Sigh, another week of results coming late. And an episode of Smackdown and iMPACT have already aired since the vote cutoff. That makes things confusing, because things happen on those shows that should be relevant to our ranking. But they’re not. Nonetheless, the stats remain semi-relevant.
(more…)
Hello everyone! I know RAW is a little late today, but last night was full of internet frustrations and homework. So, that’s why it’s up now, and that’s why it’s shorter than usual. As you can see, I did still track Tweets for this review, so, yeah. Here we go!
Look busy! The boss is comin’!
I actually missed having the opportunity to say that. I missed Mr. McMahon. He comes out onto the stage and says that now that the SuperBowl is over, there’s one thing left that supersedes the SuperBowl, that has more grandeur, more excitement- Wrestlemania! Each year, something special separates one Wrestlemania from all the others. Next week, we’ll be introduced to a man who embodies that. No one has hosted an event in front of 75,000 people before, not at the Grammys or anywhere else! Next week, we’ll meet the guest host for Wrestlemania 27!
I hear voices in my head…
As Randy makes his way down to the ring, Vince heads out.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, Randy Orton delivered a punt to Husky Harris and took him out of action.>
Randy comes out and says that if Punk thinks they’re even, he’s delusional. Orton is only JUST getting started, and it’s going to cost Punk a helluva lot more than just Harris. He starts to go on, but Punk interrupts. Punk sits on the stage and says he’s surprised they agree: it’s not over by a long shot. And, because he knows Randy is dying to know, Punk tells us the reason he cost Randy Orton the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble:
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Unforgiven 2008: Randy Orton injures CM Punk and forces him to forfeit the World Heavyweight Championship.>
Punk says that now Randy knows why. Randy really doesn’t care about anyone but himself, and that night, CM Punk had to forfeit the title. Punk hasn’t forgotten and has waited this long. The difference between their actions is that Punk’s are defensible. As long as they’re on the same show, Punk vows that Randy Orton with never be WWE Champion again. Punk says that he’s not going to wait until the Elimination Chamber; he’s going to eliminate Randy Orton right now.
The New Nexus comes to the ring and attacks Orton, who fights back for a while before the numbers game becomes too much. Punk gets in Randy’s face, and Randy manages to get a good solid hit on Punk’s nose. So solid, in fact, that Punk starts pouring blood. Nexus gets Orton still, however, and lifts him up on Punk’s shoulders, and Punk hits the Go to Sleep.
<COMMERCIAL>
@seraphalexiel Strangely enough, it looks like if Mason Ryan, Otunga, and Mike McGuillicutty all went to school with Punk, they’d bully the shit out of him
@ThingsColeSays Punk is bleeding! Stop the segment!
@Niki_Sushi Punk should be thanking Randy. He’s the one that was breathing Hasky’s ass at the Rumble. #BWF #RAW
@Rack_Flair Vince got out of a coma yesterday to catch the Superbowl #wwe #raw
@TKeep123 Vince McMahon out to save the #RAW ratings…….and hype #WrestleMania !!!! #RAW #WWE #BWF
@CMPunkSays In case you wonder what I think of Punk’s tactic of making #WWE’s top faces look like total pricks… I FUCKING LOVE IT.
@JonHexLives Wow. CM Punk has legit beef with Randy Orton. That’s hilarious. #WWE #RAW #BWF
During the commercial, we learn that the RAW General Manager has put the members of the New Nexus in action against each of the members of RAW’s Elimination Chamber match, which will come to a head tonight when John Cena faces off against CM Punk.
Mason Ryan vs R-Truth
Truth comes out and says Green Bay, Wisconsin instead of Milwaukee, and the Milwaukee crowd lets him know that he fucked it up, via a Milwaukee chant. Ryan basically latches onto a knee and starts targeting that before be puts Truth in a submission that Truth taps out of rather quickly.
Mason Ryan wins via submission.
However, after the match, Mason Ryan doesn’t let go right away. He continues to hold it, and then gets out to grab a chair. The ref stops him, so Ryan just puts him back in the submission. However, the ref has seen enough, and reverses his decision.
R-Truth wins via disqualification.
Later on tonight, John Cena will take on CM Punk, and the WWE Champion The Miz wants to say a congratulations to the Number One Contender for the WWE Championship at Elimination Chamber, Jerry “The King” Lawler!
<COMMERCIAL>
@ThingsColeSays BLACKEYEDPEASSUCKEDLASTNIGHT WHAT’S UP? RIPMYHEADOFF STAND UP AND SAY WHAT’S UP. WHAT’S UP? WHAT’S UP?
@HitTheRopes I’m going to have FAITH and hope that Mason Ryan destroys R-Truth as much as Truth destroys the English language. #WWE
@KeepItFiveStar LMAO!! MILWAUKEE IS OFFICIALLY MY FAVORITE CROWD! What a mistake by R-Truth! How dare he hurt that crowd’s feelings
@CMPunkSays Holy crap, that’s a BROCK LOCK! #WWE
@kickoutblog Oh R-Truth, you can’t screw the cheap city pop, especially when it’s Milwaukee, which is an Indian word meaning “The Good Land.”
@TKeep123 Mason Ryan needs an “I am NOT Batista” t-shirt ! #RAW #WWE #BWF
Punk, Otunga, and McGuillicutty are backstage, and Punk is pacing, holding a towel up to his bloodied nose. Mason Ryan joins them backstage and Punk looks upset before he gives Ryan a ‘Well done’. He says that tonight, he doesn’t care if they win or if they lose, so long as they hurt people. He wants all of his Elimination Chamber opponents hurt so that he can have the advantage. R-Truth and Randy Orton are already hurt. Ryan says something in Arabic before saying two down, three to go. Otunga worries about taking out Sheamus, but Punk says that he always has a plan.
WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Tamina vs Melina, Nikki, and Brie Bella
Natalya’s ringside for commentary, and says that next week, she’s going to get her rematch against Eve for the Diva’s Championship. Her constant bickering with Cole was more annoying than anything else. As for the action in the ring, the early momentum went to Melina and the Bellas, but Tamina cleaned house of the Bellas and Eve pinned Melina for the win.
WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Tamina win via pinfall.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The 2.21.11 image returns, preceded by the shack in the rain. A close up comes to the door this time, and it swings open, only for the mysterious man in boots to walk in. Johnny Cash’s Ain’t No Grave plays as the image of 2.21.11 appears in fire on the side of the door.>
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Gail Kim in a match? Hell must be freezing over…. #RAW #WWE #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Also this is Gail Kim’s third consecutive week on RAW. Tamina – 4. Bare feet- 39. And Eve is still a dude.
