TNA Impact Friday The 13th Edition
Leave a CommentIt’s Friday the 13th and so far the only bad thing to happen to me is that I have to review Impact.
It’s Friday the 13th and so far the only bad thing to happen to me is that I have to review Impact.
I’m pretty damn sleep deprived and this probably won’t get read on the air. Guess we could be in for a legit lazy review. It never is.
I hate repeating myself so always change the intro. I also hate repition, so I’ve got no clue why I chose to be the Impact reviewer.
Tired, eating lunch, same shit, different week. Speaking of the same shit on a different week, it’s time for the TNA review!
I’m tired and I’m ill. I’m actually half assing this stuff. I mean it this time.
Same deal as last week folks. Thanks to a busy day I’m watching Impact while extremely tired and eating my lunch.
The show starts with a small segment with Magnus. He said he left it all in the ring and goes to talk about EGO interfering. Roode comes in and EGO beat Magnus down, telling him he’ll never be champion and he only has himself to blame.
The show starts with the usual “previously on Impact” segment. I’d tell you what happened last week but I already told you last week.
The show starts properly with guys from the BFG series cutting promos about the gauntlet match. Even the guys who have no chance of getting in the top four with the 20 points. They imply instead of getting in the top four they will just ruin someone else’s chances. At least TNA remembered these guys have no shot, and now they have motivation to be in the match.
Aces and Eights come out to the ring. Bully says that the Aces and Eights are still in control and that without his brothers he’d be nothing. He says they bang together, then repeated this with his arms around Brooke…I’m not liking the implications that they gang bang Brooke. That’s not PG. Bully gives every member of the Aces and Eights a hug except Kenny and talks to Toto.
Bully calls Kenny the best Vice president ever and he loves Kenny more than he loved Devon and they hug it out. Bully sets up a lot of matches involving Aces and Eights and accepts Sting’s challenge. He even brings up the beating he gave him at Slammiversary. I’m glad someone remembers that match. It ends with Bully saying he’s going to stay outside the ring and watch Knux battle Sabin, which is next.
Not related but pretty awesome.
Chris Sabin vs Knux
This seems like quite a downfall for Sabin. Sabin held up pretty well and focused on the legs to keep the big man down. I don’t get why he wasn’t allowed to do this with Bully and come across as a legit competitor. Knux just dominates after this for some two counts. So much for Sabin looking good. Speaking of Sabin, he managed to mount a small comeback after Knux got his foot stuck in the rope. Bully gave Knux a hammer but Sabin is the one who uses it for the DQ loss. Sabin argues with the ref after blatantly hitting Knux in the head right in front of him. Is he really surprised he got disqualified?
There’s an Impact insta-fact, basically ripping off the “did you know?” segments. I’m not happy with how much I say fuck in these reviews but really it’s the only word to use for shit like this.
Did you know this is true of TNA as well as WWE?
Backstage with Velvel and Sabin. Sabin says he didn’t bring the hammer into the ring. It doesn’t matter who brought the hammer in, what matters is who uses it. He said something has to change and he should still be the champion and Velvel said he doesn’t need the hammer and this segment is so damn stupid. Sabin said “This is crap!” and really, he’s right. Thankfully that’s when it ended.
Mickie James came out and she’s excited to be in Cleveland where the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame is and said she’ll be there one day. I do think she’s more likely to be in there than in the WWE hall of fame. Mickie’s upset she didn’t get invited the VMA’s, or nominated, but she doesn’t need the VMA’s because she has the MJA’s. That’s right folks, she made herself a little trophy. Hopefully she won with “Number One With A Bullet”. The same bullet I wanted to put through my head. She says it’s hard to be a breakout star and the Knockouts champion of the century and a bunch of other stuff. ODB comes out and says the only thing Mickie needs to be worried about is her, ODB, taking that “Knocked Out” title. Mickie gets in a cheap shot and the beatdown starts. It doesn’t last long and ODB poses with the title. Mickie gets in ODB’s face and ODB rips Mickie’s top off and Mickie runs backstage while using the title to cover herself. Thing is, Mickie was wearing a tube top that covered her up way more than her wrestling attire and the world has seen her breasts. That was painful. For me, not Mickie.
Damn right I screen capped Mickie’s reaction to ODB saying “Knocked Out Championship.”
JB is backstage with the two men who will be kicking off the Gauntlet match. Remember folks, in TNA a gauntlet match is a Battle Royal. He says they’re both mathematically eliminated from the tournament and asks them what they have to gain. Jay Bradley says even if they don’t have anything to gain they can still add something. Some organisation paid him off and tells Hernandez he’s willing to split the cash. I wonder who paid Bradley off. The Fed? Aces and Eights? The released talent?
