“Impact Impressions” Returns! 6/3/10
2 CommentsYour friendly neighborhood Drowgoddess has returned to you, the BWF faithful, and I’ve brought my “Impact Impressions” with me! Huzzah! (more…)
Your friendly neighborhood Drowgoddess has returned to you, the BWF faithful, and I’ve brought my “Impact Impressions” with me! Huzzah! (more…)
Welcome all to another edition of Random Randomness. Happy St. Patrick’s day to all those who celebrate it on Wednesday. Here in JTland the celebration has already started. But we’re not here to talk about that this is a wrestling website so lets talk about wrestling:
The show kicks off with highlights from Genesis including the big heel turn of AJ Styles. For those that didn’t see the PPV we have a new look Impact Zone now. There is only one tunnel and it’s in the middle of the stage now with the big screen behind it and a smaller long screen to the side of it. The ramp now extends straight from the stage to the ring like WCW used back in the early 90’s and late 2000’s as well as what CMLL (in Mexico) uses a lot now. Also, there is no longer a 6-sided ring, TNA has switched back to the traditionally 4-sided ring.
We see the door to a limo open up and a slew of females get out followed by Ric Flair and AJ Styles. Styles is even rocking a Ric Flair-like suit. Following that the Impact intro hits.
Ric Flair’s music hits and the Nature Boy makes his way out to the ring with 2 of the beautiful women accompanying him to the ring. Taz on commentary puts over AJ’s decision to join forces with Flair as good for his career. Flair says that some things in life never change and he’s one of them. He says there are 3 reasons he came to TNA and he’ll explain all of them. He says #1 is that he hates Hulk Hogan! He says their lifelong feud will never be resolved until they settle it in TNA. He says #2 is for the past 20 years, people have asked him who the next Nature Boy. He says the answer was always nobody until 6 months ago when he started watching TNA and he saw the great Kurt Angle (who he puts over as the greatest wrestling technician of all time) and Sting (he says Sting is great but he’s not Ric Flair!) in the ring with a young man named AJ Styles. He says he’ll be working him until he leaves the business and says he’ll be the next AJ Styles. Flair says #3 is the story he’s about to tell. He was at the Hard Rock Café in Orlando when a beautiful ‘southern bell’ walked in and in no time they were up in his hotel room. He says all you could hear at midnight that night was this woman hollering “WHOOO!” all night long! He says Dixie Carter jumped up and said “You’re my man!” and asked him to sign a contract to TNA and he responded with a “Whoooo!” Flair welcomes out the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, AJ Styles, accompanied by another beautiful woman. The rest of the women kiss AJ as he gets in the ring and Flair hands him the microphone. AJ screams that he is the World Champion and the fans boo. AJ asks the fans if they have a problem with what they see in the ring right now and he says that doesn’t matter because what he sees is 3 beautiful women. AJ says he’s been in TNA for 8 long years and no matter the level greatness he’s achieved, TNA has never been known as the house that AJ Styles built. AJ says he has done it all in TNA and he is a TNA original. He talks about being one of the first wrestlers to actually sign with TNA and that he’s the only Grand Slam Champion in TNA’s history, but no one gives him the credit for putting TNA on the map. He says they give the credit to guys like Jarrett, Joe, Sting, Foley, etc. and he isn’t taking that from anyone anymore. He says now he’s a jet flying, limousine riding, kiss stealing, wheeling & dealing, son of a gun! Kurt Angle’s music hits and he walks out to the ramp staring a hole through Flair & AJ. Hogan is right behind Angle as well. Hogan says it looks like one big happy family in the ring right now and he said that Genesis would be Angle’s final shot at the TNA Title in 2010, but because of Flair sticking his nose in World Title business he has decided to change his mind because he can! Flair and AJ go nuts in the ring and Hogan tells Flair that he doesn’t run the show in TNA. Hogan says because of Flair’s interference at Genesis he’s going to give Angle another shot at the title and if Flair sticks his nose in the match he will strip AJ of the title and give it to Angle! Hogan says tonight AJ needs to get his game face on because he’s defending the belt against Angle! Hogan says it’s damn real! Angle never looked away from AJ or Flair the whole time they were out there. Huge Main Event tonight!
