Before we get started, I’d like to welcome all the new Bored Wrestling Fans visiting our site that I’ve been talkin to on twitter for the past few days. Want to get your thoughts featured in our RAW reviews every Monday? Get our attention on twitter @BrdWrstlngFn!
Anyways, it’s time to get EXTREME – WWE style!
Last week, interim General Manager William Regal was pinned in a tag team match by Yoshi Tatsu.
Speaking of Regal, he’s the first one out to start the show tonight, along with Vladimir Kozlov and Ezekiel Jackson. He sends his best wishes to Tiffany as she recovers from her injury. Last week, Regal was told not to make any decisions regarding the ECW Championship. However, in the face of adversity, sometimes you have to bend the rules, and therefore, William Regal is the new number one contender. Zack Ryder disagrees, bro. Regal and Ryder argue, until Christian comes out and has news for them – neither one of them deserve it. Need proof? A janitor, Tony Atlas, and Yoshi Tatsu come out to the stage. The janitor replaced all the urinal cakes in the bathrooms in section 105 today, which means he accomplished something, which is more he can say for Regal or Ryder, which makes him more deserving of an ECW title shot than either of them. Tony Atlas may hang out with Abraham Washington, but he’s a hall of famer, and he does the laugh, which is a great accomplishment, and better than anything Regal or Ryder’s done. Yoshi Tatsu has won some matches, including matches over Regal and Ryder. Regal protests, and Christian tells him to be quiet and calls him Bill. Christian says that Tatsu should be the number one contender. It’s not up to Bill who the number one contender is, because Christian happened to run into somebody in the hallway…
I know I want that girl so bad…
Tiffany is here, arm in a sling and she’s ready to be General Manager again. She has not yet decided who the number one contender is, but all of them can make their case tonight in singles competition. Ryder will face Christian, Regal will face Tatsu, and Jackson and Kozlov will be in tag team action, next!
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So, just who are Kozlov and Jackson’s opponents? Well, the generic Alice In Chains knockoff of a theme song indicates Tommy Dreamer, and the fact that my picture just went into letterbox format despite the fact this show is already airing in widescreen seems to indicate Goldust.
Vladimir Kozlov & Ezekiel Jackson vs. Tommy Dreamer & Goldust
I haven’t really paid a lot of attention to ECW lately, and that includes last week when I watched the show, and Goldust seems to be in much better shape right now than he was the last time I actually watched one of his matches. In the end, Dreamer takes his eyes off of Jackson to focus on Kozlov for a split second and falls victim to the Uranage, allowing Jackson to get the pinfall.
Backstage, Regal is sucking up to Tiffany, who seems to think that John Cena would actually come to ECW instead of SmackDown if he were to lose at Bragging Rights. She tells Regal to get ready, because his match is next.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
RAW Rebound: Complete with SportCenter highlights.
Yoshi Tatsu and his DDR music make their way to the ring. William Regal is not in a good mood when he makes his entrance, and seems like he just wants to dispose of Tatsu and get this over with. By the way, the new ECW ring announcer SUCKS!
William Regal vs. Yoshi Tatsu
Because Regal doesn’t believe in runsheets, he wasn’t ready for his match and he has to take up two minutes of our time to lace up his boots. Yes, advertisers, you’re sponsoring a show where we get to watch one of the top stars tying his shoes. In fact, he actually knocks Tatsu down and goes back to trying to tie his boots. It didn’t matter anyway, Tatsu ultimately picked up the win with a roundhouse kick to the face.
After the match, Matt Striker mentions on commentary that Regal’s foot appeared to be outside of the rope. Kozlov and Jackson came down to argue with the referee on Regal’s behalf. Josh Matthews reminds us there’s no instant replay, and that the referee’s decision is final.
Last week, Shelton Benjamin was attacked before the match and still managed to get a clean victory over Paul Burchill. Benjamin will face his attacker, Sheamus, this Thursday on Superstars – Enjoy that one, tharvey1!
Oh radio, tell me everything you know
Zack Ryder makes his way to the ring while Regal continues to protest his loss.
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William Regal is still ringside as the ECW Champion, Christian comes out to face Zack Ryder, who made his entrance before the break.
Christian def. Zack Ryder via disqualification
Hey, here’s a question. What the hell ever happened to Curt Hawkins? Anyways, the action spilled to the outside, and the match ended when Regal, Kozlov, and Jackson attacked Christian, giving him the disqualification win.
After the match, Ryder questioned why Regal and his associates would attack Christian – and he gets dropped by the trio for his troubles as well.
That’s it for me tonight, time to go watch Homer Simpson by a Canyonero. Goodnight from the land of Extreme everybody!
RAW kicks off, and it’s host is a World Champion from Pittsburgh – but it’s not Kurt Angle. Ben Roelithsberger comes out to some boos, saying he knows they’ve got Eagles fans in the house, but that they’ve also got Steelers fans, but tonight we’re all WWE fans. He says he’s got a surprise. It’s the Diva Bowl. A team of face Divas show up in Steelers jerseys, followed by a team of heel divas in white shirts, followed by Gail Kim in a referee outfit. Great. The one who can actually wrestle is the referee.
Diva Bowl
What the hell is this crap? At least we’re getting it out of the way early. The faces won when Mickie James pinned Alicia Fox.
The face Divas are still standing in the ring when the NEW WWE Champion, Randy Orton makes his way to the ring.
