TNA Impact 23/01/2014
Leave a CommentAnother week another Impact. On the show we’ll be talking about the Royal Rumble too, so this isn’t that necessary. Damn.
Another week another Impact. On the show we’ll be talking about the Royal Rumble too, so this isn’t that necessary. Damn.
Tonight’s Impact was dedicated to the memory of Mae Young. She’s tapping out Jesus now while the crowd still chants for Savage, who’s in the main event with Eddie Guerrero.
Spud is in the ring to start us off and introduced Dixie Carter. Spud sat on the rope to pull it down for Dixie and she kicked him in the butt. She don’t need no one holding the ropes down for her. It was a nice little touch. Dixie basically threatened the locker room and brought up last week. Dixie thanks God the AJ story is over and says it’s a new beginning. Hence the name Genesis. She introduced Magnus after that as the crowd chants for AJ. I hope he’s not done. I don’t remember the last time he was so over.
Magnus comes out with both belts and handed one to Dixie after calling her a champion of the people. Dixie/Rock at WM31. Dixie introduced the heels who helped out last week to thank them. Dixie gave Spud the title to hold and I marked out. Dixie thanks all the heels and said they’ll be getting a bigger paycheck. Tonight is the Genesis of Dixie Carter’s TNA, but to do that they have to stick together. EC3 is going to have to take out Sting. After that she brought EC3. Each week suicide is harder to hold off. Before EC3 can even speak the lights go out and Sting’s music hits. Sting’s in the crowd and he points a bat at the ring. The segment ended. I avoided committing suicide after all.
Or perhaps not as when we came back from commercial, Sting’s music is still playing. He said he hopes that the pay off was worth it and said the people who didn’t sell out have honour, and Dixie can’t comprehend that. He threatened Dixie and Shield’d his way to the ring. Shield is a verb now. He cuts a promo on Magnus and says that TNA is a house divided that cannot stand. “We” are gonna fight tonight. The faces appeared on the ramp and Sting says tonight they’re taking back what’s theirs and a locker room sized brawl breaks out. I want to say their roster is small but it’s about the right size really. No one is squandered or disappearing every few weeks besides Kenny King and TJ Perkins. Sting is left in the ring with EC3 and hits him with the bat as they go to break. Again. When they come back all the heels are on the ramp and Joe has the mic. What fabulous directing.
Even before meeting Sister Abigail, Bray was a weird dude.
This segnment insists on continuing as Joe says they’re not leaving until they get into a fight. Spud makes a six on six tag match playa that’s gonna start right now.
Faces vs Heels in a 12 man tag match
They all brawl at the start and people get hurt. Joe and Zema Ion are the two legal men by default as everyone else fights on the floor. Basically a pair of faces and heels go in the ring and then out one after the other. Storm is on the face team for what it’s worth, as is Gunner. My left foot went numb but my doctor says I don’t have diabeetus so it’s okay. Eventually this turned into an actual six on six match with people on the apron and I hit fast forward. I’d had more than enough by this point. TNA is sponsored by five hour energy because it takes one to get through it. Oh, Genesis is lasting two weeks. Fun. Park turns into Abyss and takes out Storm and Gunner too. Joe wins with the choke on Daniels. Look guys, Joe’s getting pushed. Again.
Velvet Sky is backstage with Austin Aries. He plugs his trading card and was trying to convince her to leave Sabin. Sabin comes in and drags her to the ring.
Angle is also backstage looking for Dixie and Al.
Speaking of before they became creepy, say hello to Taker.
Sabin is in the ring with Velvet Sky and he calls her selfish. I never realised how thin she was. Sabin tells Velvet she has some explainin’ to do and Aries comes out for the save. He tells Sabin that a better title for him would be “The worst boyfriend that ever lived.” and I nearly barfed as he said he’d make an exception to his veganism for “a piece of pigeon pie”. Oh God strike me down. If you love me you’ll kill me. Sabin says that Velvet loves him and does what he says, and Aries says that’s the problem. Velvet needs to be who she knows she is, and who the fans know she is. Aries goes to call her a hot piece of ass and Sabin interrupts him for feminism. Sabin calls her toots and grabs her ass. Aries challenges him to a one on one title match next week. To take Velvet out of the equation and wants Velvet to go inside a cage. Velvet says she’ll do it, it reminds her of her time before being a wrassler. Velvet wants a man who’ll support her, not blame her, and Sabin won’t have her help. She teases leaving Sabin if he loses the match. I saw someone on the Flock say they predict an Aries and Velvet live sex celebration. I think I’m going to have to take next week off.
