Welcome all to another edition of what I do here on this site and as the days get longer it can only mean one thing, Wrestlemania is near. What did you think I was gonna say spring? We don’t really get that here since it can snow here some years as late as Mothers day, we just kinda transition from winter into summer so for me to say that spring is coming just wouldn’t fit, but without further ado, I have wrestling to talk about so lets get this train a rolling: (more…)
MVP is totally going to show up in the iMPACT Zone tonight! He got future endeavored by the WWE today, so obviously with the no-compete clause, the last sentence you read is a lie. I miss the days before that clause… Let’s see what REALLY happened on this pretaped go-home episode… (more…)
With the official start to the NFL regular season starting today, I have to ask: “Are you ready for some football?” Not yet, well before I shout “Go Raiders!” how about to take a few minutes and read about some things that happened this past week in wrestling: (more…)
Match 1: Primo Colon and Jillian vs Yoshi Tatsu and Gail Kim (Bella Twins are Special Guest Referees)
Gail Kim rolls up Jillian with a very quick count by one of the Bella’s.
Match 2: Zack Ryder vs Goldust
Zack Ryder doesn’t wear the half pants tonight, but instead just goes with the trunks. Ryder gets the win with the Ruff Ryder.
Masterlock Challenge: The Dudebusters
First, Masters locked it on Croft, then he invited Baretta to take the challenge. As Masters was about to lock it in on Baretta, Croft jumped in and The Dudebusters inflicted a little double team punishment on him.
Main Event: LayCool vs Tiffany and Kelly Kelly
Really??? This is the main event? Absolutely pathetic. Layla gets the pin when Michelle McCool kicked Kelly Kelly in the face with the referee distracted by Tiffany.
Hey everybody! Sorry about the lack of a RAW review last week. I had some computer troubles. But, I have a new laptop now, and I’m back in business. For more frequent updates as to why I’m not doing what I’m supposed to, make sure you follow me on Twitter: @TheMizMagnet. This week, Rob Zombie hosts!! Not only that, but what are the consequences supposed to be for the NXT Rookies attacking Mr. McMahon? What about this new GM? Who the hell is he… or she?!
Last Monday, the NXT Rookies surrounded Referee!Vince in the ring and then violently/brutally, whatever you wanna call it, attacked him, leaving him motionless in the ring as they all stood over him.
We start off RAW with no theme music. We’re told that we know nothing so far about Vince’s condition, but we’ll be updated if anything new is discovered tonight. Also, the NXT Season One Rookies want to be called Nexus, and Wade Barrett is at WWE HQ to plead his case and what not. The new anonymous General Manager says that the Nexus’ actions would be met with the appropriate consequences.
It’s a shame that they lost their heads, a careless man who could wind up dead...
Sheamus comes out to the ring and says that he watched the footage of Nexus beating Vince several times and he has to say he’s disgusted. He’s disgusted about what went down. So, as the WWE Champion, he felt it was his responsibility to make a statement on behalf of the company: the champ is here. Even though the Nexus lads got involved in his match, eveyone knows he would have beaten Cena regardless, and he would have proved he’s worthy of the Championship. He knows it’s unfortunate when it happens, but one important thing came out of it: Cena’s not the #1 Contender for the belt, and why? because he used his rematch clause. It means that he no longer has to look at the tacky orange t-shrits, no longer does he have to listen to the never-give-up slogans, and no longer does he have to listen to the WWE Universe chant “Cena” every week like parrots. No longer does he have to listen to Cena make fun of his beautiful Irish skin by calling him a human jar of mayo. He hates Cena. Cena can get to the back of the queue, like everyone else, because he’s through and he’s never gonna get a shot at Sheamus’ gold ever again.
BRRRRRRRRRRRRR SHABADOO!!!!
Cena makes his way to the ring and just stands there for a couple minutes, grinning and listening to the crowd. Sheamus asks him what he’s doing there, and says that he’s not going to get another shot at him or his belt again. Cena says that he knows and he didn’t come out there for that. He came out here to ask for help. Everybody here saw how Sheamus won the Championship, everyone saw how he kept it. It’s the group calling themselves Nexus. They made a target out of him because he was the WWE Champion, and they’re coming after the human jar of Mayo, Philly’s own giant block of cream cheese, the WWE Champion, Sheamus. Cena says he’s gonna cut to thee chase: They don’t like each other. Sheamus is tough as nails and can fight. Wanna keep the championship? His career? Then help Cena right now. They are going to start off RAW the way they should, for one night only, they fight, side by side, right now because Cena’s calling out Nexus, and they’re gonna start off RAW with a brawl.
However, an email sound comes on and Michael Cole stands up and says that he has an email. He’s like the new AOL guy: Welcome. I’ve got mail! Anyway, the email says, and Cole quotes (though I don’t, because that was a lot to type at once with Cole’s voice giving me a migraine), “I’ll wait until next week to take action agaisnt Nexus. I will allow spokesman Barrett time to present his case to WWE Officials. However, as far as tonight is concerned, if any membner of that group makes any contact with any WWE Superstar, they will be terminated. However, if any WWE Superstar initiates contact, they will be suspended.”
Cena thanks the anonymous General Manager. He says that it’s not a total loss, because they’ve learned something about Sheamus. He’s not just pale skin, and he’s a good dude. Honestly, he’s a pretty good guy. Sheamus was thinking to himself that they should have started RAW with a brawl, but, since they can’t, they’re thinking that they should start of RAW with a WWE Championship match!
The email sound comes again and Cole repeats that he has an email. None of us are, apparently, intelligent enough to know what that sound means. This email says that the WWE Championship, Sheamus will be in action tonight, but it’ll be against Mark Henry.
Cena explodes here (metaphorically speaking. Sorry to disappoint some of you). He claims his life is being ruined by the internet, and he hasn’t freaked out this bad since his mom cancelled his Warcraft subscription. He says that the GM should email him directly… at… candypants264@gmail.org. He goes on, but Cole has to tell us he has an email, so I missed it. The email says that in three weeks, there is a new PayPerView called Money in the Bank, where the winner will receive a contract for a WWE Title match that they can cash in at any time. You know, the same stipulations participants get at Wrestlemania. He says that the eight participants for the RAW match will be revealed later tonight, and he would like to demonstrate. Sheamus says the General Manager can demonstrate all he wants, because Shemaus has wasted enough of his time there and he’s out of there. In the ring, the cage starts to lower. The email goes on and says that since last week’s title match ended inconclusively, Sheamus will face John Cena at Money in the Bank for the WWE Championship in a Steel Cage match.
<COMMERCIAL>
Six Person Tag Match: The Unified Tag Team Champions David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd with Natalya vs
As the Hart Dynasty comes out to the ring, the Usos come out and lay the Hart Dynasty out. They start to go back up the ramp, but Tamina runs down and throws Natalya in the ring, hitting her with the Superfly Splash.
Backstage, Josh Matthews asks R-Truth what actions he thinks should be taken against Nexus. Truth says that they’re behaving like wild, untamed animals. He says not to fire them because that’s too easy. He tells Josh to leave them there at the WWE Zoo, where he’s the zookeeper. And that’s the Truth.
<COMMERCIAL>
Vladimir Kozlov vs Santino Marella – If Santino wins, then Vladimir will be Santion’s tag partner
Vladimir is already in the ring, and this match is pretty quick as we move through Santino entering the ring. Santino goes for a lot of moves, Kozlov just brushes him off, blah blah blah, Kozlov ends up pinning Santino.
Vladimir Kozlov Wins!
Kozlov seems to be amused as he keeps helping Santino up only for him to fall back down. He starts to head up the ramp when William Regal comes out, shakes Kozlov’s hand, and then runs into the ring and attacks Santino. Kozlov goes back into the ring and attacks Regal. Then, he carries Santino right out of the ring and up the ramp.
Backstage, Josh Matthews interviews The Great Khali, asking him what actions he thinks should be taken against Nexus. Khali says something, but Ranjin Singh just says that Khali says that he’s a big, stupid giant and his manager is really tired of protecting him. If Nexus were to come up right now, Khali would run.
<COMMERCIAL>
Tomorrow night, the second season of NXT gets their first votes!!
Tonight’s guest host is a five-time Grammy nominated musician, a screen writer, a producer, and actor, he’s Rob Zombie! He’s also the anniversary guest host, so to speak, for this is one year to the week of the first Guest Host! Rob Zombie says he’s there because he loves sick and twisted things, like the sick and twisted things that go on in the ring, like Money in the Bank. He’s there to announce the Money in the Bank Ladder Match participants for RAW: Randy Orton, The United States Champion, The Miz, R-Truth, Chris Jericho, Evan Bounre, Ted DiBiase, John Morrison and… this guy.