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Orton says that last night he defeated John Cena and became a 6 time WWE Champion. The people say he uses shortcuts, needs backup, and flat out cheats. When last night did any of that happen? He and John Cena walked in to Hell in a Cell, and Orton beat him. End of story. He’s willing to bet that Cena will interrupt him and ask for a rematch. Orton tells Cena to do what he thinks he needs to do. Orton says he knows exactly what he’ll say to Cena. The fans chant Cena’s name and…
SHABADOO! Your time is up my time is now…
The former champ is here, and he runs down to the ring. Orton says that Cena looks awful excited, and he thinks he knows why. Orton says he won’t get a rematch tonight. Cena’s look turns to that of disappointment. Cena says Orton just told the WWE Universe that he doesn’t give a damn about them. He’s a WWE Superstar who strives to be the best, so what Cena’s here to do is congratulate Orton on his win last night. Cena says he can tell us how brutal Hell In A Cell was, but the interesting thing is that there was something special. Something Cena noticed before, during, and after the match. He noticed over 16,000 members of the WWE Universe standing the whole time. There were people cheering for Cena. There were people cheering for Orton. John Cena and Randy Orton has become the rivalry. Whether a singles match, triple threat, I quit, or Hell In A Cell, it’s simply amazing. Cena would like to do it one more time, and the people seem to agree. He cares about the WWE Universe and wants to give them a match. Not just any match, the match. The match of matches – an Iron Man match. Right, like Cena can go for 60 minutes and keep a crowd into it. Anyways, Cena says that after the iron man match, there will be no more rematches. Orton says he sees what Cena’s doing. If Cena wins, he don’t get a rematch. He says he agrees that we need to end this, but we’ll do it Orton’s way. If Cena wins he gets the title, if Orton wins, Cena is gone from RAW. He can go to SmackDown, he can go to ECW, Orton doesn’t care. He just wants him off of RAW. Cena confirms that’s what Orton wants and says he’ll do it. Orton says that’s not all he wants. No DQ, no count out, and on his terms. Cena asks that if that means they can use whatever they want and turn this into the biggest brawl of all time. Orton says that’s exactly what he’s saying. Take it or leave it. Cena says 60 minutes, anything goes, and if he loses he leaves RAW. Cena says he’s on. The two shake hands, and we’re set to finally end this rivalry.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Somebody has a sign in the crowd with a picture of a slobbering Daffy Duck that says “JACK THWAGGER” on it. Somebody’s been reading Bored Wrestling Fan. Anyways, Swagger’s here. He says he looks and smells like a winner, because he is a winner. FYI, he didn’t get pinned last night, and going forth, he will not lose. For the rest of the year, he promises that he will go undefeated. He’s the All American American, Jack Swagger, and he approves this message. Primo’s shitty music starts, and so does the Aldo Montoya pyro, and we confirm that the Cena/Orton match won’t be tonight, it will be at the Bragging Rights PPV. Please, for the love of insert supreme being here, let Cena lose so I don’t have to see him the next night in Buffalo.
Jack Swagger vs. Primo
Swagger’s prophecy starts off on the right foot as he easily defeats Primo following a gutwrench powerbomb.
Chris Jericho and The Big Show are here. We’ll hear from the Tag Team Champions later on tonight.
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Backstage, the Divas are arguing when referee Santino blows the whistle. He calls encroachment on #23 on the defense. Mickie asks what the hell he’s talking about. He says he’s trying to get into the football spirit, and asks Mickie and Alicia to kiss and make up. Alicia slaps Santino and the Divas start brawling again.
The Miz interrupts Ben Roethlisberger and complains about Swagger insinuating that The Miz lost last night. Big Ben asks what happened. Miz admits to getting pin. The Miz says that being awesome isn’t a catch phrase. He asks for a shot at Kofi Kingston tonight. After all, it’s his birthday week. Ben says he can do this. He makes the match, but says there’s a stipulation. If Miz loses, he gets in the middle of the ring, takes the microphone, and tells everybody that “I’m The Miz, and I’m Awful.”
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Last week, Chavo punched Chris Masters in the face for hurting Hornswoggle for some reason. Chavito is here, teaming with The Masterpiece again. Their opponents are the team of MVP and Mark Henry. Shouldn’t MVP be WWE Champion by now?
MVP & Mark Henry vs. Chavo Guerrero & Chris Masters
Henry and MVP pick up the win, but Henry appears to have injured his leg.
After the match, Masters asks Chavo what happened. He gets in Guerrero’s face, and Guerrero shoves him. Masters gets Guerrero in the Master Lock, but Hornswoggle comes to Chavo’s rescue. Chavo drops Masters with a DDT, and then Hornswoggle gives Chavo a DX style crotch chop.
Ben Roethlisberger is on his way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Roethlisberger makes his way out to the ring – and he barely gets a sentence out when…
WELL… WELL IT’S THE BIG SHOW – BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!
Show wants to know whey they call him Big Ben. How big can his big offensive line be compared to The Big Show. Jericho says they’re probably not as big as he is. Roethlisberger invites them out. The Steelers O-line make their way to the ring. Jericho asks if they’re supposed to be intimidated. He says this isn’t a football field, it’s the WWE ring. JeriShow don’t wear helmets or pads, or take time off for turf toe. He suggests the Steelers get a huddle going and figure out a strategy, because Jericho and The Big Show are the best team in sports. The Steelers huddle and line up at the line of scrimmage. The Big Show prepares to go at them, but thinks better of it…
BREAK IT DOWN!