@Niki_Sushi Damn it all. Tonight can only get worse if Daniel shows up. #BWF #RAW #knockonwood
@WWE_Creative Thanks @NatbyNature for burying Just For Men while mocking MIchael Cole. It’s not like they’re our SPONSOR or anything. #RAWTonight
@JonHexLives Is that white gold, Michael Cole? #Divaschampionship #WWE #RAW #BWF
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The Elimination Chamber facts.>
John Morrison makes his way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@dasharpshooters When WWE uses a Johnny Cash song in their video, you know its serious. 2-21-11 is gonna be huge. #wwe #raw
@kickoutblog I predict we’ll see that Elimination Chamber hype vid about 437 times between now and Feb. 20
@TKeep123 Ain’t No Grave “Gonna Hold This Body Down” by Johnny Cash … nice touch to the #WWE 2-21-11 promo… #RAW #WWE #BWF
John Morrison vs Michael McGuillicutty
McGuillicutty tries to send his focus to Morrison’s arm, holding it out of the ring and about to crush it between the ring and the steel steps, but Morrison moves it out of the way before he can. Morrison picks up the pace of the match, and McGuillicutty literally walks right into a flash kick. Morrison hits Starship Pain (and doesn’t miss it this time) for the win.
John Morrison wins via pinfall.
It starts to look like Morrison’s going to be uninjured, but Punk comes down as Morrison is celebrating and pulls a Maryse, spraying Mickie Morrison in the face with something before kicking him in the head.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Did Punk just pull a Maryse there?! #BWF #RAW
@CMPunkSays HA HA NOW YOU’RE BLIND #WWE
@KeepItFiveStar OH NO! ANTI-PARKOUR SPRAY! Damn you Punk!
@lovehateRIOT i’m pretty sure that punk just used jomo’s own hairspray on him. rofl #raw
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, the RAW Rumble was won by Jerry “The King” Lawler, with Cena giving an assist.>
AWESOME!
Miz comes out with Alex Riley in tow. He says that as he watched the RAW Rumble last week, one thought was going through his mind: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! He says he was pulling for King the whole time. He asks King to join him in the ring and tells Riley to get out so that King doesn’t feel uncomfortable. King enters the ring, and Miz asks if King has any idea why he was rooting for him. King says that he figures it’s because Miz thinks he’s the weakest. Miz says that’s not it at all, and he could have beaten anyone who won the RAW Rumble for the WWE Championship. No, the reason he was rooting for King is because he feels that they’re mirror images of one another. King had the biggest mouth and the power to incite riots with just his words. People would listen when King spoke. Miz says that, in a way, he patterned his career after King’s, and now everyone’s wondering what he will do next. King says that first of all, they aren’t mirror images of one another and says something about how he wouldn’t want to look in the mirror every morning and see his haircut like Miz’s. He then says that he’s always had a big mouth, but he can back it up. He says that if Miz thinks he’s a modern King, he doesn’t know King as well as he thinks he does, and that King didn’t pattern his career after anyone: He’s an original. Miz then calls him an original cheap shot artist.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, King attacks Ted DiBiase after DiBiase tries to get his spot in the RAW Rumble.>
Miz says that that was equivalent to a sucker punch. King says that he thinks that Miz is a sucker, and that he speaks for the entire WWE Universe, both in Milwaukee and all over, when he says the Miz sucks (oh, but I disagree, sir!). King says that Miz is right: he’s never been WWE Champion or been to Wrestlemania. No one has any idea what it would mean to him to do both, and that it was his lifelong dream. King says that he will win at the Elimination Chamber, and he will say he’s going to Wrestlemania. Miz says that he’s wrong, and after their match at the Elimination Chamber match, the whole world will hear, “I’m the Miz, and I’m-“ But King interrupts and starts up an ‘awful’ chant.
Miz, Alex Riley, and King all start to brawl. When it looks like King has the upper hand, Ted DiBiase comes out to help Miz out, but Daniel Bryan comes out to join the fray to help King out.
“King and Bryan versus Miz and DiBiase NOW.”
WWE Champion The Miz and Ted DiBiase vs Jerry “The King” Lawler and the United States Champion Daniel Bryan
Is it just me, or has Bryan not been wearing the US Championship lately?
Ted and Bryan start out, and Bryan starts with some hard kicks. He gets DiBiase in a pin, but DiBiase kicks out, only for Bryan to do it again. DiBiase kicks out again and King is tagged in. Miz comes in and is thrown back to the mat a few times before Miz throws King out of the ring. While Bryan is distracting the ref, DiBiase comes out and attacks King outside the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi DAMMIT! I JINXED MYSELF! S RATJLABEJKLNBSRZG;LAEORJIA;EJHBP3O4UART;GLJLBTS GO AWAY DANIEL! #BWF #RAW
@Lunna1969 Bad Teddy! Go to my room!
@KeepItFiveStar Ted DiBiase with revenge #ForTheFuture !
@KeepItFiveStar Yes. The Miz is awful. AWFULLY GOOD at being AWESOME!
@kickoutblog The Miz is killing it, would be nice if he hit Lawler with a Piledriver at Elimination Chamber, just to really sell the “mirror image” idea.
Maryse is ringside now, and Alex Riley has been on commentary since the match started.
Bryan is in with Miz when we come back, and Bryan dominates. Ted helps Miz out and Miz turns the momentum in his favor. Miz hits the swinging corner clothesline before going and tagging DiBiase in. Bryan fights back, but DiBiase goes for a cover, only for Bryan to kick out. DiBiase gets the momentum before tagging Miz in. Miz trash talks Bryan, who takes advantage, and tags King in. Miz tags in DiBiase, only for King to get momentum. King hits what I think was a DDT. Miz breaks up the cover, and Bryan attacks him to get him out of the ring. DiBiase starts to get some momentum on King, but King gets him down, lowers the strap, and punches him straight in the face.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Jerry “The King” Lawler win via pinfall.
Alex Riley vows that he will not let The Miz lose at Elimination Chamber.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Hey Maryse showed up! Gail did not. She’s being stomped out by The Bellas somewhere
@HitTheRopes I would feel bad about DiBiase always losing but he comes down to the ring with Maryse at his side.
Sheamus vs David Otunga
Before Sheamus can make it all the way down to the ring, Josh Matthews follows him and asks for his opinion on Mark Henry’s comments. Sheamus asks what comments, and Josh says that Mark Henry said that Sheamus didn’t deserve to be in the Elimination Chamber match, and Mark Henry should replace him. Sheamus says that Mark Henry never won, doesn’t know if he can fit, and that Mark Henry should shut his mouth before Sheamus shuts it for him.
Otunga makes his way to the ring for the ma-
Mark Henry makes his way out and is pissed. He had Sheamus duke it out for a bit, with Otunga watching, before Otunga tries to get up on the top turnbuckle to do something, only for Sheamus to send him outside the ring. Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick, and is rewarded with two World’s Strongest Slams right in a row. Mark Henry yells at him to shut his trap before leaving. Otunga crawls in the ring and stands over Sheamus like he actually did something.
Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto del Rio.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Mark Henry wasn’t about to lose that brawl during Black History Month. Not to the well-tanned Sheamus. Otunga stands tall too.
@TKeep123 I didn’t think Sheamus could look any whiter…but now as he stands next to Mark Henry….I was wrong. #RAW #WWE #BWF
@ThingsColeSays SHEAMUS = BURIED
@KeepItFiveStar Wow. The crowd has gone mild for this one. They’re still mad at R-Truth for fuckin Milwaukee and they’re taking it out on all black people
@Niki_Sushi Dark Chocolate, interrupts Milk Chocolate to kill White Chocolate. It’s not Valentine’s Day yet. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Sheamus getting punked by Henry was incredibly stupid.