Edge shows up on the TitanTron and says that he hasn’t talked to Rob Zombie since he dumped his entrace theme. Rob Zombie says that he wants to set the record straight. He took his song back because he couldnt’ stand to have Edge destroy it. He starts to leave the ring and Edge asks him if that’s it. Did he scare away the horror director, the astro-creep? All that matters is that he won the first ever MitB, and cashed it in on Cena and won his first WWE Championship. Don’t we remember that? Why doesn’t he remind us?
<Video Package: WrestleMania 21, 2005: Edge wins Money in the Bank. 10 Months Later, Revolution 2006: Edge comes out to cash in Money in the Bank & wins WWE Championship against Cena>
Yeah, Edge did that. He did it and he had so much fun doing it, that he did it years later against the Undertaker. That’s what he was talking about last week when he speared Orton and said now the fun begins because Edge owns Money in the Bank. And he’s gonna show everyone just how twisted he can be ’cause you wanna know what happens when a Viper runs into a guy with a 20 foot ladder? The Viper gets his head crushed before he can strike. And Edge is going to do that to every other participant in that match, and at the end of the match, they will all be staring up at him.
The infamous email sound comes up and Cole says that tonight’s main event will feature all eight Money in the Bank participants in an Eight Man Tag Team Mega Match! Edge, The United States Champion, The Miz, Ted DiBiase, and Chris Jericho will face Evan Bourne, John Morrison, R-Truth, and Randy Orton.
Next: Mark Henry v Sheamus
<COMMERCIAL>
WWE Champion Sheamus vs Mark Henry
Mark Henry comes out with his rookie, Lucky Cannon, who goes backstage right after. The match starts with Sheamus gaining control until Henry shoves him. Sheamus and Henry exchange hits (if you wanna call it that), and Sheamus hits Henry with a DDT. He goes for the cover, but Henry kicks out a two. Sheamus drops his knee on Henry’s face, and then hits his chest a few times before going for another cover. Henry kicks out at two again. Sheamus gets Henry in a headlock, but then gets backed into a corner. As usual, Sheamus goes for Henry’s knee and tries to take him down with clotheslines before Henry hits one. Henry hits a splash a minute later, and goes for a cover, but Sheamus gets his foot on the rope. Henry gets up, and Sheamus hits him with whatever his boot move is called, and then covers Henry for the win.
Sheamus wins!
Josh Matthews is now backstage with Nexus. He asks for their reactions to the General Manager’s ruling. Tarver says it goes both ways. They can be fired for attacking a Superstar, but the Superstars will be suspended if they attack Nexus. Besides, Nexus can still make an impact. To prove this point, Skip Sheffield seems to think it’ll be sufficient to knock out some tech guy who probably pissed his pants as soon as Sheffield looked at him. Darren Young says that’s what they mean, and Nexus laughs.
Still to come, our Eight Man Tag Team Mega Match!
<COMMERCIAL>
“Money” by I Fight Dragons is the official Money in the Bank theme!
Jerry Lawler is in the ring and says that tomorrow, a new DVD will be out. Before he says who the DVD is about, he wants to show us something.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The Life of Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat”>
Ricky Steamboat comes out, and Jerry says that a few more guys in the back want to say something. Arn Anderson, Dean Malenko, Mike Rotunda, and Micheal P.S. Hays come out to honor his career. They all say some really graet things about Ricky. When Steamboat goes to speak, the Nexus theme hits and they all come out. They surround the ring and then start to take out the legends in the ring one by one until it’s just them and Steamboat in the ring. Steamboat manages to put up a pretty good fight for about thirty seconds before Nexus overpowers him, and we see the same crap we’ve seen for what seems like forever now.
<COMMERCIAL>
Reminder! Nexus just attacked the legends! Another reminder! The Superstars can’t attack Nexus or they’ll be suspended, which is why no one helped the legends! Realization: With Jerry gone, we now have to listen to Michael Cole scream “VINTAGE” and wet himself all night… Joygasm.
<COMMERCIAL>
Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox & Maryse vs Gail Kim and Eve Torres
Lucky for me, if you wanna put it that way, Michael Cole is joined by Josh Matthews. Anyway, Alicia and Eve start, some hits are exchanged, blah blah blah… I got really distracted by whatever Alicia was wearing, so all I know is that eventually, Gail came in and was doing pretty good, but something happened and Alicia hit an axe kick on Gail and won it for her and Maryse.
Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox and Maryse win!
Next up is the Eight Man Tag Team Mega Match!
<COMMERCIAL>
Reminder! Last week, Nexus attacked Vince! Reminder!! About fifteen to thirty minutes ago, they attacked WWE Hall of Famers! Next week our slacker GM will determine the fate of Nexus.
Eight Man Tag Team Mega Match
The Rated R Superstar Edge, Chris Jericho, The United States Champion The Miz, and Ted DiBiase with Maryse vs R-Truth, John Morrison, Evan Bourne and Randy Orton
Just because I’m having a moment and I don’t want this to go straight to the commercial thing, I’m going to have some theme song fun!!
You think you know me…
Break the walls down!!
AWESOME! I came to play!
It’s a new day! It’s a new generation!!
What’s up?… What’s up?
Now listen, this ain’t no make believe!
*Airplane noises*
I hear voices in my head, they council me, they understand, they talk to me…
<COMMERCIAL>
DiBiase and Morrison start it off. DiBiase gets Morrison into the corner and Irish Whips him, but Morrison counters and throws DiBiase down. He gets DiBiase into a headlock and then moves to his corner, tagging in Truth.
Truth slaps DiBiase, who returns it witha punch. Truth then throws DiBiase over the top rope and tags in Bourne, who jumps off the apron and right into DiBiase before throwing him back into the ring. A few hard kicks get DiBiase off his feet. Bourne goes for a cover, but DiBiase kicks out at two and tags in Miz.
Miz gets flipped by Bourne almost immediately, and Bourne goes for a cover only for Miz to kick out at two. He punches Bourne and hits an Irish Whip, only to get hit by a kick to the face. Bourne slams into Miz and goes for the cover again, only for Miz to kick out at two. Bourne throws Miz across the ring and runs at him, only to get Miz’ shoulder in his face. Jericho distracts the ref as DiBiase hits Bourne. Miz tags in Jericho.
Jericho kicks Bounre and then drops him into the bottom rope, hitting a baseball slide to kick him out of the ring next. Edge drops down and hits Bourne while Jericho distracts the ref, and then Jericho goes out to throw Bourne back in. Jericho mocks Bounre before he pulls Bourne to the heel corner and tags Miz back in.
Miz stomps on Bourne a few times before putting his knee in Bourne’s spine. He then plants his knee in Bourne’s spine, lifting Bourne’s head, before slipping into a headlock. Bourne fights out and Miz goes for a suplex, but is kneed to the head by Bourne, who tags Morrison back in.
Morrison hits Miz with two clothesline, then Irish Whips him to a corner, hits a flying chuck, and sets up Starship Pain only for DiBiase to pull Miz out. Morrison jumps over the top rope and takes both out. He goes to throw Miz back in, but Jericho distracts the ref and Edge attacks Morrison.
<COMMERCIAL>
During the break, Jericho rammed Morrison with a ladder and then feigned injury. Jericho and Morrison are still in the ring, but Morrison falls out of the ring after taking some blows from DiBiase. Jericho brings Morrison into the ring, and Morrison manages to cover Chris, who kicks out at two and in turn, covers Morrison. Morrison kicks out at two, and Jericho tags Edge in.
Edge knees Morrison in the gut, and Morrison fights back, hitting Edge a few times. Edge hits a drop toe-hold on Morrison, and holds onto Morrison’s ankle, pulling him back into the heel corner. Morrison starts to fight back, and Edge tags in DiBiase.
DiBiase hammers away on Morrison as soon as he gets in. When Morrison tries to get some momentum, DiBiase hits him with a scoop slam, locking a headlock on Morrison after. DiBiase then tags in Edge.
Edge flings Morrison into the corner, and Morrison kicks Edge only to get a big boot to the face. He goes into a corner and prepares for the Spear, but Morrison gets out of the way. Edge pulls Morrison back, and Morrison manages to hit an insagiri on the back of Edge’s head. Both are down before Edge tags in Jericho, and Morrison tags in Bourne.