Angle is still backstage but he’s changed his clothes. Still can’t find Dixie. Dexter is backstage and is congratulated by some faceless schmuck. Schmuck tells Dexter to not focus on Christie and gets his ass kicked for daring to mention her name. He beats the guy to death with his own shoe.
EC3 backstage segment. Magnus comes in too, and says he sees a rookie who doubts himself. The crowd was cheering and I wondered what they were seeing. They tease some dissension and Magnus walks out, wishing him luck. Or something.
That’s Tank Abbot giving a whole new meaning to “blade job”.
Bully Ray vs Mr Anderson in a No DQ match
Anderson runs out and attacks Bully before the match can start and the two brawl outside and inside the ring. The pair have a chair duel with Anderson coming out on top. Bully whips him with a chain for his troubles and gets in the ref’s face after a two count. It’s amazing how you can watch at double speed and not miss anything. Anderson introduces a guard rail to the match but it’s Bully who uses it before both guys take splashes on it. Anderson even hits a mic check onto it for just a two count. Anderson grabs a table and drives Bully through it but, again, gets a two count. He gets another table and Bully grabs the lighter fluid. Anderson snaps and goes to set the table on fire but Bully grabs him and pile drives him for the win. This feud will almost definitely see a flaming table though.
Kurt Angle confronts Al Snow in catering and knocks him out after Snow wouldn’t rat out Dixie.
Kurt Angle then comes out to the ring and grabs a mic. He calls out Dixie for involving his family. Dixie says Angle needs to realise things have changed and it’s not seven years ago. Angle says it isn’t because seven years ago Dixie was a good woman and asks her why she faked a family emergency. Dixie says she did it for the Rock, and for Angle. If she didn’t get Angle out the building he’d have made a choice he’d regret. Angle asks her why she’s so crazy and Dixie says that Angle isn’t smart enough to make the decision to not fight. She did what was best for him, and for her team. Angle says that he’s not on her team and he’ll be in Sting’s corner tonight. Dixie says he’s clearly insane and postpones his match until next week. I don’t see why the crowd booed that. They’ll still get to see it. Dixie threatens to fire anyone who gets involved in the main event and Angle dares her to fire him. He doesn’t care about his job, or his family, or anything. Dixie has him removed from the building for his own protection. Roode attacks Angle from behind as he argues with security and hits the Roode Bomb. That’s the name for that sweet looking Fireman’s Carry Neckbreaker he does. Security drags out a dead Angle.
Improper use of the Fireman’s Carry
Madison Rayne gets assaulted backstage.
Dixie is backstage with Scott Armstrong and informs him he won’t be the ref in the main event after his actions last week.
Madison Rayne vs Gail Kim for the Knockouts Title
A mild USA chant breaks out during this match because Gail is Asian and Americans are racist. The pair really go at it and Kim does her best to focus on the injured abdomen. Tapa attacks Rayne outside the ring and gets thrown to the back even though that’s grounds for a DQ. Gail does her good old fashioned Figure Four on the corner but ultimately Madison wins and is the new Knockouts champ. She’s now a five time, five time, five time, five time, five time knockout champ.
Sting is backstage and tells the guys in the back to stay in the back. A video package teasing a real new Impact or some stuff airs. Impact is getting a TV network or something.
Dixie is backstage with the American Wolves and says they have a tryout match next week. If they win, they get a contract…except…they already signed their contract earlier in the day. Dixie asks who counter signed it and they give her an envelope and walk out. TNA has a new investor and I hope this is a shoot. They could do with one.
This was called “If Vince Owned NBA” but Vince would never have a black man in the XBA.
Sting vs EC3 with special guest referee Rockstar Spud
Rockstar Spud actually got a “You’re a douchebag” chant. I don’t get why Tazz couldn’t say douchebag either. It’s TV14 after all. Spud is totally in EC3’s favour and pulls Sting away from EC3 whenever he can. Sting ignores him and just does what he wants, including suplexing EC3 on the ramp. EC3 gets back into it after a distraction by Spud and pounds more ass than a gay porn star. Cock talk! Sting gets the Deathlock in and Spud gets on his back. Sting just uses Spud to hit EC3 and drops him. Spud refuses to count but Sting grabs his hand and forces him. Magnus pulls EC3 out before he can count three and then takes his shirt off to reveal a ref shirt of his own. EC3 rolls Sting up and Magnus fast counts the three. EC3 wins.