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
Back from commercials Mick Foley arrives in the Impact Zone and promptly starts trashing the place! He starts screaming for Bischoff as he walks off. At ringside Tenay & Taz run down the card for tonight which will feature the Nasty Boys official return facing Kevin Nash & Eric Young (teaming for the first time in over a month), Mr. Anderson’s Impact debut, and of course AJ and Angle in the Main Event!
TNA World Tag Team Championships
“Super Mex” Hernandez & “The Blueprint” Matt Morgan (c) vs. British Invasion
This is a rematch from Genesis which saw Morgan & Hernandez take the Brits titles. Morgan and Williams will start the match off. Morgan attacks Williams and Magnus runs behind him and shoves Hernandez off the apron and then jumps Morgan from behind. That allows Williams to gain the advantage with a series of knees and forearms on Morgan taking him to the ground. Williams hits a European Uppercut and then comes off the ropes but eats a back elbow from Morgan. Morgan tosses Williams into the corner and hits his series of back elbows in the corner followed by a Corner Splash! Morgan then lifts Williams up and drops him to the mat. Morgan drapes Williams over the top rope and hits the Leapfrog Body Guillotine. Brutus tries to kick Morgan from the apron but Morgan catches his foot only to eat both boots of Williams as he hits a Sliding Dropkick through the ropes sending Morgan into the guardrail. Brutus drops down to the floor and stomps away at Morgan and then tosses him back into the ring. Williams hits a series of Knee Drops and then tags in Brutus who hits a Slingshot Elbow Drop from the apron for a one count. Brutus puts Morgan in a Sleeper as the Brits continue to beat on Morgan in their corner. Morgan starts to fight to his feet but Brutus flings him to the mat to stop that comeback. Brutus then comes off the ropes but Morgan catches him by the throat. Brutus rakes his eyes and then comes off the ropes again but Morgan hits a Discuss Clothesline out of nowhere! Both men are down now! Brutus is able to tag in Williams and Morgan tags in Hernandez. Williams tried to run over and stop the tag but he was too late and Hernandez nails him with the Slingshot Flying Shoulder Block! Hernandez hits a clothesline on Brutus and then a Corner Splash on Williams. Hernandez then absolutely kills Brutus with a Shoulder Block followed by Over the Shoulder Powerslam for a nearfall. Hernandez whips Williams into the corner but Williams attempts to float up and over Hernandez as he charged in. Hernandez catches him on his shoulder but Williams fights out of it and hooks Hernandez in a waistlock. Magnus runs in and hits a Running Front Kick to Hernandez and Williams nails him with a German Suplex into a bridge! 1…2…NO Morgan breaks it up! Rob Terry walked down to the ring with his Feast or Fired briefcase as all of this was going on. As the referee tries to make Morgan get out of the ring Terry tosses Magnus the briefcase! Magnus swings at Hernandez but he ducks and Magnus nails Williams! Hernandez covers Williams, 1…2…3 and they retain the belts!
Winners & STIILL Tag Champs: Morgan & Hernandez via pinfall
After the match Brutus and Terry argue at ringside and then Terry gets into the ring and tries to explain to Williams what happened. All of a sudden Mick Foley runs in with a steel chair and takes out the Brits! He Double Underhook DDT’s Williams! Not a good night for Doug Williams. Foley screams into the camera that Bischoff needs to schedule an appointment for him because he’s coming to see him TONIGHT!
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
Back from commercials footage from Jarrett’s appearance on Bubba the Love Sponge’s radio show this week is shown. When Bubba called him Jeff hung up and then the second time Jarrett told him that TNA was doing fine without Hulk and his crew and then hangs up again.
In Hogan’s office he and Bischoff discuss Foley going crazy and Bischoff says he’ll handle Foley. Hogan says he’ll take care of ‘the other thing’ when Kevin Nash walks in. Hogan says Pac & Hall are out of control and Nash says Pac & Hall are his brothers. He asks for a little slack for them but Hogan says they only have one shot in TNA and Hall & Pac are out there clowning around. He tells Nash to just go out there and win his match with Young as his partner and forget about them.
