get her chance. Anywho, didn’t pay attention to the match. I hate Divas Battle Royals.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Legendary comes out tomorrow. John Cena’s been everywhere promoting it.>
Later tonight, Edge has The General Manager on The Cutting Edge.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Finally, a talented female athlete challenging for the Divas Title, are my eyes deceiving me?
@_MFS_ Okay, so they surprised me there, a Diva with actual fucking talent actually won, good job for once #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi Yeah…. Officially fucking sick of LayCool. Michelle needs to go the hell away so Layla – who has talent – can shine. Skank. #BWF #RAW
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Eve Torres and R-Truth defeated Maryse and Ted DiBiase. Mystery message on the Titantron.>
Maryse is backstage with Ted, upset that Eve cost her the battle royal. Ted says he doesn’t care about the battle royal, and that she cost them the match last week. Someone knocks on the door and slips an envelope under the door. Maryse opens it and it reads, “Next week, you will be mine.”
It’s a shameful thing, lobster head!! TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES!
Sheamus says that we may have heard of some kind of Irish tale about two princes who had to race to get the throne of Ireland. The first prince to put his hand on the kingdom became the new king. As it came to a close, the younger of the two princes knew he was about to lose, so he cut off his hand and threw it at the castle. It made him the king of Ireland. Sheamus says he’s willing to cut off his own hand to win back the WWE Title. I don’t think that’s a good idea. Orton has underestimated Sheamus, and Sheamus should talk to Triple H because Sheamus ended Triple H’s career. In that cell, Sheamus is going to have the time of his life. But, right now, he wants to call out any WWE Superstar with a set of tires to face him. But, if they do, not only will they find out why he’s a future three-time WWE Champion, but why he’s also the fiery red hand of the WWE.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi I’m waiting for i- there it was. Fella. And I quote: VINTAGE SHEAMUS!
@TKeep123 Mysterious “I WILL HAVE YOU” message….gotta be from GoldDust! #WWE #RAW
@ThingsColeSays Does “fiery red hand of WWE” mean Sheamus has herpes of the hand or something? Hide yo kids, hide yo wife!
@_MFS_ Sheamus, cutting off hands is not PG #WWE #RAW #BWF
We come back, and Sheamus says that it’s not a surprise that no one back there is man enough to take him on. Then, of course, the Great Khali comes out.
Sheamus vs The Great Khali
Khali slaps Sheamus’ chest, and Sheamus proceeds to beat Khali to the ground. Sheamus then kicks Khali in the head and out of the ring. Outside the ring, he proceeds to beat Khali up as the ref counts. He takes the top off the announce table and beats Khali with it, then stealing Jerry’s chair, and then Cole’s chair. The bell has rung at this point, but Sheamus just keeps throwing chairs.
The Great Khali wins via disqualification.
Sheamus then gets Khali up, but Khali pushes him into the turn buckle, but gets a Brogue Kick for his troubles. He goes to get up, but gets another Brogue Kick.
Up next, Edge has the RAW General Manager on the Cutting Edge!
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Every week I hope The Great Khali finally made that trip back to India. And every week I’m disappointed.
@bethsharae Dang Sheamus! One bonus of being so white, any amount of Red just glows. #Raw
@TKeep123 WOW!!! The hand print on Sheamus’ chest is amazing!!! #WWE #RAW
@kickoutblog If I had Khali’s hand tattooed on my chest, I’d be pissed too
You think you know me…
The whole podium is in the ring. If Cole reads the whole thing, I’m going to spaz… Really hard. I kind of wish Cole would get punched in the face. I’d take Josh Matthews over him.
Edge says that tonight is a first. The RAW GM is the guest. Edge does appreciate the GM agreeing to show up on the show. The computer will generate a voice (thank God), to keep this person’s identity a secret. Edge asks why he is such a spineless coward. The GM asks why Edge is such a moron. The GM remains anonymous to protect his identity. If people knew who he was, it’d change everything. Edge says that’s the worst voice ever. He thought he was Stone Cold, the Rock, Shawn Michaels, Bob Barker, or Lindsay Lohan after another bender. The only thing Edge knows is that whoever he is, he is a big fat liar. The GM says seriously, Edge, you hurt his feelings. Why do you have to hate, yo. He tried to make peace with him, but he wants confrontation. Why does Edge despise the GM? Edge asks why the GM despises him, and then asks why he’s arguing with a computer. Edge says that’s it. He’s gonna go ask Chris Jericho exactly who the GM is. The GM says Jericho is bluffing, but the GM knows a lot of things… Like Edge’s opponent. Right now.
