Alright. You guys know I avoid spoilers for RAW like the plague on Monday Nights. So since I spent the last four hours on Twitter, that certainly wasn’t the case for WWE SummerSlam. So, that said, I’m going to do this a little differently than normal. I’m going to watch the PPV knowing what happens, and I’m going to give my thoughts on it. BTW, I read an article recently that says reading spoilers may actually enhance your enjoyment of watching something because you don’t use so much of your brainpower trying to figure out what’s going on for yourself. Is it true? Let’s find out, shall we?
Hello, my loves. I know it’s been a very long time since I’ve put up a review, but… It’s the WWE Draft!! I’d make some kind of smart comment, but I haven’t seen RAW in a few weeks. So, here we go.
Jesus Christ, we start out with a RAW vs Smackdown fight in the ring. I missed the beginning, as did everyone el- Oh, god. It’s a battle royal. So, don’t ask me what’s going on, but here’s the order of eliminations as I can see them: The winner of this battle royal gets the first draft pick of 2011!
First of all, before I get any further into this, I want to thank everybody that’s joined us and our friends at Wonderpod Online this past week for our Celebration of Professional Wrestling. Anyways, I, like always, watched WrestleMania amongst friends, and as such, I didn’t want to sit there with a computer on my lap writing about what I’m watching on television. So as such, this will be a quick recap with my thoughts on this year’s Granddaddy of ’em All!
Hello everyone, I’m here with a RAW Review Insert (because I don’t know what else to call it) to fill you in on what happened last night at the Amway Center, where I was in attendance!
First off, funny story, since I saw that ThinkSoJoE mentioned this last night: We thought it was the Amway Arena too. Turns out, the Amway Arena is closed. So we got to Orlando a ridiculous three hours before the tickets said to show up, and walked around the Amway Arena (and got a picture of a production truck), only to see that it was closed. We had two different sets of directions to go off of, so at least we knew where we were supposed to go. We got there and stood in line for an eternity. I saw someone dressed up as Hogan (who ended up up front, that bastard), and then someone dressed up as The Miz with his old ring gear, flame-decorated fedora and all. I couldn’t get a picture of him because he walked away too fast, but it did make standing in that damn line tolerable.
Minor Superstar Spoilers coming now.
Justin Roberts told us that we were starting out with a match. It was Goldust vs some guy whose name I can’t remember. Orlando LOVES Goldust, just to let you know. Cheered him on loud. It was pretty damn cool. He lost, unfortunately, but he’s… electric in person, to make a bad pun.
King and the new guy for Superstars came out. We all clapped and cheered a little for the new guy, but King got a standing ovation, and after he sat down, some Jerry chants. He laughed and waved. Pretty neat.
Next up was Santino (who got a HUMONGOUS pop) and Vladimir Kozlov (who also got a humongous pop, but Santino’s was bigger). I saw a couple Santino signs floating around, so that was cool. They were up against Ryder and Primo, who were the hated enemies. Pretty good match, and Santino is… crazier in person. Something I learned: Zack Ryder can’t seem to keep his trunks over the very bottom portion of his ass. I’m not sure you needed – or wanted – to know that, but there it is. Santino and Kozlov won after a Cobra, which we continuously called for. Made the night that much better.
Here is where Michael Cole came out, to a series of boos and cheers, and he pointed at one Cole-hating sign and laughed, then pointed at mine, mouthed the words, and laughed too. Apparently, he likes the whole heel-Cole thing. He’s good at it, and seemed to be a pretty decent guy. Justin Roberts told us here that they were going to do the pre-RAW sweep over of the crowd to get signs and what not, so that’s why Cole was there. Then, Cole moved for the new guy.
Usos and Henry were at it again for Superstars. Tamina joined the Usos, but we all seemed to hate them (I like the Usos, but I really wanted to cheer, so I just stuck with what was going on. Minor shame, but I had fun). Mark Henry won that one, painfully, by stacking the Usos on top of one another and then just slamming his whole body weight down on top of the both of them, and then hitting the one who had been on bottom with the World’s Strongest Slam. Night night.
Superstar spoilers over.
Then it was time for RAW!!! We did NOT want Barrett talking. Every time he started, we kept shutting him up. I had to stop at one point from booing him to laugh. I have no idea what he said, except he insulted us once, I think, and continued to look REALLY pissed off as we booed him. The SHUT UP COLE sign you saw behind Cole when he stood up to read the email was mine. J The same one he laughed at. It made me happy.
During this first commercial break, we were shown WWE commercials: Knucklehead, Wrestlemania, Wrestlemania Reading Challenge, Smackdown vs RAW 2011, a Legendary, and the History of the WWE Championship were all the commercials we saw. There was a Kiss Cam, and Josh Matthews did come out to show everyone signs. Those were the only unique things that happened during commercials. Otherwise, I just got to see more of the matches.
CM Punk came out to a HUGE pop here, which is a little surprising. We don’t care that he was a villain on Smackdown, because he provides witty commentary. Sheamus came out to a surprisingly huge pop, and there was a green sign behind Cole that had “IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING LOBSTER HEAD” on top, a white stick figure thing of Sheamus below that, and then “TOO MANY LIMES TOO MANY LIMES” on the bottom. If you saw it, that was me. If not, well… fine then. R-Truth came out to a huge pop too, and I was all confused by the What’s Up song, but I didn’t say anything. R-Truth has run his course with me. Got a bunch of good pictures of Sheamus, btw. His hair’s not as red in person, but he’s just as white. Pretty decent match, crowd was divided on who they were behind though. Oh, and when Sheamus hit the High Cross on Truth, he bounced really, really high. I was stuck giggling and missed the pin, but Sheamus won.
Since the announcers plugged it here, I bought the John Cena experience. Yeah. I did.
We all laughed at the backstage segments. LayCool was booed until Natalya came on, and she was cheered so loud that I missed what she said, but that’s alright. Randy was cheered so I missed his question, but that’s also alright. The crowd seemed excited for the Ezekiel Jackson vs The Miz match, but I was more.
When Alex Riley came out by himself, I wanted to punch him. I admit I laughed at Miz having an anxiety attack (and even harder this morning when I found out that @TKeep123 anticipated I may have kidnapped him… Not this time, Fred!!), but I cheered for Alex. Ezekiel is HUGE in person. I think the guy’s muscles have muscles have muscles. Good match though.
Random note now that I’m thinking about it: To whoever kept screaming at me to put my sign down, screw you honey. I don’t care that you can’t see. That’s what that GIANT screen at the top of the ramp is for. Dumbass.
HUGE pop for Cena. We continued to cheer for him throughout the entire time he was out there, and when he wanted us to do the “Let’s Go Cena” “Cena Sucks” thing, it was even louder in person. I think it echoed even after he stopped it. And @Niki_Sushi texted me practically jumping down my throat to find out what he said here, and he said that it may be bending the censors, but he was already fired, and told Barrett that karma was a bitch. We all cheered for possibly breaking the PG barrier. Cena chants followed him up the ring the entire time. He also mentioned that someone may be having a heart attack that he was going over his allotted time, but we still didn’t care. That actually made us cheer again.
Ted and Maryse came out during the commercial to a huge pop (at least from me). Maryse is SOO pretty in person, and Ted is gorgeous. Gonna say that now. Maryse walked around as Ted paced back and forth, we got another commercial (which screwed me up), and then Daniel Bryan came down with Bella Hoe #1, and got a huge pop from everyone (but me). Pretty good match, and Ted is brutal in person. The Bellas are almost pretty in person (I can’t stand them and they aren’t that pretty to me), and are kind of idiotic. They went to hold the ropes apart for Bryan, but held the bottom ropes, then started for the middle one, then went back to the bottom one. He kind of laughed at them and then went through the middle and top. Boy, they must’ve felt like morons.
Natalya came out to a huge pop, and I only got pictures of the back of her head. The woman is in constant motion. Alicia even got a bit of a pop, and her strut is… it made my hips hurt. Never done that on TV, but did in person. Someone, get her a doctor, please! We all made that, “Oooh, now you gonna get it” noise when she ripped out Natalya’s hair, and I would have died had Natalya retaliated by ripping Ailcia’s off. Good match though. Natalya’s a strong woman.
I have no idea what Melina and Morrison were talking about either. But GOD, Morrison is pretty in person. I think we were more excited about his pyrotechnics than him though, gonna be honest. Tyson got a pretty huge pop too. The Flying Chuck looked hella painful, and Morrison almost missed the ropes, when he jumped the corner there to hit it. Either way, good match.
Randy came out to a huge pop, and we were pissed when Nexus came out to jump him. I actually think that the whole Amway Center collectively gasped and tried to warn him at the same time. He limped backstage, then Barrett came back out and we booed. Then, of course, Randy came back out and we cheered. Great match, and only half of us were sitting. Cena came out and we lost our minds, then Randy hit the RKO and we did again. When Miz’s music hit, I was the only one who cheered, and everyone else booed. Half the arena joined me as Miz picked up momentum, but when he hit the Skull Crushing Finale, we all cheered, though I was louder. I was going to go home pissed if I didn’t see him (haha, no one thought that, I’m sure), but I did! And he won! And he looked like he was going to cry, and I felt so happy I thought I was gonna puke, and it was fantastic.
Look, here’s what I’m saying: If you ever have the chance to go, DO IT! Doesn’t matter where your seats are, just go. It was my first Live RAW, and I’m going to make it to whatever live show I can afford from now on. It was amazing. There was no dark main event match, but they sent me home more than happy.
Oh, and to the upset little girl whose face was shown after, Haha sweetie. Haha.
And a huge thank you to ThinkSoJoE for covering last night for me. You did a great job!! And steal all the images you want. 🙂 That’s what they’re there for.
Tonight’s RAW is a special three hour edition they’re calling Old School RAW! However, before we get to tonight, I want to make a note about next week’s RAW. It’s live in Orlando, FL, and I’m going. But, because I know that you all can’t live without this review (haha… just kidding), I’m going to try to get up a RAW review on Tuesday of next week so that you can still have that. It just won’t be Monday night, because I’ll be exhausted. So yeah.
ONTO TONIGHT’S RAW!
On the list of VIPs tonight, Superfly Snuka, Mean Gene, Cowboy Bob Orton, Ted DiBiase Sr., and I already forgot what the commercial said. Damn, I’m not good at this memory stuff…
Cue the old school entrance with the weird 80s music! Must be Old School Night!! They even gave it a new old-school theme for tonight. That’s pretty cool. I approve, thus far. Very vintage feel. Shutting up now.
Holy crap, annoying siren of doom. Okay. Seriously, onto the RAW review. Holy crap, you can’t hear Cole over the siren. GO SIREN GO!
Jerry says that he’s there because most of his memories are in black and white and he’s excited for the legends. Justin Roberts is in the ring and introduces Mean Gene Okerlund!
Mean Gene says that tonight, RAW is Old School, and he introduces the first WWE Hall of Famer, Cowboy Bob Orton! Mean Gene starts to introduce Bob’s son, but Randy’s not there yet. Mean Gene says that’s good news and asks if Bob thinks that Randy will walk out WWE Champion? Bob says that Randy does what Randy wants to do, get what he wants, and knows how to deal from adversity. Bob remembers being called from school and being told that the teachers were afraid that Randy was going to beat them up. Bob doesn’t care about Cena’s career, and he doesn’t care if Randy gives Cena the RKO after giving it to Barrett. Before he can go on, Barrett comes out, looking rather shocked.
Barrett tells that ‘old man’ to listen carefully: His prediction about Randy’s chances are as phony as his cast. Barrett is going to defeat Randy, and when he does, he’s going to achieve something that Bob never did: Become WWE Champion. Barrett says that he doesn’t owe anything to the old school, and they didn’t pave the way for him: He did it himself. Everything he’s worked for is going to come to fruition this Sunday at Survivor Series. The only reason he didn’t bring Nexus out was because he wanted Bob to see him beat Randy.
AWESOME!
Miz repeats Barrett for a moment. Last week, when Miz told Randy he’d be on his team, he didn’t get a thanks, he just got stared down with those squinty Orton eyes. That was a bad move, and Miz sent a message right back to Randy, changing the landscape of the 10-Man Tag match, just like he can change the entire landscape of the WWE by cashing in his Money in the Bank contract. Maybe he’ll do it when Randy arrives tonight. That’d change things, wouldn’t it? Then, at Survivor Series, he and Randy wouldn’t be able to fight for the WWE title, and Cena would have to stay in the Nexus forever.