Before the next match Christy Hemme talks with The Pope. He says he’s studied video after video of “Whoopie” (Jordan) including such hits as “Sister Act” and “Ghost”. He says he’ll expose Jordan tonight and he sees two pimp slaps in the future of Orlando Jordan.
Orlando Jordan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero
This is Jordan’s debut in TNA and his first time on TV in quite some time since his departure from WWE several years ago. Jordan has competed all over the place since leaving WWE including Japan, Europe, and Puerto Rico. Back on the January 4th show Jordan interrupted The Pope’s interview. Dinero is wearing medical tape around his knee putting over the way Wolfe worked over his knee at their great PPV match this past Sunday. Pope and Jordan lockup but stalemate until Jordan hits an arm drag. They lockup again and this time Pope gets a waistlock on Jordan and then transitions into a Full Nelson. Pop then takes a page out of Desmond Wolfe’s book locking in a Cravate (three-quarter headlock) on Jordan. Jordan grabs Pope’s leg and then hits a Back Heel Trip to take Dinero down. Dinero is able to reverse Jordan’s mount and lock in another waistlock. Jordan gets to the corner and Pope taunts Jordan and then breaks his hold. Jordan slaps the hell out of Pope and then Pope takes Jordan down hard and throws a series of big rights at him! Pope then hits two Pimp Slaps and then hits the running Body Guillotine as Jordan was draped over the middle rope! Pope starts to get back in the ring and Jordan charges at him but Pope gets his knee up and Jordan hits it. Dinero sells the knee like he injured it again as he climbs back into the ring. Jordan immediately grabs the leg and hits a Dragonscrew Legwhip! Jordan then hits the Blackout (Reverse STO) for the pin! Dinero continues to sell the knee after the match.
Winner: Jordan via pinfall (Blackout)
In the back Hemme is with Angle. Angle says we shouldn’t even be seeing AJ-Styles again but this isn’t the same AJ either. He says it makes him sick to see what Flair is doing to AJ but AJ is a big boy and he makes his own choices. Angle says tonight just was served when Hogan made this match and he’ll serve up his own justice when he takes the Title back from AJ.
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
Back from commercials Part 2 of Bubba calling Jarrett. Jarrett tells Bubba to stay out of it and he says maybe it was actually Hogan and Bischoff put WCW out of business.
In the back Eric Young approaches Kevin Nash and says he needs some answers from Nash. He asks Nash if he’s with them or is he with Hall and Pac. Nash says EY is his friend and he chose to be his partner because he saw something in him but he’s been with Pac & Hall for 15 years. EY says this isn’t about reliving history, it’s about making history. Nash says EY will fit right in with them and tonight they just need to take care of business.
A video package is shown of BP talking about Angelina Love leaving TNA and Lacey joining them and then Angelina’s return last week. Madison will be facing Angelina next!
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
More stupid footage of Bubba and Jarrett bickering on the radio is shown. Bubba suggests that he and Hogan have a conversation behind closed doors and Jarrett wants Bischoff out of the meeting.
Bobby Lashley is in Bischoff’s office finally getting his meeting. Lashley says he thinks things have gotten way out of hand and he’s had enough of the craziness. He says he just wants to wrestle and he wants to stay in TNA. Bischoff says it takes a hell of a man to admit that he made a mistake. Bischoff says it was smart to not let Kristal run his business anymore and he finds it impressive that Lashley is coming to tell this to his face. Bischoff says he needs to talk to Hogan and they’ll have an answer for Lashley next week.
Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne
Angelina has new entrance music and everything. Angelina eats a forearm from Madison as the match starts and Madison throws several rights at her on the mat. Madison then hits another forearm as Angelina gets to her feet and whips Angelina into the ropes. Madison goes for a backdrop but Angelina stops and slams Madison to the mat by her hair. Angelina then throws rights and lefts at Madison on the mat and continues to stomp on her. Angelina throws Madison headfirst into the top turnbuckle. Angelina attempts to whip Madison into the ropes but she reverses it and goes for a clothesline. Angelina ducks and hits the Botox Injection (Bicycle Kick) for the pin!