Bourne hits a hurricanrana, then a missile dropkick, countering Jericho’s Irish Whip and hitting Jericho with some high kicks. He goes for a cover on Jericho, but Jericho kicks out at two. Bourne goes to the top rope, and Jericho is right behind him, hitting him. Jericho attempts a suplex, but Bourne gets his knee in Jericho’s face and pushes him down. Bourne goes for Air Bourne and misses it, instead hit with the Codebreaker. Jericho ends up having to tag in DiBiase as Bourne tags in Randy. Orton hits the RKO as soon as DiBiase is close enough.
Randy Orton, Evan Bourne, John Morrison and R-Truth win
After the match, Edge runs back into the ring and attacks Randy from behind. He also brings in a ladder. Truth goes in to help or something, but is hit by a ladder as well. John Morrison and Evan Bourne kick the ladder, sending Edge flying backward. Jericho attempts a Codebreaker or something, but Evan knocks him out of the ring. Morrison helps Bourne onto the top rope, where he flies right into Jericho. Meanwhile, Miz takes out Morrison back in the ring with a Skull Crushing Finale. With the ring cleared, he sets up the ladder in the middle of the ring, starting a slow climb up it. Before he can grab the briefcase, Randy comes in and pushes it over, sending Miz right into the ropes. Randy then sets the ladder back up, climbing it and taking the briefcase for himself.
Overall Thoughts: Not too bad a show, though I don’t care what Nexus has planned anymore as long as they stay off my screen with it. Seriously, I’d rather watch Mark Henry try to rap again than anything else they have to do.
Darren Young, CM Punk’s rookie, defeated Jennifer Hudson’s fiancee and R-Truth’s rookie, David Otunga in the opening contest. Luke Gallows and Truth got into a discussion outside of the ring, and as the referee was distracted, Punk tripped up Otunga, allowing Young to pick up the victory.
After the match, Otunga shoved Truth.
Promo: Daniel Bryan says he’ll headline WrestleMania some day.
Video: Bryan taking a huge bump courtesy of Chris Jericho.
Backstage: Bryan is getting looked at by the trainers, and Miz informs him that he’ll be facing Jericho’s rookie, Wade Barrett, next!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
During the break, David Otunga and R-Truth got into a bit of a brawl before officials broke it up.
Chris Jericho is introduced, and he comes to the stage to introduce Wade Barrett
Video: Wade Barrett will dominate you, because that’s what will put money into his bank account.
Daniel Bryan’s ribs are taped up as he makes his way to the ring, sans The Miz.
Wade Barrett def. Daniel Bryan
The Miz and Carlito watch from a monitor backstage, as Barrett dominates early on. Barrett hits a spinebuster and it’s too much for Bryan to overcome.
Chris Jericho attacks Bryan after the match and locks him in the old school Lion Tamer style Walls of Jericho.
Later on tonight, Justin Gabriel teams with his pro Matt Hardy to face Skip Sheffield and his pro, William Regal.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Backstage: Heath Slater is bragging about his and Christian’s win last week. Christian tells him that he shouldn’t be overconfident, and that David Otunga won his match too.
Backstage: Justin Gabriel is excited to work with Matt Hardy. Hardy says Gabriel will bring a lot of high flying maneuvers, kind of like a young Matt Hardy. Here’s hoping he doesn’t get fat and wear tights that are too small for him.
Regal and Skip Sheffield make their way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Video: Skip Sheffield is a Corn fed Meathead. He’s an entertainer, and he’s good at it.
Hardy and Gabriel make their way to the ring and we’ve got our main event.
Matt Hardy & Justin Gabriel def. William Regal & Skip Sheffield
Gabriel picked up the win for his team. Matt Hardy dropped Regal with a Twist of Fate, and Gabriel nailed a 450 splash, picking up the victory.
Backstage: Matt Striker is with the rest of the rookies. Carlito comes in and spits in the face of Heath Slater. He says that’s cool. Slater doesn’t think so, but Striker says, “That’s NXT.”
Alright folks, the former No Way Out is now the Elimination Chamber, and following the opening video and pyro, the WWE is wasting no time getting started (ok, they are, but I want to get started, dammit), and neither are we!
Impact opens up with highlights from last week and after the intro we’re going to go straight into the first match this week.
8-Card Stud Tournament Qualifying Match
Brutus Magnus vs. Mr. Anderson
Anderson reminds the fans that the ring is four sided, not 6 sided to get some heat as he does his intro. Footage of Anderson’s big win over Jarrett last week is shown as Anderson makes his way to the ring. Anderson and Brutus lockup and Anderson nails him with a knee to the gut and then lays in a couple of right hands on Brutus. Brutus blocks one of the rights and hits a series of rights of his own. Brutus beats on Anderson in the corner until the referee pulls him off which allows Anderson to hit a dropkick to Brutus’ knee. Anderson stomps on the leg and even the hand of Brutus before hitting an Elbow Drop on the back of Brutus. Anderson whips Brutus hard into the corner and then throws him headfirst into the top turnbuckle before putting the boots to Brutus in the corner. Anderson tries to throw Brutus into the top turnbuckle again but he blocks it and connects with a right hand, but Anderson comes right back with a right of his own and a kick to the gut. Anderson whips Brutus into the ropes and goes for a backdrop but Magnus kicks him in the head and follows it up with a Big Boot. Brutus whips Anderson into the ropes and hits a Back Elbow and then hits a Straightjacket Slam for a nearfall. Brutus goes for the Tormentum but Anderson rakes the eyes of Brutus (the referee was behind Brutus so his vision was blocked) and connects with the Mic Check for the pin!
Winner: Anderson via pinfall (Mic Check)
In the parking lot Mick Foley arrives in his beat up ride.
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
In the back Christy Hemme is with Angle. She asks him about his Qualifying Match with Tomko tonight, but he says he’s not worried about Tomko right now. He wants to talk about Hulk Hogan, he claims that Hogan is responsible for Syxx and Hall jumping him last week. Hogan says that’s who Hogan is and now he’s showing his true colors, but it ends tonight. He says Hogan should expect a visit from him tonight and he’ll have a really bad attitude.
At ringside Tenay and Taz hype up the card for tonight which will feature Tara defend the Knockouts Title against Angelina Love, Hernandez & Morgan defend the Tag Titles against 3D, and TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles going one-on-one with The Pope in a Non Title Match.
Eric Bischoff’s music hits and Mr. Bischoff makes his way out to the ring alone this week. Bischoff says it is so good to be in Orlando one more time. He says last week Hogan make it clear that Foley has to get on the same page with him but Foley made it clear that he just wasn’t willing to do that, but Foley’s music cuts him off before he can say anything more. Foley walks out to the ring with a serious look on his face. Foley says his reputation in wrestling is that there is something wrong in his head and it’s not because he’s willing to do things to his body that doesn’t seem right, but it’s because he likes just about everybody. He throws out names like Buff Bagwell, Paul Heyman, The Ultimate Warrior, etc. of guys that don’t have great reputations in wrestling yet he still likes. He says that Bischoff is the exception because he hates Bischoff’s guts! He calls Bischoff a ‘slick, little hustler’ and that he is the complete opposite of Foley. He says he loves wrestling and gave everything and would’ve given anything to get into this business while Bischoff came in as salesman and an announcer. Foley calls him the worst announcer in history but Taz says Foley must’ve never heard of Mike Adamle (okay, I about split my sides laughing from that one). Foley says that Bischoff weaseled his way into power in WCW and he says he can’t stand Bischoff. Bischoff says that may be true but this isn’t about him and Foley, it’s about whether Foley is willing to get in line in TNA. Foley says it’s about everyone and he says he loves being apart of TNA, but he always prepares himself for the worst case scenario which is why at 28 he was saving every penny he ever made. He says that’s why he was sleeping at the Red Roof Inn when he was WWF Champion and why he drives a ‘piece of crap minivan’ now. He says he did all that so he wouldn’t have to answer to idiots like Bischoff. He shows the camera two names that he wrote down on his hand (Jeremy Borash and Abyss) and says ‘how dare’ Bischoff mess with these guys lives. Foley puts over everything that Borash does for TNA behind the scenes and says that Bischoff not knowing shows how much little he cares about knowing what makes TNA tick. Bischoff what makes him tick is power and control. He then says since Foley won’t get on the same page with him and he’s going to have to turn that page and write the next chapter of the Mick Foley story. Foley mentions something he said in his book about Bischoff saying that power should be limited to those that are not in love with it. He says Bischoff has not learned a single thing since his failure in WCW. Foley says he was recognizable all around the world while Bischoff made reality shows with Chachi. Foley says with all due respect to his wife that he always told her that deep down wrestling was always his first true love in his life because that it was the first thing he ever loved that loved him back. He says he realized that that love might not last forever but he’ll be damned if he sits back and lets Bischoff have his way with the ‘woman’ he loves. Foley starts to leave the ring but Bischoff stops him and says Foley may want to look at those names on his hand because he still has their futures in the palm of his hands. Bischoff says that new chapter of the Mick Foley Story that he was just talking about starts tonight when Mick Foley faces Kevin Nash in a No DQ Match! He says he is a student of history and Mick has a history with Nash and he wants to see that history resolved.