Insert Stephen Hawking laughter.
Edge says that he doesn’t have an opponent, and he’s done talking to an overgrown Speak ‘N Spell, and he’s out. The GM says that he does have a match tonight, because the GM has scheduled a match between Edge and this man…
BRRRRRRRRRRRR RUBBER POO!
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Edge, when you start arguing with a computer, you know it’s time to leave Raw. Come back to Smackdown, yo
@ThingsColeSays Edge is right. The state of Raw these days.
@KeepItFiveStar Is the GM JTG? JTGM?
@Grotessk The RAW GM is T-Pain.
@_MFS_ It’s okay Edge, I argue with my computer at work all day too #WWE #RAW #BWF
John Cena vs Edge
Nexus is watching backstage. Big surprise.
Anyway, Cena gets the early advantage, but Edge punches that out of him. Cena hits Edge with a drop toe-hold, but Edge kicks him out of the ring. Cena starts to try to get back in the ring, but Edge hits a baseball slide and kicks him right back out. Edge Irish whips Cena into the steel steps, then rolls into the ring to break the count. I missed what happened, but I saw Cena go for an Attitude Adjustment, and Edge counter. Edge goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Edge keeps the advantage, punching his face as the ref tries to get him to back up. Cena begins to fight back, ducking a clothesline, hitting a flying shoulder tackle before Edge stops him. Edge goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Edge gets Cena in a corner, then Irish whips him across the ring. Edge goes for a suplex, but Cena counters it with one of his own. Cena gets up and goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Edge counters again and goes for a cover, only for Cena to kick out again. The crowd starts a “Let’s Go Cena, Let’s Go Edge” chant as Cena wakes up and starts fighting back a little more. Cena gets up on the second rope and tries to get an Attitude Adjustment again, but Edge jumps down and hits a spear on Cena by the ropes, covering him. Cena’s leg was under the rope, however, and Edge thinks he just won cleanly. But, the GM hates him, so here’s the email!
Edge wins via pinfall.
“You need to play by the rules. John Cena’s foot was clearly under the bottom rope. See for yourself. Therefore, this match will continue.”
Told ya.
Edge then runs back and starts punching Cena in the head. Edge goes for the Spear again, but Cena counters with the STF. Edge almost gets to the rope, but Cena pulls him back to the center of the ring. Edge taps.
John Cena wins via submission.
Edge climbs out of the ring and starts slowly toward the computer.
“Edge, you lost fair and square. Don’t look at me like that. Just walk away.”
Edge stops, and looks at the computer again, only for the computer to ask him what he’s doing. The computer says that Edge has the crazy eyes and he’s warning him. Then, Edge knocks over the podium, and breaks the laptop in half, then beats it with a chair, then with his head. Obviously, Edge is pissed.
<COMMERCIAL>
@ThingsColeSays THAT’S WHY YOU HOOK BOTH LEGS, BOYS AND GIRLS. There’s a lesson to be learned here.
@bethsharae ….There is not instant replay in wrestling! Go away General Manager! #WWE #Raw
@HitTheRopes LOL, the Raw GM was injured. The #WWE had to find a way to write him out of the storyline.
@kickoutblog “Edge… you have the crazy eyes” might be my favorite WWE line since “malignant fist.”
@KeepItFiveStar OH NO! CHAIRSHOTS TO THE GM’S HEAD!
@TKeep123 Edge lays the RAW SMACKDOWN on the computer GM laptop. Edge 1 : GM 0 #WWE #RAW
@_MFS_ Yay! Dead computer! Man I wish I could do that to the crappy computers where I work! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@TeamNakedBaby Edge just killed Stephen Hawking 😀
Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater vs Mark Henry and Evan Bourne
Evan and Heath start out, Heath getting a good grip on Bourne pretty early. He already tags in Gabriel, who goes for a cover only for Bourne to kick out. Gabriel tags Slater back in and Slater hits a knee drop on Bourne and goes for a cover. Slater keeps momentum over Bourne, until he misses a clothesline and Bourne hits a high knee to Slater’s face. Slater tags in Gabriel, and Henry comes in off the tag too. Henry proceeds to deliver some hard hits to Gabriel, and downs Slater when he tries to help, then drops Gabriel on his stomach. Henry tags in Bourne, who is then taken out by Gabriel, after Slater takes out Henry. Gabriel climbs to the top rope now, and attempts the 450 Splash on Bourne, who manages to avoid it. Bourne goes to the top, and hits Air Bourne. He goes for the cover and Slater rolls them over so Gabriel pins Bourne.
Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel win via pinfall.
Nexus launches Mark Henry into the steel steps and then climb into the ring to get Evan. Otunga delivers a clothesline to Bourne, Tarver punches him hard, Slater just takes him down with some move (his trunks are sparkly and distracting), and then Barrett lifts him up, hitting Wasteland on Bourne. Tarver and Barrett move Bourne, and Gabriel hits a successful 450 Splash.
Barrett gets a mic and says that Nexus has said from the very beginning that you’re either Nexus, or you’re against us. After Hell in a Cell, Cena will no longer be “against us”, because when Barrett beats him, he will become property of Nexus. It’s not like they need him, but Cena’s going to serve a purpose. Cena’s going to take them to the upper something, and help them demoralize the entire WWE. Just to show Cena that being a part of the Nexus isn’t all bad, they’ve decided that they’re going to take a little trip. Otunga takes the mic and says that they’re invading Smackdown Friday. Unlike RAW, they’re giving all the superstars on Smackdown a fair warning. Tarver takes the mic and says the bad news is that they are the bad news. None of you can stop them.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Please, please, please let us get some high flying insanity with Bourne and Gabriel.
@TKeep123 Mark Henry becomes the World’s Strongest Yard Dart at the hands of Nexus! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@HitTheRopes Anybody else find Wade Barrett’s face eerily similar to that of a rat?
Next week, Johnny Knoxville is the guest star. Remembering how bad it was last time, this’ll be fun.
The Hart Dynasty with Natalya vs The WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes for the WWE Tag Team Championship
I admit that I like typing Dashing in front of Cody Rhodes’ name. And that’s all I’ll say about that. Promise.
Tyson and Rhodes start out. Rhodes sends Kidd out to the apron, but Kidd jumps right back in and goes for a cover, only for Rhodes to kick out. Rhodes tags in McIntyre, and they hurl Kidd into the turnbuckle. McIntyre gets Kidd up by his head and tags in Rhodes. Rhodes hits Kidd, tags in McIntyre, and then Irish whips him right into McIntyre’s clothesline. McIntyre goes for a move, but Kidd kicks him in the head. McIntyre tags in Rhodes and Smith is tagged in too. Smith hits Rhodes with some hard this, and then knees him in the face. Rhodes is then dominated to the ground, Smith going for a cover only for McIntyre to interfere and then get knocked out of the ring. The Hart Dynasty go for the Hart Attack, but McIntyre pushes Kidd off early. Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the win.
Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes win via pinfall.
Smith asks why Kidd hit him from behind, and the two argue with Natalya trying to get them to stop. Smith walks away after shoving Kidd.
Up next, Chris Jericho will take on WWE Champion Randy Orton.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Uh Cole, all wrestlers shave their legs.
@seraphalexiel Everytime they play Cody’s song instead of Drew’s, someone kicks a puppy around. Stop puppy violence
@TKeep123 I wonder if Cody and Drew take turns shaving each other!…. Those boys be smooth! #WWE #RAW
@HitTheRopes Just what #WWE needs to do: break up an ACTUAL tag team. smh
@Niki_Sushi You know you hit hard when Drew McIntyre does a Gollum Crawl to the ropes. #BWF #RAW
Cena and Truth backstage. Truth says no matter what happens on Sunday, truth is, he always has Cena’s back. Cena says he knows what’s at stake, and he’s going to take Nexus out one by one. Truth tells him to be careful, and Cena says that he’s always careful. Truth says he’s one of the most reckless people he knows. Cena says he is, but Nexus, since they’re going to the premiere of Smackdown on Friday, maybe he should be there, and if they run into each other, then Hell in a Cell starts early.
Break the walls down!
Chris says that when he wins this match tonight, he will be the number one contender, and will go on to win the WWE Championship, do you understand what he is saying to you right now? He’ll be the first to admit that Orton is a dangerous man, but he’s not scared. He’s changed from the fresh upstart he was when he first started to a deranged lunatic who has done whatever he could to become champion. He is a viper. He thinks, strikes, and acts like a snake, whenever he wants when he hits the RKO. But, much like Randy used to call himself the Legend Killer, Chris is going to call himself the Viper Killer, and will strike the head of the snake right here, and Orton will join the ranks of Hall of Famers and Legends who have been beaten by him. The list starts and continues, but a commercial interrupts.