Winner: Love via pinfall (Botox Injection)
After the match Angelina strips Madison’s top off of her and then chokes her with it until Lacey and Velvet run down. Angelina kicks Lacey as she gets in the ring and nails Madison with a forearm as she gets back up. Velvet finally gets in the ring and was about to hit Angelina with the ugly stick until Angelina saw her and Velvet stopped before hitting her. Madison then grabbed Angelina by the leg and Lacey took the Ugly Stick and nails Angelina with it! All three then put the beatdown on Angelina and choke her with the Ugly Stick. Velvet slaps Angelina as Madison & Lacey hold her. BP then celebrate over the fallen former leader.
Bubba the Love Sponge is in the back with Syxx-Pac and Scott Hall. Bubba says he googled the term “screw ups” and their pictures were there. He asks them what they were thinking at Genesis. Pac says Bischoff and them know that that kind of stuff happens when they’re around and stuff happens. Hall tells Pac to “take another hit, Cheech” and then says Bischoff & Hogan said they want them to prove themselves and they did that at Genesis. He says at the end of the night he and Pac will be leaving with official contracts.
Hogan and Bischoff are walking towards the entrance.
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
Hogan’s music hits and he and Bischoff make their way out to the ring. Hogan says there is a lot of business that they have to take care of tonight. Hogan says he’s tired of Hall and Pac and them clowning around. He talks about them doing rock, paper, scissors to see who would team with Nash at the PPV and he wants to seem them wrestle, not the other junk. The Band’s music hits and Hall, Nash, and Pac walk out. Hogan says he just said he’s tired of their crap and the party is over. He tells Hall and Nash to hit the road. Hall and Pac are pissed and they try to get to the ring but security cuts them off and Nash tries to calm them down. Hogan tells them to get out of the building as the fans chant the “good bye” song at them. Now Mick Foley is walking out! Foley tries to get in the ring but security holds him back too and Bischoff screams to them that they’ll talk to in his office.
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
Back from commercials security is still trying to drag them out. Finally Nash screams at them to stop and he tells them that he’ll fix it. Hall says Nash never let him down before so they leave peacefully.
The Nasty Boys vs. “Big Sexy” Kevin Nash & “Showtime” Eric Young
I wonder how many fans even remember the Nasty Boys, let alone give a crap about them? Why do I get the feeling that Young is the one that’s about to get buried here? Saggs and Young will start the match off. They lockup and brawl into the corner where Young gets the advantage with some clubbing forearms. Young attempts to whip Saggs into the opposite corner but he reverses it and the momentum flips Young up and over the top rope. Young lands on the apron and hits a shoulder block through the ropes on Saggs and then slides underneath his legs. He goes for a German Suplex but Saggs nails him with a back elbow. Saggs hits a series of nasty rights and lefts on Young in the corner and then whips him into the opposite corner and follows up with a running Clothesline. Saggs is being pretty stiff with Young. I don’t know if it’s him just being himself or what. Knobbs tags in and the Nasty Boys whip Young into the ropes and hit a Double Shoulder Block. Knobbs goes for an Elbow Drop but Young moves and tags in Nash. Nash slings Knobbs into the corner and throws forearms and knees at Knobbs. Nash then throws a series of back elbows and whips him into the opposite corner and connects with a Running Clohtesline. Nash goes for another one but this time Knobbs hits a back elbow and tags in Saggs who hits a clothesline on Nash for a nearfall. Saggs attempts to whip Nash into the ropes but he reverses it and hits a Big Boot followed by a tag to Young. Young hits a Diving Elbow Drop off the top, 1…2…NO Saggs kicks out! Knobbs pulls Nash off the apron on the outside and they start brawling around ringside. In the ring Young continues to throw right hands at Saggs as Knobbs throws Nash into the ring post. Knobbs gets back in the ring and attacks Young from behind. The Nasty Boys jump on Young in the corner and Knobbs rubs his arm pit in the face of Young. Saggs then whips Young into the corner and then whips Knobbs into a Splash on Young. Saggs grabs Young and hits the Pump Handle Slam for the pin!
Winners: The Nasty Boys via pinfall (Pump Handle Slam)
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
During the break 3D attacked the Nasty Boys with chair shots in the back! Bubba says “welcome back to Pro Wrestling!”