@kickoutblog All that did was make Sheamus, ya know, the guy who’s actually IN the Chamber, look bad.
Alberto del Rio tells us his name is Alberto del Rio!… but we already knew that. He says that Santino Marella really thinks that he almost got del Rio. It was del Rio’s destiny to win the Royal Rumble, just like it’s his destiny to be the next World Heavyweight Champion at Wrestlemania.
Santino Marella vs Alberto del Rio
Santino gets fired up before the match even starts and throws del Rio out of the ring. Del Rio gets back in the ring, and the ref starts the match. Del Rio tries to do something to Santino, but Santino moves last second and del Rio is sent between the top and middle ropes. The match continues on, and Santino nearly hits the Cobra, but del Rio ducks it, focuses on the arm, and then locks in the cross arm breaker for the win.
Alberto del Rio wins via submission.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The New Nexus (and Mark Henry) take out Randy Orton, R-Truth, John Morrison, and Sheamus.>
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar LOL I love that. “My name…My name is Alberto Del RRRRRRRRRIOOOOOOOOOOOO >.< OOOOOOOOO!!! 😀 “
@kickoutblog Alberto Del Rio vs. Santino Marella, even more logical storytelling from WWE tonight… but you already knew that!
@StrikerSays You know, @RRWWE didn’t seem quite as EXCITED for that win as he usually does. Then again, his Royal Rumble performance set the bar HIGH.
Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler come out, and Vickie says that she has something to say: in two weeks, Dolph will not be in the Smackdown Elimination Chamber match as a challenger, but as the new World Heavyweight Champion. She knows for a fact because Dolph will beat Edge-
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR CLEAN YOUR SHOES!
One of them asks what Cena’s doing out there, and Cena responds that he’s putting a stop to this, because it’s more offensive than Christina Aguilera butchering the National Anthem at the SuperBowl, and then says he’s just kidding. He says that he’s come to apologize for Truth, who may have celebrated a little too long and thinks he’s still in Green Bay, but they’re in Milwaukee, in case you didn’t know from Cole shouting it like his brain was going to explode earlier. And, also because the last time the three of them were in the ring together, it was awesome. He says that he and Vickie had a sweet… sexy, passionate make out session, and then says, “You remember, Dolph. You were there and cool with it.” Vickie says that this is not how you respect that acting General Manager of Smackdown and if they don’t show her some respect, she’ll leave. So, they don’t show her respect, and she leaves. Cena then basically says that he will kick Punk’s Elimination Chamber in the Elimination Chamber and Elimination Chamber a bunch more times.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Don’t apologize on behalf of Truth! Are you serious? If anyone else did that, they’d either be released or depushed immediately.
@HitTheRopes Wonder if Cena will apologize for Truth just being a sad example for us blacks? #wwe
@Niki_Sushi ‘I’ll kick his elimination chamber’ – that sounds SO damn dirty. I twitched, for real. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog See, it is possible to have an awesome segment, teasing Vickie Guerrero, without calling her fat.
CM Punk vs John Cena
Punk and Cena go at it for a while, with Cena repeatedly looking toward the ramp for the interference for New Nexus. Apparently, he gets sick of waiting, and low-blows Punk to get himself disqualified.
CM Punk wins via disqualification.
The New Nexus makes their way down the ring, and Mason Ryan stops by CM Punk, who is outside the ring. McGuillicutty and Otunga stand in the ring with Cena before they attack him, but King gets up and gives Cena a chair. Cena then proceeds to clean the ring out, and Nexus backs away.
So, it wasn’t the most impressive RAW ever for me, but there you have it. I admit that I kind of lost interest toward the end there, so I’m not 100% sure what exactly happened. Hopefully, next week will be more interesting!
I haven’t been voting the last couple of weeks, for whatever reason, and I apologize for not getting the poll up here on BWF last week, but here we go with this week’s!
1. Wade Barrett (Last week: 1)
Abusing his power over John Cena and The Nexus and utterly destroying the WWE Champion leaves Wade Barrett number one on the Power Poll for the second straight week.
2. Big Show (NR)
The Big Show led the entire SmackDown roster into RAW and led them to victory (along with Edge) over the RAW roster in a battle royal. Huge momentum for the World’s Largest Athlete heading into Bragging Rights on Sunday.
3. Randy Orton (3)
The Viper teamed with John Cena to defeat Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty, but his failure to fight off The Nexus after the match leaves Randy Orton at number 3.
4. Edge (9)
So much for Smurfette – Edge saved The Big Show from certain elimination and helped win the battle royal for Team SmackDown Monday night.
5. The Miz (2)
Having the testicular fortitude to face The Big Show in a one on one matchup and then lasting as long as he did in the battle royal probably didn’t do as much for The Miz’s standing on the Poll as his Smurfy promo against Team SmackDown.
6. Kane (4)
The Big Red Monster was nowhere to be found Monday Night when SmackDown invaded RAW, but neither was his brother The Undertaker, so I suppose that’s not that surprising. As long as he is the World Champion, it seems Kane has a spot in the top 10. Will that continue after the buried alive match?
7. John Cena (6)
Cena’s subservience to Wade Barrett continues to push him further down the Power Poll. What I don’t get is why Cena looked upset Monday Night while the rest of Nexus destroyed his long time rival Randy Orton. Oh well.
8. Jeff Hardy (5)
It goes to show that as long as you’re a World Champion, you’re likely to be on the Power Poll. Of course, Hardy, despite slipping this week, is still riding that wave of momentum that winning a title will get you in this voting process. We’ll see what he does on iMPACT this week and see where he winds up on next week’s poll.
9. Undertaker (NR)
All the Undertaker has to do is make an appearance, and it seems that he’ll make the Power Poll. That’s the power of the Phenom.
10. Daniel Bryan (NR)
The WWE United States Champion made the WWE Intercontinental Champion tap out Monday on RAW, and then busted a move with the smart, sexy, and powerful WWE Divas. Bragging rights are on the line this Sunday!
Dropped out: C.M. Punk, Sheamus, Rey Mysterio
The Power Poll is a weekly top 10 ranking of wrestlers as voted by members of these wonderful sites: BoredWrestlingFan.com, Future Endeavors, Hit the Ropes, NoVaWPodcast, Oh My WrestleBlog, Online World of Wrestling, PIZZABODYSLAM, Pro Wrestling Ponderings, Project Wonderboy, Ringside Rants, Smark Out Moment, Smarks Anonymous, The Superplex, The Wrestling Blog,WrestlingAdikt.com, WrestleRage.com, Wrestling Nuggets and Wrestlespective. Follow the Power Poll voters on Twitter. If you have a wrestling site and are interested in becoming a voter, e-mail wrestlespective(at)gmail.com.
