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RAW 2.7.11

February 8, 2011 3:07 pm 2 Comments

Hello everyone! I know RAW is a little late today, but last night was full of internet frustrations and homework. So, that’s why it’s up now, and that’s why it’s shorter than usual. As you can see, I did still track Tweets for this review, so, yeah. Here we go!

Look busy! The boss is comin’!

I actually missed having the opportunity to say that. I missed Mr. McMahon. He comes out onto the stage and says that now that the SuperBowl is over, there’s one thing left that supersedes the SuperBowl, that has more grandeur, more excitement- Wrestlemania! Each year, something special separates one Wrestlemania from all the others. Next week, we’ll be introduced to a man who embodies that. No one has hosted an event in front of 75,000 people before, not at the Grammys or anywhere else! Next week, we’ll meet the guest host for Wrestlemania 27!

I hear voices in my head…

As Randy makes his way down to the ring, Vince heads out.

Randy comes out and says that if Punk thinks they’re even, he’s delusional. Orton is only JUST getting started, and it’s going to cost Punk a helluva lot more than just Harris. He starts to go on, but Punk interrupts. Punk sits on the stage and says he’s surprised they agree: it’s not over by a long shot. And, because he knows Randy is dying to know, Punk tells us the reason he cost Randy Orton the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble:

Punk says that now Randy knows why. Randy really doesn’t care about anyone but himself, and that night, CM Punk had to forfeit the title. Punk hasn’t forgotten and has waited this long. The difference between their actions is that Punk’s are defensible. As long as they’re on the same show, Punk vows that Randy Orton with never be WWE Champion again. Punk says that he’s not going to wait until the Elimination Chamber; he’s going to eliminate Randy Orton right now.

The New Nexus comes to the ring and attacks Orton, who fights back for a while before the numbers game becomes too much. Punk gets in Randy’s face, and Randy manages to get a good solid hit on Punk’s nose. So solid, in fact, that Punk starts pouring blood. Nexus gets Orton still, however, and lifts him up on Punk’s shoulders, and Punk hits the Go to Sleep.

@seraphalexiel Strangely enough, it looks like if Mason Ryan, Otunga, and Mike McGuillicutty all went to school with Punk, they’d bully the shit out of him

@ThingsColeSays Punk is bleeding! Stop the segment!

@Niki_Sushi Punk should be thanking Randy. He’s the one that was breathing Hasky’s ass at the Rumble. #BWF #RAW

@Rack_Flair Vince got out of a coma yesterday to catch the Superbowl #wwe #raw

@TKeep123 Vince McMahon out to save the #RAW ratings…….and hype #WrestleMania !!!! #RAW #WWE #BWF

@CMPunkSays In case you wonder what I think of Punk’s tactic of making #WWE’s top faces look like total pricks… I FUCKING LOVE IT.

@JonHexLives Wow. CM Punk has legit beef with Randy Orton. That’s hilarious. #WWE #RAW #BWF

During the commercial, we learn that the RAW General Manager has put the members of the New Nexus in action against each of the members of RAW’s Elimination Chamber match, which will come to a head tonight when John Cena faces off against CM Punk.

Mason Ryan vs R-Truth

Truth comes out and says Green Bay, Wisconsin instead of Milwaukee, and the Milwaukee crowd lets him know that he fucked it up, via a Milwaukee chant. Ryan basically latches onto a knee and starts targeting that before be puts Truth in a submission that Truth taps out of rather quickly.

Mason Ryan wins via submission.

However, after the match, Mason Ryan doesn’t let go right away. He continues to hold it, and then gets out to grab a chair. The ref stops him, so Ryan just puts him back in the submission. However, the ref has seen enough, and reverses his decision.

R-Truth wins via disqualification.

Later on tonight, John Cena will take on CM Punk, and the WWE Champion The Miz wants to say a congratulations to the Number One Contender for the WWE Championship at Elimination Chamber, Jerry “The King” Lawler!

@ThingsColeSays BLACKEYEDPEASSUCKEDLASTNIGHT WHAT’S UP? RIPMYHEADOFF STAND UP AND SAY WHAT’S UP. WHAT’S UP? WHAT’S UP?