In the back Abyss is watching a monitor when JB walks up and he asks JB if he’s going to be okay. JB asks him if it sounds like he’s going to be okay. JB says he worked for Bischoff 10 years ago and nothing has changed. He says when Bischoff is around nobodies okay. JB says he is just there to pick him last check and Abyss freaks out as JB walks off.
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
Back from commercials Christy Hemme is with Tara in the back. Christy asks Tara about her history with Angelina. Tara says when she first came to TNA Angelina and the Beautiful People made her life hell but since Angelina has came back she seems to be a different person. Tara says Angelina has her eye on the prize but she can’t take it from her and says she’s ready for Angelina.
TNA World Tag Team Championships
“Super Mex” Hernandez & “The Blueprint” Matt Morgan (c) vs. Team 3D
Tenay mentions that if 3D wins then that would make them 24-time Tag Champions. Bubba and Hernandez will start the match off. They lockup and Bubba throws Hernandez into the corner and then they lockup again but this time Hernandez shoves Bubba into the ropes. Hernandez goes for a clothesline but Bubba blocks it and goes for one of his own, but Hernandez blocks his as well. Bubba grabs a side headlock on Hernandez and he shoves Bubba into the ropes and connects with a nasty shoulder block that sends Bubba crashing into the corner! Hernandez follows up with a Corner Splash attempt but Bubba moves and then whips Hernandez into the opposite corner. Bubba charges and hits a Corner Splash of his own. Hernandez kicks Bubba and grabs the top rope and pulls himself up to the top rope showing off that crazy strength and athleticism he possesses. Bubba connects with some nasty chops on Hernandez and then Press Slams him off the top! Bubba drops an elbow on top of Hernandez and gets a nearfall. Bubba tags in Devon and he lays in some elbows on Hernandez until Hernandez connects with a knee to the gut and quickly tags in Morgan. Morgan goes for a clothesline but Devon ducks and connects with a series of rights. Devon attempts to whip Morgan into the ropes but he reverses it only to eat a big Clothesline from Devon followed by a leg drop for a one count. Devon comes off the ropes but Morgan connects with a Discuss Clothesline for a nearfall of his own. Hernandez tags back in and locks a rear chin lock on Devon but Devon breaks it up with back elbows and then comes off the ropes only to eat a big shoulder block for another nearfall. Hernandez lifts Devon up and puts him on the top rope. Hernandez goes up top with him and goes for a Superplex but Devon blocks it and bites the forehead of Hernandez! Devon shoves Hernandez off the top and then hits a Diving Headbutt! Both men are down and they tag out at the same time. Bubba connects with some big jabs on Morgan and then attempts to whip Morgan into the ropes, but Morgan blocks it and attempts a clothesline. Bubba ducks it and goes for a German Suplex but Morgan counters with back elbows. Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint but Bubba catches his foot to block it and then connects with the German Suplex! Hernandez comes in but eats a Samoan Drop from Bubba! 3D then hit the Reverse 3D on Morgan! 1…2…NO Hernandez breaks it up! Hernandez connects the forearms on both members of 3D but thy come back with a double shoulder block. Bubba hits a Scoop Slam and then Devon climbs to the top but the Nasty Boys run out and shove Devon off the top as the referee was checking on Hernandez! Hernandez goes for a clothesline on Bubba but he counters into a Bubba Bomb attempt. Hernandez blocks it and shoves Bubba into the Carbon Footprint from Morgan! 1…2…3 and they retain the titles!
Winners & STILL Tag Champs: Hernandez & Morgan via pinfall (Carbon Footprint)
The Nasty Boys bring a chair out and are about to lay 3D out further but Hernandez & Morgan come back and run them off. Hernandez and Morgan help 3D up and explain what just happened to them. They fist bump with the champs and walk out.
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
“Samoan Submission Machine” Samoa Joe vs. Jesse Neal
This is the first time we’ve see Neal since Hogan and company has arrived. Tenay reminds us that Joe still has a TNA Title show in the bank. Neal jumps Joe as he comes into the ring but Joe lays him out with a T-Bone Suplex! Joe lays into Neal in the corner with jabs and chops and then he whips Neal into the opposite corner and connects with a Running Back Elbow! Joe then lays Neal out with a Leaping Enziguri! Neal tries to fight back but Joe lays him out with a headbutt. Neal pokes Joe’s eyes and then hits a Running Forearm. Neal climbs up to the top and dives off the top with a Flying Cross Body but Joe just nonchalantly steps aside. Joe connects the some SICKENING open hand strikes and then he whips Neal into the corner and connects with the Flying Knee Strike! Joe puts Neal up top and hits the Muscle Buster and screams “AJ!” as he hits it! 1…2…3!
Winner: Joe via pinfall (Muscle Buster)
In the back Christy approaches Hogan and asks him how he feels about what Kurt said earlier. He doesn’t know what Kurt said so Christy tells him. Hogan says this is just another thing that he didn’t do that Kurt is blaming him for. Hogan says that he is easy to find so tell Kurt to come see him. Christy tells Hogan that Kurt said he would be coming for Hogan later and Hogan says he’ll be waiting.
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
Non Title Match
“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. “The Phenomenal” AJ Styles w/Ric Flair
This a first time ever matchup right here! Taz likens Flair and AJ’s relationship to that of a great NFL QB with a legendary coach in his corner. AJ and Pope lockup and Pope gets AJ in a wristlock right off the bat, but AJ quickly forces Dinero into the corner so the referee will have to come in and break it up. AJ connects with a series of chops but Dinero pimp slaps AJ! AJ charges at Pope but he hits a drop toe hold and then floats over into a Front Chancery. Dinero transitions into a wristlock but AJ quickly reverses it and kicks Dinero in the gut. AJ goes for a scoop slam but Dinero blocks it and connects a series of Elbow’s to the top of AJ’s head. Dinero then mocks AJ and Flair and connects with a big right! Dinero whips AJ into the ropes and hits a Backdrop! AJ slides out to the floor to catch a breather and get some advice from Naitch.
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
Back from commercials Dinero shoves AJ into the ropes but AJ nails him with a shoulder block and then does the Flair strut! AJ comes off the ropes and Dinero goes for a backdrop but AJ blocks it and connects with an elbow and then a chop. AJ whips Dinero into the ropes and leapfrogs him and then connects with the Phenomenal Dropkick! AJ puts the boots to Dinero as he tries to get out of the ring and then catapults Dinero into the bottom rope in a sort of guillotine affect. AJ lights Dinero up with chops in the corner and Dinero answers him back until AJ connects with a big right hand and then he locks in a Camel Clutch on Dinero on the mat! Dinero gets to the ropes and then AJ chokes Dinero on the middle rope. AJ hits a Snap Suplex for a nearfall. AJ mounts Dinero and lays into Dinero with rights and lefts. Dinero comes back with some body shots on AJ and then he attempts to whip AJ into the ropes, but AJ reverses it only to have Dinero hit a Sunset Flip! 1…2…NO AJ kicks out and then connects with a big Running Back Elbow! AJ locks in a rear chin lock on Dinero now but Dinero gets to his feet and breaks it up with back elbows only to have AJ slam Dinero to the mat by his head. AJ puts the boots to Dinero and then measures Dinero for a big right hand, but Pope blocks it and connects with a series of rights and lefts of his own. Dinero ducks another right hand attempt and shows that amateur boxing history with his hand speed connecting with some beautiful body shots on AJ followed by a big right hook! Dinero hits an Atomic Drop and then a Flying Shoulder Block! 1…2…NO AJ kicks out! Pope is starting to get on a roll but AJ cuts him off with a rake of the eyes followed by a Leaping Enziguri! Flair talks trash to Pope from ringside and AJ goes for a Flying Forearm Smash in the corner, but Dinero moves and lights AJ up with a big chop. Dinero goes for the Coronation (Running Body Guillotine as the opponent is draped over the middle rope) but AJ moves out of the way hanging Dinero up in the ropes. AJ grabs Dinero and goes for a Vertical Suplex but Pope blocks it and rolls AJ up with a Small Package out of nowhere! 1…2…3!
