I was sick yesterday and I’m just now sitting down to watch SmackDown. So we’re gonna do things a little differently this week – I’m going to watch the show, and I’ll post my thoughts and the match results afterwards. Ready? Here we go.
WWE SmackDown Episode 533: “I Walk Alone”
Teddy Long shows up in his limo and looks paranoid after what he did to The Undertaker this past Sunday at Breaking Point. He surrounds himself with security and asks them to stick close to him.
The SmackDown video plays, and we’re on our way!
Batista is here. Great. He chose to be on SmackDown, and he can’t wait to get started.
BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!
Chris Jericho is here to save this segment. He says Batista makes him sick. He calls him an injury prone loser like Edge. He tells Batista that Jericho is the true face of SmackDown, and that everybody knows it. A lot has changed since Batista’s been gone, and he’s been gone a long time, and Jericho is now the man on this show. Batista says to be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man. He says they’ll have a chance to catch up, because tonight, Jericho has a match against Batista. The Animal promptly hits a spinebuster on Jericho.
Jericho asks Big Show backstage where he was. Big Show says that Jericho wanted to do it by himself. Jericho says he’ll do it by himself and tells Show to wait backstage. Show tells him to relax.
Still to come, an interview with Scott Armstrong.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Dolph Ziggler is sitting in on commentary, and the WWE Intercontinental Champion, John Morrison makes his way to the ring for action. His opponent will be Mike Knox, who gives us a lesson on Restless Leg Syndrome.
John Morrison def. Mike Knox
SmackDown always has the best wrestling of the week. This match, no exception. Morrison picks up the win with the Starship Pain.
Morrison takes the mic after the match and he says he hopes Dolph had a good time playing footsie with Todd Grisham (who is awesome on the new SmackDown 10th Anniversary DVD). He says does the Mr. Ziggles bit again, and it’s way less funny this week. The fans aren’t getting behind it as much, either.
Todd Grisham and JR show us footage from Breaking Point. Meaning, if you paid for it, you should be pissed off because they just showed the only important part of the whole show on free television. Anyways, Josh Matthews asks Armstrong why he did what he did. He says he answered to somebody in a position much higher than the one he’s at. He was asked to do something he knew was wrong, and something he’s not proud of. He makes no excuses, he did what he had to do to keep his job.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Batista vs. Chris Jericho will be our main event tonight, but for now, here’s somebody that Batista’s allegedly slept with, Melina! Her opponent, the WWE Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool, limps to the ring.
Michelle McCool def. Melina
Justin Roberts did not announce this as a Triple Threat. Anyhow, Michelle is aggressive in this one, but it’s not enough as Melina picks up the victory with a rolling powerbomb.
Teddy Long is backstage with his security force when Mr. McMahon walks in. The Chairman excuses the security team and he wonders again where his picture was. He enjoyed the surprise of Batista coming to SmackDown. He doesn’t seem so impressed with what he came up with for Breaking Point. He wants to know why T-Lo double crossed The Undertaker. McMahon wants an explanation, and it’d better be the right one. In fact, he owes the WWE Universe an answer. He sends Long to the ring and tells him he’ll be waiting back in his office. He asks if Long has any idea what The Undertaker is going to do to him. Long heads to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Theodore Long is flanked by security as he heads to the ring to offer up an explanation as to why he screwed The Undertaker at Breaking Point. Long welcomes Batista back to SmackDown. He then admits that all of this was pre-planned. It was pre-planned to prevent The Undertaker from becoming the World Heavyweight Champion. Long isn’t going to say that he’s proud of what he did, because he’s not. He’s not going to say that he’s not afraid of The Undertaker, because he is. He knows that The Undertaker may show up here sometime tonight, which is why he’s surrounded himself with security. He’s not the only one involved, Scott Armstrong and CM Punk were in on it too. Long knows how he feels about this conspiracy, and he’d like to tell us why he did what he did. You see, he’s got a family to take care of. Times are tough, and he can’t let them down. He’s too old to learn to do something new, so therefore, he’d like to apologize for his actions. The crowd boos. He says he’d like to apologize to the WWE Universe, and he’d like to apologize to each and every one of the fans. He’d especially like to apologize to The Undertaker. One last thing. He hopes that The Undertaker can find it in his heart to forgive him. Long leaves with his security in tow.
Backstage, the security team hears noises as they walk Long to his limo. Long gets in and tells the drive he’s ready to go. The doors lock, the privacy window rolls down, and The Undertaker says “Buckle up, Teddy” as smoke and lightning fill the back of the limo.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK> – if you’re in the Buffalo area, MyNetwork TV is giving away tickets to Monday Night RAW in a “watch and win” sweepstakes. Yes, it’s possible to win – I won last week!
CM Punk, the World Heavyweight Champion is here, and he has a microphone. He says, “I told you so.” Punk says he’s the only man who ever made The Undertaker tap out. Which isn’t true. Watch the Angle/Undertaker match on the SmackDown DVD. Punk admits he’s been preaching, because the people need a good preaching to. He then goes on a tirade about drugs. He calls everybody a liar, and says he’s a prophet, the choice of a new generation, a champion everybody can be proud of, the first and only straight edge World Heavyweight Champion in history. If you’re not Straight Edge like Punk, that means he’s better than you.