@HitTheRopes I’m going to have FAITH and hope that Mason Ryan destroys R-Truth as much as Truth destroys the English language. #WWE

@KeepItFiveStar LMAO!! MILWAUKEE IS OFFICIALLY MY FAVORITE CROWD! What a mistake by R-Truth! How dare he hurt that crowd’s feelings

@CMPunkSays Holy crap, that’s a BROCK LOCK! #WWE

@kickoutblog Oh R-Truth, you can’t screw the cheap city pop, especially when it’s Milwaukee, which is an Indian word meaning “The Good Land.”

@TKeep123 Mason Ryan needs an “I am NOT Batista” t-shirt ! #RAW #WWE #BWF

Punk, Otunga, and McGuillicutty are backstage, and Punk is pacing, holding a towel up to his bloodied nose. Mason Ryan joins them backstage and Punk looks upset before he gives Ryan a ‘Well done’. He says that tonight, he doesn’t care if they win or if they lose, so long as they hurt people. He wants all of his Elimination Chamber opponents hurt so that he can have the advantage. R-Truth and Randy Orton are already hurt. Ryan says something in Arabic before saying two down, three to go. Otunga worries about taking out Sheamus, but Punk says that he always has a plan.

WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Tamina vs Melina, Nikki, and Brie Bella

Natalya’s ringside for commentary, and says that next week, she’s going to get her rematch against Eve for the Diva’s Championship. Her constant bickering with Cole was more annoying than anything else. As for the action in the ring, the early momentum went to Melina and the Bellas, but Tamina cleaned house of the Bellas and Eve pinned Melina for the win.

WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Tamina win via pinfall.

@TKeep123 Gail Kim in a match? Hell must be freezing over…. #RAW #WWE #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar Also this is Gail Kim’s third consecutive week on RAW. Tamina – 4. Bare feet- 39. And Eve is still a dude.

@Niki_Sushi Damn it all. Tonight can only get worse if Daniel shows up. #BWF #RAW #knockonwood

@WWE_Creative Thanks @NatbyNature for burying Just For Men while mocking MIchael Cole. It’s not like they’re our SPONSOR or anything. #RAWTonight

@JonHexLives Is that white gold, Michael Cole? #Divaschampionship #WWE #RAW #BWF

John Morrison makes his way to the ring.

@dasharpshooters When WWE uses a Johnny Cash song in their video, you know its serious. 2-21-11 is gonna be huge. #wwe #raw

@kickoutblog I predict we’ll see that Elimination Chamber hype vid about 437 times between now and Feb. 20

@TKeep123 Ain’t No Grave “Gonna Hold This Body Down” by Johnny Cash … nice touch to the #WWE 2-21-11 promo… #RAW #WWE #BWF

John Morrison vs Michael McGuillicutty

McGuillicutty tries to send his focus to Morrison’s arm, holding it out of the ring and about to crush it between the ring and the steel steps, but Morrison moves it out of the way before he can. Morrison picks up the pace of the match, and McGuillicutty literally walks right into a flash kick. Morrison hits Starship Pain (and doesn’t miss it this time) for the win.

John Morrison wins via pinfall.

It starts to look like Morrison’s going to be uninjured, but Punk comes down as Morrison is celebrating and pulls a Maryse, spraying Mickie Morrison in the face with something before kicking him in the head.

@Niki_Sushi Did Punk just pull a Maryse there?! #BWF #RAW

@CMPunkSays HA HA NOW YOU’RE BLIND #WWE

@KeepItFiveStar OH NO! ANTI-PARKOUR SPRAY! Damn you Punk!

@lovehateRIOT i’m pretty sure that punk just used jomo’s own hairspray on him. rofl #raw

AWESOME!

Miz comes out with Alex Riley in tow. He says that as he watched the RAW Rumble last week, one thought was going through his mind: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! He says he was pulling for King the whole time. He asks King to join him in the ring and tells Riley to get out so that King doesn’t feel uncomfortable. King enters the ring, and Miz asks if King has any idea why he was rooting for him. King says that he figures it’s because Miz thinks he’s the weakest. Miz says that’s not it at all, and he could have beaten anyone who won the RAW Rumble for the WWE Championship. No, the reason he was rooting for King is because he feels that they’re mirror images of one another. King had the biggest mouth and the power to incite riots with just his words. People would listen when King spoke. Miz says that, in a way, he patterned his career after King’s, and now everyone’s wondering what he will do next. King says that first of all, they aren’t mirror images of one another and says something about how he wouldn’t want to look in the mirror every morning and see his haircut like Miz’s. He then says that he’s always had a big mouth, but he can back it up. He says that if Miz thinks he’s a modern King, he doesn’t know King as well as he thinks he does, and that King didn’t pattern his career after anyone: He’s an original. Miz then calls him an original cheap shot artist.