Winner: Dinero via pinfall (small package)
After the match Dinero doesn’t even have time to celebrate as Flair gets in the ring and attacks him along with AJ! Flair lights Dinero up with chops and rights but Samoa Joe’s music hits and h runs out and makes the save! Joe with some nasty rights on AJ and then Flair turns Joe around and nails him with a chop but it has no affect on Joe! Flair freaks out and begs Joe off and then AJ chop blocks Joe from behind! AJ and Flair now double team Joe until Dinero makes the save for Joe! Joe clotheslines Flair out f the ring t the floor and then Dinero and Joe stomp on AJ until security runs out and holds them back!
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
Back from commercials Flair is on the mic on the stage and asks Joe if he wants to die tonight as security is still holding Joe & Dinero back. Flair says Joe should know better and says that this is the new TNA and Joe will get his a** beat! Flair makes fun of Joe about being Samoan and then starts to run away when it looks like Joe is going to break away from security. Joe grabs a mic and screams at Flair to shut his mouth before he stomps the rest of the nature out of his a**! Joe calls AJ a scumbag and Flair says no he’s the World Champion, but Joe tells him to shut his mouth! Joe says he doesn’t care when it was whether they were friends or they hated each other AJ was ALWAYS a warrior! AJ says he gave it all up for a overpriced suit and some wholesale hookers! Joe says he needs to remind AJ how to be a man and a champion and that’s why he is cashing in his title shot at Against All Odds! Joe says from this day until then he will have to go to sleep knowing he has to face the inevitable (pointing at himself) and wake up knowing he has to face the inevitable. Joe tells Pope he thinks they go give Flair & AJ a preview of what the inevitable is! Pope lays security out with some right hands and they chase AJ and Flair to the back!
In the back Christy is with Angelina. She asks Angelina if she is worried about BP getting involved and she says definitely. She says if she was still in BP she would get involved and says she taught them everything they know but didn’t teach them everything she knows. She says she would’ve never tried to replace Angelina Love because you can’t. Angelina says tonight is about her title shot and says success is the best revenge and she is awesome at revenge.
In the back Nash is with Eric Young when Bischoff walks in. Bischoff acts like he doesn’t know who Young is and he introduces himself. Bischoff asks Young to leave and then Bischoff sits down with Nash. Bischoff says he needs a favor from Nash. He says he needs Nash to destroy Foley tonight and Nash says he needs him to do him a favor but Pac and Hall still don’t have contracts. Bischoff says they are screwups and they won’t follow the rules. He says he’s sick of that and there is nothing he can do about it. Bischoff says that he can play to that same tune that Pac and Hall play to or he can go out and destroy Foley for him.
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
Back from commercials footage is shown form 2 months ago when Foley jumped Nash in the Impact Zone after Nash set up the fake meeting between Foley and Nash.
In the back Christy is with Mick Foley and she asks if Foley is planning on falling in line. Foley says he will face Nash tonight and Foley says he is no longer mad at Nash, but the more he thinks about what Nash did to him the hotter he gets. Abyss walks up still freaking out and he asks Foley if he’ll fall in line. Foley says his job will be safe and Abyss needs to do him a favor and that’s promising him that he will stay away from the ring no matter what happens between Foley and Nash tonight.
8-Card Stud Tournament Qualifying Match
Tomko vs. “Olympic Hero” Kurt Angle
Angle immediately connects with a German Suplex on Tomko but then eats a Big Boot from Tomko! Both men get right to their feet and go nose-to-nose! Angle nails Tomko with a headbutt and then a series of rights and a clothesline that sends Tomko over the top to the floor! Angle follows him out and slams Tomko into the ring steps and rolls Tomko back into the ring. Angle charges at Tomko but eats a Snap Powerslam from Tomko! He whips Angle into the corner and nails him with a running Clothesline and then he grabs Angle and whips Angle into the ring post. Tomko hits a Powerslam for a nearfall and then locks in a Rear Chinlock on Angle. Angle fights to his feet and breaks the hold with back elbows and then comes off the ropes but Tomko grabs him by the throat and hits a Chokeslam. Tomko climbs to the top but Angle quickly gets to the top and hits the Belly-to-Belly Superplex on Tomko! Both guys are down now and finally Angle gets to his feet and hits the Rolling German Suplexes on Tomko! As he went for the third one Tomko blocked it and threw Angle into the corner. Tomko charges but Angle moves and hits the Angle Slam! 1…2…NO Tomko kicks out! Tomko comes out of nowhere with a Lariat! Tomko goes for the Chainsaw Kick but Angle ducks and hit more Rolling German Suplexes! This time Angle goes old school and connects with 5! Angle grabs Tomko’s ankle and locks in the Ankle Lock! Angle drops down to the and great veins the leg which causes Tomko to tap!
Winner: Angle via submission (Ankle Lock)
Mr. Anderson, Hernandez, Desmond Wolfe, & Kurt Angle are all now in the Tournament for Against All Odds with 4 more yet to be named.
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
Footage is shown from TNA’s tour of Europe this past week and then a nice video package highlighting the issues between Foley and Nash from the last few months is shown.
Nash enters Hogan’s office and he talks about the conversation he had with Bischoff and says he’s down, but he asks for another chance for Pac and Hall. Hogan says they’ve had enough chances and he has done everything he could for them. Nash says now more than ever they need him but Hogan says they’re acting crazier than they ever have now. Hogan says Nash just needs to get away from them but he wants Hogan to keep an open mind about them. Hogan tells Nash not to let them suck him again because ‘you know how they are.’
A video package is shown highlighting Angelina and the Beautiful People’s past.
TNA Knockouts Championship
Tara (c) vs. Angelina Love
Tara and Angelina lockup and Tara gets the advantage with a side headlock and then she hits a side headlock takeover. Tara holds onto the side headlock as they hit the mat but Angelina is able to roll Tara over and get a one count before Tara rolls back over. Angelina is able to counter out with a head scissors but Tara counters right back by rolling frontwards into a bridging pin for a nearafll. Angelina bridges out of the pin and right into a Backslide! 1…NO Tara kicks out!
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
Angelina and Tara are engrossed in a Greco-Roman Knucklelock as we come back from commercials and Angelina is able to lock Tara into Hammerlock and even hit a Hammerlock Armdrag holding onto the Hammerlock on the mat. Angelina puts her knee into the ribs of Tara and then locks in a wristlock but Tara is able to cartwheel out of the move into a wristlock of her own. I do believe we have a wardrobe malfunction here as Tara’s chest is blurred out! How did nobody get a picture of that of all the people that was there live (just asking)? Angelina with a single leg takedown for a nearfall and then she slams Tara headfirst into the top turnbuckle and then she slams her into the opposite turnbuckle. Tara comes back and slams Angelina’s head into the turnbuckle and then whips her into the opposite corner and charges at her, but Angelina is able to lift herself up onto the top rope over the charging Tara and then roll her up! 1…2…NO Tara kicks out! Tara comes back with a kick to the gut and then the Spider’s Web (Fireman’s Carry into Spinning Sidewalk Slam)! 1…2…NO Angelina kicks out! Angelina comes back with a forearm and then she whips Tara into the ropes and goes for the Botox Injection, but Tara ducks and goes for the Widows Peak! Angelina blocks it and counters into a rollup but Tara rolls through and gets the pin!
Winner & STILL Knockouts Champ: Tara via pinfall
After the match Angelina and Tara shake hands and Angelina raises Tara’s hand. It actually looked like Angelina tried to tell her about the boobage slipping out but the Beautiful People run out and jump Angelina. They put the boots to Angelina as Tara just watches and finally she lays out BP. Angelina throws some big rights as well as both girls clean house. Velvet is able to escape without Angelina getting her hands on her though.
In the parking lot Scott Hall & Syxx-Pac are shown sneaking around.
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
Back from commercials Angle walks into Hogan’s office and screams at him to explain to him how Hogan shakes his hand and then 10 seconds later ‘his cronies’ jump him. Hogan says he refused to give Pac (who Hogan refers to as X-Pac) and Hall contracts because they’re thugs and now Angle thinks he hired them to do his dirty work. Hogan says Angle’s temper is the problem here. Angle says he’s worried about Hogan’s agenda and says he doesn’t trust Hogan as far as he can throw him. He says he knows what Hogan is all about and he’s heard all the horror stories about the people he’s done business with. Angle says Hogan needs to understand that he won’t screw with him the way he’s screwed with ‘them’ and he needs to consider this his final warning. Hogan tells Angle he needs to do himself a favor and get out of his office, please. Angle slams his fists on Hogan’s desk and then storms out.