Still to come, Batista vs. Chris Jericho!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The Great Khali vs. Kane is still to come, but right now, it’s Cryme Tyme. Did I fall asleep and miss the good matches on SmackDown and wake up on Monday? Their opponents are from Canada, which happens to be where SmackDown is, so they’re getting cheered – they’re the Hart Dynasty!
The Hart Dynasty vs. Cryme Tyme
I swear if the Harts lose tonight, I’m done with WWE. Luckily, Kidd hit the Blockbuster on JTG and picked up the victory, so it hasn’t come to that.
Melina is looking trashy as ever backstage when she walks into the Divas locker room, which is plastered with pictures of Dolph Ziggler helping Michelle McCool last week. Maria says she’s sure Dolph has a logical explanation and wonders why Melina wouldn’t come to her with this instead of plastering pictures all over the wall. Melina tries to explain that she didn’t do it, but Maria walks away.
Still to come, Batista vs. Jericho, but up next, Kane vs. Khali.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The Great Khali is out first for this next abomination of a professional wrestling match. Kane follows, and we’re underway.
Kane vs. The Great Khali
Kane knocked Khali out with a chair.
After the bell, Kane used the steel steps to completely destroy Khali’s knee.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
WWE Smack of the Week: Drew McIntyre destroying R-Truth over the last few weeks.
Charlie Haas is on non-entrance jobber duty. R-Truth’s music plays, but Drew McIntyre comes out instead. He says R-Truth had an accident in the backstage area and can’t compete. He declare Haas the winner by forfeit. Haas shakes his hand, and then gets attacked and dropped with a double armed DDT.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Batista def. Chris Jericho
Jericho went for a Codebreaker but was caught and hit with a Batista Bomb for the win.
Backstage, Big Show says Batista got lucky, and that when he gets in the ring with him next week, his luck will run out.
Sorry for the lack of detail, guys, I got caught up in something else that I didn’t think would take as long as it has. I’m hitting up an independent show tomorrow night, so I’ll be here to give you thoughts and pictures from that. See you then!
We’re not wasting any time – the bell tolls and The Undertaker is heading towards the ring!
He says that the sands of time have fallen slowly through the hourglass, but in two days, he’ll reclaim the World Heavyweight Championship and once again cast his shadow of darkness over SmackDown. He’s sure by now CM Punk is growing very tired. By now, he’s constantly waking up in the middle of the night in a puddle of his own sweat, consumed by fear, knowing that his Breaking Point will be realized when he feels the grip of Hell’s Gate. Submission is the only alternative to an eternity of pain. When Punk submits, and he will submit, not only will he relinquish the World Heavyweight Championship, but he will personally hand Undertaker his soul, and thus the symphony of lies shall end.
The World Heavyweight Champion has heard enough, and he comes out on the stage, microphone in hand. He says that he sees through the smoke and mirrors, and sees Undertaker for what he really is. While Jeff Hardy was a charismatic enabler, Undertaker is so much worse. He’s prayed on these people’s chemically influenced minds for nearly 20 years. He’s like this generations Alice in Wonderland. He’s created a self destructive cycle because all of these people actually believe in The Undertaker. They believe he’s got magical powers that allow him to come back and vanquish any foe. They believe, get this, that The Undertaker has a chance of taking the World Heavyweight Championship this Sunday. What they don’t realize is that Punk is stronger than the Undertaker’s previous victims. He’s not after Undertaker’s soul, he just wants to make him tap out. Imagine the reaction when Taker does tap out? They just lost Jeff Hardy, and now they’ll watch The Undertaker submit to the Anaconda Vice. They’ll go and get drunk, pop some pain pills, just to numb themselves from the reality that their hero tapped out. We’ll get a glimpse of it tonight when Punk makes Matt Hardy tap out to the Anaconda Vice. He asks The Undertaker not to interfere, because he wants everybody to get a glimpse of the world we’ll all live in after he makes Undertaker tap at Breaking Point. There will only be one icon, the choice of a new generation, the only straight edge World Champion in history, CM Punk. They’ll all be forced to join Punk and just say no. Taker says Punk got something wrong. They won’t be saying just say no, they will say rest in peace.
Up next, it’s a Belfast Brawl pitting Finlay against Mike Knox
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Last week, Finlay pinned Knox after a shillelagh shot.
This week, the fighting Irishman faces Knox in a Belfast Brawl.
Finlay def. Mike Knox
Knox is kinda doing this smart guy gimmick, which is cool. It kinda reminds me of Raven a little bit, though I don’t believe that Knox is actually a member of MENSA. Anyways, speaking of the original ECW, matches like this make me miss it. Sure, it’s more brutal than the normal WWE match, but it’s got none of ECW’s hardcore heart. Steel chairs and trash cans are the traditional WWE weapons, and they’re put to good use here, mostly by Knox. Knox breaks out another WWE staple, at least since the Dudleys came over from ECW a decade ago, the table. Before anybody actually goes through the table, Finlay gets to his shillelagh and knocks Knox cold for the three count.