Sorry about no RAW review last week. I originally planned to do it on Tuesday, but I completely forgot about a midterm, and real life caught up with me and bitch slapped be across the face. Anyway, there’s one gonna be up tonight, and that’s all that matters, right?
Tonight, John Cena will team up with WWE Champion Randy Orton against the men that got him into Nexus in the first place, Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris. How will Nexus feel about this?
RAW starts with Teddy Long, of all people, coming out. He says he’s here tonight because he can. Tonight, he’s going to take over RAW.
“Get out of my ring. Get out of my ring, now. You have no business being here.”
Teddy interrupts and says that Smackdown vs Raw this Sunday at Bragging Rights, and brings out the Bragging Rights trophy. Teddy says that the trophy belongs to Smackdown, and they laid the Smackdown on RAW last year.
“Get out of my ring, or else.”
Teddy says he’s not threatening him? He’ll show him, or else. Teddy climbs out of the ring and he starts arguing with Cole.
<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>
Teddy shoves the mic at Cole and goes up to the podium. He says that the Smackdown General Manager has an announcement to make. Right now, the RAW GM is going to be disconnected. He then introduces the Big Show and the rest of Team Smackdown. Edge, Alberto del Rio, Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger, Tyler Reks, and Rey Mysterio.
AWESOME!
Turns out Team RAW wasn’t too happy about that, and Captain Miz comes out with a laughing Alex Riley. Miz says this is the team that’s supposed to take over RAW? It looks like Smurf Village next to a power plant. Miz reminds us that he was the sole RAW superstar to win at Bragging Rights last year, is the team captain this year, and will lead RAW over Team Smackdown. The trophy and the Bragging Rights that go with it, will go over to the A-Show. Miz then brings out the rest of Team RAW: CM Punk, John Morrison, Santino Marella, Ezekiel Jackson, and Sheamus. Miz then tells them to get out of their ring, or they’ll make them get out.
Team RAW starts walking down to the ring, and then the brawl starts in the ring between the two teams. While they’re all killing each other, I wanna say that it’s really cool to see Ezekiel Jackson back. Miz then grabs his team and exits the ring, saving that they need to save it for Sunday. Show takes a mic and says, don’t go back there and start a ruckus. He gets it, it’s his ring. Smackdown will get out of the ring, willingly, if Miz will face Show one-on-one in a Captain vs Captain match. Miz agrees to it.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: The Miz becomes captain of Bragging Rights after defeating John Cena in a No DQ match. Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty interfere, costing Cena the match. Cena attacks them, Barrett interferes, and Cena almost hits him. More Barrett-Cena heat. The company makes Cena look like he’s losing his damn mind. Barrett calls Cena a coward, pathetic, and a disgrace. Barrett then says until next week, “You Can’t See Me.”>
Still to come, WWE Champion Randy Orton and John Cena take on Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty.
<COMMERCIAL>
@legendkiller515 will someone please smack the hell outta cole #wwe #raw #bwf
@CawCawBang Go away Cole you ugly troll
@Lunna1969: Smurfette! Lmao! W2g Miz #RAW #WWE
We come back to the Tag Team Champions standing in the ring.
WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and “Dashing” Cody Rhodes vs The Hart Dynasty with Natalya
Rhodes and Kidd start out, Kidd going for McIntyre before Rhodes plants him and gets the advantage. Rhodes tags in McIntyre, who dominates Kidd. McIntyre plants Kidd’s face into the barrier before getting him back in the ring and tagging in Rhodes. McIntyre drops Kidd onto the ropes and holds him there for Rhodes to kick him in the ribs. Rhodes then tags back in McIntyre and they throw Kidd into the turnbuckle. Kidd manages to tag in Smith, who hits a drop kick on McIntyre and gets the momentum back on their side. He then hits two big kicks on Rhodes and McIntyre. He goes for a cover on McIntyre, but he kicks out at two. Smith hits a running power slam and goes for a cover, but Rhodes breaks it up. Rhodes goes to attack Smith, but Kidd attacks him. They set up for the Hart Attack, but Smith decides to attempt a Sharpshooter last minute. Smith gets distracted by Kidd and McIntyre hits the Future Shock DDT for the win.
WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes win via pinfall.
Natalya proceeds to yell at David Hart Smith about how they’re a team.
Backstage, Cena’s thoughtful and Randy Orton walks up. He says that they should lay all the cards on the table. He can tell that Cena being a part of Nexus is eating him up, but he doesn’t think that it would stop him from helping Barrett take the WWE Championship away from him. So, if Cena helps, Orton won’t have any problem punting him in the skull. Cena says that if he even tries, Cena will break that leg off.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog We need Bret to fix these… broken Harts. YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
@HitTheRopes Look, Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre are offering their 2 cents…. Get it? 2 cents. (tag titles look like 2 pennies) #rimshot #wwe
<VIDEO PACKAGE: R-Truth’s new theme song. I’m still not sure these lyrics are PG-13.>
Goldust with Aksana vs. Zack Ryder
Damn. I hate that they won’t play Ryder’s theme song. I jam out to it when they play it. Anyway.
Ted DiBiase and Maryse make their way out to the stage to watch the match as Ryder gets an early advantage over Goldust, which Goldust gets back by slapping Zack in the face. Goldust hits the final cut, and the match is over.
Goldust wins via pinfall.
Ted DiBiase makes his way to the ring and attacks Goldust from behind. Maryse went to grab the Million Dollar Belt, but Aksana got it. Maryse then chases Maryse out of the ring to try to get the belt back. Goldust gets up in the ring and hits the Final Cut on DiBiase too. I admit, I’m loving the weird Goldust’s return.
Still to come, Smackdown vs RAW starts early as the Big Show takes on The Miz.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog I kinda wish they would’ve done that video like those old Disney sing-a-longs with a bouncing R-Truth thread.
@WWEsAngel_Nef Bwahahahahahahahaha <—-My reaction to R-Truth’s video package. #WWE
@HitTheRopes Maryse and Aksana face to face. It’s as if Maryse was looking in a mirror…. a mirror that is worn, dusty, and doesn’t show sexy #wwe
Barrett is standing with Nexus and Cena walks in. Barrett says that he wants Cena to test Harris and McGuillicutty, to see if they’re good enough to join the Nexus. Cena said that Barrett just told him to go out there and give it everything he’s got, and those are his orders? He asks what the catch is, and Barrett says that there’s no catch: tonight he has the opportunity to show the WWE Universe the Cena they know and love, then orders him to get him a glass of water.
The kid from Role Models and the new Knucklehead movie, Bobbie Thompson, is playing Smackdown vs RAW with Show vs Miz, and Show wins. Miz then picks him up and to tell him that Miz has a surprise for him. Show then takes Bobbie, and puts him down. Bobbie then says that Show has to knock Miz out for him.
Cena comes back with a glass of water and hands it to Barrett, who says it wasn’t difficult. Barrett wants Cena to know that he’s really enjoying it, then splashes the water in Cena’s face.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Miz is assaulting children now? #favoritewrestlerever
@FrankWWEClown Heath Slater, stop smirking, you little creep. #WWE #RAW
@CawCawBang When did little chris rock come in?