No DQ Match
“Big Sexy” Kevin Nash vs. “Hardcore Legend” Mick Foley
Kevin Nash does his best Raven impersonation by rolling a shopping cart full of weapons out to the ring while Foley brought out his trademark barbed wire baseball bat. Foley swings his bat at Nash who blocks the shots with a garbage can. Finally the trash can is beat up so bad that Nash just flings it at Foley (who knocks it away with the bat) and picks up a chair. Foley swings the bat at Nash more and he blocks it with the chair this time and then he picks up a hockey stick and hits Foley in the legs with it as he charged in with the bat. Nash picks up the barbed wire bat and tries to scrape it on Foley’s face but Foley blocks it and is able to hit a mule kick to Nash’s balls! Foley with a running forearm and now the brawl spills out to the floor where Foley slams Nash into the guardrail and then the ring apron. Foley gets back in the ring and grabs a picture frame but Foley hesitates which allows Nash to nail him with a Big Boot for the pin. That whole thing was VERY sloppy.
Winner: Nash via pinfall (Big Boot)
It’s shown that the reason Foley hesitated was because the picture was the stupid picture of him and Borash. We see Hall and Pac coming down through the crowd now! Hall and Pac attack Nash out of nowhere! Pac hits a vision Spinning Heel Kick and then Hall puts the boots to him! What the hell?! Hall turns his attention to Foley and stomps on him while Pac continues to beat on Nash. Hall and Pac taunt the crowd and Nash as everyone wonders what the hell just happened.
RAW kicks off, and it’s host is a World Champion from Pittsburgh – but it’s not Kurt Angle. Ben Roelithsberger comes out to some boos, saying he knows they’ve got Eagles fans in the house, but that they’ve also got Steelers fans, but tonight we’re all WWE fans. He says he’s got a surprise. It’s the Diva Bowl. A team of face Divas show up in Steelers jerseys, followed by a team of heel divas in white shirts, followed by Gail Kim in a referee outfit. Great. The one who can actually wrestle is the referee.
Diva Bowl
What the hell is this crap? At least we’re getting it out of the way early. The faces won when Mickie James pinned Alicia Fox.
The face Divas are still standing in the ring when the NEW WWE Champion, Randy Orton makes his way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Orton says that last night he defeated John Cena and became a 6 time WWE Champion. The people say he uses shortcuts, needs backup, and flat out cheats. When last night did any of that happen? He and John Cena walked in to Hell in a Cell, and Orton beat him. End of story. He’s willing to bet that Cena will interrupt him and ask for a rematch. Orton tells Cena to do what he thinks he needs to do. Orton says he knows exactly what he’ll say to Cena. The fans chant Cena’s name and…
SHABADOO! Your time is up my time is now…
The former champ is here, and he runs down to the ring. Orton says that Cena looks awful excited, and he thinks he knows why. Orton says he won’t get a rematch tonight. Cena’s look turns to that of disappointment. Cena says Orton just told the WWE Universe that he doesn’t give a damn about them. He’s a WWE Superstar who strives to be the best, so what Cena’s here to do is congratulate Orton on his win last night. Cena says he can tell us how brutal Hell In A Cell was, but the interesting thing is that there was something special. Something Cena noticed before, during, and after the match. He noticed over 16,000 members of the WWE Universe standing the whole time. There were people cheering for Cena. There were people cheering for Orton. John Cena and Randy Orton has become the rivalry. Whether a singles match, triple threat, I quit, or Hell In A Cell, it’s simply amazing. Cena would like to do it one more time, and the people seem to agree. He cares about the WWE Universe and wants to give them a match. Not just any match, the match. The match of matches – an Iron Man match. Right, like Cena can go for 60 minutes and keep a crowd into it. Anyways, Cena says that after the iron man match, there will be no more rematches. Orton says he sees what Cena’s doing. If Cena wins, he don’t get a rematch. He says he agrees that we need to end this, but we’ll do it Orton’s way. If Cena wins he gets the title, if Orton wins, Cena is gone from RAW. He can go to SmackDown, he can go to ECW, Orton doesn’t care. He just wants him off of RAW. Cena confirms that’s what Orton wants and says he’ll do it. Orton says that’s not all he wants. No DQ, no count out, and on his terms. Cena asks that if that means they can use whatever they want and turn this into the biggest brawl of all time. Orton says that’s exactly what he’s saying. Take it or leave it. Cena says 60 minutes, anything goes, and if he loses he leaves RAW. Cena says he’s on. The two shake hands, and we’re set to finally end this rivalry.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Somebody has a sign in the crowd with a picture of a slobbering Daffy Duck that says “JACK THWAGGER” on it. Somebody’s been reading Bored Wrestling Fan. Anyways, Swagger’s here. He says he looks and smells like a winner, because he is a winner. FYI, he didn’t get pinned last night, and going forth, he will not lose. For the rest of the year, he promises that he will go undefeated. He’s the All American American, Jack Swagger, and he approves this message. Primo’s shitty music starts, and so does the Aldo Montoya pyro, and we confirm that the Cena/Orton match won’t be tonight, it will be at the Bragging Rights PPV. Please, for the love of insert supreme being here, let Cena lose so I don’t have to see him the next night in Buffalo.
Jack Swagger vs. Primo
Swagger’s prophecy starts off on the right foot as he easily defeats Primo following a gutwrench powerbomb.
Chris Jericho and The Big Show are here. We’ll hear from the Tag Team Champions later on tonight.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Backstage, the Divas are arguing when referee Santino blows the whistle. He calls encroachment on #23 on the defense. Mickie asks what the hell he’s talking about. He says he’s trying to get into the football spirit, and asks Mickie and Alicia to kiss and make up. Alicia slaps Santino and the Divas start brawling again.
The Miz interrupts Ben Roethlisberger and complains about Swagger insinuating that The Miz lost last night. Big Ben asks what happened. Miz admits to getting pin. The Miz says that being awesome isn’t a catch phrase. He asks for a shot at Kofi Kingston tonight. After all, it’s his birthday week. Ben says he can do this. He makes the match, but says there’s a stipulation. If Miz loses, he gets in the middle of the ring, takes the microphone, and tells everybody that “I’m The Miz, and I’m Awful.”
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Last week, Chavo punched Chris Masters in the face for hurting Hornswoggle for some reason. Chavito is here, teaming with The Masterpiece again. Their opponents are the team of MVP and Mark Henry. Shouldn’t MVP be WWE Champion by now?
MVP & Mark Henry vs. Chavo Guerrero & Chris Masters
Henry and MVP pick up the win, but Henry appears to have injured his leg.
After the match, Masters asks Chavo what happened. He gets in Guerrero’s face, and Guerrero shoves him. Masters gets Guerrero in the Master Lock, but Hornswoggle comes to Chavo’s rescue. Chavo drops Masters with a DDT, and then Hornswoggle gives Chavo a DX style crotch chop.
Ben Roethlisberger is on his way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Roethlisberger makes his way out to the ring – and he barely gets a sentence out when…
WELL… WELL IT’S THE BIG SHOW – BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!
Show wants to know whey they call him Big Ben. How big can his big offensive line be compared to The Big Show. Jericho says they’re probably not as big as he is. Roethlisberger invites them out. The Steelers O-line make their way to the ring. Jericho asks if they’re supposed to be intimidated. He says this isn’t a football field, it’s the WWE ring. JeriShow don’t wear helmets or pads, or take time off for turf toe. He suggests the Steelers get a huddle going and figure out a strategy, because Jericho and The Big Show are the best team in sports. The Steelers huddle and line up at the line of scrimmage. The Big Show prepares to go at them, but thinks better of it…
BREAK IT DOWN!
DX are here for some reason. Jericho says he should’ve expected a potential Sportscenter moment ruined by two miscreants who hare just here to shill their merchandise (which Jericho shills in the meantime). Triple H says he just wanted to tell Jericho how nice his hair looks. Jericho says “really?” Triple H says hell no, his hair looks ridiculous. HBK says he’s tired of Jericho running his mouth about how many great tag teams they’ve faced. There’s one they haven’t faced. Show asks if that’s some kind of challenge. HBK says he’s in pain, but yeah, it’s a challenge. Show suggests he goes home and nurses his wounds, because DX doesn’t want a part of JeriShow. Jericho says HBK isn’t worthy. DX don’t deserve to face The Big Show and Chris Jericho. Roethlisberger says that tonight, JeriShow will face DX. He says if they’re not down with that, we’ve got two words for you… The Steelers and DX do the crotch chops and set off the pyro.