Miz is interrupted by Cena on the TitanTron, and says that Miz has the weird gift of ruining everything he touches, but Cena is going to make sure that Miz doesn’t cash in tonight. If he’s going to be free or fired at Survivor Series, he’s not going to put himself on the line for nothing. Miz will cash in nothing, because Cena challenges Miz to a match tonight for nothing. The normal Miz is probably looking to Riley, but if Miz is as “awesome” as he says he is, simply say ‘I accept’. Miz says that he makes the decisions, and accepts the match. Mean Gene then says that The Miz will go up against John Cena tonight. Raw is Old School! Hang onto your hats!
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Dude…. You can see where Randy gets his harsh stare from. Wade’s gonna blow up if he gets both set on him at the same time. #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 Love Bob Orton still wearing the cast on his wrist….it’s been what…25 years since he broke that arm? #WWE #RAW
@thinksojoe Love the hybrid #RAW set! #BWF
@divadirt Damn, even the guardrails are old school! #WWE
Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero vs. Sexual Chocolate Mark Henry
Oh, God. I forgot about Mark Henry’s old name. This is killing me inside.
Ziggler starts by hitting Henry’s back for a few times before going for the sleeper hold. Henry throws him out of the ring, and Ziggler looks like he hit his ring already. Ziggler climbs back in the ring to run into a clothesline by Henry. Henry then Whips him across the ring, and he ducks under a clothesline only to attempt another sleeper. Henry backs him into the corner and then puts him on the turnbuckle before slapping him right out of the ring. Henry smiles at Vickie, who backs away, and then hurls Ziggler back into the ring. Ziggler takes out Henry’s knee when Henry gets back in and then covers him in hits. Ziggler goes for a cover, but Henry kicks out at one. A ‘chocolate’ chant is going on, and Henry gets back to his feet, launching Ziggler across the ring. Henry then takes Ziggler down with two clotheslines and a head butt. Ziggler gets an advantage back, but Henry power slams him and goes for a cover, but Ziggler gets his foot on the bottom rope. Henry gets back up and nudges Ziggler. Henry then blows a kiss to Vickie and then goes to droop onto Ziggler, who rolls out of the way. The chocolate chant goes up again, but Ziggler hits the Zig Zag! Henry kicks out at two, and then Ziggler hits it again. Henry kicks out at two again though! Ziggler then attempts the sleeper again, and locks it in as Henry lays on the ring floor. Henry seems to pass out. Good luck carrying him.
Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler wins via submission/pass out.
Backstage, David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd are walking together. Smith says that his dad and Dynamite Kid didn’t see eye to eye, but still managed to get along. Tony Atlas says that they can work it out, and then a bunch of other stuff, talking about how him and his tag partner, Rocky Johnson, if I heard right, took care of business when they had their issues. Tony Atlas keeps going, and oiling up with WD-40, but the Hart Dynasty ran away.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog SEXUAL CHOCOLATE?!
@ThingsColeSays TONY ATLAS IS BACK!!!! AHH HEH HEH HEH AHH HEH HEH HEH
@HitTheRopes The return of Sexual Chocolate. Oh lord, the father of the hand is back. #WWE
We come back to Tony Atlas still going, but this time with Yoshi Tatsu, who is shaking his head, pantomiming suicide. Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater are in the ring.
WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater vs David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd
Smith and Gabriel start out, going to lock up, but Gabriel kicks Smith. Smith then throws Gabriel down, twice, but Gabriel retaliates by starting to lock his head legs around Smith’s head. Smith throws Gabriel down and then beats on him a little bit, Whipping him across the ring. He then hits one, two, three belly-to-belly suplexes into a cover, but Slater breaks it up. Gabriel tags in Slater, who is dropped as soon as he gets in. Smith goes for a cover, but Slater kicks out. Smith then slams into Slater, starting to slam him to the ground, but Gabriel distracts him, getting knocked outside the ring for it. Slater slams into Smith, and then tags in Gabriel. The two take turns slamming into Smith in their corner, then tag Slater back in. Slater goes for a cover, but Smith kicks out. Slater Whips Smith across the ring, and misses the chance to slam into him. Both men crawl to their corners, and Kidd moves instead of tagging in, and then kicks him in the face. Smith lays on the floor as Gabriel goes to the top rope, hitting the 450 Splash.
WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater win via pinfall.
Smith glares at Kidd, who merely laughs back.
Mean Gene is backstage with WWE Champion, Randy Orton, with Cowboy Bob Orton. Mean Gene asks if Randy thinks he’ll walk out WWE Champion. Randy starts to respond, but Truth interrupts. Truth says that he hates to say it, but Cena knew exactly what he was doing when he held his shoulder down for the 123. People like to think that Cena has a choice: Free or Fight. Cena’s not going to fight, but Orton has a choice: Do something or let it happen. Randy says that everyone seems to have it figured out, but there is one way that he can prevent Cena from screwing him over: to punt him in the head tonight.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 I sure hope JR gets at least a cameo. Best would be coming out and knocking Cole out of HIS chair! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@ThingsColeSays Kidd should’ve kicked Smith through the Barbershop window.
@HitTheRopes Did R-Truth get his wardrobe mixed in with The Brooklyn Brawler? #OLDSCHOOLRAW
@Niki_Sushi Randy: Guess I’ll just punt John. No biggie. Truth: Not.. what I meant. Randy: Don’t care. Truth: Shit. #BWF #RAW
@redsandman99 So R-Truth is like the token wise man now?
@kickoutblog Shoulda put him through a window, Tyson!
Mean Gene tells us to remember the Old School Vintage WWE Apparel is selling in WWEShop.com. Cool.
Justin Roberts asks us to welcome the only ring announcer to ever be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame, Howard Finkel!
The Fink then tells us that he is going to introduce a man who is revered by many, feared by all: The Brooklyn Brawler with Harvey Wippleman. The Brawler takes the mic and asks if these people respect old school. He expected a standing ovation when he came to the ring, and he expects a standing ovation when his match is over. Wippleman says that the “king of old school” wants to challenge anyone from the new school to a match.
The Brooklyn Brawler vs Ezekiel Jackson
Brawler and Zeke stare at each other, and Brawler shoves Zeke, then tries to lift him. Zeke grabs him by the throat, throws him into the ropes, and then takes him down. The then flings him into the corner, then slams into him. Zeke then plants Brawler and goes for the cover.
Ezekiel Jackson wins via pinfall.
Well. That didn’t take long.
Still to come, John Cena takes on Mister Money in the Bank, The Miz!
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Not running into a brick wall. That’s standing in front of a tank and waving. #BWF #RAW
@RingsideRants Why is Cole saying 2011? Does he not know what year it is?
@FakeGorilla Good to see Harvey Wippleman got his manager’s license renewed.
Nexus is backstage and Otunga says that he was almost excommunicated, but he stepped up. Now, it’s time that one of them step up. R-Truth is becoming a problem, and as the leader- Barrett walks in and says that he’s the leader. Otunga makes a good point though, someone does need to deal with Truth. That is going to be Otunga. Otunga says they’ve had beef since NXT anyway.
“Barrett, David Otunga will not face R-Truth, as Otunga will compete in a special match later on tonight. As for R-Truth, he will be in action tonight against you, Wade Barrett. What a better way to prove to everyone that, despite who the referee is this Sunday, you are truly WWE Championship material.”
THIS ISN’T OLD SCHOOL, COLE! King said the same thing. Ahaha.
Barrett says the GM raises a good point, and Harris says that Barrett knows they have his back. Barrett thanks them, but says it won’t be needed. He’s going to go out there and prove he can beat anyone on the RAW roster on his own, then asks what Cena wants. Cena merely smiles and then steps forward, saying that he wanted to make sure that he had a grasp on his meltdown and a thank you for taking care of the Miz. Barrett says that he wants Nexus to follow Cena to the ring just in case Orton tries to interfere. Cena says if Orton wants some, he can come get some.
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown A laptop? An iPod tone? A wireless microphone?! This is not old school, this is MADNESS!!! #OldSchoolRAW #WWE
@HitTheRopes They didn’t have Internet back then. #wwe
@thinksojoe We got Sexual Chocolate Mark Henry, why can’t we get Word Life John Cena? #RAW #BWF
@kickoutblog If it were TRULY old school, the GM would send messages in AOL’s WWE chat room.
@TKeep123 Will we see KANE with his mask? #WWE #RAW #BWF
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BAD WIG NIGHT!
John Cena vs Mister Money in the Bank The Miz
Tonight could be the last time we see Cena on RAW! I’d be very sad. And I wonder why Riley’s wearing trunks…
Miz takes the mic and says that Cena always thinks he’s one step ahead of Miz. Cena thinks that if he takes out Miz now, he can’t cash in the Money in the Bank briefcase tonight. If he takes Miz out right now, he has one less thing to worry about Sunday. The GM never officially sanctioned this match, Cena did. Miz says that if the GM doesn’t have a problem with it, Miz can make a substitution. Cole says he hasn’t heard anything, and Miz says that he guesses the GM doesn’t mind. Tonight, he won’t compete against Cena, instead Alex Riley will be. That answers my question. Miz says that Cena wants to face him, but he’ll have to wait until Wrestlemania after he becomes WWE Champion. Because he’s the Miz, and he’s awesome!
John Cena vs Alex Riley
Riley and Cena lock up, and Cena quickly flips Riley on his back. Cena then does it a second time. Cena seems to be screwing with Riley, and they start to lock up, but Cena kicks Riley, then tosses him again. Cena backs Riley into a corner, then runs into Riley’s elbow. Riley distracts the ref and Miz hits Cena. Riley takes advantage and plants Cena before going for a cover, only for Cena to kick out. Cena hits Riley with a low-blow, and then flings Riley across the ring. Cena runs right into the turnbuckle, however, and Riley takes the advantage. He throws Cena into the turnbuckle, and Cena bounces out, hitting some move, but the camera man knows for my love for Miz and was focused on him. Riley goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out. Riley gets Cena on his feet, but Cena throws Riley over his back, ducking a clothesline, hitting shoulder blocks, then planting Riley. Cena then tells Miz that Miz can’t see him, then hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Riley. Miz yells at Riley to not get up, and then Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment before locking in the STF, smirking at Miz.
John Cena wins via submission.
Miz gets in the ring, but Randy shoots down the ramp, taking out Orton, and then taking out McGuillicutty and Harris. Orton and Cena are in the ring, staring at one another. The two exchange blows, and then the refs climb in the ring to break them up, trying to pull Orton off Cena. The refs manage to pull them apart, and then a bunch of other guys climb in to make sure that they stay apart. Orton wants to beat the shit out of Cena. The crowd’s telling the guys to let them go.
“It’s obvious that John Cena and Randy Orton have issues they need to work out prior to Survivor Series. Since this is Old school, I can’t think of a better forum than in this very ring with a man who isn’t afraid to ask questions. Cena, Orton, later tonight, you will both be guests on Piper’s Pit.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Was Abraham Washington one of the guys breaking them up?
@kickoutblog Johnny Ace just tripped trying to get in the ring… shoulda rode his skateboard.
@ThingsColeSays Is Orton going old school by growing out his hair?
Well, when RAW would be starting, they play the entrance video one more time. Okay then… Wait, did they just restart RAW? Oh, no, they didn’t. I was a little scared.
The Fink is in the ring with Nikolai and the Iron Sheik. He then asks everyone to rise as Nikolai sings the Russian national anthem. We really just need Sheamus, and Sa-… Good for me!
Santino and Vladimir make their way down to the ring together. Santino apologizes for interrupting, and says that his tag team partner would love the honor of singing with him. Vladimir and Nikolai shake hands and then a USA chant starts. Vladimir grins and the two start. Santino even realizes this was a bad idea. He tries not to laugh, and fails, and then interrupts them again. Santino says it was… it was… crushingly terrible. Santino says that there is one song he would like them to hear, and it’s going to blow the roof off this place. It’s the story of his life, and he needs help to sing it. Slick makes his way to the ring.
Sheik starts yelling about Hogan, but no one can hear him over Slick’s theme. Sheik looks like he’s ready to blow a bitch up… Wait, what?
Santino asks Sheik what he thinks about that. Sheik says that without the Iron Sheik, something about Hulkamania, then tells everyone to shut up. Someone cuts off his mic, and then the Usos come out. It’s a cultural cluster fuck. Jesus.
Anyway, a match is next. Goodie.
<COMMERCIAL>
@StrikerSays We need Kurt Angle to come out and defend the honor of his country again.