Backstage, Michelle runs into Dolph Ziggler, who is looking for Maria. Maria’s nowhere to be found, and Michelle wants to know what he sees in a ditzy little girl like Maria when he could be with a sexy woman like her. She falls and starts groping him while Layla snaps a picture with her cell phone.
Later on tonight, it’s CM Punk vs. Matt Hardy
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Monday: The Price is RAW!
David Hart Smith is accompanied by Natalya and Tyson Kidd for singles competition. He’s not the only one accompanied by family – Ranjin Singh is with his big brother, Smith’s opponent, The Great Khali.
This one never gets started, as Kane attacked Khali as soon as he got in the ring. He grabs another WWE signature weapon (that was stolen from ECW), the Singapore Cane, but before he could use it, Khali turned the tide and dropped the Big Red Monster with a Punjabi Plunge.
The Unified Tag Team Champions are heading to the ring, as they’re up NEXT!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The World Tag Team Champions are here. They both lost in singles matches against their Breaking Point opponents this past Monday on RAW….
Yo yo yo yo yo, it’s Cryme Tyme!
I hope JeriShow destroy them.
Chris Jericho and The Big Show def. Cryme Tyme
I have to apologize, guys. I’ve paid absolutely no attention to this match because I just found out about Jeff Hardy’s arrest earlier today and was reading about it. JTG tried to skin the cat back into the ring, and he got an unlikely assist back in from The Big Show’s fist, knocking him out cold and leaving him prone for Jericho to pick up the pinfall.
Teddy Long is greeted by Mr. McMahon backstage. Mr. McMahon reminds him he’s on probation, and that SmackDown is only good. It needs to be great. What’s Long going to do about it? Next week, he’s got a huge surprise that will change the face of SmackDown. Mr. McMahon wants to know what he’ll do for him at Breaking Point. Long says he’ll have something good. Mr. McMahon reminds him he doesn’t like good, he wants excellent. McMahon asks where his picture is, and Long says he’s wondering the same thing.
Submission Match coming up later tonight between Matt Hardy and CM Punk.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK (I WANT THE SMACKDOWN DVD!)>
Charlie Haas is already in the ring – which means he’ll be jobbing. Especially since his opponent is the NEW Intercontinental Champion, John Morrison!
John Morrison def. Charlie Haas
John Morrison can make anybody look like a credible opponent, which makes him look even better when he hits the Starship Pain and picks up a victory like he did here.
JoMo says that last week he became the Intercontinental Champion in one of the greatest matches of his career, but it wouldn’t be possible without Rey Mysterio (doing drugs). He can’t describe the feeling, but he hopes these images will do that for him.
Video: Morrison celebrating winning the title and hugging Rey Mysterio
Morrison thanks Rey from the bottom of his heart, and offers him a rematch whenever he gets back from his suspension asks for one.
I am perfection…
Dolph Ziggler is sickened. He earned his title match, and Morrison and Mysterio decided to have a match. Morrison says that’s pretty much what happened. Was he going to lose again to Mysterio? Ziggler says that the third time’s a charm, but he wants his title match. Morrison says let’s do it right now. Ziggler says no. We’ll have it on his terms. Morrison wonders if Ziggler’s scared and calls him Mr. Ziggles. Ziggler says nobody calls him that. Morrison wonders if Maria calls him that. Ziggler says nobody calls him that. Morrison says he just called him that. Ziggler says Morrison doesn’t count. Morrison says the whole arena is chanting “Mr. Ziggles.” Ziggler says to stop it or he’ll leave the stage. The fans cheer. Morrison says he thinks Ziggler should go, because it’s what the people want, and they’re not going to stop chanting “Mr. Ziggles.” Ziggler slinks up the ramp and backstage, much to the delight of the SmackDown fans. Morrison says that the WWE Universe won’t stop chanting Mr. Ziggles as long as he’s Intercontinental Champion.
Josh Matthews is with Matthew Hardy. Tonight he faces the man who was right about his brother’s drug use all along ended his brother’s career. Hardy says that Punk won’t be able to say he’s never submitted anymore. There will be two submissions – to The Undertaker at Breaking Point, and tonight against Matt Hardy. He says that Punk will be lucky to make it to Breaking Point, because when he locks in a submission, he’s not letting go.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Melina is out first for her match, and her opponent, Layla, is accompanied by the WWE Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool.
Layla def. Melina
Michelle hit Melina with her crutch to allow Layla to pick up the victory.
Josh Matthews is with R-Truth. He asks about Drew McIntyre. Truth says that the party is just getting started and starts babbling. The basic idea, I think, is that he wants a match with Drew McIntyre – who assaults him from behind.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Before the break: Drew McIntyre attacked R-Truth
Todd Grisham and JR run down the Breaking Point card
The World Heavyweight Champion, CM Punk makes his way out to the ring as we relive him crashing through a table last week at the hands of The Undertaker. He’s facing Matt Hardy in a submission match – NEXT!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
CM Punk def. Matt Hardy
Matt, I’m begging you, please either go back to the pants look until you drop some weight, or get some tights that fit you. You look ridiculous with your underwear sticking out of the back of your tights. If I were your opponent, I’d give you a wedgie. In fact, I just tweeted him that @MATTHARDYBRAND. Here’s hoping he doesn’t post a blog blasting me. Hardy actually holds his own in this match, and utilizes a variety of submission holds, primarily working over Punk’s knee. Doesn’t stop Punk from kicking him in the head then locking him in the Anaconda Vice for the victory!