Up next, it’s The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston for the WWE United States Championship
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Kofi Kingston is here, and he’s got his United States Championship with him. His opponent is from Cleveland Ohio, and if he loses, he has to announce that he’s The Miz, and He’s Awful.
The Miz def. Kofi Kingston to become the new United States Champion
After a hell of a match, The Miz finally hits the Skull Crushing Finale and becomes the NEW United States Heavyweight Champion!
After the match, he takes the microphone and he says that we’re looking at the NEW United States Champion, because he’s The Miz, and he’s AWESOME!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Earlier Tonight: John Cena and Randy Orton set the stipulations for their No Disqualification Iron Man Match at Bragging Rights.
Backstage, Hornswoggle is talking to Ben Roethlisberger when Santino comes in and complains about being slapped and mauled by the Divas. He calls him Ben Surfandturfer. Santino tries to pronounce Roethlisberger’s name, even calling him “Ben Bralesswonder.” Hornswoggle slaps Santino, who then manages to say Roethlisberger.
The Big Show and Chris Jericho are walking backstage. That means, they’re next!
You can help out the Ben Roethlisberger Foundation by going to bigben7.com/foundation.aspx
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Nancy O’Dell and Maria Menounos from Access Hollywood are the guest hostesses next week. One of them is featured in WWE Magazine this month (the one with DX on the cover) as the Sexy Celebrity Super Fan of the month, and the article asks her about her experience guest hosting RAW.
The Unified Tag Team Champions make their way out, and then…
Are You Ready?
DX head to the ring. They don’t bother to do their little spiel, it’s all business for the HeartBreak Kid and The Game tonight.
DX def. JeriShow
NOTE:As you guys know by now, I leave for work before the end of RAW. This week we had some technical difficulties with the site, so I didn’t bother to get somebody to finish the review for me. I have not seen this match, so the following is my knowledge of the main event based on other reviews I’ve read. This won’t be a weekly thing, just this week due to the technical problems.
JeriShow focused on DX’s injuries from last night’s Hell In A Cell match, but DX held their own. Jericho attempted to leave, but was stopped at the top of the ramp by the Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line. Jericho was forced back into the ring and ate Sweet Chin Music, leading to the DX victory.
My Thoughts: “Please let Orton win, please let Orton win, please let Orton win.” Those are my thoughts. Bragging Rights is Sunday, October 25th. On October 26th, I’ll be in attendance at RAW. If Orton wins, Cena’s gone from RAW. I don’t know why I’m so hell bent on not seeing John Cena at RAW. I think I’m just frustrated with the direction of his character from the time he won the WWE Championship at WrestleMania 21. I was a huge Cena mark when I saw him at WrestleMania XIX in Seattle and the night he turned face on SmackDown in Buffalo. I’m just bored with him now. WWE pushes him like crazy despite the fact that it’s obvious a lot of fans hate him. I understand why though – he sells a lot of merchandise and is probably the closest thing they have to a mainstream star right now, the Hulk Hogan of this generation. For what it’s worth, the dark main event that has been advertised for RAW the day after Bragging Rights is DX and Cena against Orton and Legacy.
Now, the future. The Miz and John Morrison called themselves the greatest tag team of the 21st Century (that’s a hint for those of you doing the “guess the match” thing in the back of this month’s WWE Magazine, BTW), and both hold the secondary titles on their respective brands now, with JoMo the Intercontinental Champion and The Miz as the United States Champion. These two guys are going to be HUGE in the future. Of course, I probably would’ve said that two years ago about MVP, but we see where he is. Teaming with Mark Henry to face Chavo Guerrero and Chris Masters.
DX has been the focal point of RAW and the last three PPVs. Nevermind that Randy Orton and John Cena have traded the WWE Championship back and forth in what could be considered epic battles through those last three events. For these guys to get top billing over the guys wrestling for the championship leads me to believe that one of them maybe knows somebody in power in the WWE. Oh look, I can make subtle jokes about who Triple H is married to too!
That’s it for RAW this week, folks. I just want to let you guys know of a couple of things we’ve got going on around here in the near future. First, I’m working on a new BWF Skin that should be available sometime in the next couple of days. I’m also planning on dropping the “Grungy” and “BlueMania 25” themes. I’m not happy with them, and in the case of “Grungy,” it’s hard to expand upon when we add new things. I’m also planning on doing an Eddie Guerrero tribute column next month on the four year anniversary of his death. I’d like to include the thoughts of our readers, so get those to us in one of three ways – send them in a PM to ThinkSoJoE on the BWF Network Forums, tweet them to @BrdWrstlngFn, or e-mail them to GuerreroTribute@boredwrestlingfan.com.
Tonight’s show opens with Taz hitting the ring, and the Human Suplex Machine has a microphone! Taz talks aboutwrestling for a little company called ECW, and sustaining injuries that ended his career. ECW gets cheered. Hetalks about announcing in WWE. WWE gets booed. While flipping channels, Taz came across TNA and Samoa Joe. Joe isthe second coming of himself, with one exception. Taz never felt remorse for his brutal actions, and Joe did. Tazfelt that he could change that, and get Joe to the next level. Taz said that he and Joe would always be indebted toKurt Angle and the Main Event Mafia for accepting Joe’s services. Joe is the only MEMber with no gold, but thatwill change momentarily. Joe is going to defeat Homicide for the X-Division title. Beat Joe if you can, Homicide,and survive if he lets you!
Drowgoddess Thoughts (DGT): Good, solid promo from Taz. Everything was wildly cheered until he got to the partabout thanking Angle and the MEM, but even that was still cheered too much for a heel faction. How many mentors /teachers does Samoa Joe need? Until the middle of 2006, Joe was The Man in TNA, and had everything going for him.He was already at “the next level,” and then TNA became Total Nonstop Angle, and everything went downhill. I’dpersonally rather see Taz and Joe not part of the MEM, but that’s as may be.
Match #1: Homicide defeats Samoa Joe: This match was for the X-Division title, but Homicide only won by DQ. Joe hastaken on as many of Taz’s moves and mannerisms as possible, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The majority of the offense was Joe’s, but it was hardly a squash. Joe got Homicide in the corner for a facewash, and the new referee tried to pull Joe away. Joe punched him. Homicide takes advantage and attempts the Gringo Cutter (Is it still the Gringo Cutter when done on a Samoan?), but Joe reverses it into the Kokina Clutch. Joe’s victory seems assured, but the referee disqualifies Joe for hitting him. Joe responds by stomping Homicide even more. Strange music plays, and Hernandez rushes the ring! Hernandez makes the save and stares down Joe, but Taz pulls Joe out of the ring in a “not now” gesture.
DGT: These two can really go. Please let them. The X-Division title shouldn’t be a limitation, as both of these guys were ROH World Champion, and could certainly handle the top spot in TNA. Hernandez looked really good, and has lost some weight. Why on earth would you change the music of someone who is making his return? Bring him back to the music the fans know, and change it later. Samoa Joe and Hernandez could have an awesome World title program. Could. Please??? Don West repeatedly made the point that the X-Division title and the Knockouts title did actually matter to the MEM, but that they were looking at getting all the gold one step at a time. That TNA acknowledged this is surprising, but hey, maybe they read some of the complaints. One can only hope.
To the back! Mick Foley is down over Kurt Angle being the new “golden boy” of TNA management, and getting his way in all things.
To the ring! The entirety of the Main Event Mafia enters. Angle says that while everyone in TNA SHOULD be afraid for their jobs, he isn’t going to fire anyone because he’s a generous man. TNA management has agreed to all of the Main Event Mafia’s demands because if they hadn’t, the MEM would have walked out of TNA, and the company would have nothing left but a bunch of losers. TNA needs the Main Event Mafia in order to survive. Angle trashes Foley, and asks just what is it that Foley does in TNA? He just takes up space, and he isn’t the wrestler that he used to be. Foley’s music kicks in and he comes to the ring. For the ten minutes or so that he was kicking Angle’s ass all over the ring, he was the wrestler that he used to be. Angle goes on at great length about Foley working TNA management and making them believe that Foley was necessary to TNA, while the MEM was not. If Angle and Joe hadn’t outsmarted Foley and taken his title belt, Foley would still be working the office. Angle pulls out some keys on a huge “TNA” lanyard, and says that with Jarrett gone and Sting a thousand miles away licking his wounds, the only thing left to take care of is Foley. These are the keys to Foley’s office, and tonight, Angle and Foley will have a “Keys on a Pole” match to see who gets them.