@kickoutblog The Soviet National Anthem? I guess no one’s had the heart to tell ol’ Nikolai, have they?
@FrankWWEClown Here we go! @the_ironsheik is about to make the @WWEUniverse humble! He put you in the camel clutches!!! F*** the Santino! #OldSchoolRAW
@RingsideXcess LOL at Sheik shooting on Hogan.
Jimmy and Jey Uso with Tamina and Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka vs. Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov for the Number One Contender to the WWE Tag Team Champions
We come back to the Usos already fighting Santino. They tag, but I can’t tell which one’s in. I don’t know the difference between him. Santino gets taken down by Uso 1. Uso 1 tags in Uso 2. Santino flings Uso 2 over and then is rolled all the way over to his own corner, and Vladimir tags in, catching Uso 2 in mid air and flinging him back toward his own corner. Snuka seems a bit unimpressed, to be honest. Vladimir tags in Santino, who is shoved like a battering ram into Uso 2. Santino goes for a cover, but Uso kicks out. Santino tags back in Kozlov, who drops Uso, face-first, onto the turn buckle. Kozlov then picks up Uso and doesn’t see that the other Uso is tagged in. Uso then goes for a cover, only for Kozlov to kick out. Uso then plants Kozlov and goes for another cover. Uso gets Kozlov in a headlock, and Santino screams at Kozlov to ‘come here’. Kozlov fights out, only for Uso to plant him and then tag in the other Uso. Uso then drops into Kozlov and knocks Santino out of the ring. The Usos us3 this time to double team Kozlov. Uso pins Kozlov, but Kozlov kicks out at two. The Usos are thrown into Kozlov, and then go for a cover, but Kozlov kicks out at two. Kozlov stretches for Santino, who is yelling at him to move. Kozlov keeps trying to push Uso off of him, but it doesn’t work . Uso then tries to take out Santino, blocks it. Santino and the other Uso are tagged in, Santino dominates. Santino goes for a cover, but the other Uso goes to break it up, but Kozlov plants him. Santino then hits the Cobra.
Vladimir Kozlov and Santino Marella win via pinfall.
Sheamus then Brogue kicks Kozlov, then the Usos. Santino pleads for mercy, but Sheamus shoves him down. Morrison runs out to the ring and tricks Sheamus into running to the ropes, only to flip him over the top rope. Morrison hits a spinning kick on Sheamus, then takes a mic. Morrison says that he keeps doing this because Sheamus is a bully. One thing he learned about bullies is that when they feel threatened, they turn and walk away. Sheamus keeps looking for fights in all the wrong places. If Sheamus wants to fight, Morrison is right there. Sheamus pulls off his shirt and looks like he’s going to the ring, but Sheamus walks away.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 One of these days….they’ll learn…. FEAR THE COBRA! #WWE #RAW #BWF #OldSchoolRaw
@Niki_Sushi I love how the Cobra is considered the Golden Gun of the WWE world. Same with the Orton Punt. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Slick left ringside because he’s afraid of Tamina. Why? Because she is a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig woman. #JiveSoulBro
@dasharpshooters: Sheamus came out of nowhere. He must have been camoflauged on the white ropes. #wwe #OldschoolRaw #raw
I can’t take Justin Roberts seriously with that damn hair… I really can’t.
David Otunga vs. Kofi Kingston
As my best friend and I said Smackdown, Kofi looks weird in blue. I got used to him in painful yellow. Anyway, why is it that the Smackdown guys both got the interviews?
Otunga takes a couple hard kicks from Kingston, who seems to find this amusing. Kingston ducks a clothesline and gets Otunga in a headlock. Otunga catches Kingston and drops him on the mat. And then again. And one more time. Otunga then goes for a cover, but Kingston kicks out. My cat started watching right now, by the way. If he’s an Otunga fan, I’ll have to send him to the Chinese place up the street. Anyway, Kingston fights out of the headlock Otunga had him in, and Otunga drops Kingston, going for a cover. Kingston kicks out at one, and Otunga plants his knee in Kingston’s back before Kingston fights to his feet. Kingston gets momentum and fights Otunga into a corner, getting pulled off Otunga by a ref. Kingston hits a hard drop kick on Otunga, and then Kingston plants Otunga, who plants him, in a double clothesline. George “The Animal” Steele makes his way to the ring, and the fans point him to the ring. He climbs into the ring, green tongue out, before he yells about eating. The ref tells him no, and he turns around to bite apart the other turnbuckle. Otunga stands up and looks at him like he needs to go to the asylum down the street, and the ref gets Steele out of the ring. Kingston reminds Otunga he’s in a match by planting Otunga into the exposed turnbuckle and hits the Trouble in Paradise.
Kofi Kingston wins via pinfall.
Morrison is backstage with Arn Anderson and Jerry Briscoe. Morrison says that he’s sick of Sheamus and shows some examples before Sheamus puts his boot in Morrison’s face. Sheamus says that he accepts Morrison’s challenge for a match at Survivor Series.
@TKeep123 OMG!!!!! George THE ANIMAL STEELE….GREEN tongue and all! What a wonderful man! #WWE #RAW #BWF #OldSchoolRaw
@StrikerSays I just LOLed at that big boot.
@Niki_Sushi This is truly the night of bad wigs. #BWF #RAW
@redsandman99 *snickers* I like JoMo but I won’t lie. I laughed when Sheamus kicked him
Aksana is walking with the Million Dollar Title backstage and Hacksaw Jim Duggan says that Aksana’s mom is over there and she’s been stealing his bit. Aksana says that she’s lost weight, and Dusty Rhodes says that he isn’t her momma. A net drops on her and Goldust takes the belt back. He then returns it to The Million Dollar Man, who walks up with IRS. Ted Jr. walks up and Ted Sr. gives it back to him. Ted says that there’s something else he wants that isn’t a hand me down. Cody shows up and says that that was far from Dashing. Goldust says that they should go over there and give him some of his grooming tips. Cody tells Goldust not to breathe on him, and walks away. Goldust tells Cody to help a brother out. Tatanka, Kelly Kelly, Ted Sr., IRS, Aksana, Dusty Rhodes, and Jim Duggan all dance. Ron Simmons sums this up perfectly.
“Damn.”
Later to come, Randy Orton and John Cena meet up on the Piper’s Pit.
Eve and R-Truth make their way to the ring for Truth’s match with Wade Barrett, next.
<COMMERCIAL>
@StrikerSays I often wonder if Ted DiBiase, Sr. even did The Laugh after punishing his sons.
@KeepItFiveStar Is “I will beat you with shovel” Aksana’s new catchphrase?
My heart hurts when Truth raps this new entrance, but it dies a little when Eve dances to it.
R-Truth with Eve vs. Wade Barrett
I hope Barrett pulls a Hannibal Lector and eats Truth’s face… Even though that would be nasty, and not PG at all.
Barrett and Truth circle one another before Barrett puts his foot in Truth’s stomach. Truth smacks Barrett before kicking him, and Barrett hurls Truth across the ring, but Truth does his fancy foot shit and avoids getting his ass kicked. Truth then clotheslines Barrett over the top rope. Truth then flips over the top rope and takes Barrett out. Truth then throws Barrett back into the room, nearly pulling his trunks down, and Truth goes to the top rope, jumping over Barrett who goes to knock him down. Barrett plants Truth, then holds him against the ropes. Barrett then suplexes Truth, who kicks out. Barrett then kicks Truth and drags him to a corner, who hits an elbow drop on Truth. Truth kicks out of Barrett’s cover at two. Barrett then plants Truth with a back breaker and goes for a cover, only for Truth to kick out. Both Orton and Cena are watching this match. Truth goes to steal a cover, but Barrett kicks out and beats Truth for it. Barrett gets Truth in a headlock, but Truth fights out, only to get Barrett’s knee in his stomach. Barrett runs into Truth’s face, and Truth takes the momentum with some hard clotheslines. Truth counters some kind of attempt at something, but Barrett kicks out of the cover. Truth drops Barrett on his stomach and goes for a cover, but Barrett kicks out. Truth misses an axe kick, and Barrett gets Truth up, but Truth fights to his feet. Barrett plants his foot in Truth’s face and then hits Wasteland.
Wade Barrett wins via pinfall.
Coming up: Orton and Cena are on Piper’s Pit.
<COMMERCIAL>
@C00kieCrumz: I hope Wade Barrett kills R-Truth. #wwe
@TKeep123 OK, EVE IS HOT and getting darker every week, but damn….. she really can’t dance to that rap. #WWE #RAW #BWF #OldSchoolRaw
@RingsideRants Eve’s dancing is so awesome, but not in a good way. In more of a, “wow this is terrible” kind of way.
@KeepItFiveStar Right time for you to SHUT UP!
@HitTheRopes Thank you very much, Wade. #wwe
And the entrance is played one more time! That siren is only cool because it drowns Cole out. King then strangles Cole a little, just for fun.
Ricardo starts to introduce Alberto del Rio, but is interrupted by Tito Santana, who introduces him instead. Chavo Classic is driving Alberto’s car. Sounds like an insult.
Alberto takes the mic and thanks Tito and Chavo Classic, then says that is name is Alberto del Rio, but we already knew that. He calls the Americans fat!! Thank you, Spanish class! And he tells us all that. He says he’s in the heart of the nation, a heart that will soon be stuffed by cholesterol and obesity. Anyway, he knows we’re here to celebrate the Old School. He thinks the old legends should follow Tito and Chavo and pay respect to him.
Sgt. Slaughter comes out to show him respect. Yeah, right. Slaughter scares me. Anyway, Slaughter tells Rio to shut his hole and listen up. There are two things you don’t mess with: legends and America. Rio wants respect? How about he earns it by facing Slaughter right here, right now, you scum, you slime, you maggot. A USA chant starts up as Rio laughs. Rio says something, but I haven’t got that far in Spanish. He then says to bring a referee right now.
Alberto del Rio vs Sgt. Slaughter
Rio beats Slaughter to his knees, and Rio mockingly salutes before Whipping Slaughter. Slaughter then gets him a hold, but Rio makes it to the ropes. Rio then elbows Slaughter in the neck, and hits a hard clothesline. Slaughter kicks out of the cover at two, and Rio puts him in a headlock. A Slaughter chant breaks out. Slaughter fights to his feet, but takes a hard kick to the thigh. Slaughter ducks a clothesline, and locks in a hold, but del Rio gets out of it, flipping Slaughter over and throwing him into the corner before kicking him in the back of the head.
Alberto del Rio wins via pinfall.
Rio kicks Slaughter and locks in his armbar. Slaughter taps, but del Rio doesn’t let up. MVP, however, chases del Rio out of the ring. Rio winks at MVP as MVP helps Slaughter to his feet.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar MVP? Did the RAW flight get stuck overseas again?
@kickoutblog Why wouldn’t Mysterio make the save there?
@HitTheRopes With his bald head and the black and green on, Sgt. Slaughter looks like a turtle. #wwe #raw
@TKeep123 Sgt. Slaughter out to check Alberto del Rio’s GREEN CARD! “Shut your hole, you puke!” #WWE #RAW #OldSchoolRaw #BWF
@redsandman99 Ariba bitch!
@Lunna1969 Ricardo just got his spot light jacked! #BWF #WWE #RAW
@seraphalexiel 😀 Spanish Announcers are always win. Always
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Wrestlemania XXVII tickets are on sale!>
Mean Gene introduces WWE Hall of Famer Mae Young. Mae comes out with none other than the Bellas. Mean Gene says that she has quite a storied past in the WWE, some even say she was the very first Diva. Mae says that she’s 87. That’s all I caught. Mean Gene says that there are so many unforgettable moments in her career.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Mae Young>
LayCool interrupts Mean Gene and Mae Young. Michelle says they’re a little confused? Is this Old School RAW or Jurassic Park? They ask how it feels to know that they have a Championship when she’ll never have one. LayCool makes an adult diaper joke and tells the Bellas to change her. Mae says she wants a match with those sluts, with no disqualification, and then calls them bitches. LayCool begin laughing and run away from Mae. LayCool says they want to make it a falls count anywhere. Then they tell the guys to ring the bell.
LayCool vs Mae Young in a No DQ Falls Count Anywhere Match
Divas come out to join her. Natalya, Eve, Melina, and Gail chase LayCool down and proceed to beat LayCool up. Layla then gets a hard slap by Mae before getting a clothesline by Natalya. The Divas then put one of Mae’s feet on Layla, and the ref counts it.
Mae Young wins via pinfall.