Aces and Eights are backstage and Knux is eating a sammich. What fell in his beard is dessert. Beards are awesome. That is all.
12 Man Gauntlet Match for 20 BFG Points
Even though Christie Hemme called this an over the top rope battle royal I assure you it’s a gauntlet match. The match starts with a promo. Yep. Bradley says all he has to do to get his money is eliminate a certain someone and if Hernandez helps him, he’ll help Hernandez’s wallet. Hernandez responds with a beatdown. So, that’s a yes? Joseph Park is the third man out. Bradley beats down Park but Hernandez saves him. Kenny is out next and goes after Park. There’s a break and when we come back Park is in the ring and Joe is on his way down. Then AJ came in. AJ runs in to his heel music and eliminates Park and almost eliminates himself. It would be hilarious if he eliminated himself from the BFG series two weeks in a row.
Kazarian comes out next and goes after AJ. Joe uses an Enziguri kick to knock Kenny off the turnbuckle and eliminate him. Next out was Daniels who attacks everyone before focusing on AJ with Kaz. There was a dude in the crowd with a giant appletini sign which gets an Appletini chant which causes Daniels to shout “I don’t need your help!” I’m not sure if he was shouting at the crowd or the dude with the Appletini sign. Joe fights off a double team by EGO and tries to eliminate Daniels but Kaz saves him. EGO focus their double team efforts on Hernandez and eliminate him as Jeff Hardy makes his way to the ring. There’s another commercial break and we come back to Bobby Rooooooooooooooooooooooooode making his entrance. Roode goes after Hardy while Bradley goes after AJ and it ends in AJ eliminating him. So was Bradley asked to eliminate AJ? Who would want AJ eliminated? I expected it to be a member of the Main Event Mafia that Bradley went after. Austin Aries comes out next and takes out Daniels and Kaz and all three members of EGO go after him. Magnus is the last man out and he pretty much takes out everyone still standing. Joe gets eliminated by Roode and Kaz. Bobby throws Jeff Hardy out. Kaz is taken out by AJ. Magnus gets tossed out by Daniels and we’re left with the final four of AJ, Roode, Daniels and Aries.
AJ uses Roode to eliminate Aries and proves he has no intelligence. He eliminated Aries and left himself in the ring with two guys who were going to double team him. Thankfully shortly after that he eliminated Roode and it was down to AJ and Daniels. AJ is in face mode with springboard attacks and pele kicks and he knocks Daniels out with a clothesline. Sweet, AJ wins and I get what I want. Thanks Impact! It would have been nice to see more of AJ and Daniels though as they had a stip a while back that those two would never fight one on one again. The new final four is AJ, Magnus, Aries, and Roode. Take that Hardy!
Don’t worry Jeff, you still have your drug money.
Backstage Bully says he can’t even look Kenny in the face and asks Kenny what he’s done for the club lately and Kenny says he’s been busting his ass. He just put everything on the line for the club. Bully threatens to beat Kenny with a beer bottle, rip off his jacket, burn it and then piss on it. No, seriously. He tells Kenny to fall in line and not disappoint him ever again.
They show a replay of the end of the guantlet match and I saw a Claire Lynch sign that I didn’t see during the match itself. This of course leads to AJ cutting a promo backstage about how he was out of the tournament and now he’s at the top of the table and he’s going to win the BFG series and take everything Bully has.
There’s a replay of Hogan telling Bully he’ll be fighting Sting and I’m pretty sure they edited it. In this version Hogan said “Let me introduce you to your next opponent brother, the man they call Sting.” and I’m pretty sure last week he said “You’ll be defending the title this week against this man, the man they call Sting.” I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure it was edited.
Backstage Sting is with Rampage and says he can never wrestle for the title again. They’re really shoving it down our throats that this stip exists which is funny because last week WE shoved it down THEIR throats. We get this stip exists! We reminded you! Don’t tell us about it, tell Hogan. Sting says it doesn’t matter he can’t go after the title and thanks Bully for showing him he needs a family of killers. A family he has now. This might be the last chance he has with Bully and he knows he can do it because he has Rampage with him.
