Welcome, welcome, welcome. When the big events come, they call in the big guns. The Howard Finkel of BWF, if you will. I’m back, for my first appearance since Jan 4th. See? What’d I say about Big Time events? With superstars like Bret ‘Hitman’ Hart, Shawn Michaels, Triple H and the Undertaker appearing, you’d think it was 1997. But, it’s 2010, and we are LIVE from Phoenix, Arizona.
Tune in, after the turn, for LIVE, unedited, uncensored, and Pro-HBK coverage of WrestleMania XXVI. Oh, and a quick note for Jack Korpela. Why do you have a job?
Welcome, my friends to the show that never ends. I’m so glad you could attend. Come inside, come inside. The Circus that is WWE Superstars is here.
Match 1: Jack Swagger and William Regal vs Santino Marella and Chris Masters w/ Eve
Santino is absolutely hilarious! He hit a cartwheel and the drop-down splits and then attempted to unleash the cobra. Swagger and Masters need to compete for the US Title. The end of the match came when Masters put the Masterlock on Swagger, but Regal interrupted and Swagger hit the gutwrench powerbomb for the win.
Match 2: Zack Ryder w/ Rosa Mendez vs Primo Colon
This was a highly entertaining match. Primo is quick and exciting and Ryder is definitely a rising star in the WWE. Woo Woo Woo…You know it! Primo got in his fast offense, highlighted by his cartwheel. Ryder hit the Rough Ryder and eventually the Zack Attack for the win. Ryder is another guy who should be thrown into the US Title mix. The problem with RAW right now is there are too many guys who should be involved in the US Title hunt.
Match 3: Luke Gallows w/ Serena vs Sylas Young
Its about time they give Gallows some time on his own without Punk. He cut a promo saying Serena and him would like to dedicate the match to their Straight Edge savior, CM Punk. This was a quick squash for Gallows to exhibit his power and dominance since most people don’t recognize him as the former Festus. He has some unique offense and hit the 12th Step for the win. Serena then gets in the ring and kicks Young in the ribs and out of the ring.
Main Event: Great Khali, Matt Hardy, and Maria vs The Hart Dynasty
What is the point of Khali and Fatt Lardy being partners? Surely they could have found a better partner that isn’t doing anything at the time for each of these two. They both suck, so I don’t understand why people want to see them. Khali can’t move and Hardy apparently is living off past glory. It’s good he went back to the pants and got away from the baby pajama bottoms he was wearing. The Hart Dynasty should be working more meaningful matches than this. They are probably the best tag team in the WWE and should be shown as such. Tyson Kidd hit the Hart Attack on Matt Hardy for the win.
See ya next week for another arousing episode of WWE Superstars.
Match 1: The Bella Twins vs Jillian Hall and Katie Lea
Brie Bella has a tattoo and Nikki doesn’t. That’s all that matters in this match. The Bellas get the win.
Match 2: Chavo Guerrero vs Primo vs Chris Masters w/ Eve
The winner of this triple threat match gets a spot in the Royal Rumble. I like Chris Masters. I think the guy can get the job done. All he needs is a chance. This is a pretty fast paced match, as it always is with Primo. Maybe Chavo and Primo should form a tag team. That would be pretty entertaining. Masters gets the win with the Masterlock on Chavo to get his spot in the Rumble. I would love it if Masters would win the Rumble…that would be sPECKtacular! See what I did there???
Chris Jericho makes his way to the ring to cut a promo in his dapper suit. He then proceeds to call every superstar in the WWE a liar for claiming they will win the Royal Rumble because he guaruntees a victory. R-Truth interupts with a WUSSUP?! in Jericho’s face. He says he will win the Rumble and beats Jericho down.
Main Event: Matt Hardy w/ Great Khali and Ranjin Singh vs David Hart Smith w/ the Hart Dynasty
This is the perfect place for Fatt Lardy to main event. He just doesn’t do anything for me. I apologize to the people who like him, but he sucks now. David Hart Smith has grown on me, however. He still needs to tone that belly he has, but he is good. Smith wins with a Big Boot after the ref is distracted and Tyson Kidd hangs Matt’s arm on the top rope. Khali then comes in to clean house including Matt Hardy. I guess he thinks he’s gonna win the Rumble too.
That’s it for Superstars this week. Remember Smackdown is tomorrow night and the Royal Rumble is Sunday.
Happy New Year BWFers. Last night was the final WWE program of the decade. Hope you had a safe holidays. Due to time constraints, I will only provide the results of the show.
Match 1: Melina vs Alicia Fox
Winner: Melina via Sunset Flip Bomb
Match 2: Shelton Benjamin vs Vance Archer
Winner: Shelton Benjamin via DQ after Archer was called for a 5 count in the corner.
Match 3: Cryme Tyme vs Mike Knox and Charlie Haas
Winner: Cryme Tyme via JTG’s Shout Out
Main Event: MVP and Chris Masters vs Jack Swagger and Carlito
Winner: Swagger and Carlito via Carlito’s Backstabber
10 days until Hell in a Cell. That means 2 more Superstars to review. Lets get the first one out of the way.
Match 1: The Masterpiece Chris Master vs Primo Colon
Its time to start pushing Chris Masters into something big. This guy is huge! Primo is a very good inhancement talent. Masters should not be losing to Primo, but I understand that Primo can’t job every week and needs some credibility for himself. Primo wins this with a quick roll up. This is fine with me, as Masters was not made to look weak in the loss. Primo is always fun to watch and he has so much more talent than Carlito, but I still see Carlito as having more to offer. Go figure.
Match 2: Goldust vs William Regal
Lord Regal’s court follows him to the ring in this one. Big Zeke is a star! Kozlov not so much, but he is ginormous too. Should Goldust still be called Goldust if his ring attire is more black than gold? Goldust wins this one via DQ. Kozlov and Ezekial Jackson help Regal dismantle Goldust. Christian, Tommy Dreamer and Yoshi Tatsu rush to the ring to save the Golden one.
