While we wait impatiently for the launch of the WWE Network, we have to get through 7 more Monday Night RAWs, including this one and the one on February 24th. Roddy Piper tweeted out some cryptic messages regarding tonight’s RAW, so let’s see if anything comes of that. Let’s go!
Blah blah blah you know what we do here. Shut up and read it.
Anyone else surprised that the E are actually going with Wrestlemania Triple X? I wonder if it’s a Triple H tie in. In any case, I set my brain to work and figured out how to book most of Wrestlemania XXX. This probably isn’t what will happen, but it’ll make sense when you’ve finished reading it.
So, you guys know the deal – I usually watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, and review the rest of this show in real time as I watch it. Well, due to inclement weather here in Buffalo, I find myself sitting at home right now, having watched all but 30 minutes of RAW. I went out to catch my bus to work, but although the local bus company insists that their buses were all running on time today, mine never showed up. At the time I left, it was 11 degrees Fahrenheit with a wind chill of -20. As I type this, it’s 1 with a wind chill of -32. So, if you can’t tell, IT’S FUCKING COLD OUTSIDE! So, I called my boss, told him I couldn’t make it in, then came home and watched the rest of Old School RAW. Afterward, I did some DDP Yoga, so I’m here now to actually review the whole show. Let’s go!
I watch 30 minutes of RAW, freeze my ass off waiting for a bus that never shows up, and then come home and watch the rest of RAW. That’s how this particular RAW review works. It’s only getting colder!
Slammy Award Winner for Crowd of the Year, and now BWF Award winner for Wrestling’s Greatest Moment of the year, I, ThinkSoJoE, am here to guide you through the dark times and in to the light, my friends! Last night at TLC, in what was more of a gay porn than an actual match, Randall Keith Orton picked up the victory over John Cena and became the WWE World Heavyweight Champion! How will Cena respond? Let’s find out, shall we?
I suffer through three hours of wrestling on Monday nights so you don’t have to. Enjoy!
While I believe Mark did an excellent job filling in for me last week, an event the caliber of the Slammys needs something special. And as such, I’ve gone out and gotten a Slammy Award winner to write the RAW review this week – me! Yes, it is I, the Slammy Award Winning ThinkSoJoE taking the helm once again as RAW presents the 2013 Slammy Awards! Earlier today, yours truly won one of the WWE.com Slammys. Don’t believe me? Look!
I was there! Slammy Award Winner, baby!
Anyways, I digress. Let’s roll!
I watch 30 minutes of RAW, then leave for work, then review the rest of RAW in real-time as I watch it. Except for when I fast-forward. Then it’s not really “real-time,” I guess. In any event, this review is being written by a Slammy Award Winner. The SmackDown review can’t say that. The RAW review can. So that makes the RAW review better! Of course, since it’s a popularity contest, I’ll probably lose the BWF Award. I give them a place to talk wrestling and they like that G guy better than me. Bastards.
Last night, the seeds were planted for a unification of the WWE and World Heavyweight Championships. Jorge wasn’t happy about it, but it left me intrigued. What will happen tonight on Monday Night RAW? Go watch and find out. Let me know what happens. Oh wait, that’s my job. Shit. Ok. Forget G, I’m with Xavier Woods – It’s Morphin’ Time!
This is the part of the review where I’m supposed to explain how my reviews work. But you guys already know how they work. I watch a TV show, then I tell you what happened, so that I can save you three hours of your life. Which means, this text is only here to keep up appearances before the fold. So stop wasting your time reading this and click the “Click to continue reading ‘WWE RAW 11/25/13 – Spears for everybody!'” link. You know you want to…
What a horrible night to have a curse. What curse you ask? The responsibility to take out great evil. Through mires of swamp beasts, dungeons of unspeakable undead, and ancient stone structures filled with ghouls I must trek. With nothing but this whip, I will destroy every single candelabra I see in hopes I find holy water or battle axes to aid me in my quest. Or… fuck it, I’ll just watch some wrestling. I’m not getting paid for either, anyways.
Hopple me Elmo?
Alright. I feel like shit. My back hurts, my wrist hurts, and I’m not even going to be around for BWF Radio this Sunday to read this review. Quite simply, this review is going to suck. Deal with it.
I watch 30 minutes of this show, then go to work, watch the rest at work, and write about it. Or some shit like that. Look, do you want to know what happened on RAW or not? Read on.
Daniel Bryan is WWE Champion. I had to check WWE.com again this morning to make sure that actually happened. It wasn’t a figment of my imagination – for once, a WWE PPV ending didn’t piss off me or my houseguests. All is right with the world… or is it?
I watch RAW very late at night and write a recap. What more do you want? Read on.
Preamble is cut due to time. I had to work late… work rate?
You know what time it is…