<COMMERCIAL>
@dasharpshooters Mae Young just called Laycool sluts and bitches. HARDCORE LIKE A MUTHAFUCKA. #wwe #Oldschoolraw TV-14
@kickoutblog Who would’ve thought Mae Young on a mic was more dangerous than The Iron Sheik?
@KeepItFiveStar Mae Young is breakin down the PG barriers!
@HitTheRopes I guess they forgot to tell Mae Young they were PG. LOL. “These two sluts…” #wwe
@ThingsColeSays LOL King marking the fuck out!
@redsandman99 I’m absolutely dying here. Sluts, bitches…Mae Young with a live mic is awesome.
@TKeep123 Mae Young slapping the taste out of Layla’s flawless mouth! ..and the PIN! YES! #WWE #Raw #BWF #OldSchoolRaw
The Fink asks us to welcome the special guest commentator for this match: JR! I marked the hell out. I LOVE JR!!!! He and Lawler are my favorite commentators. Shut the fuck up Cole.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger
Bryan and Swagger lock up, and Swagger keeps his hands on Bryan. Bryan manages to fight out, only to deliver a hard kick to Swagger. Cole pretends to doze off, and Swagger gets Bryan on his back. They both try to lock in their own submissions, and Bryan manages to fight out of Swagger’s set up, grazing Swagger’s head with a kick. JR and Lawler continue to ignore Cole. Swagger has his hands around Bryan’s waist and holds on tight. Bryan avoids some this by Swagger, who runs face first into Bryan’s feet. Bryan goes for a cover, and Swagger kicks out. Bryan keeps kicking Swagger hard. Bryan climbs up the ropes to avoid getting beat, and Swagger kicks him out of the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@StrikerSays JR just keeps shutting Cole DOWN with slobberknockers of ignoring.
@KeepItFiveStar I love how Jim Ross is just no selling Michael Cole
@TKeep123 JR dissing Michael Cole…. My night is complete! #WWE #Raw #BWF #OldSchoolRaw
@divadirt OMG! JR & King reunion. Someone mute Cole’s mic please. #WWE
@kickoutblog MOTHER.FUCK.YES.JR!
@ThingsColeSays First JR, now Daniel Bryan. LOL. Cole is gonna kill himself!
@HitTheRopes And there is @JRsBBQ and all is right with Raw. #wwe
@JCenadotcom Who’s hoping that Cole gets a beating courtesy of good ole’ JR [and King]?
It made me smile to come back to JR’s voice. Swagger has Bryan around the waist and Swagger plants Bryan, going for a cover before Bryan kicks out. Bryan shakes it off and then is grabbed around the head by Swagger. Swagger and Bryan roll around the ring for a little bit before Swagger climbs back into the ring. Swagger walks right into a kick by Bryan, and then gets knocked out of the ring. Bryan plants his feet in Swagger’s face, then proceeds to keep kicking swagger. Swagger locks in the ankle lock, but Bryan gets out of it. Swagger then avoids getting kicked in the face again. Swagger jumps off the second rope and onto Bryan, going for a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. King tells Cole to shut the hell up. Swagger then jumps off the second rope again to land on Bryan. Swagger grabs Bryan around the waist and attempts the Gut Wrench, but Bryan fights it, going to attempt the LaBell, but Swagger hits the backbreaker. Swagger attempts another Gut Wrench, but Bryan kicks Swagger in the face again. This time, for the win.
Daniel Bryan wins via pinfall.
Ted DiBiase runs into the ring and proceeds to beat the hell out of Bryan, then hits the Dream Street. Ted then takes the United States Championship and climbs in the ring. He holds it up, and then Maryse makes her way down to him. JR says his goodbyes, and I cry on the inside.
At Survivor Series, Edge and Kane will face off for the World Heavyweight Championship! The traditional match is Team Mysterio vs Team del Rio. Mysterio, Show, Masters, MVP, Kofi vs del Rio, Reks, Swagger, and someone else I missed. Sorry. Sheamus and Morrison are going head to head too! Then, there’s going to be Randy Orton vs Wade Barrett for the WWE Championship, where Cena will be freed or fired.
JR smacks Cole with his hat and gives kids high fives and what not as he heads out. Love that man.
Up next, Cena and Orton are going to meet up in Piper’s Pit.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog JR hitting Michael Cole with his hat should be added to the Raw intro video.
@Niki_Sushi Jerry just legit pointed and laughed at Cole. My night has been made three times already. #BWF #RAW
@bethsharae Beat the crap out of him JR! #Raw
@TKeep123 Ted Dibiase apparently jealous of Daniel Bryan’s beard… #WWE #Raw #BWF #OldSchoolRaw
@ThingsColeSays Ahahahahahahahaah, now Cole said “belt.” He’s fucking losing it! This is awesome!
@seraphalexiel SLOBBERKNOCKER! And…. this was the best RAW moment in a long time
@redsandman99 Nothing says shut the fuck up like a bitchslap with a cowboy hat.
We welcome the legends back out to the stage, and they all line up. Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka, Cowboy Bob Orton, IRS, Tito Santana, Sgt. Slaughter, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, The Brooklyn Brawler, Chavo Classic (who mentioned Eddie), Mean Gene Okerlund, Howard Finkel, Mae Young, Jerry Brisco, Ted DiBiase Sr., Slick, Tatanka, Tony Atlas, Arn Anderson, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes, George “The Animal” Steele, JR!, The Iron Sheik, and Nikolai Volkoff.
Now, we welcome the other legend, Rowdy Roddy Piper, who’s looking a little older than he did at the Madison Square Garden RAW he guest hosted last year.
Rowdy says that we’re gonna make some history. Old school isn’t about nostalgia, it’s about a time when you had to man up, when you had to stand up to the plate, like when Captain Lou was being honored with an award and Piper hit him with a record. When he hit Snuka in the head with a coconut. It was a time when you had a problem, and you did something about it. His first guest is John Cena.
BRRRRRRRRRR WE LOVE JR!
Roddy says that he’s a fan of Cena’s, and he’s a helluva man. Roddy has to tell him that he has been competing over 30 years, and he’s never been the WWE Champion. It does eat at him a little bit. Many many other legends have never been the WWE Champion. And if Cena’s gonna do what Roddy thinks he’s gonna do, and he’s gonna give that SOB Wade Barrett the WWE Championship without him deserving it, then what Cena’s doing is spitting in the face of all those legends that he says he respects. Roddy’s askin him not to spit in his face, Cena. Cena’s been a man ever since he walked in. Consequences be damned, do the right thing. For weeks Cena’s had to hear free or fired, free from Nexus or fired from the WWE. At times, he doesn’t know what the right thing is. It’s not that easy. From the moment Cena got here, he’s worked as hard as he can. So, when guys like Piper look at the WWE, they look at Cena, and say they could have hung with them. He’s got a lot of respect, and he looked up to them as a kid. He’s been thinking about it a lot, but after all the work he’s done, he’s not going to give the WWE Championship up. Everybody wants to know the decision: If Randy Orton wins at Survivor Series, he earns it. If Wade Barrett wins, then he earns it. Cena’s calling the match down the middle. Barrett interrupts and says well said Cena. Barrett agrees 100%, just call it down the middle. HE proved tonight that he can beat anyone on the RAW roster without Cena’s help. They were magnificent words, but that’s the problem; They’re just words. They both know there’s a reality in place here. The reality is this: if Barrett doesn’t get his hand raised, if he doesn’t win the WWE Title, Cena’s finished, it’s all over. Piper puts a hand over Barrett’s mic and tells him to shut up. He says that if Barrett lets Cena give him that WWE Championship – then spits at Barrett for not look in at him – at the end of the day, he may have the WWE Championship, but he won’t be a champion, he’ll be a joke. Barrett asks who Piper is to cast judgment on him. One way or another, this is Cena’s final night on RAW as Nexus. It may be Cena’s final RAW ever. Sunday, Barrett either sets him free or fires him. If this is indeed his final RAW, he wants to do something he should have done weeks ago, and he’s disappointed that it’s taken this long. He tells Cena to put on the Nexus shirt. Barrett says that if Cena doesn’t put it on now, Cena’s fired on the spot. Cena changes shirts. Man still looks good in black. Cena says he hopes that Barrett’s happy. Barrett’s his boss until Sunday. When that match is over, win or lose, Cena’s going to turn Barrett’s face to mush. Barrett says that he’s heard all those threats, and Nexus may be banned from ringside, but the moment he becomes WWE Champion, they will hit the ring and neutralize any threat from Cena. Barrett has Cena in his back pocket.
Holy God long wall of text is done, but RAW isn’t.
I hear voices in my head…
Orton merely glances at Cena before looking at Barrett, then back at Cena. Orton says ever since Cena counted 123 on him last week, all he’s thought about is putting an end to this by kicking him in the skull. Cena says that he’s right there. Orton says that he’s thought of a better option. He could take Cena out, or. Orton then takes Barrett down and ducks a clothesline before hitting a scoop slam. Cena and Piper stand in the corners as Orton pounds on the mat. Cena moves between Orton and Barrett, and then drops a foot on Barrett’s head before RKO’ing Cena. Orton sets up for a punt, but Orton goes for the punt and misses. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Orton. Cena holds his head, and Barrett climbs back in the ring, grinning pretty happily. He walks up to Cena, who scowls at him, and then tells Cena to raise his arm. Cena lifts Barrett up and hits him with an Attitude Adjustment too. Piper raises Cena’s hand on the ramp.
Well, interesting episode, but not much of a build up for Survivor Series…
Next week, I’ll be at RAW in Orlando, so the RAW review may be up on Tuesday. That’s my plan! I’ll see you all next week!!
Welcome to the season premiere of Monday Night RAW, the longest episodic TV show in history!… I typed that approximately four hours before RAW, so if Michael Cole says that, I may miss the first part of RAW because I’m too busy laughing at his predictability.
Anyway, courtesy of the RAW General Manager, Randy Orton will face John Cena tonight! And don’t forget, since it’s the season premiere, it’s also the return of RAW Roulette!
Randy and John are standing and staring at each other with the wheel behind them. Josh Matthews explains that this match can be anything. Eve spins the wheel, and the main event match will be… a tables match. Matthews reminds us that the last time Cena was in a Tables match, he lost to Sheamus. Cena says it’s a new season, and the WWE Universe is divided. And, tonight, he’s feeling lucky.
Please welcome OchoCinco, the special guest star, according to Justin Roberts! OchoCinco welcomes us to the Season Premiere of Monday Night RAW! He says that there’s never been a guest star as handsome as him. Tonight will be exciting, unforgettable. RAW Roulette is back and –
AWESOME!
Miz says that from one Ohioan to another, Welcome to RAW, OchoCinco! The Bengals are his team, and RAW is his show. It’s nice to have a guest star Miz can relate to: They both say what they want, when they want because they can. Miz says they have some things in common, and then says they don’t, because Miz is a champion, and OchoCinco will never be a champion because he plays for the Bengals. OchoCinco says he has two words for Miz: Child, please. Obviously, Miz hasn’t been to Cincinnati in a while, because last time he checked, the Bengals won something last year. The Reds are going to the playoffs this year. Not just him, but Tiyo and the rest of the team are getting ready to get a SuperBowl Championship this year. Miz says really? That’s funny, because the only thing he’s seen Tiyo and him leave before half-time. Anyway, he continues to hate on OchoCinco for a while, and the rest of the team.
“Enough talk. It’s time to determine the Miz’s match tonight. Please spin the wheel.”
Alicia Fox spins the wheel, and it’s a submission match.
“The wheel determined what kind of non-title match The Miz will have tonight. For Miz’s opponent, I’m going to place that decision in the hands of Chad OchoCinco.”
OchoCinco says that 85 represents the number of ways that his opponent can tap Miz out. And, of course, it’s Daniel Bryan.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Yay for generic rock music. Need to work on that muffin top, Daniel Bryan. You’re in PROFESSIONAL wrestling now, not the indy’s. #bwf #raw
@DCsPeoplesChamp If this Raw sucks I’m gonna riot…#BWF #WWE
@TKeep123 Miz in a submission match? Gotta be Daniel Bryon Danielson…!! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@sultrysunset ….. i want jim ross to punch michael cole on live tv. please… do it for me
@HitTheRopes Well I’m glad Miz showed up. Chad played off him much better as he was boring prior to Miz coming out. #wwe
Daniel Bryan vs. The United States Champion The Miz in a Submissions Match
Personally, I’ve been sick of Daniel Bryan for a while, but I’m putting that aside. Alex Riley is ringside in The Miz’s new t-shirt, watching as Miz keeps the momentum early. Miz gets Bryan’s knee around the rope and kicks him a few times, before the ref pushes him away. Miz gets Bryan in a figure four, but Bryan reverses and Miz crawls out. Bryan goes for the LaBell Lock, but Miz grabs the bottom rope. Riley checks on Miz, but Miz tells him to get off of him. Miz stays outside the ring for a while, not moving. He takes the mic and says he thinks he has a hernia. He says that to insure he can defend his title Sunday, he’s pulling out of the match.
