If you haven’t heard by now, the main event for tonight’s Monday Night RAW was announced last week. I refuse to watch it. Which means I’m not reviewing it either. In fact, there will be no mention of this match in this review. The participants may be referred to if they do something outside of the match, but that’s it. If you give a shit about said main event, it’s probably on WWE.com and you can go watch it there. It’s not even the fact that I don’t care too much for the two guys actually wrestling in the match (though that’s part of it), it’s moreso the fact that this is the match that we were supposed to PAY for in both December and January. It’s been done. I’m done with it. Fuck it. Let’s go.
I watch this show, and I often find myself questioning why, now moreso than ever. What really is best for business? Not listening to the fans? I hope half the viewers changed the channel during the main event. Read on.
Jorge returns to BWF Radio, and the show goes off the rails – and off the air, apparently. The site slowed to a crawl during the broadcast, but those who jumped on early were able to listen and chat with no problems. Mark said bad words, prompting Joe to put in the chat “the BoredWrestlingFan program does not endorse or condone anything Mark says.” We discuss the wrestling television of the week, do TWO break songs, then jump into the news, where we hear rumored names for the 2014 class of the WWE Hall of Fame. We get the latest news on CM Punk. Where does Daniel Bryan fit in at WrestleMania XXX? And we pay our respects to a fallen member of WWE’s crew. All this, and much more on BWF Radio!
“Aeons” by David Larsen, which, of course, I can’t find a link to buy.
“Das Schützenfest” by Faith No More, which also turns out to be difficult to find.
“Craigslist” by “Weird Al” Yankovic – Buy it here!
Well. We can pretty much assume that CM Punk will not be on RAW this week. Will his absence leave a noticeable mark on the show? I guess there’s only one way to find out. Go watch it, you lazy bastards. What? It’s my job to write about this show and tell you these things so you don’t have to watch it yourselves? Alright fine. Let’s go.
I watch this show so you don’t have to suffer through it. That’s because I think you’re awesome. Unless you’re Richard Sherman. How much shit are you talking with an injured leg? Guess you’re limping to DisneyWorld, huh bitch?
So Gee, you know Gee right? He writes those Smackdown reviews that are infinitely better than the RAW reviews. To be fair RAW sucks. Joe does what he can with a bad product. Look at what happened when I tried to review that show. Well anyway, Gee posted a link to a story on Reddit that Punk was pretty much done with the company. He told Vince that he was leaving and, true to his word, left. The story is that Punk is just really, really tired. He’s burnt out and he’s tired of not being pushed and pretty much everything he said in that good old Pipe Bomb promo from years past.
At first I was all “Oh no, not Punk. What will they do without him?” and then I remembered something. It goes against every rule of being an IWC member, and certainly a “wrestling journalist” (I write reviews and fantasy book, I’m a journalist now) but I’ve not been that big on Punk for a while now. It’ll be interesting to see what comes of this but I don’t think he’s as big a loss as say, Bryan, would be at this point. Things just really went downhill after the Taker match. The Lesnar stuff was good but the rest of it with Paul Heyman just went on way too long. Punk must have gotten his hands on Heyman about four or five times before that feud finally died.
As I’ve confessed on the show before, I started watching the product about seven years ago. I enjoyed Punk as he belittled Rey Mysterio in front of his family and sang “Happy birthday” to his daughter. The cage match he had with Jeff Hardy was actually the match where Kayfabe died for me (true story). I loved him as the leader of both the Straight Edge Society and the New Nexus (yes I’m the guy that enjoyed that stuff) and of course, there was the legendary Pipe Bomb. He spent a year plus as the champion, he fought guy after guy after guy in defence of the ultimate prize in the WWE; the title. Was he in the main event? No. Of course not. He’s not Cena. Only Cena can be in the main event. Then he lost the title to a part timer in The Rock. He got Taker after that but just wasn’t the same. After that…well I already covered that. I’ll admit that I would have probably enjoyed seeing him face Triple H at Mania if that was the plan. I still enjoy Punk on some level, and I’ll always say he’s damn good at what he does, but he’s just a shell of his former self. I can’t blame him if he decides to quit. It seems the company quit on him a while back.
He’s essentially become what Daniel Bryan could be if things don’t change for him; A guy who the fans love, who’s never allowed to be on top, and has just been put down so much no one believes what he says. He’s the Kofi Kingston of the main event. Whenever Kofi gets pushed, no one believes it. Whenever Punk gets pushed, I don’t believe it. I’ll be sad to see him gone, but I won’t be surprised and like he said in the aforementioned “Pipe Bomb”; “After I’m gone, you’re still going to pour money into this company. I’m just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that”
What should you take away from this? BATISTA RUINS EVERYTHING. A week after he joins the company again and everything has gone to shit.