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Harris and McGuillicutty cost Cena the Team RAW Captain match.>
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WATER BOY!
John Cena and WWE Champion Randy Orton vs Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris
Is it just me, or does Husky look like a pedobear remake? Hmm…
Nexus come up to the stage to watch the match. Cena and McGuillicutty start, and Cena starts unleashing on McGuillicutty. Cena hurls McGuillicutty around the ring before throwing McGuillicutty after a vicious looking fisherman suplex.
<COMMERCIAL>
@redsandman99 I think it should be illegal for Husky Harris to not wear a shirt
@kickoutblog Should be interesting to see what Husky & Imperfect can do when they don’t have to carry a keg.
Now Randy and McGuillicutty are in the ring, and McGuillicutty kicks out of a cover as Orton tags in Cena. Cena hits McGuillicutty, then goes to take Harris off the apron, then running into a dropkick. Harris gets his chance at retribution and beats up on Cena in the corner. Harris goes for a cover, and Cena kicks out. Harris tags in McGuillicutty who beats up on Cena and goes for a cover, only for Cena to kick out. Harris tags himself in and seems to get stuck for a minute between the ropes, throwing himself into Cena’s face. He goes for a cover, and Cena kicks out. Harris has Cena in the middle of the ring in a headlock, but Cena fights to his feet before Harris puts his knee in Cena’s spine. Cena’s flat on the ring floor, but rolls out of the way before Harris squishes him flatter than a pancake hits him. Orton gets in the ring with McGuillicutty and hits a scoop slam. McGuillicutty rolled out to the apron, hoping it would save him, and Orton pulls him between the top and middle rope before hitting the DDT. He points to Barrett, getting ready for the RKO, pushing Harris into Cena for an Attitude Adjustment. Orton then hits the RKO on McGuillicutty and pins him for the win.
WWE Champion Randy Orton and John Cena win via pinfall.
Cena seems content that he, for once, was able to fight in his own way and won, again. He offers Orton a hand, but Barrett tells him to hold it right there, and tells him not to shake Orton’s hand, and then tells him to get out of the ring, and it’s an order. Cena looks at Orton for a minute, then climbs out of the ring. Barrett says that Cena has the best spot in the house to witness the demise of the Viper, as Nexus surrounds the ring. Orton looks at Cena and then hits Barrett before throwing Slater out of the ring and then is ambushed by Nexus outside the ring. Nexus gets Orton back in the ring, but Orton manages to fight back for a minute before getting overwhelmed again. The crowd is cheering for Cena, but he hasn’t moved. Slater hits his finisher, for the first time since NXT, then Otunga does, then Gabriel. Barrett tells Cena to get in the ring, and Cena does so. Barrett says that he wants Cena to give Orton an Attitude Adjustment, and Cena says that that’s enough. Barrett says do it, or Cena’s fired. Cena gets Randy up to his feet, then on his shoulders. Barrett then tells Cena to give Randy to him. Barrett then hits the Wasteland on Orton. Cena walks out of the ring and starts walking up the ramp, shaking his head.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Even better joke: Husky Harris is only heavier because he’s being weighed on the metric system. #Canada
@HitTheRopes Slater and Otunga need to go back to the lab and come up with a better finishing move. #wwe
Vickie comes out, just when everyone thought that it couldn’t get worse, but guess what! This is RAW!! Vickie says that she is happy to take credit for the Smackdown superstars appearing on RAW tonight, and there is one special superstar who has a special twinkle in his eyes, because his eyes are only on her: The Intercontinental Champion, Dolph Ziggler.
Dolph says that people confuse his cockiness when it’s really just confidence. He can’t blame them, he’s got it all: The looks, the shredded physique, gorgeous head of hair, and that’s not the best part. The most beautiful, intelligent woman on the face of this earth is with him. She’s the ray of sunshine when his skies are gray, she makes his heart go pitter-patter—
Daniel Bryan interrupts and says that he may not be a lady’s man (to which Dolph replies with, “I noticed”), and says that even he could do better than Vickie. Bryan says that he doesn’t have the movie star looks, peroxide infested hair, but he does have the ability to capitalize on any mistake in that ring, and the ability to make Dolph tap out. So, he proposes the United States Champion vs the Intercontinental Champion at Bragging Rights. Vickie seems to be encouraging this. Dolph says that he accepts, but why wait until Sunday? Why don’t they do this right- and then slaps Bryan. Dolph then steps behind Vickie, who steps in front of Dolph. Bryan then side-steps Vickie and tackles Dolph, preventing him from leaving. Bryan then locks in the LaBell Lock, making Dolph tap. Then, the Divas randomly come out and make their way into the ring with Vickie. The Divas surround Vickie and tell her to leave the ring. Gail throws a bucket of glitter at her, then Eve pours it on her. The Divas then seem to be paying way too much attention to Daniel, and they all start to dance with him… and it’s painful.
Anyway, hopefully Captain vs Captain can save RAW… because my head is already spinning.
<COMMERCIAL>
@bethsharae Oh no! Not glitter!!! #WWE #Raw I guess I should scream all the time at crafts time.
@TKeep123 How can Dolph say this crap with a straight face? (Better check the Wellness policy again!) #WWE #RAW #BWF
@kickoutblog Vickie Guerrero is amazing, why does she need that many zippers? Because fuck you, that’s why!
@Niki_Sushi I don’t know which is more obnoxious – ‘EXCUSE ME!’ or ‘AND I QUOTE!’… #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes: Oh, @WWEDanielBryan, in wrestling you might be best in the world…. at dancing, not so much. LOL
Natalya vs Alicia Fox
Let’s see how short this match is! I’m going to time it!
Alicia slaps Nat a few good times and then tries to shout out to Calgary. Natalya then throws Alicia into the turnbuckle, twice, and then throws her across the ring. Nat tries to go for the Sharpshooter, but Alicia grabs the ropes. Natalya pulls her back, and locks in the Sharpshooter, making Alicia tap.
Natalya wins via submission.
LayCool interferes and says it’s a beautiful moment in a NOT beautiful hometown. LayCool says they would love Canada, but it’s so cold and they have watered down beer, and they say ‘eh’ all the time. And they see Harts everywhere. They say the Harts don’t belong in the Hall of Fame, but in the loony bin. LayCool then starts to go into the ring, but Natalya’s ready. Nat gets Layla, but Michelle comes in. Michelle then puts Natalya in the Sharpshooter, Layla takes a picture, and Natalya counters. Lay tries to help Michelle, and nearly gets put in the Sharpshooter herself. LayCool runs off.
Oh, overall Diva MATCH time, about a minute and fifteen seconds.
<VIDEO PACAKGE: CM Punk debuts on RAW again and Evan Bourne is out due to injury.>
Teddy, Show, and Hornswoggle are talking backstage, and Josh Matthews says that it’s rather brazen of them to show up on RAW with Team Smackdown. Hornswoggle grabs a Team Smackdown flag and the entire Smackdown Roster starts heading out.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog If I were The Undertaker and had to listen Michelle McCool talk all the time, I’d want to be buried alive too
@CawCawBang Nattie don’t play along with Laycool’s bullshit
@bethsharae Alicia is gonna throw a hip out if she swings them any harder. #WWE #Raw
@WWEsAngel_Nef God I hate Alicia Fox’s walk. I can’t stand it. She’s gonna break a freaking hip. #WWE
So, the longest part of this show is the Stand Up For WWE video package. So… Yeah.