DX are here for some reason. Jericho says he should’ve expected a potential Sportscenter moment ruined by two miscreants who hare just here to shill their merchandise (which Jericho shills in the meantime). Triple H says he just wanted to tell Jericho how nice his hair looks. Jericho says “really?” Triple H says hell no, his hair looks ridiculous. HBK says he’s tired of Jericho running his mouth about how many great tag teams they’ve faced. There’s one they haven’t faced. Show asks if that’s some kind of challenge. HBK says he’s in pain, but yeah, it’s a challenge. Show suggests he goes home and nurses his wounds, because DX doesn’t want a part of JeriShow. Jericho says HBK isn’t worthy. DX don’t deserve to face The Big Show and Chris Jericho. Roethlisberger says that tonight, JeriShow will face DX. He says if they’re not down with that, we’ve got two words for you… The Steelers and DX do the crotch chops and set off the pyro.
Up next, it’s The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston for the WWE United States Championship
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Kofi Kingston is here, and he’s got his United States Championship with him. His opponent is from Cleveland Ohio, and if he loses, he has to announce that he’s The Miz, and He’s Awful.
The Miz def. Kofi Kingston to become the new United States Champion
After a hell of a match, The Miz finally hits the Skull Crushing Finale and becomes the NEW United States Heavyweight Champion!
After the match, he takes the microphone and he says that we’re looking at the NEW United States Champion, because he’s The Miz, and he’s AWESOME!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Earlier Tonight: John Cena and Randy Orton set the stipulations for their No Disqualification Iron Man Match at Bragging Rights.
Backstage, Hornswoggle is talking to Ben Roethlisberger when Santino comes in and complains about being slapped and mauled by the Divas. He calls him Ben Surfandturfer. Santino tries to pronounce Roethlisberger’s name, even calling him “Ben Bralesswonder.” Hornswoggle slaps Santino, who then manages to say Roethlisberger.
The Big Show and Chris Jericho are walking backstage. That means, they’re next!
You can help out the Ben Roethlisberger Foundation by going to bigben7.com/foundation.aspx
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Nancy O’Dell and Maria Menounos from Access Hollywood are the guest hostesses next week. One of them is featured in WWE Magazine this month (the one with DX on the cover) as the Sexy Celebrity Super Fan of the month, and the article asks her about her experience guest hosting RAW.
The Unified Tag Team Champions make their way out, and then…
Are You Ready?
DX head to the ring. They don’t bother to do their little spiel, it’s all business for the HeartBreak Kid and The Game tonight.
DX def. JeriShow
NOTE: As you guys know by now, I leave for work before the end of RAW. This week we had some technical difficulties with the site, so I didn’t bother to get somebody to finish the review for me. I have not seen this match, so the following is my knowledge of the main event based on other reviews I’ve read. This won’t be a weekly thing, just this week due to the technical problems.
JeriShow focused on DX’s injuries from last night’s Hell In A Cell match, but DX held their own. Jericho attempted to leave, but was stopped at the top of the ramp by the Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line. Jericho was forced back into the ring and ate Sweet Chin Music, leading to the DX victory.
My Thoughts: “Please let Orton win, please let Orton win, please let Orton win.” Those are my thoughts. Bragging Rights is Sunday, October 25th. On October 26th, I’ll be in attendance at RAW. If Orton wins, Cena’s gone from RAW. I don’t know why I’m so hell bent on not seeing John Cena at RAW. I think I’m just frustrated with the direction of his character from the time he won the WWE Championship at WrestleMania 21. I was a huge Cena mark when I saw him at WrestleMania XIX in Seattle and the night he turned face on SmackDown in Buffalo. I’m just bored with him now. WWE pushes him like crazy despite the fact that it’s obvious a lot of fans hate him. I understand why though – he sells a lot of merchandise and is probably the closest thing they have to a mainstream star right now, the Hulk Hogan of this generation. For what it’s worth, the dark main event that has been advertised for RAW the day after Bragging Rights is DX and Cena against Orton and Legacy.
Now, the future. The Miz and John Morrison called themselves the greatest tag team of the 21st Century (that’s a hint for those of you doing the “guess the match” thing in the back of this month’s WWE Magazine, BTW), and both hold the secondary titles on their respective brands now, with JoMo the Intercontinental Champion and The Miz as the United States Champion. These two guys are going to be HUGE in the future. Of course, I probably would’ve said that two years ago about MVP, but we see where he is. Teaming with Mark Henry to face Chavo Guerrero and Chris Masters.
DX has been the focal point of RAW and the last three PPVs. Nevermind that Randy Orton and John Cena have traded the WWE Championship back and forth in what could be considered epic battles through those last three events. For these guys to get top billing over the guys wrestling for the championship leads me to believe that one of them maybe knows somebody in power in the WWE. Oh look, I can make subtle jokes about who Triple H is married to too!
That’s it for RAW this week, folks. I just want to let you guys know of a couple of things we’ve got going on around here in the near future. First, I’m working on a new BWF Skin that should be available sometime in the next couple of days. I’m also planning on dropping the “Grungy” and “BlueMania 25” themes. I’m not happy with them, and in the case of “Grungy,” it’s hard to expand upon when we add new things. I’m also planning on doing an Eddie Guerrero tribute column next month on the four year anniversary of his death. I’d like to include the thoughts of our readers, so get those to us in one of three ways – send them in a PM to ThinkSoJoE on the BWF Network Forums, tweet them to @BrdWrstlngFn, or e-mail them to GuerreroTribute@boredwrestlingfan.com.