Match 3: Michelle McCool and Layla vs Maria and Melina
If you have missed it, over the last few weeks Maria and Melina have been on the outs, as Maria thinks Melina has been trying to sabotage her relationship with Mr. Ziggles. Early on, Maria and Melina seem to be on the same page. Michelle McCool hits a big boot to Maria’s face and Layla gets the pin. After the match, Maria wants nothing to do with Melina. This proves that good booking and creative writing can make women’s matches interesting.
Ask the divas segment. Who cares?!
Main Event: Matt Hardy vs Kane
Matt just doesn’t do it for me at all. He is out of shape, doesn’t speak well, and can’t do the things he used to be able to. Kane, however, should be a main event heel on Smackdown right now, but the fans will always love him too. Why are the fans behind Matt so much? Is it because he is Jeff’s brother? He certainly isn’t exciting to watch or listen to anymore. Matt wins via DQ as Kane straddles Matt on the ropes several times and then delivers a Chokeslam for good measure. Even after leaving Matt in a heaping pile in the ring, the fans still popped for Kane as he left the ring.
Thanks for checking out the review this week. Join me next week as I will also give my HIAC predictions.
Santino got a huge pop when he came out. Masters gets the win with the Masterlock. Santino is pure gold though.
Match 2: Christian vs Paul Burchill
Christian is the man! Respect the champ, Peeps!!!! Zack Ryder is doing guest commentary. Apparently Ryder has tanned everyday this week. He also sent out a shoutout to his girlfriend…xoxo. Captain Charisma gets the win via the Unprettier. I know its called the Killswitch now, but it will always be the Unprettier to me.
Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton. He says he will make John Cena suffer at HIAC and become WWE Champ yet again.
Main Event: Dolph Ziggler vs Finlay
Mr. Ziggles gets the win after an eye rake and his Zig Zag.
Thats it for this week. Check out next week. PEACE OUT!!
This match looked like a squash until the end, when Bourne made his comeback and hit his Shooting Star Press for the win. Raw is not doing a good job in building their midcard scene. Masters should be in the US Title race…not losing to Evan Bourne. Evan Bourne should be on Smackdown in the IC Title race…not beating huge guys like Masters and Jack Swagger.
Match 2: William Regal vs Tyler Reks
Tyler Reks sucks. He looks like he needs to take a massive duece when he walks. Regal wins with his running knee. After the match, Big Zeke and Kozlov hit their finishers on Reks for good measure.
Match 3: Cryme Time and Eve vs the Hart Dynasty
Good match…even with the divas involved. Eve looks good in the ring and Natalya is good in the ring. Natalya gets the win after Eve missed her acrobatic splash followed by a Natalya clothesline.
I hate Diva wrestling. Beth Phoenix wins. This match got way too much time.
Match 2: Shelton Benjamin vs Tyler Reks
Is Shelton a babyface or heel right now? They need to make up their mind with that. Tyler Reks blows choad. He walks like he just took it up the butt right before coming to the ring. Shelton hits Paydirt for the win.
Match 3: Charlie Haas vs R-Truth
Holy Crap! There’s been an R-Truth sighting!!! Where has this guy been? He must have been skippin’ and jumpin’ to the wrong cities and arenas. I think Haas will be future endeavored soon. Truth wins with the Lie Detector.
Main Event: Mizzark Henry vs The Masterpiece Chris Masters
Masters seems to have used his hiatus from WWE to get back on the roids to beef up a little more. I like the Masterpiece. He’s a guy that could be the next Batista ( in terms of popularity) if they use him right. Big Mark looks like Koolaid in that red. Mark Henry gets the win via countout, as Masters walks away from the ring.
Ok. It looks like Superstars has finally become what it was intended to be, as all the time went to the midcarders. Check me out again next week, as more midcarders get TV exposure without getting crapped on by HHH or John Cena…maybe.
First off, let’s discuss the happenings of Monday Night RAW this week from Calgary. Alberta, Canada. Hall of Famer, Sgt. Slaughter was the guest host and did nothing but annoy and piss off the Canadian fans all night. I didnt mind this, as the Sarge lapped up playing bad guy host.
Good to finally see the Woggle get what he deserved, at the hands of Legacy. The sad thing is, Legacy then went on and challenged the reformed D-Generation X at SummerSlam. Nice to see you booking yourself to lose guys!
The crowd gave rather unique remarks to Chris Masters during his match. Chants of ‘Roid Rage’, among other comments were chanted by the Canadians. Does the Masterpiece really deserve this?
It’s nice to see that after he leaves TNA, his finishing move is used by the Calgary Kid on RAW.
I still don’t watch ECW.
What did Teddy Long do exactly to end up on probation?
One wonders if John Morrison will be World Champion by the end of the year, seeing as many sources will say that Jeff Hardy will take time off later this year?
Moving onto the other side of the tracks now, and TNA thought it would be best to have a massive brawl to take up 15 minutes of their time. What they didnt show however, was BG James Frog Splashing a car.
I just thought I’d let you know, that as this particular sentence is written, is it exactly 1:25am on Thursday 13th August. As I write this sentence as the BWF servers crashed when I tried to post the column, it is now 9:43am on Thursday 13th August.
Greatest news article of the week, even though it is an outdated news article.
Finally tonight, as I’m sorry this column is so short. If the ECW results arent posted in the next say … 16 hours? I will bring them to you. Also, be sure to check out our forums. Sign up and have fun.
That’s the lot. Stay tuned to BWF throughout the week. I am the one they call ‘Legend Killer’, reminding you to read the latest Vintage Collection review.