Daniel Bryan wins via… forfeit/injury?
Miz says that if Bryan wants to compete tonight, he can go against Miz’s apprentice, Alex Riley. Riley climbs in the ring in a pair of jeans, attacking him.
Daniel Bryan vs Alex Riley in a Submission Match
Riley gets some good momentum, and then tries to get Bryan in a submission, only to get locked up in the LaBell Lock.
Daniel Bryan wins via submission.
Miz climbs in the ring after and attacks Bryan. Miz then rubs Bryan’s face in the title, calling him average and saying that he’ll never have the title. Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Daniel counters it into the LaBell Lock.
Jillian Hall spins the wheel, singing Right Round, with Edge, and the wheel keeps spinning.
<COMMERCIAL>
@divadirt Jillian and Edge dueting on ‘Spin Me Right Round’ = priceless. #WWE
@JRsBBQ Miz tapping on the US Title..poetic irony. Miz’ gastro issues don’t detract from his talent. US Title match may steal PPV Sun in Chicago.
@HitTheRopes @MiketheMiz is so AWESOME he can self-diagnose himself. LOL #wwe
You think you know me…
Edge vs Evan Bourne in a Body Slam Challenge
Evan gets an early advantage, hitting Edge hard with a nice kick to the chin. Evan manages to get Edge’s feet off the ground, but he falls over, and Edge gets him down on the ground. Edge picks him up, and body slams him.
Edge wins via body slam.
Evan crawls to the corner, and Edge spears him.
“Congratulations on your victory, Edge. However, since you blatantly took advantage of your opponent after the match, I would like to see you compete in a second body slam challenge against this man.”
Somebody’s gonna get their ass kicked…
Edge vs Mark Henry in a Body Slam Challenge
Edge hits Mark with some physical blows, but Mark just shoves him across the ring. Edge manages to get Henry off his feet, but falls over with Henry on top of him. Henry scoops Edge up and slams him back down.
Mark Henry wins via body slam.
Mark climbs out of the ring and checks on Evan after the match.
Later tonight, John Cena vs Randy Orton in a tables match!
<COMMERCIAL>
@seraphalexiel I think the wheel landed on an ‘Evan Bourne loses’ match
@ThingsColeSays I could get behind a Mark Henry/Evan Bourne tag team. #justsayin
@TKeep123 Damn, if Edge doesn’t lose a tooth from that kick, I’ll be shocked! Look for fast finish! #RAW #WWE #BWF
Ted DiBiase and Maryse vs R-Truth and Eve Torres in a Song and Dance Match
Sorry, first off, to @KeepItFiveStar that Truth is on RAW. Each team picks a member to sing and the other will dance. The winner is picked by audience interaction. Truth shoots down his own theme and sings something else. Eve dances while he does. Maryse looks appalled and Ted just looks confused. Jerry says to put the camera on the dancing, and I have to agree. I have no idea what Truth is saying at all…
Ted and Maryse are up next, however. Ted says this is stupid. He says its Monday night RAW, not America’s Got Talent. No one wants to hear Truth rap. Ted says that he should just forfeit and walk out, but he’s not. And he won’t because Maryse knows that Ted’s full of surprises. Ted asks for a spotlight, and everyone is reminded of Batista. Ted starts singing something with no music, and Maryse does some weird dance thing… It’s painful to watch.
R-Truth and Eve Torres win by… overwhelming response.
Maryse and Ted argue in the ring for a minute before DiBiase and Maryse attack Truth and Eve. Ted demolishes Truth, but Eve is doing much better. Truth, however, gets the momentum back and Eve slaps Ted before Truth hits lie detector. Truth starts rapping again, and Eve begins to continue dancing.
The Bellas spin the wheel, standing alongside OchoCinco, and Regal gets stuck in a trading places match. OchoCinco says that it’s like switching jerseys with the other team. Regal is then informed that Goldust is his opponent. Goldust graciously gives him a wig. The Bellas start to talk, but luckily Sheamus cuts them off.
OchoCinco says he got an email from the GM. The GM said that if Morrison can beat Sheamus next, then Morrison is in the six-pack challenge on Sunday. Sheamus tells the Bellas to make themselves useful for once and spin the wheel. Sheamus will face off against Morrison in a Falls Count Anywhere match. Sheamus says that whatever-his-name-is, tonight he’s gonna show him what good reality TV is, when he wipes the floor with John Morrison is. Kind of like the Patriots mauled the Bengals yesterday. Because, unlike his team, Sheamus actually backs up his banter.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 Ocho Dingo, Fella!!! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@Niki_Sushi AHAHAHAHAHAAHA. Oh, Sheamus. All your witty one-liners are making me love you so much more. #bwf #raw
@HitTheRopes @RealKingRegal = Bloody Ratings, dammit! The man is pure comedy. @WWE can we get Regal in your next movie? Please? #wwe
@StrikerSays I’m having a mark attack for Goldust.
@CawCawBang oh god go away bellas
@RingsideRants This Ted and Maryse bit is actually making me laugh.
@dasharpshooters Wrestling where did you go and wtf happened to you? #wwe #Raw
@iPukeRKOs America we are going backwards not forward. Sad, we can understand everything Sheamus is saying but need subtitles when R-Truth speaks.
Edge is pacing backstage, and Ryder comes up and says that the GM has it out for Edge. Edge calls him a tool again, and Ryder says that he’s not a tool, but he will drop the hammer. Edge says that when he wins the WW Championship, they’ll both go MIA. Sheamus asks if Edge said he was going to win his championship. Sheamus says he wouldn’t hold his breath if he were Edge, and Ryder ruins the moment. Both of them stare at him for a minute. Sheamus says that he wants Edge to pay close attention to what he does to Morrison next.
Morrison is warming up backstage, and has a rather dramatic moment with the camera, before he gets to do some of his Parkour, apparently scaring the hell out of some of the guys backstage.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi ATTACK OF THE TOOLS! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! WHERE’S THE GHOSTBUSTERS WHEN YOU NEED THEM?!?! #bwf #raw
@HitTheRopes JoMo dropped down and faced the camera like a superhero. #wwe
@Niki_Sushi @IAmJericho needs to come back and make this RAW worth watching until the main event. #bwf #raw
@TKeep123 Yes, Zack Ryder…..you are a tool! …..I’m guessing a rubber mallet. #WWE #RAW #BWF
The WWE Rewind is of last week when John Morrison made me hate him… And kicked Jericho out of the Six Pack Challenge. Asshole.
IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD! TOO MANY LIMES! TOO MANY LIMES!
WWE Champion Sheamus vs John Morrison in a Falls Count Anywhere Match
Sheamus gets the early advantage over Morrison, but Morrison keeps slipping out of the way. Sheamus hurls Morrison out of the ring, getting Sheamus to follow him before attacking his knees to send him face-first into the apron. He hits a hurricanrana through the ropes and goes for a cover outside, only for Sheamus to kick out at two. Sheamus shoves Morrison into the barrier, and Sheamus ends up getting hurled over the barrier, taking out a security guard. Morrison then leap-frogs over the barrier, punching Sheamus. Morrison goes for a cover, but Sheamus kicks out at two again. Sheamus hits Morrison with the Irish Curse backbreaker before driving his head into the steel, then dropping him on it and driving his knee into Morrison’s abs. He goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Sheamus goes for the Brogue kick, but takes out some equipment instead. Morrison hits some offense back, but Sheamus takes the advantage. Sheamus then drives Morrison’s chest into the stage, going for a cover for Morrison to kick out at two.
Sheamus kicks Morrison around a little, and goes for the High Cross. He almost falls off, but he doesn’t. He tries to throw Morrison off the stage, but Morrison manages to flip and land on his feet. Morrison hits a flash kick on Sheamus and goes for the cover, but Sheamus kicks out at two. Sheamus goes for the cover, but Morrison kicks out. Sheamus lifts Morrison, but Morrison manages to get out of the way. Morrison runs into a back elbow, and Sheamus grabs a chair. Morrison jumps from the bottom part of the Tron, but misses the cover. Jericho comes out and hits Morrison in the back with a chair. Sheamus goes for the cover and wins.
Sheamus wins via pinfall.
Chris is sitting in the middle of the ring, and still to come: Randy and John will face off in a Tables Match.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Thank you @IAmJericho for making this watchable. <3 . #BWF #RAW
@FrankWWEClown Wow, unbelievable by Morrison. He impresses me more and more every week. #WWE #RAW
@RingsideRants I don’t mind a Chris Jericho – John Morrison program. Could be really good stuff.
@TKeep123 Even the Titan-Tron-Bomb doesn’t stop Sheamus! Take that, Free-Runner-Fella! #WWE #RAW #BWF
Jerry tells Chris that it’s RAW Roulette night, but Chris obviously doesn’t give a flying shit what night it is. Chris says he’s not going anywhere until he gets exactly what he wants. He will sit in that chair in the middle of the ring all night long if he has to, until he gets the restitution that he deserves, do you understand what he’s saying to you right now? He’s going to sit there until we get an email from the esteemed GM, an email that states the Six Pack Challenge is back on, and he has been reinstated back in the match. Taking him out of the match was stupid, expecting Morrison to replace him was lunacy, and he wants – and will have – justice. And if he doesn’t get what he wants, he quits. He will go home and watch as the entire WWE burns up in flames, laughing every step of the way. And if you don’t think he’s serious, try him. This time, it’s for real. So, what’s it gonna be?
Chris says alright, but he has to warn the GM: before he leaves, he will track down and find the GM, exposing his identity to the entire world.
Chris tells Cole to just read the email. And everyone cheers.
“Jericho, I really don’t like ultimatums. There’s no chance that’s going to work. No chance in hell.” Chris laughs here and asks if he’s expected to believe he’s Vince. Chris said that if Vince had some orders to be barking, he’d be doing it man to man. And, more importantly, Vince would realize that his most important asset needs to be in the PPV, so try again GM.
“There’s something you should know, Jericho. I will make this six-pack challenge match again, a six-pack elimination match. It’ll start with six men, and go down to five until there’s a winner. I’m telling you this because I’ve decided to put you back in the six-pack challenge. However-“
Chris cuts him off and tells Cole to give him his moment. Chris says he’ll let the show continue, and thanks him for finally admitting that Jericho is the biggest, brightest star in the company. Jericho then guarantees he’ll leave Night of Champions as the WWE Champion.
“Don’t ever interrupt me again. As I was saying, I am going to put you back in the six pack challenge, provided you win your match tonight. That match will take place right now, and since you are the best in the world at what you do, Chris, you’re going to compete in a handicapped match against the WWE Tag Team Champions, the Hart Dynasty. Oh, Chris, one other thing: This match is going to be contested inside a steel cage.”
Chris gets out of the ring and starts yelling at Cole as the cage is lowered.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi @IAmJericho vs Michael Cole plz? #BWF #RAW
@sultrysunset SHUT UP! JUST READ IT! fuccckkkk i love you chris
@FrankWWEClown “Of course you have an email, just read it, you idiot!” –@IAmJericho #WWE #RAW
Holy shit match came back quick.
Hart Dynasty vs Chris Jericho
Handicapped match, and the Hart Dynasty is taking off bad with the momentum. Jericho has to climb up, both of them, and Chris would have to himself. Jericho manages to stop Tyson and pull him back in, but David Hart Smith can’t help anymore. Tyson goes for a cover, but Jericho kicks out at two. Jericho throws Kidd into the cage, and then smacks him a bit. Jericho then yells, asking the Gm if that’s what he wants. The ref opens the door, and Tyson dives for it, but Jericho pulls him back by his trunks. Jericho then delivers a hard backbreaker to Kidd, kicking him before putting him in a headlock. Kidd gets momentum back, hitting Jericho pretty damn hard before slamming his head into the turnbuckle. Kidd Irish Whips Jericho across the ring, and Jericho immediately starts climbing, but Kidd pulls him back into the ring, beating his head against the cage and then throwing him down into the ring. Kidd stands up and goes to hit Jericho, who attempts to roll him into the walks of Jericho, only for it to be countered. Kidd goes for the sharpshooter, and Jericho reaches the bottom rope. Chris manages to get out, and Kidd starts climbing up the cage. Jericho realizes what he did and grabs Kidd, pulling him back into the ring, before Kidd slams Jericho’s head against the cage again. Kidd jumps down and Jericho locks him into the Walls of Jericho.