Rampage is there to give him water to stop this happening
James Storm and Gunner vs Wes Brisco and Brodus Clay
Brisco and Brodus interrupt the entrance of the champs and the match starts. The teams fight outside for what was definitely more than a ten count and James Storm sprays beer on Brodus and the crowd. Is there anyone on this roster that doesn’t have some kind of addiction? Things finally move in the ring with a double team on Brodus and our legal men at the start are Brodus and Storm. Storm starts off strong but the Aces of Funk start double teaming him. Storm hits a Codebreaker which Tenay refers to as “The Double D’s” and tags Gunner in who lays waste to Brodus. Wes breaks up the pin and things descend into madness. The champs use a pretty sweet double team move where Gunner catapaulted Brodus into a DDT by Storm, so that was something. Brisco distracts the ref and Brodus hits Gunner with a chain for the pin.
Behold the Aces of Funk!
There’s an in ring segment with JB and the final four of the BFG series, except AJ who gets his own entrance. He came out to the guantlet match using his heel music and now he’s coming out to his face music. He’s even took off his hoody of +4 moodiness and replaced it with a baseball cap of +10 babyface. JB asks him who he’s going to face and he chooses Aries. Aries promises the winner when AJ and Aries meet in the ring will be the fans. Roode gets the mic and says the reason EGO became a group was so he could get in the final four. Magnus may have beaten Roode early on in the series but he’s different now and he’s going to walk out of Bound For Glory with the championship. Magnus cuts a promo back and hits the crowd with a Cheap Pop. Roode may have a few friends but Magnus has family and he will go on to become Heavyweight champion for the first time in his career. A girl can dream.
Sting vs Bully Ray in a non-title match
Bully comes out with Kenny, Toto and Brooke and some dude in the crowd was holding up what looked like a dollar bill to Brooke, presumably hoping for a dance. Stay classy. JT Hogan is seen in the crowd holding a sign saying “Hulk, I am your brother.” It was actually a woman holding it up which means it wasn’t JT Hogan, but Mavenfan which means Mavenfan vs JT Hogan is now a Brother vs Brother match, brother. Bully reminds the audience that it’s a non-title match and about Slammiversay. I told ya, remind Hulk. Hulk gets a mention as Bully says screw you to Sting and Hogan and then Hogan comes out. With how much they’re mentioning this stip I wouldn’t be surprised if they overturn it. Hogan bans Toto from ringside and makes it a no DQ match. Sting starts things off pretty quickly and hits a chair shot before the break starts.
Bully is still being pounded with chair shots after the break. So not only did Sting hit him with chair shots all throughout the break but Kenny stood and watched it happen? No turn here folks. Bully goes to hit the ref with a chair but settles for breaking Sting’s back instead. Bully goes outside and Taz hands him a knife. Bully slices up the ring covering to expose the wooden ring under all the padding. I don’t think they should really have showed how padded the ring is, and maybe Bully should have gone after Sting with the knife. Sting locks in the Scorpion Death Lock and Aces and Eights come in for the save. except for Kenny who stays outside the ring. The Main Event Mafia come out there’s a huge brawl. The Mafia and Aces and Eights fight their way into the back and in the ring Sting misses a splash and Bully teases a Piledriver onto the boards but Sting counters. Sting goes for a Scorpion Death Drop but Bully holds onto the rope and Sting gets a head full of wood. Just like that time he dropped himself onto the chair. He should doing that move, it just keeps ending with him bashing his head on stuff.
Kenny pulls out a hammer and mocks Bully with it and throws it into the ring miles away from anybody. THIS is the side of Kenny I hate. Bully taps and Sting gets the win. Kenny grabs the title, a mic, and mocks Bully. The crowd cheers and I guess this counts as a face turn. Kenny reveals he’s facing Bully next week for the title and calls himself Bully’s worst nightmare and introduces himself to Bully. The crowd cheered and chanted Anderson so, yeah, the face turn has happened and I’m already sick of Kenny’s face character.
Guess I gotta get used to seeing this shit.
It was actually a pretty decent show as per usual. I seperate Impact from TNA and can enjoy the show. TNA is a huge mess backstage but outside of Hogan and the BFG series mess up it hasn’t really shown much on screen. There were some logic gaps and some stuff I wasn’t a major fan of, but I’d happily give this show a 6.5/10.
Last weeks review was way too long and I’ve gone into far less detail on the matches this time. Still a lot of detail on the promos but I wasn’t sure how to cut that down.
The show starts with Brooke Tessmacher’s ass. She meets Bully Ray and says if he has his championship and her then nothing can really be wrong. Bully says they’re going to the ring and the “previously on Impact” segment aired.
For the last two weeks it’s been Hardcore Justice and now it’s Must Win Thursday? The Hell? They messed up the Bound For Glory series so they’re just rushing it and finishing up the qualifiers tonight.