Punk celebrates his victory, holding his title high, but the bell tolls and the lights go out. When they come back on, Punk is without his title, as it is in the possession of The Undertaker at the top of the ramp.
My Thoughts: I have absolutely zero interest in Breaking Point. Submission matches are traditionally held between two guys who are well versed in submission – Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit comes to mind. I’m also disappointed that a submission themed pay per view doesn’t feature any of the three members of the roster who were trained in the famous Hart Family Dungeon. Hell, the Hart Dynasty can’t even get an actual match anymore. Matt Hardy seriously needs a different look. The black tights aren’t nearly as distracting as the blue ones he wore a couple of weeks ago, but they don’t fit him in any sense of the word. Ah well.
I think we all know what’s happening tonight already when CM Punk defends the World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Hardy in a steel cage, so let’s get started!
Jim Ross and Todd Grisham welcome us to Phoenix, AZ and Friday Night Smackdown! Justin Roberts introduces the only Straight Edge World Champion in history, CM Punk!
The World Champion hobbles to the ring, showing the effects of his TLC match this past Sunday at SummerSlam. He told us so. In case we were too intoxicated to remember, he’ll show us how he did it. (Video package highlighting the TLC match from SummerSlam). He’s never felt more alive than he does right now, and he’s positive that nobody in attendance have ever felt this way. He feels every ache and pain of every table, ladder, and chair. It was the most brutal match of his career, but it’s the pain that makes him feel so alive, and naturally, he hasn’t taken a thing for it. Unlike all of you, who double up on extra strength medication for the slightest headache. If anybody in here felt like Punk feels right now, they’d be on a morphene drip. But that’s not the only pain he felt at SummerSlam. He felt the pain of having his moment in the spotlight robbed by The Undertaker. After everything he’s been through, tonight he’s being forced to wrestle in a steel cage match. It’s unfair and it borderlines on conspiracy, since the higher-ups are terrified of him, just like all the fans. They fear what they don’t understand, and they don’t understand what Straight Edge is all about. He doesn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs, including prescription medication like Jeff Hardy. It just means that he’s better than you, and tonight, he’ll prove it again.
So you see the writing on the wall…
Jeff Hardy isn’t in much better shape physically than CM Punk as he makes his way to the ring. Hardy says that he hopes Punk’s enjoyed his reign as the straight-edge World Champion, because it ends tonight. Punk’s preaching as if the most important words in the English language are “Just Say No,” when tonight there are three words that are far more important, “steel cage match.” Punk says he knows Hardy is probably intoxicated right now, but how intoxicated is he? What did he put in his body to have the strength to come out to the ring? Painkillers to dull the scary reality he lives in? The reality is, Punk is sick and tired of hearing the fans boo him. He’s tired of seeing impressionable children cheering a guy like Jeff Hardy. He’s fed up with the fans, and he’s fed up with Jeff Hardy. One of them doesn’t belong here anymore. Hardy likes taking risks? How about this – tonight, the loser is out of the WWE. Punk elaborates, since he knows Hardy is having a hard time understanding because of all the narcotics. If Punk loses, the fans don’t have to listen to him preach anymore, but if Hardy loses, it proves that straight edge means “I’m better than you.” (There you go, Drow – he said it!) The fans chant Hardy’s name, and he says he doesn’t know. It’s risky. It’s crazy. Punk’s on!
You know it’s the Mack Militant…
Teddy Long comes to the stage, and he says it’s official. Since both are in agreement, if that’s what they want, it’s what they’re going to get. The loser of tonight’s match will no longer be in the WWE. The person that wins will defend the World Heavyweight Championship in two weeks at Breaking Point, where every main event match is a submission match. That means the winner will be in a submission match at Breaking Point – against The Undertaker! Punk waves goodbye to Hardy.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
WrestleMania will be in Phoenix in seven months, but SmackDown is there tonight, and our opening contest is a tag team match. John Morrison, whose coat is apparently what Jim Ross wears to the grocery store when he goes shopping for his wife, is teaming with Matt Hardy, and they’re taking on The Hart Dynasty.
John Morrison & Matt Hardy def. The Hart Dynasty
I should watch what I say here, lest Matt go on MySpace and blast me, but I really think Matt needs to go back to the pants look instead of the tights – at least until he loses the weight he put on when he had a torn abdomen or whatever. If anything, he needs to stick with the black tights he wore during his RAW stint, because this blue thing is just not working for him. It’s looks so bad on him that it’s distracting me from what promises to be a very entertaining match. In the end, it’s John Morrison with the Starship Pain on David Hart Smith for the victory.
Seriously, Matt, if you’re reading this, go back to the pants. I can’t take you seriously in those ridiculous tights.