Chris Jericho wins via submission.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Either the stipulation in that cage match was silly or DH Smith was silly for leaving Kidd in their alone…..Or both. *shrugs* #wwe
@inkincisions HELL YEA CHRIS JERICHO! THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT!!
@TKeep123 Tyson Kidd…..you tapped. Turn in your little Forehead-Goatee-thingy….. You’re dead to me. #WWE #RAW #BWF
@FrankWWEClown Oh my god, I thought Tyson was about to break his own neck there. I jumped off my couch. #WWE #RAW
That one guy in the Hall of Fame is in the crowd, but no one cares. Not even he cared. That’s sad.
William Regal vs Goldust in a Trading Places Match
Goldust is out in the ring looking like Regal, which is actually quite terrifying… And Regal… pulls off a pretty decent Goldust, though he’s pissed as it is. Poor Regal. When Regal takes off the robe, people cheered for him. Poor guy looked a little scared. Omg, and Regal does a Goldust impression… and Goldust has brass knuckles, punching him with them for the victory, that cheater.
Goldust wins via cheating-I mean pinfall.
Up next, Randy Orton takes on John Cena in a Tables match.
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown My hopes and dreams have came true, @KingRegal has come out dressed as Goldust. I have been waiting many moons to see this. #WWE #RAW
@AnthonySkatz Dear @iamjericho , after tonight, if anyone ever claims you’re not one of the 5 best wrestlers ever, you have my blessing to murder them.
@TKeep123 Hmmm…a new life for William Regal as Regal-Dust! Actually looks good! #WWE
@StrikerSays HAHAHAHAHA THE CROWD WOOOOED WHEN REGAL TOOK OFF THE ROBE.
@ThingsColeSays Boy, Nexus has really been all over the show tonight.
The Undertaker vs Kane for the World Heavyweight Championship
Daniel Bryan vs The Miz for the United States Championship
The Big Show vs CM Punk
Jericho vs Cena vs Orton vs Barrett vs Edge vs Sheamus for the WWE Championship – Elimination Six-Pack
OchoCinco is apparently going to be the ring announcer. Lovely. He’s bad at it.
Randy Orton vs John Cena in a Tables Match
Orton and Cena pause before the match to evaluate the crowd, apparently, before locking up. They break apart and listen to the crowd again. They go to lock up, but Cena gets Orton in a headlock. They lock up again, and Orton puts Cena in a headlock before taking Cena down with a big shoulder block. Orton takes advantage, and holy shit that was a good full body shot on Orton. Orton gets Cena in a corner and gets in a few good shots . Orton on the apron, and Cena pushes Orton backward, but Orton avoids the table.
<COMMERCIAL>
@ChandraLooney Ochocinco should never, EEEVVEERR be a ring announcer. He needs an RKO for that. @RandyOrton get on that please.
@Niki_Sushi @RandyOrton should be registered as a lethal weapon… a big, muscled sling-shot/pinball. #BWF #RAW
@inkincisions OMFG. PLEASE GET ON WITH THE MATCH!
Orton and Cena are exchanging shots when we come back before Orton hits a backbreaker on Cena. Orton keeps the momentum over Cena for now, stomping on him repeatedly. Orton keeps hitting Cena, who’s on the apron, and nearly knocking him off the apron before Cena gets back in. Orton is thrown around the ring by Cena now, who suplexes him into the ring floor. Cena and Orton clothesline one another in the middle of the ring, and are both down again. Cena lifts Orton as though he was going for the Attitude Adjustment, and then Orton counters with a DDT. He then pulls a table into the ring, setting it up in the corner. Orton misses a clothesline, but Cena this some flying shoulder tackles before getting ready for the Five Knuckle Shuffle. After all these matches, you’d hope that Orton could actually see Cena by now…
Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and attempts the Attitude Adjustment, but Orton counters with a few moves and stuff happens, and I was interrupted, and Nexus attacks. They’re all attacking Cena, and Orton RKOs Tarver, only to get attacked by Gabriel, Slater, and Barrett. Otunga gets an Attitude Adjustment, and Slater is sent outside of the ring and through a table. Barrett gives Cena a Wasteland, and only Gabriel and Barrett are left in the ring. The two set up a table. Barrett lifts Cena as Gabriel goes up to the rope. Orton shoves him off and through a table, only to be flattened by Barrett. Cena and Orton are in the ring, Barrett left as the only man standing. Barrett then lifts Orton, attempting Wasteland until Orton counters and shoves him through the table outside the ring. Orton looks around, repositioning a table before he drops onto his knees, slamming the mat. Edge and Jericho come out to the ring and attack Orton. Orton fights back against both of them, avoiding a Codebreaker and assisting Edge in spearing Jericho into a table set up in the corner. Sheamus comes in to attack too, delivering a hard hit to Orton’s face before throwing Cena out of the ring too. Cena hits an Attitude Adjustment on Sheamus before climbing back in the ring. Orton and Cena are both moving now, and Orton is lifted up, and counters Cena’s Attitude Adjustment at the very last second to put Cena through the table instead.
Randy Orton wins via RKO through a table.
Honestly, I think that’s the first RAW in a while that has actually had an ending to the Main Event match. Anyway, relatively decent RAW, though not exactly all that impressive. See ya next week!
Sorry this took so long everyone. I was fighting with technology all night.
What’s up everyone!! Tonight, RAW comes from my home state of North Carolina!! What is going on with the Season One NXT Rookies?! What’re the matches going to be to prepare us for Fatal 4Way? WILL SHEAMUS EVER TAN?! All questions will be answered tonight… Not really.
Raw starts us off with a rewind of what happened last week. If you didn’t see it, YouTube it, because I’d really rather not cover it again. It was the NXT rookies beating the hell out of everyone, and that’s all I’ll say about it. I saw enough of it reviewed and talked about and replayed in the past week that I’m so over what’s happened.
We start out with Wade Barrett in the ring, and he introduces himself as the Season One NXT Winner. He says he’s out there because RAW General Manager, Bret Hart demanded that he come out and apologize for lats week. He says that the rest of the NXT Rookies need to come out too so that they can apologize properly. The NXT Rookies fill the ring, and Jerry “The King” Lawler and Michael Cole leave, along with Justin Roberts and a few other people. Barrett starts with Heath Slater, asking him to apologize. Slater says no, and he would do it again in a heartbeat. Barrett moves to Justin Gabriel, who says never and he still has goosebumps. Skip Sheffield says no apolgies, no regrets. Michal Tarver says that the look of fear lived on the sweetest of his dreams, and there is no one in the WWE who can make him apologize. Darren Young says not a chance, and he had the time of his life last week. David Otunga says apologize? For what? After how the NXT Rookies were treated, they need to apologize to them. Barrett takes the mic back and says it looks like it’s unanimous. The rookies were treated like dirt, animals, and sooner or later, people will behave like animals. They were made to change in a small locker room, do ridiculous challenges, and were at the mercy of overzealous pros. The rules changed at a moment’s notice, they were eliminated on a whim, and they were made an international joke. Last time he looked, jokes were supposed to be funny, but no one was laughing after RAW last week when they destroyed the ring and John Cena (Obviously, this guy doesn’t read through the Twitter feed I was getting…)
Bret Hart makes his way out and says that they look proud of what they did. Where he comes from, eight on one doesn’t make you tough, just makes you look more cowardly. He reminds us that last week, they attacked John Cena, the Straight Edge Society, security, Justin Roberts, a timekeeper, and a Hall of Famer. Wade Barrett says that Daniel Bryan showed some remorse for it (because apparently that’s how they’re going to play off his firing…), and we’ll never see Daniel Bryan again. Bret says that despite everything, John Cena will still be competing this Sunday at Fatal 4Way. Wade says this had nothing to do with Cena, or the people in the arena. It’s between the Rookies and WWE Management. Aside from some of the pros, they don’t have a problem with anyone in the locker room. The Rookies could stay out arguing all night, but they need to get down to business. Wade has a contract, and a title opportunity at a Pay-Per-View of his choosing, but the other Rookies have their own demands.
David Otunga takes the mic and says their demands are guaranteed WWE contracts, private dressing rooms, and first class travel accommodations. If they fail to comply with even one demand, last week was just the beginning. Barrett takes the mic back and says that before Bret says anything, two weeks ago, Vince McMahon informed him that he would have difficult decisions to make as RAW’s General Manager. This isn’t a difficult choice, because behind him are a group of highly-polished athletes, who could be the future of the WWE. They’re dressed, here, and ready to fight. All they need is a contract.
Bret says that Barrett is right. It is his job to find new, fresh talent. But, with that in mind, his answer is no. He’s not hiring anyone. Barrett says he’s making a mistake. Bret says that it’s the Rookies who made the mistake by attacking Cena. He’s not signing any of them and on account of his actions, Barrett is no longer the breakout star of the WWE (Though Bret said WWF and it made me laugh), and he doesn’t get a title shot, because he’s fired. As for the rest of the Rookies, they can get out of the ring, or Bret will call the cops to physically remove them for trespassing, and they’re all through, whether they like it or not.
<COMMERCIAL>
Everyone’s back ringside, and King says you can’t bully your way into the WWE.
Fatal Four Way Match for the United States Championship
United States Champion R-Truth vs John Morrison vs Zack Ryder vs The Miz
Ryder focuses on Morrison, and Truth focuses on Miz. Truth and Morrison get Miz and Ryder out of the ring, and go at it. Truth and Morrison lock up, and Truth gets Morrison in a headlock. Truth goes for a cover, but Ryder breaks it. Ryder whips Truth, and Miz grabs his ankles. Truth kicks him off, and Morrison rolls Ryder up. Ryder kicks out at two. Miz, Ryder, and Truth are outside the ring. Miz gets up on the apron, and Morrison flips outside the ring, grabbing Miz and throwing him out and into Ryder.
<COMMERCIAL>
Miz and Morrison are in the ring, and Morrison goes for the cover. Miz kicks out at two, only to be covered again, and Miz kicks out at two again. Ryder’s up on the turnbuckle, and Morrison goes up with him, going for a superplex. Truth pulls them down and everyone’s down. Truth goes for a cover on Miz, who kicks out at two, then Ryder, who kicks out at two, then Morrison who kicks out at two. Miz goes for a cover on Truth, but Truth kicks out a two. Miz is attacked by Truth, but Ryder pulls him off. Truth starts wailing on him, then goes for Morrison and salms him down. Ryder misses a clothesline, but Truth hits Ryder with a scissor kick. Truth covers Ryder, but Miz breaks it up. Truth goes for Miz, but Miz pulls on the top rope, sending Truth out. Miz then hits Morrison with a baseball slide. Miz then runs at the opposite tunbuckle and hits Ryder with his swinging corner clothesline. Morrison pulls Miz out and hits him with a clothesline. Truth and Ryder are in the ring, and Truth hits the Lie Detector on Ryder. He goes for the cover, but Morrison breaks it. Morrison went to do something to Truth, but Miz distracted him, and both Truth and Morrison throw Miz out. Truth knocks Morrison down and goes for the cover, but Ryder breaks it up. Truth knocks Ryder in the corner, Ryder moves, Truth hit with Rough Ryder. Ryder goes for the cover, but Morrison breaks it up. Morrison hits Startship Pain on Truth, Miz throws him out, and covers Truth for the win.
New United States Champion, The Miz!
The main event tonight will be Randy Orton vs Sheamus!
Randy is backstage with Josh Matthews, and Matthews asks how Randy’s shoulder is, considering that Randy is competing tonight. Randy says that anything can happen at Fatal 4Way, as was just proven. He says to watch, wait, and see about his shoulder, when he fights Sheamus. Matthews then asks about the NXT Rookies. Randy says part of him has to respect it, because he understands why they’re making a point. But, a bigger part of him just thinks they’re a bunch of punks. They deserved to either be fired, or have their brains beaten in. But, considering Barrett only got fired, they got off lucky.