We open with Bully who’s in a really, really, really bad mood. He said someone was missing from the ring, meaning Devon. He wants answers and asks Brodus Clay what happened and some douche in the crowd shouted “he failed just like his father!” I’d tell you what Brodus said but I don’t care. I didn’t care what Knux had to say either. Wes said he doesn’t know what happened and we finally get to Kenny who doesn’t know either and says it could have been any of them who were gone and it is how it is. Bully says it is and what it is is a disappointment. Devon has always been a disappointment. He never needed Devon and never will again and Toto is the only man he needs. Bully wants to give Toto his own cut and Kenny goes nuts and Bully doesn’t stand for that and puts him down before calling out Brooke. Brooke comes out with an Aces and Eights jacket straight from ShopTNA.com. Kenny gets in the way again and says he wants to vote on it. Toto puts the jacket on and Bully takes Devon’s nametag off of it. Toto means so much to Bully that he didn’t even give him his own cut, he gave him Devon’s. Bully finishes up by saying he can’t wait to see Hogan and can’t wait to introduce him to the only Brooke that’s ever meant anything to him.
One of my favourite Bully Ray moments
There’s a backstage segment with Jeff Hardy who’s talking out loud this time and has his eyes open. I didn’t really care what he had to say. I used to like Jeff but then I grew up and realised what a drug lord he is. Also shown walking backstage is Hulk Hogan. What wasn’t shown was JT Hogan attacking him dude brother.
Jeff Hardy vs Kazarian
Both men go for quick pins and of course neither of them get the win in the first minute. Only people who go against Sin Cara get that. Kaz counters a Twist of Fate and the high enziguri by crotching Hardy, and Kaz takes control of the match with leg drops and loses control when Jeff hits a faceplant. Hardy puts on a Figure Four Leg Lock and I don’t know enough about that hold to know how well he did it. It seems like a move only Ric Flair can apply properly. Kaz escapes and counters a Twist of Fate for a two count and gets another two count with a kick to the head. Jeff hits a Twist of Fate and a Swanton for the victory and the announcers have the tamarity to call this guy unpredictable.
Jeff Hardy is watching you, with his eyes closed.
Backstage with the Aces and Eights and they’re teasing more dissension now. Brodus says if Bully doesn’t care about Devon he probably doesn’t care about them. Spoiler alert; he doesn’t! Kenny asks if they voted to not vote and my brain started hurting as I was reminded why I don’t like the guy. Kenny says if it keeps up then they’re going to hold another vote Bully won’t like. Actually I’d be kinda happy if they formed the Aces And Eights Wolfpack. No, wait, they’d be Aces and Eights Hollywood. Bully would be the Wolfpack.
I can’t photoshop at all so it’s just regular old nWo for you.
Gail Kim vs ODB in a two out of three falls match
The winner of this will be the number one contender and because they’ve been trading wins over the course of weeks they’re now going to exchange them in one match. Tenay plugs the Knockouts Knockdown one night only PPV and says all my favourite knockouts will be there. I beg to differ as a lot of Knockouts said they wouldn’t go and my favourite knockout is Madison Rayne who definitely won’t be there.
It’s slow paced but it makes sense. It’s two out of three falls so they have to take it slow to preserve their energy. Gail goes for a submission that was, to quoth the commentators, halfway between a Texas Cloverleaf and a Sharpshooter. ODB taps and Gail picks up the first fall. Has anyone ever won a two out of three falls match 2-0? There’s a commercial break and we come back to Gail breaking ODB’s leg. Gail goes for the submission again and ODB counters with a small package for the win and it’s 1-1. Gail goes for the corner Figure Four. ODB fights her way to her feet and hits a clothesline for a two count and then ODB stands up instantly. Selling is as dead as kayfabe it seems. Gail locks in another submission but ODB reaches the ropes. ODB locks on a Sharpshooter and Gail taps out. ODB wins and gets the title shot.
I actually kinda miss these guys performing together
There’s a backstage segment with Velvet Sky who says that she’s rooting for ODB, and that we’re in for a surprise when the Knockouts PPV airs. You mean some women actually agreed to be a part of it? What I wasn’t surprised by though was when the camera went from Velvet’s face, zoomed in on her tits, and then zoomed back out as it went back up to her face. I kid you not, that genuinely happened. Velvet said she wanted to be at Hardcore Justice but couldn’t because she had personal issues to deal with at home. It turns out that she’s dating Sabin. I had absolutely no clue. The camera zoomed in on her tits, AGAIN. THAT HAPPENED TWICE WHAT THE FUCK TNA. Anyway Vel Vel says that even though she is dating Sabin they keep their business and personal lives seperate.