Footage of Mr. Anderson (formerly Mr. Kennedy in the WWE) making his debut at Genesis is shown. Mr. Anderson’s music hits and the Behind Enemy Lines: Columbia star makes his way to the ring. Anderson mocks the fans begging him to come to TNA and he says he is NOT in TNA because of the fans wanting him, he’s in TNA because Hulk Hogan called him and said he would get opportunity that he wasn’t given elsewhere (yeah, don’t mention that you were injured every 3 months). Anderson says he could come out and run his mouth about how great he is like everyone who debuts in TNA does but his father told him something when he was a young boy and that is that actions speak louder than words. Anderson talks about hitting Abyss with the brass knucks and how loud his actions were there. Abyss climbs in the ring behind Anderson as he’s talking about how he beat Abyss! Abyss stands behind Anderson laughing and telling the fans to be quiet as Anderson continues to run his mouth about Abyss. Anderson says he didn’t realize how big Abyss was but he also didn’t realize how stupid and clumsy he was too so he took advantage of it. He claims he beat Abyss clean. Anderson starts to do his little intro but Abyss taps him on the shoulder and then blasts him with a right hand! Abyss is on fire and he hits a Corner Splash on Anderson followed by an attempt at the Black Hole Slam but Anderson grabs the ropes and bails out of the ring. Anderson decides to fight another day .
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
In the back Abyss is appologzing to an irate Eric Bischoff. Bischoff says Hogan likes Abyss which is the only reason he still has a job. Bischoff says this is the 2nd time in a week he’s screwed up his show. Abyss asks Bischoff if he thinks he’ll be okay in TNA and Bischoff says that depends on Foley. He walks into his office where security is standing with Foley. Bischoff asks Foley if he’s alright and Foley says he has a few things to say to Bischoff. Foley says he has things to say for his ears only and Bischoff tells the security guys to leave and Foley can’t believe he’s willing to be there alone with him in this state of mind. Foley says Bischoff is a slick little hustler but he sees through him and he won’t let him destroy what he loves. He says he’ll stop Bischoff by any means and Bischoff asks if that’s a threat. Bischoff tells the cameraman to leave so they can talk alone and he closes the door.
Main Event
TNA World Heavyweight Championship
“The Phenomenal” AJ Styles (c) vs. “Olympic Hero” Kurt Angle
AJ’s new entrance has the lights go out and him appear on the ramp with the pyro going off. Taz says he likes the new AJ Styles and I have to agree. AJ jumps Angle at the bell and throws right after right at Angle but when he turns around to taunt the crowd Angle levels him with a clothesline! Angle follows up with a European Uppercut and then a series of right hands. Angle with another European Uppercut but AJ comes back with a knee and then a chop. AJ attempts to whip Angle into the ropes but Angle reverses it and hits a BIG Backbody drop! AJ decides to bail out to the floor and Angle follows him. AJ then slides back in the ring and when Angle rolls back in AJ puts the boots to him. AJ hits a forearm and then comes off the ropes but Angle hits a Titl-a-Whirl Backbreaker out of nowhere for a nearfall! Angle follows up with a Snap Suplex for another series of nearfalls. Angle throws AJ into the top turnbuckle and then puts the boots to him Stone Cold-style in the corner (that means he stomped a mud hole in him and then walked it dry). Angle attempts to whip AJ into the opposite corner but AJ reverses it only to eat a Diving Clothesline from Angle out of the corner! 1…2…NO AJ kicks out! Angle goes for the German Suplex but AJ holds onto the ropes and hits a low blow as the referee tries to get Angle off of AJ.