Oh, we’re back. Cena’s walking away and Barrett stops him, saying he’s not finished with him or Orton yet. There we go. Next up, Team RAW’s captain The Miz will take on Team Smackdown’s captain, The Big Show… and all of Smackdown?
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi So.. I’m loving this video. Because it’s showing where the WWE goes, and not just on land and the airwaves. They reach hearts-who else does?
@CawCawBang I’m so happy and proud to be a WWE fan
@kickoutblog And “Do you smell what Barack is cookin?” is still amazing. #TheRockObama
@WWEsAngel_Nef LOL God Vince McMahon is good at what he does. Way to do some quick damage control. Nice video package. #WWE
We’re finally going to introduce the guest star, Bobbie J Thompson. Sweet. He says he loves the boos and to keep them coming. He says that he’s there to introduce the man who’s going to leave Team Smackdown to a victory over Team RAW: The Big Show. No, but seriously. Where’s the muzzle on that kid?
Show comes out with Hornswoggle behind him, waving the flag, and Team Smackdown follows him out. Actually, all of Smackdown follows him out.
Miz comes out, but tells Alex Riley to stay behind and walks down to the ring alone. He pauses though, grinning and motioning for everyone else to come out. Team RAW comes out, followed by the RAW roster.
The Big Show vs The Miz
Show closes in on Miz, rips his shirt, and slaps his chest. Show continues to rip up the RAW shirt and slaps his chest again. Show then Irish Whips Miz into a corner, and Show throws him out of the ring. Smackdown closes in, and RAW starts to close in too. Show attacks RAW, and when Smackdown comes in, Show rolls in the ring.
Teddy Long comes out and says that since Bragging Rights is only six days away and everyone from both rosters is out there, he says that they have themselves a Smackdown vs RAW battle royal, and they’re going to do it right now.
Now, I hate reviewing battle royals. So, I hope you watched RAW to figure out what happens, because I’m only going to tell you the winner.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Ok, I’m old, but the Red and Blue is reminding me of “Rock’em Sock’em Robots!” #WWE #RAW #BWF
Hornswoggle beats Cole up and takes his spot as an announcer, and no one knows what the fuck is going on in the ring. I can’t tell you what’s going on, but Swagger loses his mind and puts Edge in an ankle lock. Toward the end here, a bunch of RAW guys got eliminated and Smackdown is doing a good job holding their own. The last Smackdown guy ends up as The Big Show against Sheamus, Bryan, Jackson, and Miz. Down goes Bryan, then Jackson. Miz and Sheamus work together to get Show over the top rope, and no one remembered Edge wasn’t technically eliminated. So, Edge and Show are the only two left in the ring.
Team Smackdown wins.
Nexus is watching backstage, and Barrett says that all of them, and Cena, are going to witness what’s going to happen Sunday when he’s crowned WWE Champion. Barrett tells Cena to raise his hand as a token of victory. Cena shoves Slater and Gabriel out of the way and raises Barrett’s hand before walking away.
And that’s all she wrote, folks. Daniel Bryan dancing is burned behind my retina, so I’m going to go watch… something to get the image out of my head. Good night.
Last night was Hell in a Cell! Did John Cena join Nexus? Is Randy Orton still the WWE Champion? Was Daniel Bryan brutally mu-… I’ll leave that one to myself. Find out tonight, as Jackass star, Johnny Knoxville guest stars what is sure to be another amazing Monday Night RAW!
Nexus comes out and talks about their victory at Hell in a Cell. Barrett says the two men who helped were Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty, which didn’t surprise anyone. Barrett says he doesn’t know them and they aren’t a part of the Nexus. Barrett then scolds Nexus for going down to the ring and potentially causing him his match. Tonight’s about inducting Cena into Nexus. Please welcome, the newest member of Nexus, John Cena.
He comes out with no music, which is just heartbreaking, to be honest. I’m upset. I wanted to make a joke.
Tarver says the joke is on Cena, because he failed. They have a gift for Cena: The Nexus armband. Cena looks at the arm band and puts it on. Slater says they know the transition’s going to be difficult, but they’re all there for him. The public wants to know exactly what his thoughts are. He says that he will read the official statement they made instead of saying what he wants to. Barrett says it’s not negotiable, and he’ll read it and read it now.
It essentially says that he acknowledges that he’s a member of Nexus, and an enemy of Nexus is an enemy of his. Barrett says that Cena has to participate in a tag match with a partner of his choice against Evan Bourne and Mark Henry. Cena picks Tarver.
Mark Henry and Evan Bourne vs. John Cena and Michael Tarver
Cena starts off the match with an offer to shake Bourne’s hand, and they do. Tarver’s pissed about it, but Cena doesn’t look like he cares. Cena then tags in Tarver and climbs out.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar HEY! Where’s your Nexus Shirt Cena?! There’s a dress code damn it! Put it on!
@seraphalexiel I hope both men don’t suddenly get to join. The end of Season 2 was a failure for a reason, and it begins and ends with McGuillicutty
@Niki_Sushi Awwww. His own wittle armband. Are they slowly going to give him different parts to the ‘uniform’ or what? #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Geez, Cena sure likes to pick on the black Nexus guys. Wasn’t content with getting rid of your brother, now he’s going for Tarver. LOL #wwe
@CawCawBang Cena got something planned I don’t like it
@TKeep123 I wonder if Cena gave any secret signals while he was forced to read his (confession) speech. (Viet Nam era folks will get it.) #WWE #RAW
We come back to Tarver getting his ass handed to him by Henry. Cena really doesn’t seem interested in helping Tarver at all, to be honest, even mockingly reaching for a tag. Tarver manages to get toward Cena for a tag, but Cena leans away, and Henry seems amused by it, toying with Tarver. Tarver goes to tag Cena again, but Cena jumps down off the ring and begins signing signs in the crowd. Henry picks up Tarver and hits him with the World’s Strongest Slam.
Mark Henry and Evan Bourne win via pinfall.
Cena takes a mic after the match and says that he’s gonna make his own statement. As the newest member of Nexus, he plans on doing one thing and one thing only: destroying it from within. Like no one expected that. Tonight, he proves that you can be Nexus and against us. He hits Tarver in the head with the mic, and then body slams Tarver onto the steel steps. Twice. Then he gets Tarver back in the ring and locks in the STF.