Tiffany was apparently in a car accident, so while she’s recovering, William Regal is in charge. He’s been ordered not to make any decisions involving the ECW Championship, including Number One Contenders matches. He’s made a change to tonight’s main event however. It will now be Christian vs. Zack Ryder, Vladimir Kozlov, Ezekiel Jackson, and William Regal in a 4 on 1 handicapped match.
Abraham Washington Show with guest, Intercontinental Champion John Morrison
And you guys wonder why I don’t watch this show anymore. BTW, Morrison was on “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader” earlier tonight. He lost on the last question, but the show sent $2500 in his name to the Make A Wish Foundation anyway. Morrison takes shots at The Miz and Dolph Ziggler, until Ziggler comes out and takes a seat next to him on the couch. After some bad Dolph Lundgren jokes, we reach the punchline of John Morrison calling Ziggler “Mr. Ziggles.” Even Morrison and Ziggler couldn’t save this segment.
Backstage, Regal is on the phone defending his decision to make the match tonight. Ryder comes in and says that he’s got it on his own, but Regal says that the board of directors has made the match Regal, Kozlov, Jackson, and Ryder vs. Christian, Yoshi Tatsu, Tommy Dreamer, and Goldust. Ryder questions Regal’s management abilities.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Shelton Benjamin def. Paul Burchill
Sheamus assaulted Shelton Benjamin from behind when he was on his way to the ring. The referee asked him if he still wanted to wrestle, and he said yes. It’s all Burchill through this match – until Benjamin dropped him with Pay Dirt for the victory.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
We waste a bunch of time talking about RAW’s main event for Hell In A Cell. Then Christian gives a pep talk to his team.
Christian, Tommy Dreamer, Goldust, & Yoshi Tatsu def. William Regal, Ezekiel Jackson, Vladimir Kozlov, & Zack Ryder
Tatsu pinned Regal for the win.
RAW is in the capital city of mine and JT’s home state, Albany, NY.
We’re kicking things off with the VIP Lounge with your host MVP, and his tag team partner, The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry. That means, big things poppin’, little things stoppin’. Whatever that means. MVP gets ready to introduce tonight’s guest host…
WELLL… BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!
The World Tag Team Champions are here, and the VIP Lounge security doesn’t stop them. Jericho says shame on MVP for giving an introduction like that to a man like Reverent Al Sharpton. He shouldn’t call him a guest host. He should call him the greatest civil rights leader of all time. MVP and Jericho go back and forth over Sharpton’s accolades. MVP goes for the introduction again, but Jericho steals his thunder.
Reverend Al Sharpton comes to the VIP Lounge to “Living In America.” He says it’s the most elaborate introduction he’s ever gotten in his life – and the fans boo. He says it’s a tough crowd, and that tomorrow in Philadelphia, he’ll be embarking on a tour to promote education reform. MVP says we need reform on RAW in the form of the Unified Tag Team Champions. He suggests that Mark Henry and himself should face Beauty And The Beast, JeriShow, here tonight. Sharpton asks Jericho what he thinks. Jericho says he’s surrounded by hypocrites and parasites, liars and people with no morals. Jericho says they can’t have another match tonight because they’re already competing against John Cena in a gauntlet match, and they’ve already beaten MVP and Mark Henry. Jericho says the people don’t deserve to be educated, because they’re too far gone already. They shouldn’t have the right to vote and their opinions do not matter. Sharpton says everybody deserves and opportunity. He asks the fans if they want to see a championship match tonight. The fans cheer, and Sharpton says that we’re going to have a championship match, next! Jericho says it’s discrimination.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Chris Jericho & The Big Show def. MVP & Mark Henry
This must be some new record for RAW – we’ve got a match just 13 minutes into the show! I can’t honestly remember when the last time that happened was, though I’m sure there was probably one recently that I’m forgetting. In the end, despite the momentum built up by MVP, Jericho managed to hit the CodeBreaker for the victory!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Primo says that Reverend Sharpton is an inspiration to all minorities. Hornswoggle runs in, being chased by Chavo, who calms things down and introduces himself and his partner, Chris Masters. Santino comes in and calls Chavo and Masters the Geico Cavemen. He then confuses Sharpton with Don King and Issac Hayes. Sharpton tells Primo he’s not sure what he’s gotten himself into. Primo says it gets a little loco around here, and welcomes him to Monday Night RAW.
Josh Matthews is standing by with Randy Orton. Orton says that Cena doesn’t stand a chance to survive tonight, let alone compete. Then he goes on the usual spiel about having been in a Hell In A Cell match before and he says he’ll win the WWE Championship.
Alicia Fox and Rosa Mendez are walking backstage. I was hoping they were walking towards the exit, but The King says we’ve got Diva action, NEXT!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Ugh. I don’t even feel like covering the entrances for this match, let alone the match. Let’s just get this over with.
Mickie James def. Rosa Mendez
The Carolina Panthers scored a touchdown and are up 7-0 over the Cowboys during this match. Mickie won. That’s all I know.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
We get a glimpse of a Hell In A Cell hanging above the ring for no apparent reason. Hey look, Legacy are here!