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
During the break AJ hit the Phenomenal Dropkick (shown during the cut-in during commercials) on Angle. Back from commercials AJ and Angle are trading rights in the center of the ring until AJ pokes him in the eyes and then hits a Chop Block on Angle’s knee! AJ must’ve went and learned a few things from Auburn. AJ actually locks Angle in the Figure Four! Angle’s shoulders are down on the mat and AJ gets a nearfall out of it but eventually Angle is able to drag himself to the ropes to break it. Angle is able to comeback on AJ blocking his punches and connecting with ones of his own and then a clothesline! Angle whips AJ into the corner and charges but AJ gets a foot up. AJ charges at Angle but Angle connects with an Overhead Belly-to-Belly Suplex! Angle then goes for the Angle Slam but AJ counters with an armdrag and then goes for a clothesline, but Angle ducks and hits the Rolling German Suplexes! Angle hit 3 of them on that one and went with a Release German on the last one! 1…2…NO AJ kicks out! Angle goes for the Angle Slam again but AJ blocks it and then ducks a clothesline and hits the Pele out of nowhere! AJ picks Angle up and goes for the Styles Clash but Angle counters with a backdrop. AJ hangs onto Angle for a rollup, but Angle rolls through and locks in the Ankle Lock! AJ fights t get to the ropes but Angle drags him back and then drags him back to the ropes again as AJ almost got to them again. Finally AJ rolls though and locks in an Ankle Lock of his own! The bell rings immediately, what the hell?! AJ is announced as the winner via submission!
Winner & STILL TNA World Champ: Styles via submission (Ankle Lock)
Flair comes out and he along with AJ and Hebner leave. Hogan walks out and is saying something to Angle and Angle screams that it’s “bullshit” and he doesn’t need this. He says he can go back to the WWE! He says “I QUIT!” and then spits in Hogan’s face! Angle continues to scream things at Hogan and Hogan look on pissed at Angle.
—COMMERCIAL BREAK—
During the break Angle continued to scream obscenities at Hogan and then came to the announce table and grabbed a chair from Tenay and started beating it against the set and then threw it across the stage. Eric Bischoff walks out to the ring with blood coming down is face. Bischoff grabs a microphone and screams, “Mick Foley, you are fired!” to a chorus of boos as Impact goes off the air.
Wait a minute – the byline on this article says “ThinkSoJoE.” Isn’t iMPACT! Drowgoddess territory? Well kids, yes, iMPACT! is Drowgoddess territory – but she’s been called up to the big leagues. Starting today, the Empress of iMPACT! will be plying her trade at James Guttman’s World Wrestling Insanity on Thursday nights. Don’t worry though, she’s not completely leaving Bored Wrestling Fan – she’ll be here every week to review Friday Night SmackDown! World Wrestling Insanity was the inspiration for BWF, and we’re very proud of Drow. You’re here though, so why not read on?
It’s a bit late, but it’s here.
Cross the line!
We open with Matt Morgan and a baseball bat. Morgan wants to smash Kurt Angle’s head in with said bat. Angle and the Main Event Mafia get him in the ring and Angle explains that he didn’t pin Morgan and keep the title on purpose. He just fell on him after thinking that he had hit Sting. They agree to team up and take on Team 3D in a tables match. I was late getting to the show, so I missed most of this.
Match #1: Beer Money vs. The British Invasion: This was a street fight, and a non-title match. I’m still getting caught up, so specific moves are not being detailed right now. Loud chants of “We want tables!” Kendo sticks, trash cans, plastic bags, and both members of Beer Money in street clothes. Berr Money dominates rather well. Storm gets knocked off the ring post, but Roode gets in and puts Brutus Magnus through a trash can and gets the pin for the win. Magnus and Roode were very bloody.
To the back! Lauren interviews the Beautiful People. They sit on their thrones. Madison Rayne has been kicked to the curb, and TBP will get her tonight. Short but awesomely fun promo, as per usual from TBP.
To the back! Cody Deaner and ODB argue loudly over Deaner’s status as Knockouts champion. Foley and JB are talking, but Foley offers to help. Deaner uses Foley’s white board to visually demonstrate that when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you and umption. Foley says that he will retreat to his inner sanctum, and issue a verdict on the Knockouts champion status next week on “iMPACT.” Abyss comes up and Foley thanks him for his help against Nash at the ppv. Foley gives Abyss a gift. “Is it groceries? I love groceries!” Foley tells Abyss that it isn’t groceries. It is, in fact, a blue flannel. Abyss cries. Foley says that there is no crying in wrestling. Abyss straightens up. Foley and Abyss discuss spilling their own blood. Foley wants his bat back.