Post match Sting challenges Magnus and says he’ll do anything, anything, to fight Magnus. Sting believed in Magnus and now he’s disgraced J.J Styles, Jeff Hardy, and the wrasslin business. Magnus is a cancer and Sting wants one. More. Match. Magnus says that Sting can never compete for the title again, and says he owes Sting nothing. Magnus says that Dixie is considering extending Sting’s contract and uses it as a negotiation tool. If Sting wins, he gets the title, and if Magnus wins, he tears Sting’s contract to shred and Sting is done. Sting accepts the match and in the back of his mind, dreams about facing Taker at Wrestlemania. The match is next week and it’s going to be hard for me to avoid spoilers. Tazz and Tenay hype up Genesis Part Two as the show goes off the air.
A collection of TNA scripts.
It wasn’t a bad show, I’m just getting very very tired. I’m interested to see what happens with Sting. I think the only way he’ll go to the E is if he can face Taker, but I don’t know if Taker is even doing a match this year. This might be Sting’s last chance. Maybe this ties into the new investor storyline and Sting DOES lose his contract, but gets resigned. This could all be building to a huge return for AJ, Sting and Jeff Hardy. Stay positive folks. Not understanding where something is going doesn’t make it bad. It means you get to explore the possibilities. THEN you get disappointed when they go with the worst option.
Wrestling doesn’t take breaks so neither do we. Maybe they should, so that we could. Selfish bastards.
Though not as selfish as the E, who are going to unleash this on Joe
I had bacon sandwiches for lunch today. No turkey for me.
I’m pretty damn sleep deprived and this probably won’t get read on the air. Guess we could be in for a legit lazy review. It never is.
I hate repeating myself so always change the intro. I also hate repition, so I’ve got no clue why I chose to be the Impact reviewer.
Tired, eating lunch, same shit, different week. Speaking of the same shit on a different week, it’s time for the TNA review!
Same as before; tired, eating lunch, yadda yadda. Reading out the reviews on the air makes me realise how much unnecessary stuff I put in them. Still leranin folks, bear with me.
Same deal as last week folks. Thanks to a busy day I’m watching Impact while extremely tired and eating my lunch.
The show starts with a small segment with Magnus. He said he left it all in the ring and goes to talk about EGO interfering. Roode comes in and EGO beat Magnus down, telling him he’ll never be champion and he only has himself to blame.
Due to time constraints caused by technical difficulties I had to watch Impact while eating my lunch so details of the firsst 15 minutes or so could be sketchy.
The show starts with a pretty awesome video package on the BFG series and the finals and the match between Bully and Anderson. It made the show feel pretty important. I forgot TNA were able to do that.
We get what we always get these days at the start of the show, Bully Ray. He has Brooke with him but no Toto. I wonder if he’s literally in the doghouse. Bully is willing to forgive Kenny because Hogan caused all of Aces and Eights’ problems. As if summoned by the very mention of his name like some sort of demon, Hulk Hogan comes out and welcomes the crowd and tells Bully to be worried about facing his brother, brother. Bully thinks Kenny will do the right thing. Anderson comes out and doesn’t shake Hogan’s hand. Kenny says he was out of line and can’t wait to get out of line again and knocks Bully out of the ring. He declares there will be a new WHC tonight and Hogan wishes Bully luck as he makes the title match a Last Man Standing match.
Austin Aries vs AJ Styles
AJ does the thing where he changes music during his entrance. I’d rather have the Sin Cara lights than that crap. There are duelling chants for both guys as we start with chain wrestling. Both guys hit and counter high spots inside and out the ring. Things slow down quite a lot after that. Some guy in the audience, on the hard camera, was actually reading a magazine and not watching the match. Fuck this crowd. AJ hits a backbreaker for a two count and a this is awesome chant starts. No it isn’t. These guys are great performers but no, this match has not been awesome. AJ went for the Styles Clash but Aries escapes. AJ hits a slingshot to take things outside. AJ hits his head on the apron but it doesn’t actually stop anything. AJ hits a springboard punch. Aries blocks a Styles Clash just by holding his arms to his chest and hits a hurricanrana. Why has no one else tried that? Aries hits the Brainbuster for a 2 count and fails to make AJ tap with the Last Chancery. AJ hits a Styles Clash from the second rope for the win and Magazine Guy gives a golf clap. I daresay Aries broke his promise by saying the winner would be the fans. I expected better.
Forget the match, this magazine is awesome!