DiBiase says that they get it. Nobody expects them to win on Sunday. Nobody expects them to beat DX in the Cell. But you should, because of what they’ve done to them over the past few weeks. For those with short attention spans, Legacy have put together a video for you. I got a phone call and missed a bunch of what Legacy said, but HBK said they were boring. DX is up in the stands and making fun of them. Legacy get mad and DX make fun of them some more. Cody interrupts, and HBK interrupts Cody to tell him that Triple H wasn’t finished. Essentially it comes down to, “why wait ’til Sunday?” DX head down the stairs and to the ring. Legacy bail, and Triple H says there’s no hiding on Sunday and that for Legacy, it’s going to be pure Hell.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The All American American Jack Swagger has a flag on his belt. That’s because it’s the United States Championship he stole from The Miz, who stole it from Kofi Kingston last week. The three of them will be in a triple threat match at Hell In A Cell for the title. Swagger’s jobber to the stars opponent tonight is Evan Bourne.
Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne
Bourne looks like a dwarf next to Swagger. Swagger picks up the win in a short match.
After the match, Swagger says he’s going to be the next US Champion. The Miz thinks otherwise. He says he’s been the most impressive draft pick for RAW this year, and that he’ll be the next US Champion. Swagger and The Miz start brawling, and Kofi Kingston shows up and steals his belt back.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Santino Marella and Hornswoggle make their way out to the ring, followed by Chavo Guerrero and Chris Masters, and we’re underway.
Santino & Hornswoggle def. Chavo Guerrero & Chris Masters
Masters gets the blind tag and locks Santino in the Master Lock, passing out and losing for his team without Hornswoggle ever even getting in the ring.
After the match, Masters grabs Hornswoggle, and hooks him in the Master Lock, much to the surprise of Chavo, who decks Masters and takes off. Masters gives Chavo a “WTF” look as he leaves.
Lynyrd Skynyrd’s new album comes out tomorrow
Big Show, Chris Jericho, and Randy Orton are discussing strategy in the back.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Ben Roethlisberger is the guest host of RAW next Monday, and is bringing the entire Steelers offensive line with him, apparently. The King and Cole run down the card.
On that note, I’m going to turn things over to this week’s guest hostess for BWF’s RAW review, the Empress of iMPACT, Drowgoddess!
Hey, all!
Reverend Al Sharpton is backstage. He still receives tremendous boos. He thanks everyone for the fun time that he has had. Jillian comes running up and interrupts him. She, fortunately, is not allowed to hang around and sing for extended lengths of time. Reverend Al dances with the Bella twins instead. We see John Cena backstage before we go to a commercial break.
When we return, John Cena enters first for the three-on-one gauntlet match. Whether Cena wins or loses, he must fight all three opponents, one at a time. Chris Jericho is up first.
John Cena vs. Chris Jericho: Cena tries to pin Jericho quickly, but Jericho squirms out repeatedly. Massive “Cena!” chants. Jericho lays into Cena with kicks to the midsection. Jericho attempts to wear down Cena with holds. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho rolls through and counters, continuing to punch Cena. In the face. Jericho is in control. Cena flattens Jericho with a shoulder tackle off the ropes. Cena takes Jericho down, and we can’t see him! Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Jericho fights out of the Attitude Adjustment. Walls of Jericho on Cena! Cena makes it to the bottom rope. Jericho refuses to release the hold. The referee counts to five. Jericho refuses to release the hold. Jericho is disqualified for refusing to break the hold, and Cena gets the win. Jericho only releases the hold when the Big Show reaches ringside.
Winner by DQ: John Cena
John Cena vs. the Big Show: Jericho remains at ringside to comment and encourage Show. Show pounds on Cena as we go to commercial break. When we return, Show drives Cena into the corner, and targets Cena’s lower back. Jericho shouts at Show and bangs his hand on the mat. Show catches Cena in a bear hug. Show drops Cena with a kick to the gut. Show goes for a chokeslam, but Cena counters with a DDT (By DDT, I mean a gently rolling summersault). Cena picks up Show for an Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho rushes the ring and knocks Cena down. Jericho and Show beat Cena down. Show is disqualified due to Jericho’s interference, and Cena gets a second victory.
Winner by DQ: John Cena
John Cena vs. Randy Orton: Orton enters slowly, staring unblinkingly at Cena. Cena gestures, “come get some.” No, King, Delirious doesn’t work for WWE. Cena is not Delirious. Sorry, I had to go there. 🙂 Orton slowly circles Cena, every inch the predator. They stand almost nose-to-nose. Cena raises one finger, and the Hell in a Cell cage lowers over them. Orton tries to escape, but Cena grabs him around the waist, and drags him back in as the cage lowers. Randy Orton has been outsmarted! The massive “Cena!” chants continue. Cena looks at the opened cage door. He looks at Orton. Orton must get past Cena to get out the door. They fight outside the cage door. Cena gets Orton up for an Attitude Adjustment, but Orton leaps up on the cage wall and climbs like Spiderman to the top. Cena follows. Cena and Orton square off on top of the Hell in a Cell cage. Which has lighting equipment sitting on it. For some reason. Cena hits Orton with an Attitude Adjustment on the roof of the cage. Cena stands tall over Orton, then drops down and talks trash. Cena appears to have won this match, though precisely how, is unclear.