<COMMERCIAL>
@bethsharae Did R-Truth just call Cena “Crunk”? #raw
@KeepItFiveStar “U da moss reckless. Moss gettin crunk person. I KNOW!” – R-Truth (What??)
@kickoutblog I write the most gettin’ crunk Raw reviews. And that’s the truth
@HitTheRopes Every time R-Truth sets foot in front of a #WWE camera I feel the black race is set back decades “Most getting crunk person…” #facepalm
@seraphalexiel DID THEY JUST CUT OFF JERICHO???? SOMEONE NEED TO GET FIRED
@CawCawBang Word of the day is Crunk
@_MFS_ Ummm interrupting someone who can actually cut a promo with commercials? Not cool #WWE, not cool at all #RAW #BWF
We come back to Jericho’s list continuing, still. By the way, gonna plug here. Got Jericho’s DVD in the mail today, and it is amazing. Worth every penny. Trust me. Get it!
I hear voices in my head…
Anyway, the list is interrupted by Randy’s entrance.
Chris Jericho vs WWE Champion Randy Orton
Jericho starts off the match with a strong kick to Orton’s stomach. He gets Orton in the corner and delivers some solid hits before Irish whipping Orton across the ring only to run into a clothesline. Orton hits back at Jericho, however, dropping his knee into Jericho’s face. He hits an uppercut on Jericho, who’s hanging out of the ring on the apron, and then climbs back in. Jericho hits a slap on Orton to get him out of his face, and then kicks Orton right in the shoulder. He taunts Orton, calling him a stupid man, his new favorite insult, before Orton starts hitting back again. Orton Irish whips Jericho, who holds onto the ropes, and then is clotheslined out of the ring. Orton walks out with him and Irish whips Jericho, who reverses, and whips Orton into the barrier.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes ARMBAR!!!!! #wwe
@Niki_Sushi Wow…. was @IAmJericho seriously listing people off that whole time? Elephant memory he has. #BWF #RAW
@Lagana Has WWE mentioned and promoted more TNA people tonight then TNA usually does?
@WellYoureWrong …MOSS COVERED THREE HANDLED FAMILY GREDUNZA #1004opponents #wwe
@legendkiller515 damn jericho is naming everyone he beat. #classic #wwe #raw #bwf
We come back to Orton stomping on Jericho, and Sheamus walks out from behind the curtain to watch the match. Orton sees him and pauses his methodical beat down of Jericho’s legs to stare at him. Jericho gets to his feet and goes for a clothesline, but Orton ducks and Jericho hits and insagari before hitting Orton’s neck against the bottom rope after a failed cover. Orton gets up and attempts the RKO, but Jericho counters into a backslide, only for Orton to kick out. Jericho goes for another cover after a dropkick, but Orton kicks out. Jericho gets Orton in a headlock. Orton fights out of it, and runs right into a dropkick. Jericho goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two again. Jericho drops his knee in Orton’s face, and then goes for another cover, only for Orton to kick out again. Jericho gets Orton in a submission, but Orton fights out, delivering a back breaker to Jericho. Orton gets up and watches Jericho, taking him down with clotheslines, and a scoop slam. He then backs Jericho into the corner and Irish whips him. Jericho puts his foot in Orton’s face when Orton runs at him, and then misses a Lionsault. Orton hits the backbreaker and goes for the RKO, only for Jericho to drop him. Jericho hits the Lionsault this time and goes for a cover, only for Orton to kick out. Jericho gets up and kicks Orton in the stomach, but Orton goes for the DDT from the second rope. Jericho counters it and locks in the Walls of Jericho. Orton reaches for the bottom rope, however, but Jericho pulls him back to the center of the ring. Orton reverses it and knocks Jericho out of the ring. Jericho goes right back in, and then this the DDT from the second rope.
Block of test is huge, so here’s a break.
Orton drops down to his knees, and Sheamus misses a clothesline on Orton and the ref calls for the bell. Orton then hits the DDT from the second rope on Sheamus. Orton starts to go for a punt, but Jericho hits the Code Breaker on Orton instead. Jericho grabs a chair and climbs back in the ring, telling Orton to get up. Jericho says he’s gonna knock Orton’s head off, but Jericho misses with the chair and Orton hits the RKO on Jericho. Orton then punts Jericho in the head. Sheamus looks terrified that he actually did it, however.
Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. One wild RAW. Decent lead up to Hell in a Cell, I think, so we’ll see what happens! ‘Til next week!