<COMMERCIAL>
We come back to a Royal Pains package with Big Show, and Mark Feuerstein is with the Bellas. We’re reminded that this Thursday, on USA, at 10/9 Central, the Big Show guest stars. Ted DiBiase comes up and interrupts . He says that Mark could have a shiny new car of his choice waiting for him in the parking lot if he makes Ted co-Guest Host for the night. Mark says that unlike some people in the room, he has integrity. The answer is no. Mark then admits he’s a little scared of Ted, but then sees Big Show. He says that he would love to let Ted co-Guest Host, but there’s no chance he’s going to let him do that, because Ted’s a spoiled little daddy’s boy. Mark says that he was a wrestler in high school, and they called him Main Event Mark. Show clears his throat, and they shut up. Show says that they can do a match tonight: Show and Mark vs Ted and Virgil. Ted says done, and he and Virgil leave. Mark admits to Show that he was really an ice skater. He does a move where he jumps into Show’s arms, and the Bellas see it. Show says next time, Mark catches him, because it’s much more impressive.
Up next, John Cena will talk about last week’s attack!
<COMMERCIAL>
Rewind to last week’s first Viewer’s Choice Match, the Body Slam Contest between Show and Jericho.
Chris Jericho vs Evan Bourne
Chris an Evan start viciously. Chris kicks Evan, then rams him into the turnbuckle. Chris Irish Whips Evan, who counters with a hurricanrana. Drop toe hold, dropkick to the face, and then Bourne goes for the cover, but Jericho kicks out at one. Jericho clotheslines Bourne, and goes for the cover, but Bourne kicks out at two. Chri then drops Bourne, stomps on his back, gets him in a headlock. Bourne gets up and kicks back, but Jericho smacks him and runs him into the turnbuckle. He throws Bourne over, but Bourne lands on the apron, kicking Jericho. He goes for a sunset flip, but Chris counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho, only for Bourne to kick him away. Bourne goes for a cover, but Jericho kicks out at two. Jericho hits the Codebreaker, and goes for the cover, but Bourne kicks out at two. Jericho starts attacking Bourne, and the ref tells him to stop. Jericho shoves the ref away and keeps going against Bourne. Jericho threatens the ref the next time he comes over and keeps kicking Bourne. The ref calls for the bell.
Evan Bounre wins via Disqualification
Jericho picks Bourne up and smacks him. Bourne kicks him and hits the Shooting Star Press.
Next up, Cena will respond to the NXT attack.
<COMMERCIAL>
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SHUT THE DOOOR!!!!!
Cena comes out and makes his way to the ring as we flash back to earlier tonight when Barrett was fired.
Cena says that he had the night off, and he thanks Bret for having his best interests at heart. Thanks to Bret for not caving into the demands of the Rookies, because they’re demands that shouldn’t even be put up for negotiation. A portion of him respects them for doing it, and they needed a target. He says he’s the biggest target (and I blame the orange shirt for this), and he’s used to it. He goes on to say that their plan was almost brilliant, because their genius was blinded by their ignorance. The problem was with management, and they took RAW away from the WWE Universe, which was a bad move, because they made five million new enemies. They destroyed the ring, considered sacred ground, and now every WWE Superstar wants their head on a plate. Wade was fired tonight. Bold decision, but it won’t fix the problem. If the group was lawless enough to stop a broadcast of RAW, he says that getting arrested for a misdemeanor is the least of their problem. They’ve been kicked out, but he’s still there, and he hopes their watching. He’s going to Fatal 4Way, he’ll be on RAW the night after, and he’ll be standing in the ring, demanding they finish it. They’ve been fired, and all Cena has is his word. His word is this: If they fight, he won’t press charges.
The NXT Rookies show up from the stands again. He says that they thought he was a target? They put the target off him and put it on their own heads. King gets into the ring joined by Evan Bourne, William Regal, R-Truth, and Santino. A full out brawl starts, and Mark Henry, Randy Orton, and Edge all join. Sheamus even runs in with his lead pipe. The NXT Rookies run away, but the Superstars chase them backstage and out of the arena.
<COMMERCIAL>
Sheamus is backstage with his lead pipe and Josh Matthews walks up and asks why he helped. Sheamus says that he won’t let the NXT Rookies ruin his match at Fatal 4Way, and if anyone’s going to take out Cena, it’s going to be him.
Rewind to last week’s Battle Royal.
Diva’s Champion Eve Torres & Gail Kim vs Maryse and Alicia Fox
It’s been announced that the Diva’s Championship is on the line in a Fatal 4Way as well on Sunday. Diva’s Champion Eve Torres will defend against Gail Kim, Maryse, and Alicia Fox.
Maryse shoves Eve before the match has even started, and the two start attacking as soon as the bell rings. Eve kicks Maryse in the stomach and throws her down. Eve bounces back, but Alicia grabs her hair. Eve tries to pay her back, but turns around to get hit by Maryse with a spinning back kick. Alicia gets tagged in and they hit a double team, before Alicia covers Eve, but Eve kicks out. Alicia hits a superplex and then goes for the cover, but Eve kicks out again. Alicia puts Eve in a headlock, Eve fights out, and Alicia throws her onto the mat. She drags her by her hair to the corner and tags in Maryse. I missed some part or another here, but Alicia’s back in, she kicks Gail away, and then Eve is thrown into the corner. Alicia goes for a kick, but misses and ends up kicking Maryse. Eve hits a neckbreaker on Alicia and wins.
Diva’s Champion Eve Torres and Gail Kim win!
Turns out John Cena has decided to compete tonight after all, and the main event is now the one we missed the other week: John Cena and Randy Orton vs Edge and Sheamus. But, next up, Mark and Big Show will take on Ted DiBiase and Virgil.
<COMMERCIAL>
The Big Show & Guest Host Mark Feurstein vs Ted DiBiase & Virgil
Ted and Show start out this match. Ted tries to get Show in a submission, but Show powers out and shoves Ted into a corner. He then proceeds to put his ass in Ted’s face. He stands Ted up and slaps his chest once, twice. Ted is throw into the opposite corner, and manages to poke Big Show’s eyes. Ted tries to pick him up, but Show just throws him. Ted then tags in Virgil, who looks at Ted like he’s nuts. He gets off the apron to talk to Ted, but Show grabs his head and just hurls him into the ring. Virgil rolls to the other side of the ring and out, but Mark grabs him and throws him back into the ring. Show bodyslams Virgil, then steps on him. He picks him up, throws him into the turnbuckle, rips her shirt, and slaps him too. Show gets Virgil with the chokeslam. While Ted’s yelling at a motionless Virgil to get up, Show tags in Mark. Mark breakdances in the ring for a minute before he does the worm over to Virgil. He winds up, and then drops… next to Virgil in an attempted elbow drop. Anyway, he covers Virgil for the win.
Big Show and Mark Feuerstien win!
Ted looks both humiliated and pissed. He starts to just walk right by Virgil, but then he stops and pulls $100 out of his boot, walking over and sticking it in Virgil’s mouth. He then walks away, but goes back, grabs the money, wipes it on Virgil and puts it in his trunks, reminding me of a hooker, before he walks out.
<COMMERCIAL>
Showstopper by Toby Mac is the official F4W theme!
William Regal vs Santino Marella with Vladimir Kozlov as the Special Guest Referee
Kozlov starts the match and Santino, reminiscent of the other week, attempts a few kicks on Regal before Regal nails him with a shoulder block, stomping on his arm. Santino’s flipped, and Regal’s back on his arm. Regal’s focusing on Santino’s arm, but Santino manages to get Regal down with a handful of tights, and Kozlov gives him the three count. Regal argues, but Kozlov rolls out of the ring.
Santino Marella wins.
Bret comes out and says that he wants every Superstar out on the stage to prevent history from repeating itself. Up next, the main event!
<COMMERCIAL>
Edge & Sheamus vs WWE Champion John Cena & Randy Orton
Sheamus starts with Cena. They lock up, Sheamus gets Cena in a headlock. Cena pushes down on Sheamus’ knee with his foot to get out, and reverses it. Sheamus gets to the ropes. Cena reaches out to Sheamus’ hand like he’s going to lock up again, then goes around him for a full nelson, but Sheamus gets to the ropes again. Cena moves over and tags Orton in. Orton punches Sheamus, then puts him in a headlock. Sheamus pushes Orton into the turnbuckle and gets him down, kicking at him. Sheamus tags in Edge, but Oton hits Edge with a backbreaker. He goes down, pounding on the mat, then gets up and goes for the RKO, but Edge pushes him away and rolls out of the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
Cena gets the upperhand on Edge, hits a fisherman suplex and goes for the cover, but Edge kicks out at two. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Edge gets out and goes for a clothesline only to miss. Cena hits a clothesline, however, and goes for a cover. Edge grabs the ropes. Cena punches Edge a few times and then knocks Edge out of the ring. Edge gets back in, but stays on the apron, grabbing Cena’s head and jumping off the apron. Cena falls back, and then Edge drags Cena to the other corner. He gets him in an arm bar before he tags in Sheamus. Sheamus kicks Cena, then goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Sheamus delivers a running high knee to Cena, then shoves his head down. Sheamus distracts the ref, and Edge holds Cena in a headlock. Sheamus then tags in Edge. Edge tries to get Cena up, but Cena hits a superplex on him. Edge then tags Sheamus back in, and Sheamus hits an elbow drop. Sheamus, once again, distracts the ref, and Edge takes advantage outside the ring. Sheamus rolls out and throws Cena into the barrier. He gets him back in the ring and goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two.
Sheamus hits a clothesline and goes for another cover, but Cena kicks out at two again. Sheamus gets Cena in a headlock and wraps his legs around Cena’s torso. Cena stands up, holding Sheamus and reaches for Orton, but falls. Sheamus goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Sheamus tags in Edge and Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment. Sheamus drops him, and Cena is set up for the Spear, but moves last minute. Orton and Sheamus are tagged in. Orton keeps dropping Sheamus to the mat, and then hits a scoop slam. Orton gets Sheamus between the ropes and drops him face-first into the mat. He drops to the ring again, and then gets up to RKO Edge. Sheamus hits Orton with an Ax Handle, and then hits what King (I think) called the Irish Curse Backbreaker, and goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out. Sheamus gets Orton in a submission, but Orton fights out. Sheamus puts his knee in Orton’s gut, and goes for the cover, but Orton kicks out. Sheamus drags Orton to his corner and tags in Edge. Orton fights Edge and Sheamus, and Edge hits a drop toe-hold and beats on Orton’s shoulder. Orton gets to his feet and then is Irish Whipped. He kicks Edge, who hits a clothesline. Orton tags Cena. Cena hits two shoulder blocks when the lights go down.
The NXT Rookies are destroying the backstage area. Two of them, I’m not sure which two because everyone started looking the same, get Bret in the back seat of a limo, which then proceeds to rear end a bunch of cars. They pull him out and say they want an answer by Sunday, and then they scatter.
So! What will the answer be at Fatal 4Way? Will the Rookies ever go away? STAY TUNED!!
What’s up, my peeps?! Are you ready for another stellar WWE Superstars? (I hope you caught on to the sarcasm)
Match 1: Alicia Fox vs Gail Kim
This was your standard, crappy Diva’s match. Alicia Fox wins after she knocks Gail Kim off the top rope and hit her scissor kick. Oh, Scissor me!
Match 2: Zack Ryder and Primo Colon vs Yoshi Tatsu and Goldust
The only one worth caring about here is Zack Ryder. I’m super glad that he is a “Pro” on season 2 of NXT. Ryder got the win for his team when he hit the Rough Ryder on the Golden One.
Replay of the NXT season 1 cast’s attack on John Cena, CM Punk, Justin Roberts, the WWE crew, and the WWE ringside area from RAW.
Main Event: Kofi Kingston w/ Joe Hennig (I refuse to call him Michael McGillicutty) vs Luke Gallows w/ Serena
At least we get one Upper Mid Card guy tonight. Kofi gets the win with the S.O.S.
That’s it for tonight. Check back next week for another outstanding episode of WWE Superstars.
What’s up! It’s Rizzle fo’ shizzle dizzle! Whatever that means. Snoop Doggy Dogg is your host (does he still call himself that, or is it just Snoop Dogg now? In which case, does that mean he can’t perform the song “What’s My Name?” anymore, since it says his name is Snoop Doggy Dogg?), and word on the street is, there’s a former WWE Intercontinental Champion in the hizzle looking to shut up the United States Champion, the Miz. All this and commentary from the Twitterverse, tonight!
I think we all know what’s happening tonight already when CM Punk defends the World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Hardy in a steel cage, so let’s get started!
Jim Ross and Todd Grisham welcome us to Phoenix, AZ and Friday Night Smackdown! Justin Roberts introduces the only Straight Edge World Champion in history, CM Punk!