There’s another backstage segment with Daniels and Roode. Roode says he’ll take care of AJ and if Daniels takes care of Aries they’ll be alright. Daniels says Aries is no gentleman and he’s going to take care of it, right now. The segment ends with Roode putting the Appletini on a chair. That’s a nice little touch.
After a quick replay of Aries quote unquote turning on the Extraordinary Gentelman’s Organisation Borasch is backstage with Aries who says it was a no go because he’s all show and a bunch of other stuff. He believes if you want something done right you do it yourself and that’s why he turned down the Main Even Mafia too. He only relies on himself. Aries hopes AJ makes it to the finals becuase when they’re in the ring, it’s magic. Daniels interrupts and says that Aries missed out on his golden ticket by turning down the Gentlemen. I thought that only happened to the Knockouts? They argue for a little bit and Daniels says Aries is gonna be knocked flatter than Miley Cyrus’s ass. Still not seen that, still never will. Aries says he’ll slap Daniels so hard he’ll start to grow hair again. Damn I love those guys.
Hulk Hogan is still backstage. I’m not entirely sure how he fought off JT Hogan. He’s asked some questions and says everything will be addressed in the ring and he has an announcement. He then enters his dressing room and begins round two of his best two out of three falls match with JT Hogan.
Hogan’s reaction to JT Hogan. Needless to say he got beat for this.
It’s time now for the Main Event Mafia. Rampage gets in another plug for their MMA fight (it’s November 2nd guys!) and says every time he sees Toto he’s gonna stomp a mudhole in his ass. Joe gets the microphone and performs a super effective Cheap Pop. I realised at this point I was only about half way through the show. Damn it’s been dragging if I’m honest. Joe says they’re there to recognise AJ and Sting woos for him and offers him a spot in the Mafia. Even if AJ doesn’t want to join the Mafia they want to thank him for what he did. AJ cames out to his heel music and has his totes mysterious hoodie on again. He does his transformation and I’m with Taz, I hate it and it’s annoying. He should come out to either his heel music or his face music. I actually like his heel music too.
AJ says he needs to do this himself and the mafia walk out. AJ says the crowd has questions and he has answers for them. He formally turns down the Mafia invitation because a suit and tie just isn’t him. He’s developed trust issues over his two best friends screwing him and the guys in the truck filming him at home for the sake of good television. AJ says the only person AJ can trust is Alan Jones. He says he’s with no one, but he just announced his new tag team partner is this guy called Alan Jones. AJ says his perception of the business has changed and that he’s better than the best in the world because he’s the phenomenal AJ Styles. Even though he loves what he does in the ring he understands it’s just a job. AJ Styles, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, and Undertaker in a fatal four way at Wrestlemania 30 anyone? He cuts a promo about being shafted by management and I’m pretty sure this is related to his contract issues and he says he deserves better. He tells Tenay and Dixie he deserves better. He’s been TNA’s go to guy for 11 years and for what? Just to watch them bring in the next big thing and watch them fail? Maybe it’s the new direction that’s going nowhere. I don’t appreciate the way the crowd is reacting to this. He says he was praying that Dixie would fire him so he didn’t have to quit and instead he chose to stay. He stayed to take care of his family because this is his job and THAT’S WHAT HE DO. AJ says he likes being the go to guy and who steals the show and who sends the fans home happy. The question is can he still be that go to guy, can he still take the weight of the company on his shoulders, and can he go on to win the BFG series? Damn right he can. Damn that was epic. Two AJs giving two pipe bombs in the same week means a good week for wrasslin.
How the crowd seemed to react, fuckers.
AJ Styles vs Bobby Roode
There’s some chain wrestling and a Calf Killer that ends in a rope break to start. AJ does some high spots and Roode stops him with a Spinebuster. Good luck carrying the company on a broken back! Roode hits a suplex and keeps working the back and arms. AJ gets back into it with a Spinebuster of his own and a Springboard Moonsault and pele kick. AJ springboards into a crossface by Roode and gets a rope break but Roode just puts him back in it. AJ counters it into a pin and then hits the Calf Killer submission. Roode goes for a Fisherman Suplex and AJ counters it into a roll up pin for the win. Nice to see AJ win but I don’t get it because he’s only in fifth place. He needed the submission but didn’t go for it. The fuck? They could have at least said he went for the rollup on instinct and didn’t realise what he was doing.
Unless you’re an angry AJ Styles
Backstage with Daniels and an amazing pair of goggles. Daniels says he has to beat Aries and he’s going to do just that.