DGT: No good can ever come from any match situation involving the words “on a pole.” Ever. EVER! Because the MEM won three major titles at the ppv, TNA management has given them carte blanche to take over the show and run everything? That seems to be what they’re telling us. Kurt Angle said “work” a record number of times. Actually, if the entirety of the MEM left TNA, what would be left is a damn fine wrestling company. Angle buries the entire non-MEM roster and he gets cheered for it? That alone should indicate a problem in how the MEM is portrayed. As a gift to the fans, the MEM will defend their titles tonight, but they apparently get to choose their own opponents. One ticket to Squash City, please.
To the back! The British Invasion informs us that they have a rematch against Team 3D next week for the IWGP Tag Team titles. They are aligning themselves with the MEM in their pursuit of power, money, and glory. Tonight, however, they will take out the TNA Originals.
Match #2: Kevin Nash (w/ Jenna Morasca) defeats Amazing Red: This “match” was for the Legends title. It ended in about two minutes. Red’s offense had no effect, and Nash hit the jacknife powerbomb for the quick win.
DGT: Don West’s completely over-the-top commentary about how much of a challenge Red would be would have been funnier of a bigger deal had been made of the MEM choosing their own opponents. Red got brought in as the next Rey Mysterio, and now he’s being jobbed out in two minutes? Jeebus.
To the back! Hernandez cuts a solid promo about having Jarrett and Sting’s backs. Jarrett gave him a chance when no one else would, and he’s standing up for TNA. Homicide comes in and argues with Hernandez over “saving” him earlier.
DGT: Aww, come on! Don’t break up LAX! A tag team doesn’t have to break up in order to move on to singles accomplishments.
To Mick Foley’s office! JB asks Foley about his fear of losing everything tonight. Foley mocks the very concept of “on a pole” matches, saying that the Burr-Hamilton duel could have been settled that way and no one had to die. The Obama-McCain presidency could have been settled that way. Foley makes a big deal about keeping the caricature drawing of himself and JB, no matter what. Rocco and Sally Boy come in and tell Mick that they’ve got his back. They’ll do anything that he needs. Foley asks them to get rid of the “MEM” logos on their shirts, like he asked them to six weeks ago.
Booker T and Scott Steiner watch this exchange on the monitor in the MEM dressing room. They laugh and announce that they’ve found their tag team opponents for the evening.
Match #3: Booker T (w/ Sharmell) and Scott Steiner defeat Rocco and Sally Boy: This match was for the Tag Team titles. Another total squash that the MEMbers treated as beneath them and an absolute joke. Rocco hits Steiner with a big splash, but the referee was pulled out of the ring by Sharmell. One extremely poorly done Book End later, Steiner follows up with a downward spiral and gets the win.
DGT: I just threw up in my mouth a little.
To Mick Foley’s office! Eric Young apologizes for his recent behavior, and says that his problem is with Jarrett personally, not with TNA. He’ll do whatever Foley needs him to do. Foley makes him the last man on the TNA Originals side for the massive tag match later.
DGT: You know what’s coming. Don’t pretend you don’t.
Match #4: Traci Brooks wins the Knockouts battle royale: Eleven Knockouts competed for $50,000 and the position of “Chosen One” for the MEM. “Knockout Law” Traci Brooks was the referee. Awesome Kong and The Beautiful People got televised entrances. Sarita, ODB (w/ Cody Deaner), Daffney, Alissa Flash, Sojourner Bolt, Taylor Wilde, and Tara were the others. Elimination order was Daffney, Madison Rayne, Sojourner Bolt, Velvet Sky, Taylor Wilde, Alissa Flash, Angelina Love, ODB, and Sarita. The final two were Awesome Kong and Tara, but as they went at it in the ropes, Traci pushed them over the top rope and claimed victory for herself. Nash entered the ring and Traci hugged him. Post-match, Tara low-blowed referee Slick Johnson, who was the outside referee.
DGT: I hate huge clustermess battle royales. Kevin Nash came down during the match for commentary and made a lot of breast jokes. Hooray. If Traci is back to wrestle, good for her. Apparently Sharmell and Jenna Morasca are not in contention for the Knockouts title, so there is, in fact, a wrestling god.
To the back! The Beautiful People rant over not being the ones “servicing” the MEM. They talk trash about the other Knockouts, ODB in particular. This brings in Cody Deaner to stand up for his woman. TBP pretend to come on to him, and he says that he knows that they all want a piece of the Deaner. He invites them to smell him, bragging about his “mi la toilette” that his Mother Deaner got him at a flea market. Velvet Sky low blows Deaner, and ODB runs in as TBP scatter.
DGT: Fun. The Beautiful People are always great to watch, and this segment was no exception. Cody Deaner was actually funny with his “The Deaner diamonds are shattered!” line.
To the locker room! The TNA Originals of AJ Styles, Beer Money, Daniels, and Eric Young prepare for their match. AJ says that the Originals dropped the ball at the ppv, allowing the MEM to take over. Tonight, though, they’re all on the same page.
DGT: Ever since the MEM formed, this has been the response of the Originals/Frontline/Whatever. We’re sorry, we dropped the ball. We let everybody down. Could we possibly be a little less emo and a little more pissed off about it?
Match #5: The British Invasion, Kiyoshi, and Shiek Abdul Bashir defeated AJ Styles, Daniels, Beer Money, and Eric Young: Sort of. Good action for what there was, but far too short. The whole point of the match was that Eric Young turned on the Originals, gave AJ Styles a piledriver, and helped the international faction win. He then left with them.
DGT: Placing Eric Young as the leader of the World Elite faction is good. He’s not American. He’s been in TNA from the beginning. He has legitimate grievances concerning his career in TNA. He’s done the best work of his career since his heel turn. He needed a new storyline immediately, as the Young/Jarrett bit had to be scrapped. The problem here is that any surprise factor was totally killed by having Young go to Foley and apologize prior to the match. Why not just announce, “We’re going to swerve you now?” Most fans do not need to be led around by the nose to follow the program. I would rather have not seen Young’s actions coming from a mile away. Nice work from the announce team on the “unwritten rule” of not using the piledriver because it was so dangerous, and Young’s use of it.
To the back! The World Elite celebrates, and Eric Young explains that he was invited to join the group some time ago. Mick Foley rushes in and attacks Young.
Match #6: Kurt Angle vs. Mick Foley ends in “no contest”: Yes, an “on a pole” match went to a no-contest. Foley and Angle were both rather beaten up from their ppv match, and showed it. Foley put Angle down with a near-minute-long Mandible Claw, but as he tried to climb the pole, the MEM ran down and attacked him. Foley was beaten down and held in place while Angle screamed at him in barely comprehensible English. Music plays, and Bobby Lashley comes down. He’s all smiles and hugs Angle. Lashley sets up to hit Foley, but turns around and hits Angle instead. He clotheslines all the other MEMbers, gets a big pop, and looks threatening.
DGT: So a guy who has never been in TNA before, a guy who publicly says that his main focus is fighting Brock Lesnar in UFC and that TNA is basically a side job to earn extra money, is suddenly the one and only guy who can save TNA? The MEM had complete dominance until Lashley punched Angle? Even if you’re a Lashley fan, this is insulting beyond belief. Once again, we’re back to the “Only an ex-WWE guy can save us!” mentality. Daniels, AJ, Joe, Sabin, Shelley, Hernandez, Homicide, Jay Lethal, and even Consequences Creed might not agree with the idea. I know, who cares what they think? I never cared about Lashley in WWE, and I don’t now. I stand by my previous comments that he wasn’t a big deal in WWE. He was just another painfully green musclehead who was pushed to the moon and made champion much too quickly because Vince drooled over his look. Any credit that he gets for bringing the experience of a babyface WWE champion is too much credit.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Given that the MEM was hand-picking their own opponents for tonight’s title defenses, I’m pretty sure that I was supposed to hate them. Good. I’m all in favor of a do-over of the MEM/Originals idea, but given how terribly that was messed up, even my hope is limited. Right now, the MEM come off as cool heels, or flat out faces, and are cheered as such. No one challenges the MEM over comments like “If we left, all that would be here are a bunch of losers and the company would die,” and “Everyone not in the MEM is in the same place he was seven years ago, and not in our league.” There’s a definite line between stacking the odds against the faces and making them look like idiots. We’ve already seen Bachelor #2. Try something different this time.
The Lord and Master of Randomness, JT, will be enjoying a well-deserved vacation for the next ten days or so, but check back with us for the usual BWF goodness!