Mike Tenay and Taz are the official broadcast team. Don West has been promoted within the merchandising company. Tenay and Taz run down the evening’s card.
Match #2: Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love: Rayne enters to the Beautiful People’s music, alone and looking scared. Love jumps Rayne from behind and throws her into the barricade. Love manhandles Rayne to the ring. Love pins Rayne in a matter of seconds. Velvet Sky scampers down to the ring. TBP put the boots to Rayne, and give her the Brown Paper Bag treatment. Tara and Christy Hemme run to Rayne’s aid, and TBP bail.
The Motor City Machine Guns bring us all a public service message. Their lack of tv time has made their paychecks smaller. The MCMG are all about three things: Entertaining you, the fans. Getting laid. Getting paid. For $2000 an hour, you can hire their services. They’ll play video games, go see movies, or sit on your couch and do absolutely nothing while you make them dinner. Call now, and they’ll throw in a free Sham-Wow! I’ll continue this real-time when I get back from the bank.
Match #3: Samoa Joe vs. Homicide: X-Division Champion Samoa Joe has a rematch against Homicide from the ppv. Joe’s strikes seem lacking in power. Joe hits a nice snap slam on Homicide, but Homicide kicks out at two. Joe continues to outpower Homicide, but the Notorious 187 refuses to stay down. Homicide uses speed, and takes Joe down, but can’t get the three-count. Joe gets the pin with a muscle buster. Clean win for Joe.
“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero, totally pimped out, arrives in a chauffeured car.
To the back! Lauren interviews Tara, Christy Hemme, Sarita, and Taylor Wilde are very happy. Next week starts a Knockouts tag team tournament. Tara and Christy will team up, as will Taylor Wilde and Sarita. Tonight is the Four-way dance between Traci Brooks, Awesome Kong, Sarita, and Christy Hemme.
Match #4: Awesome Kong (w/ Raisha Saeed) vs. Traci Brooks (w/ Sharmell) vs. Sarita (w/ Taylor Wilde) vs. Christy Hemme (w/ Tara): This was a four-way singles match. Kong and Sarita start. Kong totally outpowers Sarita. Sarita pulls the ropes and Kong goes over the top and hits the floor. Sarita takes down Traci with a spinning head scissors. Traci and Christy slap at each other. Kong clotheslines Traci on the floor. Sarita flies over the top and takes out Kong. We go to a commercial break. When we return, Christy goes for the FFCLG, but Kong plants her. Christy later hits the FFCLD on Traci, but Kong hits Christy with the Implant Buster. Sarita tries a missile dropkick, but Kong catches her and throws her down. While Kong climbs to the top turnbuckle, Traci rolls over and steals the pin on Christy. Traci gets the win. KONG MAD! KONG SMASH! Kong throws chairs as the remaining Knockouts bail up the ramp.
Consequences Creed (w/ Jay Lethal) is in the ring when we return from a commercial break.
Match #5: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Consequences Creed: Lethal is sent to the back by the ref. Pope and Creed exchange arm holds. Creed hits a springboard clothesline, and takes down Pope. Pope returns the favor with a stiff punch. Pope hits a Bronco Buster from behind, sliding through the ropes to the floor. Pope follows up with a barrage of stiff punches and a sleeper hold. Creed fights to his feet. Pope goes for a kick, but Creed catches the foot. Pope is all charisma and flash, a total major league player. Pope pulls down his knee pads and hits Creed with a running double knee to the back. Pope gets the pin and win. Post-match, the lights go out and Suicide’s music plays. Suicide rushes the ring and attacks Pope. Pope bails and looks at Suicide with the Booker T googly eyes. Suicide gestures at Pope with the slice across the throat.
AJ Styles walks toward the ring from backstage.
To the back! Lauren interviews Matt Morgan, asking him if he’s buying what Angle said earlier. Morgan claims that he’s totally buying it because Kurt Angle never lies. He slips up and says Angle will get his “boot” instead of his “back.” Morgan blames his inexperience and nervousness.