Jeremy Borasch is backstage and says that there’s no word from Hogan but he’ll be out in the ring after the next match. Thankfully it’ll be to make an announcement and not in a match.
Christopher Daniels vs Austin Aries
Taz says that Daniels looks like several doctors but he forgets the one Daniels actually looks like which is Doctor Steel. They trade blows and Aries poses in the corner before we get some more chain wrestling. I was expecting this to be a good match and I was not disappointed. The match goes outside and Daniels gets his feet up for Aries to run into when going for a Suicide Dive. I’m seen in the crowd holding up a sign that says “Aries Fears Hemme”. Just kidding, I wasn’t in the crowd, but that sign genuinely was. We come back from a break and the action is back in the ring. Daniels gets an Abdominal Stretch in and Aries reverses it into one of his own and there’s a double clothesline. I’m not really doing this match justice. Aries hits a ton of shots in the corner and hits a backdrop to set up the Pendulum Elbow. Tenay’s right, it HAS been a while since I’ve seen that. Daniels gets up and slams Aries into the corner but Aries tosses him outside the ring and hits the Suicide Dive this time. Aries went to the top rope but Daniels uses the ref as a human shield and hits a powerbomb. Aries hits a top rope Missile Dropkick and a running Dropkick and goes for the Brainbuster but Daniels floats over and plants Aries for a two count. Aries hits another dropkick, gets the Brainbuster and the seven points with a victory. Your final four in the BFG series are Magnus, Aries, Roode and Hardy. I want Magnus to win but I can see them saying “he lost the series overall but it’s still impressive he was the points leader.”
This Dr Steel and if Daniels grew a beard he’d look just like him.
Another backstage segment and this time with Bully who says he feels bad for Hogan. For ruining his family and everything. Then he snaps back to reality and doesn’t feel bad because Hogan is where he should always have been, in Bully’s back pocket. Bully tells Toto to keep an eye on Kenny and walks off with Brooke who refers to Bully as “daddy”. That Brooke Tessmacher has daddy issues really explains a lot.
At long last Hulk Hogan comes out and the crowd goes…mild. JT Hogan is seen on top of the Titantron and he jumps off and hits a leg drop on Hulk. Unfortunately it’s so powerful JT Hogan goes through the Earth and I turn on the news to hear reports that the majority of the world is now flooded and every major volcano has erupted. Hulk somehow survived and crawls his way to the ring. Hulk puts over Hardcore Justice and says it’s great to be back and hits a super effective Cheap Pop of his own. Hulk pulls up the BFG series standings and doesn’t actually say the name of anyone on the board. Hogan can’t read? Hulk says he was away taking care of some hardcore business. It’s hardcore wrestling business though, he’s not in talks with Chyna. When he met with the Spike execs they decided that even though the series was ending they’re going to have a 12 man gauntlet match for 20 BFG points. I want AJ to win but I like the top four as it is actually and if Hardy is in fourth place anyone who makes their way into the top four will knock him out. I don’t see that happening.
Bully comes out with Brooke to save us from Hogan. Bully says he missed his dad and it’s not been the same without Hulk around and a lot has changed, including Bully having the title again. Bully says he’s been waiting to introduce Hogan to Tessmacher and Hogan says Brooke couldn’t bum a rush off of him. He only puts the pythons on his daughter and his friends wives. He’s been taking care of personal business and has divorce papers for Bully. He got a divorce without Bully’s signature? Is that even legal? Brooke Hogan is moving on to bigger and better things, such as the WWE developmental centre! Bully says he never cared about Brooke Hogan and did something that no other man has done to her by using her. Bully has got everything he wants and doesn’t have to do anything until Bound For Glory. Hogan asks Bully if he knows who he is. I know Hogan is getting old but is Alzheimers kicking in already? I think it is because he called Bully Jack. Hulk says he’s going to use Bully’s family just like bully used his and in two weeks Bully will defend the title against a member of Aces and Eights. I thought he was bringing Devon back in. Bully says he won’t do it and Hogan says he will and he’ll also defend his title “this week”, I think he meant to say next week, against the man they call Sting. Wait, wait, WAIT, didn’t Sting lose the right to challenge for the title? If I’m wrong about that I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure I’m right.
As we go off the air Tenay clarifies that the title match is NEXT week and gets in one last plug for Fightmaster.
Not a Sheik mark but this is how I react to Hulk.
My thoughts on the show? It was a pretty solid show really. It dragged a little in the middle but it picked back up again and other than some questionable camera angles, daddy issues, and mistakes by Hogan, there really wasn’t too much you could say about this show that was bad.