The World Champion hobbles to the ring, showing the effects of his TLC match this past Sunday at SummerSlam. He told us so. In case we were too intoxicated to remember, he’ll show us how he did it. (Video package highlighting the TLC match from SummerSlam). He’s never felt more alive than he does right now, and he’s positive that nobody in attendance have ever felt this way. He feels every ache and pain of every table, ladder, and chair. It was the most brutal match of his career, but it’s the pain that makes him feel so alive, and naturally, he hasn’t taken a thing for it. Unlike all of you, who double up on extra strength medication for the slightest headache. If anybody in here felt like Punk feels right now, they’d be on a morphene drip. But that’s not the only pain he felt at SummerSlam. He felt the pain of having his moment in the spotlight robbed by The Undertaker. After everything he’s been through, tonight he’s being forced to wrestle in a steel cage match. It’s unfair and it borderlines on conspiracy, since the higher-ups are terrified of him, just like all the fans. They fear what they don’t understand, and they don’t understand what Straight Edge is all about. He doesn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs, including prescription medication like Jeff Hardy. It just means that he’s better than you, and tonight, he’ll prove it again.
So you see the writing on the wall…
Jeff Hardy isn’t in much better shape physically than CM Punk as he makes his way to the ring. Hardy says that he hopes Punk’s enjoyed his reign as the straight-edge World Champion, because it ends tonight. Punk’s preaching as if the most important words in the English language are “Just Say No,” when tonight there are three words that are far more important, “steel cage match.” Punk says he knows Hardy is probably intoxicated right now, but how intoxicated is he? What did he put in his body to have the strength to come out to the ring? Painkillers to dull the scary reality he lives in? The reality is, Punk is sick and tired of hearing the fans boo him. He’s tired of seeing impressionable children cheering a guy like Jeff Hardy. He’s fed up with the fans, and he’s fed up with Jeff Hardy. One of them doesn’t belong here anymore. Hardy likes taking risks? How about this – tonight, the loser is out of the WWE. Punk elaborates, since he knows Hardy is having a hard time understanding because of all the narcotics. If Punk loses, the fans don’t have to listen to him preach anymore, but if Hardy loses, it proves that straight edge means “I’m better than you.” (There you go, Drow – he said it!) The fans chant Hardy’s name, and he says he doesn’t know. It’s risky. It’s crazy. Punk’s on!
You know it’s the Mack Militant…
Teddy Long comes to the stage, and he says it’s official. Since both are in agreement, if that’s what they want, it’s what they’re going to get. The loser of tonight’s match will no longer be in the WWE. The person that wins will defend the World Heavyweight Championship in two weeks at Breaking Point, where every main event match is a submission match. That means the winner will be in a submission match at Breaking Point – against The Undertaker! Punk waves goodbye to Hardy.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
WrestleMania will be in Phoenix in seven months, but SmackDown is there tonight, and our opening contest is a tag team match. John Morrison, whose coat is apparently what Jim Ross wears to the grocery store when he goes shopping for his wife, is teaming with Matt Hardy, and they’re taking on The Hart Dynasty.
John Morrison & Matt Hardy def. The Hart Dynasty
I should watch what I say here, lest Matt go on MySpace and blast me, but I really think Matt needs to go back to the pants look instead of the tights – at least until he loses the weight he put on when he had a torn abdomen or whatever. If anything, he needs to stick with the black tights he wore during his RAW stint, because this blue thing is just not working for him. It’s looks so bad on him that it’s distracting me from what promises to be a very entertaining match. In the end, it’s John Morrison with the Starship Pain on David Hart Smith for the victory.
Seriously, Matt, if you’re reading this, go back to the pants. I can’t take you seriously in those ridiculous tights.
Still to come, Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk in a cage – winner is the WWE Champion, loser is unemployed!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Melina tells Maria that she saw Dolph Ziggler out with another woman after SummerSlam, but Maria doesn’t want to believe her. She asks Melina if she has a boyfriend who really cares about her. Melina says she should ask herself that question. Dolph shows up, and Maria asks him about the girl. Dolph says it’s true – it was his sister, Kristen, who was in town for the show.
Drew McIntyre is in the ring. Good to see him back on TV, even though he’s clearly doing the j.o.b. tonight – and as I type that, McIntyre assaults R-Truth as he’s getting in the ring. He takes Truth’s mic, and he says that if the people like to be entertained by somebody dancing and rapping to the ring. Well, his name is Drew McIntyre, and the party is over. He throws the mic down and walks out. Welcome back to SmackDown, Drew!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Before the break, Drew McIntyre beat the crap out of R-Truth.
Josh Matthews welcomes the WWE Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool, who is outside of the ring on crutches. We paid to see her wrestle tonight, but she was injured by Melina last week for no good reason. She’s got an injured knee and isn’t medically cleared to compete. Michelle says it’s ok, we can trust her. She’s going to introduce Melina’s opponent – Layla. Layla makes her way to the ring, followed by Melina, and we’re set for… no, it couldn’t be… is it? Holy crap, it is! It’s a one on one Divas match!
Melina def. Layla
Layla is vastly improving in the ring week in and week out, all credit where it’s due. The problem is, you can usually expect her to do the job. Melina tweaks her ankle early onin the match, and Layla capitalizes, but it only postpones the inevitable as Melina hits her finisher for the victory.
After the match, Melina exits the ring and dumps Michelle McCool out of her chair.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK> – “The Rise and Fall of WCW” is highly recommended by both myself and JT.
Video: Celebrities I’ve never heard of and WWE Superstars talk about SummerSlam
Booyakah, booyakah! (Don’t get too used to that – after next week it’s gonna be a month before I have to type that again.)
The WWE Intercontinental Champion is on drugs his way to the ring for a steroid injection competition. He’s scheduled to defend the Intercontinental Championship against Dolph Ziggler – guess that’s not happening, huh?
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Kane makes his way to the ring to take on the Intercontinental Champion in this non-title match.
Rey Mysterio def. Kane
Meh. I’m still not ready for this match after their infinitely long feud on RAW last year. Kane gets himself disqualified because he won’t stop ramming Mysterio into the steel post.
After the match, The Great Khali comes after Kane. He goes for the Punjabi Plunge, but Kane escapes. Ranjin (in his new “The Great Khali Says…” Bobby Heenan style jacket) hits him with a Singapore cane (he hit Kane with a cane – get it?), which draws Kane’s attention long enough for Khali to hit him with it. Khali drives Kane to the back with cane shots, and Dolph Ziggler attacks Rey Mysterio.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
One half of the Unified Tag Team Champions, Chris Jericho, is set for action and accompanied by The Big Show. They’ll be facing MVP and Mark Henry at Breaking Point. But for now, Jericho has something to say.
JeriShow is the most powerful team in sports today – and while great teams don’t always win, they win when they have to. Just because Floyd Mayweather helped them cheat to win on RAW doesn’t mean that MVP and Mark Henry will win at Breaking Point. JeriShow will win at Breaking Point, just like they did at SummerSlam. JeriShow don’t cut corners, they’re men of principal, men of honesty, but most importantly, they’re champions. Unified Tag Team Champions.
Yo yo yo yo yo – Shad Gaspard and JTG, it’s Cryme Time
Great.
Shad will be representing his team in this singles matchup.
Chris Jericho vs. Shad Gaspard
Shad is angry and assaults Jericho early on. It’s all Shad for the first couple minutes of the match, using his power to virtually destroy Jericho. Shad goes for a pin, but only gets a two when Big Show pulls Jericho out of the ring. All hell breaks loose as both teams fight on the outside…
You know it’s the Mack Militant…
SmackDown General Manager Theodore Long comes out and orders the referee to restart this as a tag team match.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Chris Jericho & The Big Show def. Cryme Tyme
The match has already started when we come back from the break. Jericho is faring much better now than he was in his one on one matchup with Shad earlier on. In fact, it’s all JeriShow in the early going. In the end, it’s The Big Show knocking Shad out for the win.
Jeff Hardy is drawing on himself backstage when he’s joined by Matt Hardy, who tells him to beat CM Punk so that the Hardys can take over SmackDown. Jeff says he lives for the moment, and the moment is now.
The steel cage is lowering, and it might as well be the curtain on the career of one of the two men who will be entering it when we come back! (Hey! when did I get all metaphory and stuff?)
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
This is a steel cage match for the World Heavyweight Championship. This match can be won by pinfall, submission, or by escaping the cage with both feet touching the floor.
Jeff Hardy makes his way to the ring, and he gets attacked from behind by the World Heavyweight Champion. Punk slingshots Hardy face first into the cage, then hiptosses him to the floor. Punk suplexes Hardy on the outside, then finally tosses him back into the ring. Punk follows Hardy in, and the bell rings, starting this match.
CM Punk def. Jeff Hardy
Punk tries to escape early, but Hardy stops him. In fact, that seems to be Punk’s M.O. – escape early. Personally, I don’t see why he didn’t just go for the door as soon as the bell rang instead of climbing out. This is definitely going to be one of those “must watch” matches. It’s all Punk, but Hardy, like his older brother, will not die. Punk ducks a high cross body, slowing Hardy’s comeback attempt, but not for long. Hardy hits a Whisper in the Wind and scores a two count.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Hardy tries to escape as we come back from the break, but Punk stops him – and eats a cross body from the top rope for his troubles – and a two count. Hardy tries another escape, but Punk stops him again. Hardy crotches Punk on the top rope and hits the Swanton Bomb after the champion crumbles to the canvas. Hardy goes for the cover, but Punk kicks out at two! Punk goes to climb out, and Hardy goes for the door. Punk realizes this, and prevents Hardy’s escape. Both men are down, and we head to another…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
It’s Punk trying to escape through the door when we come back this time. Hardy drags him back in and the door is closed once again. Punk goes for the Go To Sleep, but Hardy reverses it into a backslide for a two count. Punk nails a double underhook backbreaker and only scores a two. Punk goes for the Go To Sleep again, but Hardy again counters, this time into a Twist of Fate. Hardy crawls over to the corner and uses the ropes to pull himself up. He begins to climb. He gets on top of the cage, but Punk sees this and the adrenaline starts to flow, causing Punk to rush to try and stop him. Hardy gets over the top of the cage, but Punk manages to pull him back in and superplex him to the canvas. Punk pulls himself to the ropes and uses them to get to his feet. He starts to climb the cage. He gets to the top, but Hardy’s adrenaline rushes and he leaps to his feet to try to pull Punk back in. Punk thumbs Hardy in the eye and bounces his head off of the top of the cage, sending Hardy crashing to the mat and allowing Punk to drop to the floor to retain his title and bring Jeff Hardy’s career to a screeching halt.
The champion makes his exit, the cage raises from the ring, and the copyright graphic appears on the screen – at 9:55PM. Odd. The fans chant “Thank You Jeff,” and the Charismatic Enigma rises to his feet. He ties his hair back and applauds the fans. He grabs a microphone and apologizes if he’s let anybody down. He’s sorry we’ll be seeing CM Punk instead of him on SmackDown, but it’s been a hell of a ride, hasn’t it? He wants to thank all of the fans and wants to let us know it’s not goodbye forever, it’s only goodbye for now. If the time is right, he’s sure he’ll see us in the future. He says “Thank you all.” He says at least Matt’s back on his side, there’s still a Hardy on this show. “Yours truly, Jeff Hardy, ours truly, this life.” The saddened fans in the arena chant “Thank You Jeff” once again as the now former WWE Superstar leaves for perhaps the last time. Hardy stands at the top of the ramp to salute the fans one last time, when Punk smacks him in the back of the head with the World Title. Punk stands tall over the fallen Hardy as we fade to black.
The Undertaker returns to SmackDown, NEXT WEEK!
My Thoughts: Man. I knew this was coming, but I still feel weird sitting here knowing that Jeff Hardy has wrestled his last match for a while. Love him or hate him, Jeff Hardy was probably the most exciting superstar on any of the WWE brands. Hopefully it’ll be sooner, rather than later, that we see the Charasmatic Enigma back in the ring.
Speaking of Hardys, those blue tights look terrible on you, Matt. Not as bad as The Big Show’s Mr. Perfect singlet looks on him, but still pretty bad.
If Michelle is injured as bad as she seems to be, shouldn’t the WWE higher-ups make her relinquish the title? I know, I know. I’m talking about logic in the same sentence of the WWE.
That’s it for tonight guys. Not sure if I’m doing a ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts tomorrow since I’m working on another project at the moment, but I guarantee you that JT will be here for Random Randomness on Sunday!