Miz says that that was equivalent to a sucker punch. King says that he thinks that Miz is a sucker, and that he speaks for the entire WWE Universe, both in Milwaukee and all over, when he says the Miz sucks (oh, but I disagree, sir!). King says that Miz is right: he’s never been WWE Champion or been to Wrestlemania. No one has any idea what it would mean to him to do both, and that it was his lifelong dream. King says that he will win at the Elimination Chamber, and he will say he’s going to Wrestlemania. Miz says that he’s wrong, and after their match at the Elimination Chamber match, the whole world will hear, “I’m the Miz, and I’m-“ But King interrupts and starts up an ‘awful’ chant.

Miz, Alex Riley, and King all start to brawl. When it looks like King has the upper hand, Ted DiBiase comes out to help Miz out, but Daniel Bryan comes out to join the fray to help King out.

“King and Bryan versus Miz and DiBiase NOW.”

WWE Champion The Miz and Ted DiBiase vs Jerry “The King” Lawler and the United States Champion Daniel Bryan

Is it just me, or has Bryan not been wearing the US Championship lately?

Ted and Bryan start out, and Bryan starts with some hard kicks. He gets DiBiase in a pin, but DiBiase kicks out, only for Bryan to do it again. DiBiase kicks out again and King is tagged in. Miz comes in and is thrown back to the mat a few times before Miz throws King out of the ring. While Bryan is distracting the ref, DiBiase comes out and attacks King outside the ring.

@Niki_Sushi DAMMIT! I JINXED MYSELF! S RATJLABEJKLNBSRZG;LAEORJIA;EJHBP3O4UART;GLJLBTS GO AWAY DANIEL! #BWF #RAW

@Lunna1969 Bad Teddy! Go to my room!

@KeepItFiveStar Ted DiBiase with revenge #ForTheFuture !

@KeepItFiveStar Yes. The Miz is awful. AWFULLY GOOD at being AWESOME!

@kickoutblog The Miz is killing it, would be nice if he hit Lawler with a Piledriver at Elimination Chamber, just to really sell the “mirror image” idea.

Maryse is ringside now, and Alex Riley has been on commentary since the match started.

Bryan is in with Miz when we come back, and Bryan dominates. Ted helps Miz out and Miz turns the momentum in his favor. Miz hits the swinging corner clothesline before going and tagging DiBiase in. Bryan fights back, but DiBiase goes for a cover, only for Bryan to kick out. DiBiase gets the momentum before tagging Miz in. Miz trash talks Bryan, who takes advantage, and tags King in. Miz tags in DiBiase, only for King to get momentum. King hits what I think was a DDT. Miz breaks up the cover, and Bryan attacks him to get him out of the ring. DiBiase starts to get some momentum on King, but King gets him down, lowers the strap, and punches him straight in the face.

United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Jerry “The King” Lawler win via pinfall.

Alex Riley vows that he will not let The Miz lose at Elimination Chamber.

@KeepItFiveStar Hey Maryse showed up! Gail did not. She’s being stomped out by The Bellas somewhere

@HitTheRopes I would feel bad about DiBiase always losing but he comes down to the ring with Maryse at his side.

Sheamus vs David Otunga

Before Sheamus can make it all the way down to the ring, Josh Matthews follows him and asks for his opinion on Mark Henry’s comments. Sheamus asks what comments, and Josh says that Mark Henry said that Sheamus didn’t deserve to be in the Elimination Chamber match, and Mark Henry should replace him. Sheamus says that Mark Henry never won, doesn’t know if he can fit, and that Mark Henry should shut his mouth before Sheamus shuts it for him.

Otunga makes his way to the ring for the ma-

Mark Henry makes his way out and is pissed. He had Sheamus duke it out for a bit, with Otunga watching, before Otunga tries to get up on the top turnbuckle to do something, only for Sheamus to send him outside the ring. Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick, and is rewarded with two World’s Strongest Slams right in a row. Mark Henry yells at him to shut his trap before leaving. Otunga crawls in the ring and stands over Sheamus like he actually did something.

Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto del Rio.

@HitTheRopes Mark Henry wasn’t about to lose that brawl during Black History Month. Not to the well-tanned Sheamus. Otunga stands tall too.