“The terms of the stipulation for your match with Wade Barrett stated that if you lost, you must join the Nexus. Now, Nexus is clearly a group that takes direction from its leader, Wade Barrett. And thus as a member of the group, John, you must also take direction from Wade Barrett. If you don’t, as much as I would hate to do it, as much as it would be bad for business, as much as the WWE Universe would despise it, I would have no alternative but to terminate your WWE contract. Mr. Cena, no one man, despite his popularity, is bigger than WWE. In other words, Mr. Cena, I will fire you.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown And who says Cena is boring, and not interesting? Are you watching this?! #WWE #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar Cena’s looking at this all wrong. The Nexus have a great benefits package. Family picnics, BBQs, and other fun Nexus activities.
@HitTheRopes We CLEARLY see Michael Cole reading from a paper and NOT the computer screen. #fail #wwe
@TKeep123 For months we can’t keep #NEXUS away from the ring, and now Tarver gets a beat-down and NO NEXUS to be found? #WWE #RAW
@Niki_Sushi Tarver is in Soul Sucking Position! YOU BETTA HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO WIFE! #BWF #RAW
@WWEsAngel_Nef Okay. Say what you want marks but John Cena has the best fans. So devoted. I actually love that they chanted ‘Never Give Up’ #WWE
Alicia Fox vs Natalya
No warning on this one at all, but good to see Natalya in the ring. Natalya hits the sharpshooter pretty quick, and Alicia taps. Great 30 second match.
Natalya wins via submission.
WTF? 30 second match, 30 second reminder of the guest star, Johnny Knoxville, and now five minutes of commercials.
<COMMERCIAL>
@RingsideRants That wasn’t even long enough for a bathroom break!
@CawCawBang wow that was quick
@kickoutblog My thoughts on Natalya vs. Alicia are longer than the actual match
@redsandman99 The good news is, Nattie won. The bad news is, the match was over in five seconds
@JoeyStyles What a match for Nattie…and I thought I finished fast.
Knoxville is talking with Gail and Melina, promoting Jackass 3D. Zack Ryder comes up, and Knox calls him a tool. He offers Ryder a high-five, only for him to get the shit smacked out of him by a giant hand. Knox mocks him a little.
Cena’s backstage with the Nexus armband again, and Josh Matthews comes up, asking what he’s gonna do. Cena says he doesn’t know. Cena suddenly takes off running after Husky and McGuillicutty, and Barrett says that there’s a lot he needs to talk about, concerning his future.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 FIRST time I was ever happy to see Zack Ryder during a Promo! “You know it!”…. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi Johnny Knoxville just wtfpwn’d Zack Ryder without even getting in the ring. I DEMAND WEE-MAN VS HORNSWOGGLE DAMMIT!!!! #BWF #RAW
@legendkiller515 damn zach ryder got his ass kicked and he aint even in a match #wwe #bwf #raw
Daniel Bryan is in the ring with his crazy ass music. God, I wanna punch him.
It’s a shameful thing, lobster head! … Too many limes, too many limes!
United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus
Sheamus beat the shit out of Bryan. Not even kidding.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan wins via disqualification.
I think. Sheamus hits the High Cross on Daniel after beating the hell out of him. Sheamus climbs out of the ring and starts back up the ring. Dear, God. Was RAW booking only Nexus and Cena tonight? This is ridiculous.
Anyway, Edge makes his way to the ring to supposedly apologize to the computer.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Oh. Damn. Forgot this fruit existed. Daniel Bryan, go awa-nevermind. GO SHEAMUS GO! #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Oh God, it’s the battle of wrestlers who don’t tan!
@KeepItFiveStar Did Daniel Bryan fail a Wellness test or something? Did he piss the Vegan police off? That was weird.
@Niki_Sushi OMFG! Who put a wrestling match in my commercials?! #BWF #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar “And THAT’s for fulfilling your indy dates while under contract!” – Sheamus after destroying Daniel Bryan
@TKeep123 Diva match… 90 seconds. Sheamus / Bryan 120 seconds… WTH? #WWE #RAW
And a Video Package of what we just saw, like fifteen seconds ago. Jesus Christ, RAW. I get that Cena joining Nexus is a big deal, but there are other Superstars…
Oh, God, Michael Cole’s in the ring. He’s now going to speak for the General Manager. I guess Stephen Hawking got pissed at the WWE for using his voice. Supposedly, it’s because of the events of the last few weeks, and will now communicate via email. So, the GM hates us all, is what I’m getting.
Awesome.
Before Edge comes out, the GM wants us to see the hilarious, I’m sorry, horrific events of last week.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Edge WTFPWNS the GM.>
The destruction of the GM last week was unacceptable. Two things are going to happen: Edge is “going to apologize”, and the GM will make a huge announcement regarding the WWE Championship.
You think you know me…
Edge, of course, says he won’t apologize. He’s on a personal crusade against all things stupid, and around here, there are a lot of things that are stupid. Michael Cole has been the personification of stupid since 1997. He’d rather listen to a recording of JR than a live Michael Cole. And if the GM thinks he has attitude, then when Edge becomes WWE Champion, then he’ll see attitude. The GM says that tonight they will decide the Number One Contender for the WWE Championship in a 20-Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royale. Don’t expect me to keep up with that. The winner will face Randy Orton at Bragging Rights. Edge, however, has disrespected the GM one too many times, and won’t be in the battle royal tonight, because the GM has officially traded him to Smackdown.
Edge says it’s the greatest night of his career, because he now doesn’t have to listen to a computer, or this tool say, “And I Quote.” Cole flips out, and everyone boos him. Yeah, good job Cole. Cole says that now that he’s the official voice of the WWE, Edge needs to treat him with respect. Edge asks if he went off RAW after spearing Cole into next week would be respectful.
AWESOME
The Miz and Alex Riley make their way down to the ring. Miz says that Edge will do no such thing. Cole is a visionary, the one person that realized Miz’ awesomeness before anyone else. Cole leaves the ring, tripping. Miz tells him to go back to the announce table. Edge calls Miz an Edge-wannabe. Edge then goes through the checklist of Edge. Miz says that that was an interesting analysis, but they’re nothing alike. Edge says that he’s right, because Edge has been WWE Champion, and has been married, divorced, had a live celebration. He hasn’t even seen Miz talk to a woman, unless you count Alex Riley. Riley says that whether Edge likes it or not, Miz is the future of the WWE. Edge says that Miz is awesome at tapping out to Daniel Bryan.
Miz says that if Edge is trying to agitate Miz, it’s not working. Miz is either going to be competing in a WWE Championship match, or leading RAW into decimating Smackdown. So, why doesn’t Edge go to SyFy and tell all his new Smackdown buddies that he’s the Miz and he’s awesome.
Edge then attacks Miz and Alex Riley, Spearing Alex Riley, only to get a Skull Crushing Finale from Miz.
Cena backstage with Nexus, and Barrett says that Cena did him a favor in attacking Tarver. He wants Cena to help him with tonight’s battle royal. Cena asks what happens if he wins, and Barrett says that he’s ordering Cena to help him win. Otunga sticks his foot in his mouth and gets berated for it, and then tells Cena to either do as he’s told or get fired.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Michael Cole has to stand on a box to be seen? #WWE #RAW #BWF
@seraphalexiel Fool. Hide yo paper, at least.