Winner: John Cena
That’s it for RAW, everybody! Join us here at BWF for a staff round table for the Hell in a Cell pay-per-view, along with all the usual wrestling goodness!
Peace out,
Drowgoddess (for ThinkSoJoE)
Tonight, Cedric the Entertainer guest hosts, and Hell In A Cell opponents John Cena and Randy Orton sign the contract for their WWE Championship match.
Teddy Long shows up in his limo and looks paranoid after what he did to The Undertaker this past Sunday at Breaking Point. He surrounds himself with security and asks them to stick close to him.
The SmackDown video plays, and we’re on our way!
Batista is here. Great. He chose to be on SmackDown, and he can’t wait to get started.
BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!
Chris Jericho is here to save this segment. He says Batista makes him sick. He calls him an injury prone loser like Edge. He tells Batista that Jericho is the true face of SmackDown, and that everybody knows it. A lot has changed since Batista’s been gone, and he’s been gone a long time, and Jericho is now the man on this show. Batista says to be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man. He says they’ll have a chance to catch up, because tonight, Jericho has a match against Batista. The Animal promptly hits a spinebuster on Jericho.
Jericho asks Big Show backstage where he was. Big Show says that Jericho wanted to do it by himself. Jericho says he’ll do it by himself and tells Show to wait backstage. Show tells him to relax.
Still to come, an interview with Scott Armstrong.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Dolph Ziggler is sitting in on commentary, and the WWE Intercontinental Champion, John Morrison makes his way to the ring for action. His opponent will be Mike Knox, who gives us a lesson on Restless Leg Syndrome.
John Morrison def. Mike Knox
SmackDown always has the best wrestling of the week. This match, no exception. Morrison picks up the win with the Starship Pain.
Morrison takes the mic after the match and he says he hopes Dolph had a good time playing footsie with Todd Grisham (who is awesome on the new SmackDown 10th Anniversary DVD). He says does the Mr. Ziggles bit again, and it’s way less funny this week. The fans aren’t getting behind it as much, either.
Todd Grisham and JR show us footage from Breaking Point. Meaning, if you paid for it, you should be pissed off because they just showed the only important part of the whole show on free television. Anyways, Josh Matthews asks Armstrong why he did what he did. He says he answered to somebody in a position much higher than the one he’s at. He was asked to do something he knew was wrong, and something he’s not proud of. He makes no excuses, he did what he had to do to keep his job.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Batista vs. Chris Jericho will be our main event tonight, but for now, here’s somebody that Batista’s allegedly slept with, Melina! Her opponent, the WWE Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool, limps to the ring.
Michelle McCool def. Melina
Justin Roberts did not announce this as a Triple Threat. Anyhow, Michelle is aggressive in this one, but it’s not enough as Melina picks up the victory with a rolling powerbomb.
Teddy Long is backstage with his security force when Mr. McMahon walks in. The Chairman excuses the security team and he wonders again where his picture was. He enjoyed the surprise of Batista coming to SmackDown. He doesn’t seem so impressed with what he came up with for Breaking Point. He wants to know why T-Lo double crossed The Undertaker. McMahon wants an explanation, and it’d better be the right one. In fact, he owes the WWE Universe an answer. He sends Long to the ring and tells him he’ll be waiting back in his office. He asks if Long has any idea what The Undertaker is going to do to him. Long heads to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Theodore Long is flanked by security as he heads to the ring to offer up an explanation as to why he screwed The Undertaker at Breaking Point. Long welcomes Batista back to SmackDown. He then admits that all of this was pre-planned. It was pre-planned to prevent The Undertaker from becoming the World Heavyweight Champion. Long isn’t going to say that he’s proud of what he did, because he’s not. He’s not going to say that he’s not afraid of The Undertaker, because he is. He knows that The Undertaker may show up here sometime tonight, which is why he’s surrounded himself with security. He’s not the only one involved, Scott Armstrong and CM Punk were in on it too. Long knows how he feels about this conspiracy, and he’d like to tell us why he did what he did. You see, he’s got a family to take care of. Times are tough, and he can’t let them down. He’s too old to learn to do something new, so therefore, he’d like to apologize for his actions. The crowd boos. He says he’d like to apologize to the WWE Universe, and he’d like to apologize to each and every one of the fans. He’d especially like to apologize to The Undertaker. One last thing. He hopes that The Undertaker can find it in his heart to forgive him. Long leaves with his security in tow.
Backstage, the security team hears noises as they walk Long to his limo. Long gets in and tells the drive he’s ready to go. The doors lock, the privacy window rolls down, and The Undertaker says “Buckle up, Teddy” as smoke and lightning fill the back of the limo.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK> – if you’re in the Buffalo area, MyNetwork TV is giving away tickets to Monday Night RAW in a “watch and win” sweepstakes. Yes, it’s possible to win – I won last week!
CM Punk, the World Heavyweight Champion is here, and he has a microphone. He says, “I told you so.” Punk says he’s the only man who ever made The Undertaker tap out. Which isn’t true. Watch the Angle/Undertaker match on the SmackDown DVD. Punk admits he’s been preaching, because the people need a good preaching to. He then goes on a tirade about drugs. He calls everybody a liar, and says he’s a prophet, the choice of a new generation, a champion everybody can be proud of, the first and only straight edge World Heavyweight Champion in history. If you’re not Straight Edge like Punk, that means he’s better than you.