To the ring! AJ Styles is in street clothes. He has a mic. The audience chants his name loudly. He says that he’s had it pretty rough for the last few weeks. He always had it rough, but he never quit. He is proud of the man that he has become. More “AJ!” chants. What he isn’t so proud of is losing the Legends title, losing the matches against Matt Morgan, and losing friends like Eric Young and Samoa Joe. He has already missed half the lives of his kids while he’s on the road, and when he is home, he can’t stop being bothered by things like this from work. He yells at his family over petty things because he’s hung up on the work problems. It isn’t worth it. It’s time for AJ Styles to say goodbye to professional wrestling. He loves the TNA fans, and he’s sorry. Sting walks out in street clothes and sunglasses. Loud crowd chants of “Sting!” Sting grabs a mic. He asks AJ if that’s the legacy that AJ really wants to leave after seven years. He says that AJ is saying, “I quit.” He’s quitting on his wife, his kids, the fans, the little kids who want to be him. Sting takes off the glasses and tells AJ that he’s quitting on him too. Right now, AJ is a loser because quitting is what losers do. Does AJ think that Sting hasn’t suffered, both professionally and personally? He hasn’t quit in over twenty years. He wanted to pass the torch to somebody, somebody who could bring honor, dignity, and respect back to the business. He had been talking about AJ the whole time. AJ is, or was, the Chosen One. AJ can either go home and quit, or go in the back, lace up his boots, and claim what is his. AJ is near tears, but he stops, and hugs Sting. Sting says that AJ is supposed to be “The Man,” and tells AJ to come with him. They leave up the ramp together as Taz and Tenay wonder if AJ has really quit or not.
To the back! Lauren asks Hernandez when he plans to cash in his briefcase for a World title shot. Hernandez says that the night he cashes it in will be the night he becomes World Heavyweight Champion. Eric Young interrupts, and tells Hernandez to come talk to him, presumably about joining World Elite.
To the announce table! “The Boss” Bobby Lashley comes to the announce table, and says that next week will be the TNA television debut of TNA President Dixie Carter. She will announce, among other things, Bobby Lashley’s role in TNA. Tenay invites Lashley to stay at the table and join the commentary. He accepts.
Match #6: Team 3D vs. Matt Morgan and Kurt Angle: Team 3D enters first. Matt Morgan enters next. Kurt Angle enters, but makes a beeline for Lashley and attacks him at the announce table. Lashley fights back, but Angle makes it to the ring. This was a tables match. Angle and Brother Ray start. Typical Team 3D tables match, with lots of stiff punches and forearms. Team 3D targets Angle’s neck. Morgan overpowers Devon. Team 3D double-teams Morgan over the ropes, and follow up on Angle. When we return from commercial break, Devon leaps off the rope to deliver the Wazzup. “Get the tables!” Team 3D sets up the tables in the ring. Morgan rolls into the ring and clotheslines Team 3D from behind. Morgan moves a table and gestures for a chokeslam. Morgan chokeslams Devon, but Ray moves the table. Angle tags in. Angle goes after Devon, whose mouth appears to be bleeding. Angle goes for an Angle Slam through a table, but Morgan moves the table just as Devon reverses the move. Morgan rushes at another table with a Carbon Footprint, but breaks the table on his own. The match continues, as no one was put through a table by an opponent. Team 3D dominates, and Ray hits Angle with a super kick on the floor. Ray brings another table from the backstage area. Angle fights off Team 3D alone in the ring. Angle calls Morgan into the ring afterwards. Morgan’s knee is still bad from the bothced kick through the table. Angle orders Morgan to the top rope, but Morgan’s knee can’t handle it. Team 3D grab him on the top rope and throw Morgan through the table. Team 3D wins. Post-match, Angle and Morgan yell at each other.
The End.
It’s chaotic! It’s crazy! It’s RAW!
“On the Road to Victory.” At least you are if you’re part of the Main Event Mafia.
Greetings, bored wrestling fans!
Your Empress of “Impact” has had major internet access problems recently, resulting in a lack of columnage. While my connection lasts, here’s a link to a review of this week’s show: http://www.f4wonline.com/content/view/9462/105/
It’s Thursday night, your Empress of “Impact” is here, and that can only mean one thing. No, not THAT! It’s time to find the nearest line and cross it!