Still to come, Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk in a cage – winner is the WWE Champion, loser is unemployed!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Melina tells Maria that she saw Dolph Ziggler out with another woman after SummerSlam, but Maria doesn’t want to believe her. She asks Melina if she has a boyfriend who really cares about her. Melina says she should ask herself that question. Dolph shows up, and Maria asks him about the girl. Dolph says it’s true – it was his sister, Kristen, who was in town for the show.
Drew McIntyre is in the ring. Good to see him back on TV, even though he’s clearly doing the j.o.b. tonight – and as I type that, McIntyre assaults R-Truth as he’s getting in the ring. He takes Truth’s mic, and he says that if the people like to be entertained by somebody dancing and rapping to the ring. Well, his name is Drew McIntyre, and the party is over. He throws the mic down and walks out. Welcome back to SmackDown, Drew!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Before the break, Drew McIntyre beat the crap out of R-Truth.
Josh Matthews welcomes the WWE Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool, who is outside of the ring on crutches. We paid to see her wrestle tonight, but she was injured by Melina last week for no good reason. She’s got an injured knee and isn’t medically cleared to compete. Michelle says it’s ok, we can trust her. She’s going to introduce Melina’s opponent – Layla. Layla makes her way to the ring, followed by Melina, and we’re set for… no, it couldn’t be… is it? Holy crap, it is! It’s a one on one Divas match!
Melina def. Layla
Layla is vastly improving in the ring week in and week out, all credit where it’s due. The problem is, you can usually expect her to do the job. Melina tweaks her ankle early onin the match, and Layla capitalizes, but it only postpones the inevitable as Melina hits her finisher for the victory.
After the match, Melina exits the ring and dumps Michelle McCool out of her chair.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK> – “The Rise and Fall of WCW” is highly recommended by both myself and JT.
Video: Celebrities I’ve never heard of and WWE Superstars talk about SummerSlam
Booyakah, booyakah! (Don’t get too used to that – after next week it’s gonna be a month before I have to type that again.)
The WWE Intercontinental Champion is on drugs his way to the ring for a steroid injection competition. He’s scheduled to defend the Intercontinental Championship against Dolph Ziggler – guess that’s not happening, huh?
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Kane makes his way to the ring to take on the Intercontinental Champion in this non-title match.
Rey Mysterio def. Kane
Meh. I’m still not ready for this match after their infinitely long feud on RAW last year. Kane gets himself disqualified because he won’t stop ramming Mysterio into the steel post.
After the match, The Great Khali comes after Kane. He goes for the Punjabi Plunge, but Kane escapes. Ranjin (in his new “The Great Khali Says…” Bobby Heenan style jacket) hits him with a Singapore cane (he hit Kane with a cane – get it?), which draws Kane’s attention long enough for Khali to hit him with it. Khali drives Kane to the back with cane shots, and Dolph Ziggler attacks Rey Mysterio.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
One half of the Unified Tag Team Champions, Chris Jericho, is set for action and accompanied by The Big Show. They’ll be facing MVP and Mark Henry at Breaking Point. But for now, Jericho has something to say.
JeriShow is the most powerful team in sports today – and while great teams don’t always win, they win when they have to. Just because Floyd Mayweather helped them cheat to win on RAW doesn’t mean that MVP and Mark Henry will win at Breaking Point. JeriShow will win at Breaking Point, just like they did at SummerSlam. JeriShow don’t cut corners, they’re men of principal, men of honesty, but most importantly, they’re champions. Unified Tag Team Champions.
Yo yo yo yo yo – Shad Gaspard and JTG, it’s Cryme Time
Great.
Shad will be representing his team in this singles matchup.
Chris Jericho vs. Shad Gaspard
Shad is angry and assaults Jericho early on. It’s all Shad for the first couple minutes of the match, using his power to virtually destroy Jericho. Shad goes for a pin, but only gets a two when Big Show pulls Jericho out of the ring. All hell breaks loose as both teams fight on the outside…
You know it’s the Mack Militant…
SmackDown General Manager Theodore Long comes out and orders the referee to restart this as a tag team match.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Chris Jericho & The Big Show def. Cryme Tyme
The match has already started when we come back from the break. Jericho is faring much better now than he was in his one on one matchup with Shad earlier on. In fact, it’s all JeriShow in the early going. In the end, it’s The Big Show knocking Shad out for the win.
Jeff Hardy is drawing on himself backstage when he’s joined by Matt Hardy, who tells him to beat CM Punk so that the Hardys can take over SmackDown. Jeff says he lives for the moment, and the moment is now.
The steel cage is lowering, and it might as well be the curtain on the career of one of the two men who will be entering it when we come back! (Hey! when did I get all metaphory and stuff?)
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
This is a steel cage match for the World Heavyweight Championship. This match can be won by pinfall, submission, or by escaping the cage with both feet touching the floor.
Jeff Hardy makes his way to the ring, and he gets attacked from behind by the World Heavyweight Champion. Punk slingshots Hardy face first into the cage, then hiptosses him to the floor. Punk suplexes Hardy on the outside, then finally tosses him back into the ring. Punk follows Hardy in, and the bell rings, starting this match.