To make an attempt to be less lazy I will be live updating this post with any and all thoughts of the Royal Rumble and pre-show.
My picks:
Rhodes vs. New Age Outlaws: Rhodes
Bray Wyatt vs. Daniel Bryan: Daniel Bryan
Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show: Brock Lesnar
Randy Orton vs. John Cena: Randy Orton
Royal Rumble Match: Batista, I really want Punk or D Bryan to win though
Pre-Show thoughts:
They’re rushing this match already and they’ve only done intros. New Age Outlaws still have it. WWE commercials during a pre-show so I don’t get to watch the whole tag match annoys me. I love watching Cody, he just gets better and better and always adds new moves to his arsenal. I love watching four superstars tell a great story, even if they only had about ten minutes to do so. I’m so happy I’m wrong with my prediction and the New Age Outlaws won. One of my favorite tag teams and they deserve this screen time. B-
Bray Wyatt vs. Daniel Bryan
I hope Bryan wins, gets beat down but makes a surprise entrance and wins the rumble, just my thoughts. 10 minutes in and we finally get a lock up. So the heel doesn’t need help to win? Thank god the referee can’t count to 10. Wyatt is a great foil for Bryan. The commentary team seems to have no idea what to say in this match? Apparently, Vince isn’t in their ears. Tornado DDT from the apron was sloppy but very awesome. Inside outside closeline heard round the world. That was a well fought match and helped both competitors. Nobody truly lost in this match. Some great spots and great story telling. B+
Paul Heyman is a great wrestling mind and an amazing mouthpiece. Just him alone, could push the Lesnar/Big Show to Wrestlemania if he wanted to.
Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar
I guess a steel chair is a good way to start this? It’s nice to see an actual match is gonna take place with all the hype they’ve created. Wow, this was not worth it all all. This was the worst match these two have ever had with each other! D+
Why is the aftermath longer than the match?
When I watch wrestling I always think “I wonder where I should do my taxes”?
A cool Shield interview and now it’s time for the…..longest……..interview……..ever…….with R….a…..n….d…..y……….O…..r…..t…..o…..n
John Cena vs. Randy Orton
After 5 minutes, Randy Orton, the champion, comes out first. Who cares about tradition? Now lets wait 90 seconds for the Cena pop. I feel like I’ve seen this match a hundred times before..oh wait, duh. And this commentary is terrible. Is this their version of a sit in because of JR being fired? “This is awe-full chants”, people keep cheering at pinfalls just because they hope the match is over. So I had to watch a 30 minute crap match just to start a feud with the Wyatts. I’m just happy the #rematch is over. C
Lets recap the Tag Team Championship win by the New Age Outlaws. Awesome match, awesome team.
Royal Rumble Match:
Rollins and Punk starting out was a good choice to start things. Sandow was eliminated first. I’m okay with it because I can tell WWE sees a bright future with him. Well, the Bulgarian Fruit…er, I mean Bruit was a surprise. Time for Kofi spot time and I’m not disappointed. Surprised with Kofi’s second spot and then even more with Kevin Nash’s entrance. I love seeing Nash in Royal Rumbles. The months of rumors are true, Sheamus is back. At this moment after Miz comes out I ask where CM Punk went. I had to be told that he caught a triple powerbomb during Sheamus’s entrance; poor camera work WWE. JBL completely pulling a Jerry Lawler from ’97. Funny moments but I still wish Jake Roberts had a number. The fans showing how much Daniel Bryan is over by booing the remaining entrants, agreed. Roman Reigns now holds the record for most eliminations in a Royal Rumble and I’m completely okay. Strong outing for him. Batista won as we all new it. C+
Funny enough, my computer died at the end of the last sentence but all in all this was an okay PPV. A sub par Rumble but an okay PPV. C-
Usually, I watch 30 minutes of the show and have to leave for work. This evening, however, I was home for the first 2:15 of RAW. I wasn’t paying much attention though – I was too busy beating Jorge at a game called Cards Against Humanity. So, I’ll do this review the same way I normally do, just out of necessity for content. I just won’t be as surprised as I watch, because half the shit I already saw earlier. Which is usually true of WWE shows lately. Anyways, I digress. Let’s go!
I watch RAW. I beat Jorge at depraved card games. Then I come to work and review the show.
While we wait impatiently for the launch of the WWE Network, we have to get through 7 more Monday Night RAWs, including this one and the one on February 24th. Roddy Piper tweeted out some cryptic messages regarding tonight’s RAW, so let’s see if anything comes of that. Let’s go!
Blah blah blah you know what we do here. Shut up and read it.
Anyone else surprised that the E are actually going with Wrestlemania Triple X? I wonder if it’s a Triple H tie in. In any case, I set my brain to work and figured out how to book most of Wrestlemania XXX. This probably isn’t what will happen, but it’ll make sense when you’ve finished reading it.