Still to come, Batista vs. Chris Jericho!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The Great Khali vs. Kane is still to come, but right now, it’s Cryme Tyme. Did I fall asleep and miss the good matches on SmackDown and wake up on Monday? Their opponents are from Canada, which happens to be where SmackDown is, so they’re getting cheered – they’re the Hart Dynasty!
The Hart Dynasty vs. Cryme Tyme
I swear if the Harts lose tonight, I’m done with WWE. Luckily, Kidd hit the Blockbuster on JTG and picked up the victory, so it hasn’t come to that.
Melina is looking trashy as ever backstage when she walks into the Divas locker room, which is plastered with pictures of Dolph Ziggler helping Michelle McCool last week. Maria says she’s sure Dolph has a logical explanation and wonders why Melina wouldn’t come to her with this instead of plastering pictures all over the wall. Melina tries to explain that she didn’t do it, but Maria walks away.
Still to come, Batista vs. Jericho, but up next, Kane vs. Khali.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The Great Khali is out first for this next abomination of a professional wrestling match. Kane follows, and we’re underway.
Kane vs. The Great Khali
Kane knocked Khali out with a chair.
After the bell, Kane used the steel steps to completely destroy Khali’s knee.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
WWE Smack of the Week: Drew McIntyre destroying R-Truth over the last few weeks.
Charlie Haas is on non-entrance jobber duty. R-Truth’s music plays, but Drew McIntyre comes out instead. He says R-Truth had an accident in the backstage area and can’t compete. He declare Haas the winner by forfeit. Haas shakes his hand, and then gets attacked and dropped with a double armed DDT.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Batista def. Chris Jericho
Jericho went for a Codebreaker but was caught and hit with a Batista Bomb for the win.
Backstage, Big Show says Batista got lucky, and that when he gets in the ring with him next week, his luck will run out.
Sorry for the lack of detail, guys, I got caught up in something else that I didn’t think would take as long as it has. I’m hitting up an independent show tomorrow night, so I’ll be here to give you thoughts and pictures from that. See you then!
William Regal demands an ECW title rematch on the basis that his mindset was thrown off at Breaking Point by Tiffany’s decision to ban Ezekiel Jackson and Vladimir Kozlov from ringside. Tiffany declines, telling him she’s decided he doesn’t get another shot. Instead, we’ll get a battle royal later on tonight to determine the number one contender. Regal is then instructed to stay in the ring, as he’s got a match, right now…
Stand back! There’s a Hurricane Coming Through!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
William Regal def. The Hurricane
Apparently, this means that The Hurricane won’t be in the battle royal later tonight – Whasssupwitdat? Regal is forced to compete in his street clothes as this match was a complete surprise to him, and it shows, as The Hurricane controls most of it, and in fact hits the cross body from the top rope for a two. Regal decides to leave, but Hurricane catches him and tosses him back in – and gets kneed in the skull for his troubles – and a three count.
After the match, Paul Burchill attacks The Hurricane from behind and hits him with the Jackhammer.
Backstage, Goldust is apologizing to Yoshi Tatsu, who apparently just wants to continue his English lessons. He even impersonates Goldust’s tourettes. Zack Ryder wants to know if he can say loser. Goldust tells him to say loser – and he says “Zack Ryder.” Ryder says we’ll see who the loser is – Woo Woo Woo.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The new interview girl catches up with Burchill, who asks where Gregory Helms is, and remembers that he supposedly just left him in the ring. He says he wants to expose the Hurricane for who he is. Which makes me wonder why he didn’t unmask him when he knocked him out a few minutes ago.
The Bella Twins are here to be guest ring announcers. They introduce Yoshi Tatsu first, and considering he’s facing Zack Ryder, I hope he’s wearing an extra pair of tights. Matt Striker says that Zack Ryder has the best entrance music in ECW. I think it’s between his and Christian’s, honestly. And I still love Goldust’s theme.
Before getting into the match, however, I just found out that Mick Foley’s father, Jack, has passed away, so I’d like to take the opportunity to send condolences on behalf of the BWF staff to the Foley family.
Yoshi Tatsu def. Zack Ryder
A pretty good match, ending with Tatsu nearly kicking Ryder’s head off.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Battle Royal time. Shelton Benjamin, Vladimir Kozlov, Ezekiel Jackson, Tommy Dreamer, Goldust (who still has a letterbox entrance despite the fact that the show is broadcast in 16:9 widescreen), Tyler Reks, Sheamus…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
…Yoshi Tatsu, Paul Burchill, and Zack Ryder (still holding the back of his head).
Zack Ryder wins a 10 Man Battle Royal to become the new Number One Contender for the ECW Championship.
Burchill is tossed by Shelton Benjamin. After about 5 minutes of nothing of any interest happening, Kozlov and Jackson stare each other down.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Reks was eliminated during the break. Jackson eliminates Tatsu. The fans are solidly behind Goldust. Seriously. Sheamus is eliminated by Benjamin, as is Jackson. Sheamus attacks Benjamin, causing him to drop to the floor, eliminating him. Ryder, Goldust, Kozlov, and Dreamer are left. Goldust accidentally eliminates himself while going after Ryder, who pulled the ropes down on him. The same thing happens to Kozlov when he goes after Dreamer, who is dumped over the top rope by the winner, Zack Ryder!