CM Punk def. Jeff Hardy
Punk tries to escape early, but Hardy stops him. In fact, that seems to be Punk’s M.O. – escape early. Personally, I don’t see why he didn’t just go for the door as soon as the bell rang instead of climbing out. This is definitely going to be one of those “must watch” matches. It’s all Punk, but Hardy, like his older brother, will not die. Punk ducks a high cross body, slowing Hardy’s comeback attempt, but not for long. Hardy hits a Whisper in the Wind and scores a two count.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Hardy tries to escape as we come back from the break, but Punk stops him – and eats a cross body from the top rope for his troubles – and a two count. Hardy tries another escape, but Punk stops him again. Hardy crotches Punk on the top rope and hits the Swanton Bomb after the champion crumbles to the canvas. Hardy goes for the cover, but Punk kicks out at two! Punk goes to climb out, and Hardy goes for the door. Punk realizes this, and prevents Hardy’s escape. Both men are down, and we head to another…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
It’s Punk trying to escape through the door when we come back this time. Hardy drags him back in and the door is closed once again. Punk goes for the Go To Sleep, but Hardy reverses it into a backslide for a two count. Punk nails a double underhook backbreaker and only scores a two. Punk goes for the Go To Sleep again, but Hardy again counters, this time into a Twist of Fate. Hardy crawls over to the corner and uses the ropes to pull himself up. He begins to climb. He gets on top of the cage, but Punk sees this and the adrenaline starts to flow, causing Punk to rush to try and stop him. Hardy gets over the top of the cage, but Punk manages to pull him back in and superplex him to the canvas. Punk pulls himself to the ropes and uses them to get to his feet. He starts to climb the cage. He gets to the top, but Hardy’s adrenaline rushes and he leaps to his feet to try to pull Punk back in. Punk thumbs Hardy in the eye and bounces his head off of the top of the cage, sending Hardy crashing to the mat and allowing Punk to drop to the floor to retain his title and bring Jeff Hardy’s career to a screeching halt.
The champion makes his exit, the cage raises from the ring, and the copyright graphic appears on the screen – at 9:55PM. Odd. The fans chant “Thank You Jeff,” and the Charismatic Enigma rises to his feet. He ties his hair back and applauds the fans. He grabs a microphone and apologizes if he’s let anybody down. He’s sorry we’ll be seeing CM Punk instead of him on SmackDown, but it’s been a hell of a ride, hasn’t it? He wants to thank all of the fans and wants to let us know it’s not goodbye forever, it’s only goodbye for now. If the time is right, he’s sure he’ll see us in the future. He says “Thank you all.” He says at least Matt’s back on his side, there’s still a Hardy on this show. “Yours truly, Jeff Hardy, ours truly, this life.” The saddened fans in the arena chant “Thank You Jeff” once again as the now former WWE Superstar leaves for perhaps the last time. Hardy stands at the top of the ramp to salute the fans one last time, when Punk smacks him in the back of the head with the World Title. Punk stands tall over the fallen Hardy as we fade to black.
The Undertaker returns to SmackDown, NEXT WEEK!
My Thoughts: Man. I knew this was coming, but I still feel weird sitting here knowing that Jeff Hardy has wrestled his last match for a while. Love him or hate him, Jeff Hardy was probably the most exciting superstar on any of the WWE brands. Hopefully it’ll be sooner, rather than later, that we see the Charasmatic Enigma back in the ring.
Speaking of Hardys, those blue tights look terrible on you, Matt. Not as bad as The Big Show’s Mr. Perfect singlet looks on him, but still pretty bad.
If Michelle is injured as bad as she seems to be, shouldn’t the WWE higher-ups make her relinquish the title? I know, I know. I’m talking about logic in the same sentence of the WWE.
That’s it for tonight guys. Not sure if I’m doing a ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts tomorrow since I’m working on another project at the moment, but I guarantee you that JT will be here for Random Randomness on Sunday!
Last week, Matt Hardy cost CM Punk his chance at regaining his World Heavyweight Champion, leading to Punk assaulting Matt’s younger brother, champion Jeff Hardy. Teddy Long agreed to give Punk a rematch at SummerSlam in a TLC match.
Speaking of CM Punk, he’s here! And he’s got an awesome new t-shirt that I want!
Punk says that if Teddy Long thinks that he’s punishing Punk by making the title match at SummerSlam a TLC match, he’s wrong. Punk knows his way around ladder matches – he won Money In The Bank at back to back WrestleManias. Chairs? Did you see what he did to Hardy last week? Punk says he’s speak about the virtues of living clean, but he realizes that anything he says or does will just make people cheer Jeff Hardy more. He’s figured out what he has to do to get through to them though. He figures all he has to do is end Jeff Hardy. He wants to do it the same way he lives his life – the right way. Straight up, one on one, no family on the outside, just Jeff Hardy and CM Punk with the World Heavyweight Championship hanging above the ring, and TLC. Jeff is already going to screw this up like he does everything else, he might not make it to SummerSlam.