@TKeep123 I didn’t think Sheamus could look any whiter…but now as he stands next to Mark Henry….I was wrong. #RAW #WWE #BWF

@ThingsColeSays SHEAMUS = BURIED

@KeepItFiveStar Wow. The crowd has gone mild for this one. They’re still mad at R-Truth for fuckin Milwaukee and they’re taking it out on all black people

@Niki_Sushi Dark Chocolate, interrupts Milk Chocolate to kill White Chocolate. It’s not Valentine’s Day yet. #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog Sheamus getting punked by Henry was incredibly stupid.

@kickoutblog All that did was make Sheamus, ya know, the guy who’s actually IN the Chamber, look bad.

Alberto del Rio tells us his name is Alberto del Rio!… but we already knew that. He says that Santino Marella really thinks that he almost got del Rio. It was del Rio’s destiny to win the Royal Rumble, just like it’s his destiny to be the next World Heavyweight Champion at Wrestlemania.

Santino Marella vs Alberto del Rio

Santino gets fired up before the match even starts and throws del Rio out of the ring. Del Rio gets back in the ring, and the ref starts the match. Del Rio tries to do something to Santino, but Santino moves last second and del Rio is sent between the top and middle ropes. The match continues on, and Santino nearly hits the Cobra, but del Rio ducks it, focuses on the arm, and then locks in the cross arm breaker for the win.

Alberto del Rio wins via submission.

@KeepItFiveStar LOL I love that. “My name…My name is Alberto Del RRRRRRRRRIOOOOOOOOOOOO >.< OOOOOOOOO!!! 😀 “

@kickoutblog Alberto Del Rio vs. Santino Marella, even more logical storytelling from WWE tonight… but you already knew that!

@StrikerSays You know, @RRWWE didn’t seem quite as EXCITED for that win as he usually does. Then again, his Royal Rumble performance set the bar HIGH.

Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler come out, and Vickie says that she has something to say: in two weeks, Dolph will not be in the Smackdown Elimination Chamber match as a challenger, but as the new World Heavyweight Champion. She knows for a fact because Dolph will beat Edge-

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR CLEAN YOUR SHOES!

One of them asks what Cena’s doing out there, and Cena responds that he’s putting a stop to this, because it’s more offensive than Christina Aguilera butchering the National Anthem at the SuperBowl, and then says he’s just kidding. He says that he’s come to apologize for Truth, who may have celebrated a little too long and thinks he’s still in Green Bay, but they’re in Milwaukee, in case you didn’t know from Cole shouting it like his brain was going to explode earlier. And, also because the last time the three of them were in the ring together, it was awesome. He says that he and Vickie had a sweet… sexy, passionate make out session, and then says, “You remember, Dolph. You were there and cool with it.” Vickie says that this is not how you respect that acting General Manager of Smackdown and if they don’t show her some respect, she’ll leave. So, they don’t show her respect, and she leaves. Cena then basically says that he will kick Punk’s Elimination Chamber in the Elimination Chamber and Elimination Chamber a bunch more times.

@KeepItFiveStar Don’t apologize on behalf of Truth! Are you serious? If anyone else did that, they’d either be released or depushed immediately.

@HitTheRopes Wonder if Cena will apologize for Truth just being a sad example for us blacks? #wwe

@Niki_Sushi ‘I’ll kick his elimination chamber’ – that sounds SO damn dirty. I twitched, for real. #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog See, it is possible to have an awesome segment, teasing Vickie Guerrero, without calling her fat.

CM Punk vs John Cena

Punk and Cena go at it for a while, with Cena repeatedly looking toward the ramp for the interference for New Nexus. Apparently, he gets sick of waiting, and low-blows Punk to get himself disqualified.

CM Punk wins via disqualification.

The New Nexus makes their way down the ring, and Mason Ryan stops by CM Punk, who is outside the ring. McGuillicutty and Otunga stand in the ring with Cena before they attack him, but King gets up and gives Cena a chair. Cena then proceeds to clean the ring out, and Nexus backs away.

So, it wasn’t the most impressive RAW ever for me, but there you have it. I admit that I kind of lost interest toward the end there, so I’m not 100% sure what exactly happened. Hopefully, next week will be more interesting!