Ryder’s getting a title shot. Woo Woo Woo, you know it!
BWF reader/commenter Gee attended this past Monday’s RAW as a “seat-filler,” which basically means he got to go to RAW and get awesome seats for free just so the camera shows a full crowd at all times. Here is his experience in his own words, taken straight from the comments from Monday’s RAW.
Well, I did it, was a “seat filler” for RAW in Calgary. And since I was told we were technically WWE employees for the duration of the show, I guess that means that I got future-endeavored at the end. So here’ s my first shoot!
We went to our meeting place and waited around for about 45 minutes (even though we were on time). This guy whose name I never caught told us what our job was (i.e. employee duty). We were to start at the “home-base” seats which were on the floor facing the Trinatron, but at the very back end. The new HD looks awesome live on that screen!
If we got moved, it was to seats that would be on camera to replace no-shows or people getting a beer, etc. We were given special green wristbands with the word “pusher” on it. He told us that we are not given shirts or anything else that distinguished us as staff as to keep this a secret from the audience. If we got into any altercations with returning people who wondered why we were in their seats, security was aware of these bands.
So we go to the home base and watch Morrison and D.H. Smith begin their Superstars match. No spoilers, so no worries. I will say that Smith got some big pops from the crowd.
Our orientation guy comes and takes the entire group of us from home-base after the match. So we moved into a row facing the main ring camera dead-on (basically in perfect view). After a couple matches, we were moved out and ended up in the first row of non-floor seating. That lasted about 20 minutes and into the start of RAW we got to watch the intro up close. Lillian is really hot up close!
The commercial break… Back to home-base. Halfway through the first RAW match we have buddy come to move us back to better seats. He gets interrupted by another headset wearing guy who said something about “Kevin” telling him to get some guy with a ghost mask off camera side view. He said this ghost mask guy could stay at the event, but had to go to the other side of the ring.
We get moved to the best seats we had all night for the rest of the show. I am on TV all night when the main ring angle is used. Never moved again. Best seats I’ve had at a show with a perfect view…. and…. wait for it…… FREE!!! I am one row back, two to the left from your perspective of the guy with the “LESS Big Show, More Gail Kim” sign in a black tee shirt.
The post television match was basically Cena speaking about Bret Hart’s legacy and impact on prowrestling to Orton who was at the entry ramp on his way out. While untelivised, this was not only Cena’s best reaction, the crowd was never louder during his speech on Hart. Cena then told him that while he may not agree with some of Orton’s decisions, he respected him and that next week they would be teammates. Orton came down to shake Cena’s hand (oh really?). This of course turned into a fight which was vastly superior to the main event which was pretty live in person. I’m going to watch myself watch wrestling now and will add bullet points below for anything I might have missed.
My own (Gee’s) “Random thoughts” and points about the live show
—————————————————————————————–
Best sign I saw while there: “Shaq your Sega game sucks”
Honourable mention: “I am not a nugget!” (We are the Hart-land after all. My brother used to see Jericho at a favorite pub on open-mic night often. Had numerous Hart brothers as substitute teachers as a kid including Keith and Bruce for sure. Stampede Wrestling and Ed Whaylon ruled. My best friend’s cousin when I was a kid was “He Who Shall Not Be Named.” He bodyslammed me onto a couch along with my friend and my brother. Yeah that last one sucks now as wrestling topic, but you get the point. The Harts and the Dungeons students were hard to avoid growing up here in the eighties and nineties. Thus, Owen references get the nod).
They may not be selling Jeff Hardy stuff online, but they sure were selling it at the Saddledome
Evan Bourne is awesome live, although the match was very short.
Masters sucks and the crowd yelled a lot of steroid related comments at him (e.g.. Roid monkey).
The crowd was a bit louder for Eugene than the “Calgary Kid” They also booed the referee for this match for some reason. That came across bad with me, I actually think this new dude is good at it.
Santino’s shirts were really popular, almost seemed like every twentieth person was wearing/carrying one on the way out.
MVP is really over up here (probably because he rules).
The was a huge pop for Jerry the King Lawler.
You could hear an almost silence of shame come over the crowd during the Piven recap. Except when Dr. Ken took his bump. They muted the crowd here.
Jillian is more painful to listen to sing live. They had to crank her up so loud, WWE must have really turned the audience booing down for that segment.
Canadians cheered for Y2J regardless of what he said or did. The crowd was VERY divided as the usual kids and women and a bunch of metrosexual-looking types where I was.
The “We Want Bret” chant was VERY loud and reoccurred often after Slaughter’s little sketch.
The fans booed the US Army stuff they put on during commercial breaks. Makes sense, we are Canadians and have OUR OWN troops overseas too fighting alongside the US. Maybe they could have acknowledged that?
I saw a lot of signs taken, but some the guy just to my right, down one row kept his “THIS IS STUPID” sign the whole night. I’ve seen him with it a bunch now just in the Show/Orton match already. HD makes is very easy to read.
Yes, we do call Calgary “Cowtown” as mentioned by Jericho. Our city was settled by ranchers and the beef industry is still huge as is oil.
Peace.
Thanks, Gee, for sharing your experience with us! RAW is coming back to Buffalo in October, I wonder if I can get in on that?
I have returned! I’m awake, home, and ready to review WWE SmackDown! The Charismatic Enigma is your new World Heavyweight Champion, so let’s get this Hardy Party started!