You know it’s the Mack Militant…
Teddy Long makes his way out to the ring, interrupting Punk mid-sentence. What Punk did last week was deplorable. He could’ve ended Jeff Hardy’s career. Before he starts making alternative plans for SummerSlam, however, Jeff Hardy is in the building! He’s in no condition to compete, but he’s assured T-Lo that he’ll be ready to go for SummerSlam. But enough about SummerSlam, tonight, Punk is set to go one on one with a man he hasn’t beaten on SmackDown, John Morrison. Punk calls Long a Jeff Hardy suck-up like all the fans. He says tonight he’ll beat John Morrison, and then at SummerSlam, he’ll beat the poster boy…
So you see the writing on the wall…
Punk can’t seem to finish a thought around here tonight. The World Heavyweight Champion hobbles down to the ring, stopping to shake hands with the fans along the way. Hardy is hurt, but he’s here – “IN YO’ FACE!” Hardy says he’ll endure the pain and defend the title at SummerSlam.
Last week, Kane kidnapped Ranjin Singh.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Teddy Long has his theme song as his ring tone. I know this because Mr. McMahon called him on it when he was sitting in his office. The boss wants Jeff Hardy in action tonight. Long protests, but since he’s still on probation, he’ll agree to have Jeff compete – against The Hart Dynasty.
Finlay still has Hornswoggle’s music, and he makes his way to the ring. Last Friday, he was pinned by Dolph Ziggler, who will face Rey Mysterio at SummerSlam for the Intercontinental Championship. Speaking of Ziggler, guess who Finlay’s opponent is tonight. Hey wait a minute – when did Tony Chimel become the ring announcer for SmackDown again? I liked Justin Roberts, dammit!
Dolph Ziggler def. Finlay
Finlay likes to beat people up, and that’s what he does in the early going. Ziggler turns things around and kicks Finlay’s head into the ring post. Mike Knox appears on the ramp and starts walking down to the ring as we head to a…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Knox is getting a close up view of this match we’re watching from the comfort of our living rooms (or the BWF offices, as the case may be). Ziggler is still in control. Finlay starts to battle back, but Ziggler doesn’t let the comeback last too long. Finlay turns the tide again, taking Ziggler down for a two count. He builds momentum, sending Ziggler over the top rope and to the floor. Finlay hits Knox for good measure, then takes Ziggler down. While the referee was checking on Ziggler, Knox hit Finlay with the shillelagh, allowing Ziggler to hit his finisher for the victory.
After the match, Knox comes after Finlay with the shillelagh, but Finlay knocks hit out of his hand. No matter, Knox uses his brute strength to assault Finlay, and gives him a sidewalk slam onto the steel steps. Knox says that there are 206 bones in the human body, but what fascinates him is that the slightest trauma on the cervical vertebrae leaves one in excruciating discomfort.
Still to come, it’s John Morrison vs. CM Punk, and Jeff Hardy faces The Hart Dynasty by orders of Mr. McMahon.
Ranjin Singh is tied up backstage, and Kane says he’ll let him go if he says what Kane wants him to say. Singh says that his name is Ranjin Singh, and he’s been punished for his association with The Great Khali. He’s been well taken care of. Kane says he wants to hear from Khali. He wants to see him. He wants him to come and have a look at Kane’s handy work.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Video package on R-Truth, for some reason.
Maria’s got a date with Dolph and can’t figure out what to wear. Melina asks what they’re doing SummerSlam weekend. Dolph is taking her to LA a few days early and they’re getting a nice hotel room. Layla comes in and says Dolph will leave when somebody better comes along. Layla tells Melina that Michelle McCool is coming back next week. Melina says she’s got a message for Michelle, and she’ll give it to her in the ring.
John Morrison is out first for his match. Last night he beat David Hart Smith on Superstars, and tonight he’s got a match with the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship, and that is NEXT!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
CM Punk and his awesome new shirt come down to the ring when we come back, and we relive his attack on Jeff Hardy last week.
CM Punk def. John Morrison
You knew it. I knew it. This is one of those matches. One of those matches you just have to sit back and watch. Back and forth action early on, but Punk suckered Morrison out of the ring, knocking him down with a kick and hitting a guillotine kneedrop of sorts to the back of Morrison’s skull before we proceed to a…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Punk is in control when we come back. He smiles, and the crowd boos accordingly. Morrison starts battling back. JR calls them “two future world champions.” Nevermind the fact that both men are former ECW Champions, and that Punk is the former two time World Heavyweight Champion. Morrison takes control of the match, scoring two counts on a standing moonsault and a top rope cross body. Punk manages to get control back, and gets Morrison up in GTS position, but instead rams Morrison head first into the turnbuckle a couple of times. Punk lays in the kicks as the fans start to chant for Morrison. JoMo mounts another comeback, but as he goes for Starship Pain, Punk gets up and crotches Morrison on the top turnbuckle. Morrison winds up in the tree of woe, allowing Punk to get in a number of shots before picking him up and hitting the Go 2 Sleep for the victory!