Backstage with Main Event Mafia. Sting says that MEM is supposed to be made up of former champs but they let Magnus in because they liked him, or some shit. Told ya, technical difficulties. He tries to pump Magnus up. Magnus says he’s tired of being told he’s the future and the future is now.
Tenay notices that Toto and Rampage aren’t around and speculates where they are.
Roode vs Magnus
We come back from break to see Roode bitching to the commentators and ref because Magnus hasn’t shown up. Magnus then comes out to his old theme. Tonight he is Magnus, and not Magnus of the MEM. Roode doesn’t wait to kick the crap out of Magnus but he evens things out. It’s a very physical matchup and to prove how much of a letdown the first match was, the crowd are entirely into this match. Even Magazine Guy put his magazine away to watch it. Roode beats Magnus down hard for a two count. It’s also revealed that Magnus is 26 years old. Okay, I’ll complain less when people are pushed over him now. He actually has a good ten to twenty years left in his career. Roode gets in a long headlock and the crowd tries to bring him back into it. Did they swap crowds between the first two matches? Magnus gets a two count and Roode hits a Spinebuster for a two count of his own. Roode tries to get a Crossface locked in but Magnus turns it into a Cloverleaf. Roode makes it to the rope. The finish came when Magnus hit a Jacknife pin for the win. See Aries, that’s a good match. I’m not even saying that because I’m a biased Brit but because the fans actually stayed in it and came alive.
Backstage with Bobby Roode who flips his shit and a chair. EGO run up to him and stop him. Roode says if he’s not going to the finals, no one is, and EGO agree and say they have his back.
Look guys, it’s Christopher Daniels’ cat!
More backstage segments with Hogan now. He’s with TJ Perkins, I mean Rellik, I mean Suicide. What’s this guy called now? Oh, right, Manik. He’s out of the mask again and to be honest it does actually make some sense. I don’t mind he’s seen with his mask off really. I’d go into why but we’d be here a while and I have stuff to do. TJ and Hogan (JTHogan?) agree that when TJ puts the mask on he becomes someone entirely different and asks to face Hardy to test himself. Hogan agrees and Dixie walks into the room. She finally turned up to a taping then. Dixie says that she got a call from Bellator who have decided to pull Rampage and Toto from Impact because they have to protect their PPV and they don’t want Rampage and Toto to get injured. I can actually believe that. Hogan says it’s good and suggests feeding Toto to Ortiz after the PPV. The one on November 2nd. The Bellator one. Seems the match is official. You’ll see them beat the crap out of eachother legit, and then get to see them fake fight. Unless they do a shoot fight. That I would like to see because I’m not gonna watch this Bellator PPV. Though it would also be a kick in the face to anyone who paid for the PPV if they do another, legit, fight on a free Impact show.
Yet more backstage segments. This time with Aces and Eights. Bully says he thinks his lackeys are happy Anderson screwed him and they want Kenny to be their leader. Bully knows they’re proud of him because he’s proud of them and he loves them, and he knows they’ll do the right thing. He says he hopes they feel the same way about him and walks off to end the segment.
There’s a video package to promote the match between Kenny and Bully. Remember how I joke about how much Bischoff looks like Brodus Clay? DOC looked an awful lot like Tensai.
Bully Ray(c) vs Kenny Anderson in a Last Man Standing match for the WHC.
The pair fight on the ramp and Kenny throws Bully into the ring and continues the beatdown. If he stays aggressive I can live with it, as long as he doesn’t talk. I only really hate Kenny when he’s given a mic. Bully uses Hemme as a human shield and there was some epic side boob. I’m so surprised she didn’t pop out of her top. Given how they must have planned that you’d think she woulda wore something more appropriate. Bully rakes the eyes of Kenny to get back into it. He tells Brooke to go get him a chair and beats down Kenny some more. The ref checks on Anderson on the ground instead of counting him. I don’t remember if you have to be in the ring to be counted in a Last Man Standing match or not. Brooke comes back at last but Anderson is the one who uses the chair. Things finally get in the ring and Kenny hits a low blow and what I think was a rolling Firemans Carry. Anderson grabs a table and brings it into the ring. Bully hits a big boot to take control. The ref still didn’t count Anderson out and when we come back from break he’s still on the floor. That was way more than a ten count. Last Man Standing means that you have until a count of ten to get back up when you’re knocked down. Unless this is some shitty TNA variation I’ve never heard of. Like how they call Battle Royals “Gauntlet Matches”.