Felt like doing something for the site’s fifth anniversary, and since no-one else seems to be covering Impact, I thought I’d give it a try.
This will be more of a review than a recap of the whole show, as I’m sure the BWF anniversary show will be packed. So I will keep it brief.
First off, let’s look at the wrestling. Our first match was Chavo Gurrero vs. Hernandez. It looked like the first five minutes of what could’ve been a decent 15 minute match – minus the last ten minutes. Hernandez wins after Chavo tried a sunset flip, and Hernandez rolled out and hooked his legs for a press. Over way too quick to make any kind of lasting impression, and I think Hernandez might’ve botched the finish slightly, as it took him a few seconds to hook Chavo.
Our second match of the night was Samoa Joe PRISON RAPING Robbie E. Robbie got in an eye gouge and a few shots to the head and that was it. Joe never let up for a second, and got the win w/his cradle-neckbreaker combo. It was the kind of straight up squash we haven’t seen since the days of the original WWF Saturday morning syndicated programs.
We had a six-man tag between newly crowned Tag Team Champions Gunner and “Cowboy” James Gunn w/new X-Division Champion Chris Sabin against former tag champs “The IT Factor” Bobby Rude and “The Greatest Man who Ever Lived,” Austin Aries w/former X-Division Champ Kenny King. Not a lot of double teaming in this match, just paring off of two men from each team every few seconds. The match breaks down into a spot-fest ending w/Sabin getting the pin on Kenny King. Not a bad match in any way, shape or form, but nothing I haven’t seen before either.
TNA Knockouts Champ Mickey James took on Taler Hendrix in a knockouts match. James spent the first half of the match selling Hendrix big, and applauding for her every time she hit a move with a less than sincere smile. James wraps this up by selling an arm injury and hiding behind referee ODB, then hitting an uppercut on Hendrix when she gets too close. James gets the three with an unconvincing spin-kick to the shoulder. I might become a Taler Hendrix fan, but not because of this match.
And now, our main event of the evening; Champion Bully Ray faces Jeff Hardy in a ladder match! However the title is not on the line, so instead, a hammer will be the prize hung from the roof. Whoever gets to it first gets to use it as a weapon.
The match was a botchy, clumsy affair, with some scary spots, like Ray just yanking the ladder out from Hardy, who went straight down hard, and landed ugly. Ray gets the hammer but takes a “twist-of-fate” stunner. The hammer goes flying right into Jeff’s hand. Ray runs away and Jeff collapses trying to chase him. A ref helps Jeff to the back and we get NO DECISION MADE ON THE MATCH!
Now let’s look at some other aspects of the show.
First off, the show’s major storyline was the Hogan, Brooke, Bully angle. The show opened with Bully bragging about his win over Sting at Slamerversary, and demanding to be put in the TNA Hall of Fame. General Manager Hulk Hogan came out to “give the Devil his due,” and congratulate Ray on winning with nothing but the help of the entire “Aces & Eight’s” stable, and a hammer. Hogan announces the “Bound for Glory” series will start this month, and he brings out Jeff Hardy. Hogan books the ladder match right then/there, with Hardy getting NO mike time and NO dialogue. Hardy does get to pull the hammer out of his pants, and Hogan did mention this would be Hardy’s chance at payback for things that happened to him earlier.
We get a backstage segment where Bully is talking to another A&E member I don’t know over a few dozen beers. He wonders why Hogan would put the beloved Jeff Hardy in a match this dangerous, and why A&E doesn’t have a rep in the BFG series. The other guy hints at wanting to be “Vice President” of the group, and Ray walks off.
After the match, Bully runs backstage to breath heavily, yell for his belt, and plop his ass down on the ground. Hogan sneaks up behind Ray with a hammer in his hand. He raises it over the unsuspecting champ. Brooke Hogan screams “NO” and runs into frame. Brooke is between her father and her husband. Hogan stares at Brooke, Brooke stares at Ray, and Ray stares at both of them, then runs off. So basically, Hogan was ready to STRAIGHT-UP MURDER HIS COMPANY’S CHAMPION ON NATIONAL TV, and his daughter had to stop him.
Another major storyline was Devon trying to get his belt back. Devon comes out demanding Abyss return the TV title that he won at Slamerversary. Joseph Park comes out instead, saying he won’t be bullied anymore, and taking Devon down. Joseph wails away on Devon, but when the fight spills outside, Devon gets the upper hand and beats Park into a bloody mess. Abyss’ music hits, and Devon jumps back in the ring, ready to face him. When Abyss doesn’t come out, Devon decides to go look for him. Devon spends the whole show checking for Abyss backstage w/another A&E member I don’t know. Eventually Abyss catches up with them and leaves them both laid out, saying he’s taking the title into the Abyss.