This is why I love SmackDown. Even when there’s not a whole lot of wrestling on the show, there are still some of the best wrestling matches in recent memory. Anyways, Hardy vs. The Hart Dynasty is still to come!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Melina makes her way out to the ring, and… and… I think… Could it possibly be? Oh my god, it is! It’s a one on one Divas match! Layla starts heading down to the ring, and…
Backstage, Kane is asking Ranjin why Khali is such a freak. Singh says that he’s not a freak, he’s his brother. Kane wants to know if he’s jealous of him because he’s been given gifts of which he was deprived. Kane says he’s running out of patience, so if Khali is going to save him, he’d better make it quick.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Hey wait! We’ve still got a Diva’s match!
Melina def. Layla
It’s a one on one Diva’s match! That never happens! And nobody really cares, because JR and Todd Grisham are talking about The Great Khali. Anyways, while I’m happy it’s not another 4, 6, 8, 12 Diva match, I really don’t care because we know who’s going to win this match – despite the fact that Layla is getting some offense in. More evidence that nobody cares about this match. JR and Grisham talk about Gail Kim being the number one contender for the Divas Championship on RAW, and the crowd is chanting “Let’s Go Oilers.” Layla looks to be improving in the ring, but she’s only postponing the inevitable. Melina hits her finisher, and the match is over.
Speaking of things nobody cares about, DX is reuniting, and Cryme Tyme is (are?) making their way to the ring.
Oh no. Somebody gave them a microphone. Yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo. Yo. Yooooo. They babble like idiots for five minutes about Jericho and The Big Show. I don’t care. Then they do a modified version of that stupid catch phrase (yeah yeah).
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The Big Show makes his way to the ring, set to eat take on JTG.
Big Show vs. JTG
Chris Jericho joins in on commentary, meaning that this match might actually be watchable. That’s not to say I’m watching it – I’m eating some lasagna instead. Anyways, Show hits the chokeslam and then the camel clutch for the relatively easy victory.
As Show and Jericho go to leave, Shad dumps Big Show over the top rope. He challenges Show to get into the ring, but apparently that’s not going to happen because…
Ranjin Singh is tied upside down backstage when The Great Khali finally finds him. As Khali is getting him down, Kane attacks him with a lead pipe. Kane says he’s never been afraid of Khali, but Khali should be afraid of him.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
VIDEO: Triple H finds Shawn Michaels.
Rundown of the SummerFestSlam card.
Jeff Hardy is forced to wrestle tonight by order of Mr. McMahon, and the World Heavyweight Champion appears to be in pain as he makes his way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The fans are cheering for their Canadian brethren, The Hart Dynasty, as they make their way to the ring.
The Hart Dynasty def. Jeff Hardy
This is one of those handicapped matches where the tag team has to tag each other in and out, which is good for Hardy, but is also essentially a moot point, considering the apparent physical condition of the Charismatic Enigma. The Hart Dynasty dominate this one, and pick up the win with a modified Hart Attack.
CM Punk comes to the ring following the match and assaults Hardy again until John Morrison makes the save. As Morrison is battling the Hart Dynasty, Punk cracked him across the back with a steel chair before resuming his assault on Jeff Hardy. He once again wraps the chair around Jeff’s throat, but Matt Hardy makes the save, attacking Punk from behind. Matt Hardy wails away on the number one contender until the Hart Dynasty breaks it up, but John Morrison helps dispose of them. Matt looks at his fallen brother and walks over to him slowly. Jeff backs into the corner, but Matt helps him to his feet. Jeff flashes the V1 sign to his brother, and as Teddy Long watches on a monitor backstage, he’s joined by Mr. McMahon. McMahon says the show was pretty exciting, but next week? Next week it will be CM Punk and The Hart Dynasty taking on John Morrison and The Hardyz. Mr. McMahon tells him he’s still on probation. Next week’s two main event teams glare up the ramp at one another as we fade to black.
My Thoughts: Matt Hardy, eh? I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens there. Another solid episode of SmackDown. I don’t really have a lot to say, however. I’ll be around in a few for a new edition of ThinkSoJoE’s thoughts.
We’ve got ourselves another World Heavyweight Championship match tonight as Jeff Hardy defends against former champion CM Punk. Why waste any more time with an introduction, let’s get started!
I have returned! I’m awake, home, and ready to review WWE SmackDown! The Charismatic Enigma is your new World Heavyweight Champion, so let’s get this Hardy Party started!
Well, I had a SmackDown review all typed up and ready to go, but unfortunately, my laptop decided it didn’t want to respond to the keyboard or mouse anymore, so I couldn’t even save my work, since I was working offline. D’oh! Well, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to send some traffic to that other wrestling website.
Aaron’s UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Rey & Jericho One Last Time. Ziggler Gets The Winner.
A new ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts will be up early Saturday morning, so stay tuned!
It’s Friday, and you know what that means – time for another edition of WWE SmackDown! I’m not in a very creative mood for this intro tonight, so let’s get started!
I’ll admit it. I’m not giving the blue brand the treatment it rightly deserves. But cut me some slack – I went to a concert last Friday, and yesterday I sat around watching Michael Jackson videos all day while waiting for a package to arrive via UPS and was exhausted by time SmackDown rolled around. Since I’m probably not going to have a chance later on today to watch it on my DVR, I’m gonna watch it on YouTube and review it here for you. Plus it’ll help my last few hours of work go by quicker.