Bully gets in the face of Hebnar who shouts back. Bully shoves him into the corner. Kenny hits Bully with the mic check on the chair and tries to revive Hebnar. Bully stays down for about a fifty count and hits an RKO. I think Bully calls it The Bubba Cutter. Aces and Eights make their way down to the ring and help Anderson to his feet. Brooke runs into the ring and hits a low blow on Anderson and makes out with Bully Ray. Given how Bully is 42 I don’t think Taz should have referred to Brooke, who’s 28, as “A good little kid”. The three faceless lackeys of Aces and Eights hit a triple power bomb on Kenny. The Shield does it better but it was still a good spot and made sense. Bully brings Heb
nar to his senses and he finally starts counting. Kenny gets up using the ropes at a count of nine. Bully wraps a chain around his fist and knocks Anderson down and busts him open. Kenny gets up again at a count of nine and gets driven through a table set up in the corner. Kenny doesn’t get up and Bully wins. Bully killed Kenny. The bastard! EMTs try and take Kenny out on a stretcher and Bully grabs it on the ramp, saying his voice is the last Kenny will hear, and his face is the last Kenny will see. He flips Kenny off the stretcher, tears the brace off of his neck and beats him with his cut. Thankfully he didn’t go through with the rest of his threat involving burning it and pissing on it. Bully hits a Piledriver on the ramp and taunts Kenny, saying he’s the guy who just took him out.
Prepare for an ambulance match! Or a stretcher match.
Backstage segment with ODB. She says a lot of things have changed except for the fact she’s not been Knocked Out championship (not a typo, her exact words) in over three years and some other things.
James Storm and Gunner are in the ring. Storm hits a cheap pop and says he’s drunk. I would not be surprised if he was. Storm says he wants to kick back and watch the BFG series but Gunner wants to fight and they’ll do both. All they need are some opponents. Chavo and Hernandez come out to answer the call and Chavo says that last years Bound For Glory is when they won the tag belts. He puts Storm over as a great tag team wrestler and Gunner as one of the strongest guys in TNA, though Hernandez is stronger. Chavo says Gunner and Storm are on a losing streak and it’ll continue if they fight. Gunner grabs the mic from Storm and challenges Hernandez and Chavo to a match next week. If they win, they might get a shot at the titles. If they win they should GET THE TITLES. He threatens them to end the segment.
AJ vs Magnus
AJ makes his way out to the ring and he’s either legit tired and hurt or doing a good job of selling the last match. Things start slowly with several headlocks and tie ups so maybe AJ was gassed as he shuffled to the ring. Magnus hits a back suplex to a yes chant. I normally don’t mind when the Impact crowd do the yes chant, as several chants are cross promotion such as the “What?!” chant and the “Woo!” chant, but it was worse this time because they were doing the arm thing too. That’s when it becomes bad to me. Not a great deal happened for a maority of the match really but it still seemed good to me. There was an occasional power move to keep things going and the guys were tired from the last match they were in. Things did kick off about half way in when Kaz and Daniels ran into the ring and assaulted them both. Roode hits Magnus with a Spinebuster and Daniels hits the Angels Wings on AJ and they attack them as refs come out and kick them out the ring. We come back from a commercial and the guys are exchanging blows on eachother.
AJ springboards into a slightly botched uppercut and Magnus gets a two count. Magnus goes for the Cloverleaf and AJ reverses it into a Hells Gate. I know it’s a Gogoplatter or whatever but Hell’s Gate sounds cooler and I’m a huge Undertaker mark. AJ hits a pele for a two count. AJ locks in the Calf Killer submission and Magnus makes it to the ropes and plants AJ for a two count. AJ hits what I think Tenay Called the Spiral Tap and picks up the vicotry. Both in this match and in the BFG series. I can’t deny I’m let down but really I was torn between both guys anyway. I would have been happy with either, and I was bound to be disappointed with either. AJ grabs a mic and hits a Cheap Pop, followed by several more as he thanks individual members of the audience. AJ says he got a lot of responses to his shoot promo but didn’t get one from Dixie and tells her to show up next so he can bust the biggest mistake next week. He says this is Dixie Carter’s wake up call for next week and drops the mic as we go off the air.
Thoughts? To be honest I was so distracted by my laptop dying (don’t worry I have a spare) that I wasn’t paying as much attention as I usually do. The show seemed good but I didn’t really get into it much. There were also several mistakes, such as showing Dixie earlier in the night. We KNOW she’s backstage. It’s going to take her a week to watch this episode back and see she was called out? I am slightly interested in where they go from here though, and what’s going to happen now the BFG series is over, and that’s all I really need to be. Interested.