@TKeep123 “I’d rather listen to a recording of JR than a live Michael Cole!” – Edge #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi That’s….. three or four laptops now? I seriously hope that’s included in the budget… I don’t think Nextel makes laptops. #BWF #RAW
@HitTheRopes Hey Otunga, know your role and shut your mouth. #wwe
@bethsharae I love Edge’s crusade. I shall join him. I now destroy all things stupid. #Raw #WWE
Oh, fuck me running… It’s the Bellas.
Nikki and Brie Bella vs. The Unified Divas Champions LayCool
Jesus Christ, someone put a mic on LayCool. My head hurts bad enough right now… I have no idea what the fuck is going on, okay? I don’t even care anymore. Oh, and there goes the Switcheroo again. Someone kill me. Seriously.
Nikki and Brie Bella win via the same old shit… er, pinfall.
Maryse is backstage, talking to Knox. He says that he doesn’t speak Spanish, and she accuses him of sending the messages. Ted then walks up and accuses him too, and Ted walks right into the huge hand. Maryse throws her shoes at Knox, and then Maryse is hit by the hand and lands right on top of Ted. Knox is apologizing repeatedly, and then runs away from a very pissed looking Ted.
<COMEMRCIAL>
@StrikerSays Are you serious. You just put the BELLAS over your champion. What is this fuckery.
@KeepItFiveStar This match is already longer than Natalya vs Alicia Fox
@ThingsColeSays They have found a way to make LayCool ever more annoying. Well done.
@inkincisions WHAT IS UP WITH DIVAS AND THROWING SHOES ?!?!?!?!?!
@divadirt LMAO! Maryse continues the shoe-throwing trend only to get hit by a giant hand. There’s a very un-PG joke in there somewhere. #WWE
@legendkiller515 that big ass hand is funny #wwe #raw #bwf
<VIDEO PACKAGE: R-Truth and Eve Torres defeat Maryse and Ted DiBiase two weeks ago; the secret admirer messages start.>
Please welcome the guest star of RAW, Johnny Knoxville. Oh, Jackass 3D is in theaters October 15th. Yes, let’s put Knoxville in the ring. Because that went so well last time.
Knoxville’s talking really fast, is obviously freaked out by DiBiase coming after him, and tries to leave before he does. Too bad, because he’s here…
Knox says that he was just trying to make Maryse laugh, like Ted does… And proceeds to make a fool out of himself. Then smacks the taste out of Knox’s mouth. Then, it looks like he’s trying for Dreamstreet, but Knox just lays there like a limp noodle. Another message comes over the tron: You are mine. Goldust attacks DiBiase, and Maryse just stands there.
Goldust then tells DiBiase he doesn’t want him, obviously, and walks over to Maryse, who seems to be trying hard not to laugh. He does, however, say that he doesn’t want Maryse. What he wants, is the Million Dollar Belt. Only Goldust would send love notes to a belt. Seriously.
Next up: The 20 Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal.
Here are all the guys I think I saw. I’ll fix it as I can:
John Cena, Mark Henry, Evan Bourne, Mr. Money in the Bank The Miz, William Regal, David Otunga, Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Zack Ryder. That’s all I managed to catch, but I’ll do the best I can.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes It’s amazing how great Raw started and where we are now. #wwe
@kickoutblog OMG IT IS GOLDUST! HE WANTS THE MILLION DOLLAR TITLE!
@ThingsColeSays Hey Johnny, there’s a new joke going around have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAPPPPPPPPPP!
@StrikerSays So happy for the return of BIZARRE Goldie. He had dialed down to just “odd.”
<VIDEO PACKAGE: WWE Superstars and Make A Wish.>
King and Cole remind us that a shitload of stuff has happened… if you’ve been watching, you know. If not, scroll up. I’m tired of repeating the same shit.
And Cena’s backstage, brooding over the arm band. Otunga walks up and says that he knows he’s upset. He wants to tell Cena that Nexus isn’t all bad. Barrett is a bit demanding sometimes, but deep down, they can make it work. Cena may feel like this is the end, but it’s not. If Cena ever needs to talk, Otunga’s there for him. Just let him know.
Cole opens his mouth and reminds us of what we’ve already seen. It’s okay, Cole. I have the memory of a goldfish. Thanks a bunch, man.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Randy Orton punts Chris Jericho last week.>
Twenty Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal
Fuck keeping up with this, so here’s who in the damn match. I’ll just tell you who wins, because it’s easier.
Participants: John Morrison, R-Truth, Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, Sheamus, John Cena, Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, David Otunga, Zack Ryder, William Regal, Evan Bourne, Mark Henry, The Miz, Ted DiBiase, David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, Darren Young, and Primo.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar CENA! WHERE’S YOUR SHIRT! You had time!
@bethsharae …. Truth doesn’t get to sing anymore?! HELL YES!!! #Raw #WWE
@HitTheRopes Otunga, don’t you pay attention!? Darren Young, Michael Tarver. What do they AND you have in common? Stay far from Cena. LOLZ #wwe
@legendkiller515 once again no one understands what the hell r-truth is saying in his damn songs #wwe #raw #bwf
Found all the damn contestants. I don’t know what’s going on… Don’t make me figure it all out. Cena eliminated Otunga, and now Barrett yells at him for it. Nexus just argues in the middle of the ring, and no one is aware of it, apparently. God, idiocy.
<COMEMRCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Why is Mark Henry asking why? Did he not see the first 10 minutes of the show?
@HitTheRopes I always wish for something unexpected like Santino to win something like this. #wwe
@kickoutblog Why the hell is Darren Young in this match?
@Niki_Sushi I look up to see Nexus, and totally went ‘GO GO POWER RANGERS!!!’ #BWF #RAW
@legendkiller515 this is the oddest collection of #raw superstars for a battle royal ive ever seen. most of them dont belong in this match #wwe #bwf
I don’t’ know what I’m supposed to say. The outcome was obvious.
Wade Barrett wins.
But, cutting his victory celebration short is none other than the WWE Champion, Randy Orton, who makes his way right up to the ring and right inside, like Barrett ain’t nothing. Which, he probably isn’t. Insert epic staredown, Randy holding up the title, and thus, RAW ends.
Proud of myself for getting this finished for you all tonight, even with a headache and some weird ass dizziness. Anyway, until next week!
For the first time we get two eliminataions.
We start out with the rookies coming out. Husky Harris, Kaval, Michael McGillicutty, Alex Riley and Percy Watson.
They’re being given a minute to talk about anything except why they shouldn’t be eliminated.
(more…)
Despite every other show for this week’s WWE programing recorded last week I haven’t heard any spoilers for this weeks show.
According to the program preview we get the first NXT kissing contest.
We open with a replay of the elimination of Eli Cottonwood and his attacking everyone as the show ended.
(more…)
We open with an empty arena. Matt Striker is demonstrating the obstacle course the rookies will have to navigate. Which is much less annoying than season 1’s. The winner will have immunity from next week’s elimination.
(more…)
We open with the NXT rookies being brought out. Tonight is the Pros and Fans Poll.
I’ve voted but unfortunately you only get to vote for who will be the next breakout star. You don’t get to rank them.
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