Ummm… Isn’t Joseph Park supposed to be Abyss? I thought it was a “split personality” gimmick. Is everyone supposed to go along with the idea of them being two people?
Side Note: To my knowledge, this is the most success anyone in TNA has had against “Aces & Eights.”
Former MMA star and failed Mr. T impersonator “Rampage” Jackson made his TNA debut tonight. He came out to the ring saying he wanted to face the best in TNA. Kurt Angle came out to accommodate him. This ended with some heated words, but without incident.
So we’re setting up an untrained rookie to fight a guy in his 40’s with a history of neck injuries?
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
Mickey James is working Eve Torres’ old “two-face” gimmick. We had a segment of her apologizing to Velvet Sky for standing around like a deer in headlights when Gail Kim jumped her last week, and totally blowing off her challenge for a title match. She did work in a plug for the Lottery game that has her and Gail Kim as “mascots,” so that was nice.
This specific episode should thank its lucky stars that the past ten years of Impact have sucked so badly, because they make this episode look so much better by comparison. Compared to a good wrestling show however, it’s still lacking. The show wound up being all about the Hogan-Brooke-Bully Ray triangle while the few people I might’ve cared about were regulated to filler matches. I’ll give the show a C minus because it at least kept the pace moving along, and most of the stuff on the show did actually lead somewhere, but so far I am NOT impressed.
Impact opens with the World Champion Austin Aries coming down to the ring with his hurt right arm. He hits the ring and talks up the injury and how it would have effected him if he had been right handed but he’s a southpaw and ready to fight the leader of the Ace’s and Eights. Hogan and Sting hit the stage and Hulk reasserts his presence as TNA GM. He says if Aces’ and Eights are ready for a bloodbath then they can have one tonight. The Ace’s and eights ominiously appear on screen and tell the three men that they do what they want when they want.
Good Segment with Aries being dominant. And showing we have a fighting champion. Hogan coming back also helps set up the re-emergance of a power GM ready to make war on the faction. Best storyline all summer.
ODB is in the back trying to contact EY about her fried chicken and thier relationship which will be through if he doesn’t call her back.
A stipulation has been added that the leader of the BFG Board will have his pick of opponent at the semi finals at No Surrender. So we have the match between two of the final four in James STorm vs RVD,
After a good match which turned a monkey flip into a Last Call super kick. Storm is the winner and remains leader. Christie Hemme interviews the Cowboy who is deadset on getting that championship.
Madison Rayne comes out thinking she is getting a rematch with Brooke Tessmacher, when out comes ODB who crushes Rayne in seconds. Then Eric Young strolls in with a suit, sunglasses and ODB’s fried chicken and Beer. Ole D doesn’t recognize her man until he strips and she jumps into his arms.
AJ talks up his match with Samoa Joe. Which then leads into the Gut Check judges evaluating Kris Lewie. Then segways into Daniels and Kaz walking in on Hulk Hogan and Sting who show no love to the World Tag Team CHampions of the World, telling them that they’re laying down the law. The champs will fight and Hulk will tell them where and when.
Samoa Joe and AJ have there match which is another example of good psychology and just a wonderful match that leads to a Samoa Joe win. Positioning him in the top four alongside Ray, Storm, RVD. And I was floored when that happened. TNA shocking the masses.
Kurt Angle talks up his match with Hardy. And thankfully Kris Lewie was not considered for Gut check. And Joey Ryan makes his return throwing water at Al Snow causing everyone to restrain Snow. Joseph Park offers his legal services to Hulkster and the Stinger to investigate the Ace’s and Eights. Hulk agrees.
Yes Joseph Park is back in the mix. Who is pulling the strings?
Kurt Angle vs Jeff Hardy is a done well with Hardy going over after hitting the swanton for the win. Angle is out which leads to the final (five), James Storm, Rob Van Dam, Bully Ray, Jeff Hardy and Samoa Joe. Borash announces next week we will determine the final four excluding Storm since he is the Board Leader.
Aries returned to the ring to get his match. The TNA locker room lead by Hulk Hogan followed for support. The Ace’s and Eight’s approach through the crowd. A big man representing the group steps in to challenge Aries. When Aries started to gain the upper hand the Group descended down on the ring only for the TNA roster to fight back. Just as Aries was going to reveal the big man’s face an unknown man dons a mask and flapjacks Aries unconscious. The show ends with The faces checking on Aries.
Good way to end the show with the heels running the show.