RAW 11.1.10

November 1, 2010 11:24 pm 2 Comments

Hello ladies and gentlemen! The RAW Review is back this week, just as it was last week, and I’m frazzled. I decided to take on the challenge that is National Novel Writing Month, but I’ll suck that up quietly in peace and not bring it to RAW. Anyway, I’ve tucked away all the stuff for that for now, and I am focused on RAW! Just a side note, however, I am going to be missing the November 22nd edition of RAW, for I will be there LIVE when they come to Orlando!! So I may get a late review up on the 23rd or something like that depending on how tired I am. We’ll see how that goes, but why am I jumping ahead!? I have to get through tonight!!

However, before we begin, our very own ThinkSoJoE and Random Redhead’s birthdays are on the same day as Wrestlemania 27 tickets… Just an idea… 😉 There’s your plug, sweetie.

I hear voices in my head, they council me, they understand, they talk to me…

We start out RAW first thing with Randy Orton making his way onto the stage and into the ring. He says that he doesn’t think there’s a man alive who could take the title from him, but if someone did, he would accept it, but he couldn’t accept it if he lost it because of a crooked referee. Especially if that crooked ref just so happened to be John Cena. So, he’d like to ask Cena to come out to the ring because if he’s gonna screw Orton over at Survivor Series, the least he could do is be man enough to say it to his face.

BRRRRRRRRRR SLAM THAT DOOR!

Cena walks out and says that he will say something to Orton’s face: cut him some slack. He knows Randy is the WWE Champion, he’s been there before, they both have. Orton’s smart enough to know that championships are won and lost, they come they go, and he has a decision to make at Survivor Series. If Barrett beats Cena at Survivor Series, he’s finally out of Nexus, but if Orton wins, Cena’s fired. And he has to be the guest referee. Cena says that if there’s a situation, if something happens, he doesn’t … He asks if he sees all that chaos on unrest, but he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. He’s either free or fired. Orton says that he sees that, and it’s Cena’s bleeding heart way of saying that he is gonna screw Orton over at Survivor Series. Cena denies it, but Orton says that if he does screw Orton over, then he keeps his job, but he’ll be the biggest phony in the WWE. And don’t bother coming out talking about Hustle, Loyalty, Respect, especially respect, because he’s obeying Barrett and disrespecting every champion, including himself. Then, Orton tells him to get out of his ring, because Cena doesn’t deserve to be in it. Orton then apologizes and says that Cena can’t get out of the ring without asking his master for permission. Cena says that they both worked hard to get there, and that Nexus runs the show while Cena gets coffee. Cena says that Barrett may have enough skill to compete for the WWE Championship, but he’s classless, and Barrett’s the one who doesn’t know about respect.

We walk alone, through the unknown…

Nexus – now with their new members McGuillicutty and Harris, make their way onto the stage. Barrett thanks Cena for his kind words, and he gives Cena permission to say whatever he wants about Barrett because actions will speak louder than words, and when push comes to shove, Cena will do exactly what he’s told. And at Survivor Series, Cena will raise his hand as the new WWE Champion. Cena says that all he knows that in three weeks, it’s over. He’s either out of Nexus or, and Barrett says or he’s fired. Cena asks Orton if he can have a second with his boss. Cena says that in three weeks, this thing is coming to a head, and whether he leaves Nexus or leaves the WWE, he’ll leave Barrett a parting gift: when this is all over, Cena will beat the hell out of Barrett. Orton then says that he doesn’t have to wait until Survivor Series, and as far as Orton is concerned, Barrett’s a scared little child who needs to hide behind seven other guys, and he’ll beat on him until the only thing left for Cena to do is count to ten and declare Orton the victor. Barrett starts toward the ring.

“Randy Orton, as the WWE Champion, I feel for the position you’re in. You want to know what Cena is going to do, we all wanna know, so I think we should find out tonight. Later this evening, there will be a main event with Wade Barrett and a partner of his choice vs you, Randy, and a partner of your choosing. And the special guest referee is going to be John Cena.”

@CawCawBang Someone’s going to get their head punted in

@thinksojoe No, Michael Cole, you may NOT have my attention. #BWF #RAW

@Niki_Sushi So… was Cole reading the ‘e-mail’ off of Microsoft Word?

@Lunna1969 And I quote, shut the hell up Michael Cole!

We return to WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater in the ring.

WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater vs David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd with Natalya

So, are these two actually going to split, or is this going to be teased the entire time? Curious… And I may be wrong. I don’t see Natalya.

Kidd and Slater start out, getting good momentum, but Kidd tags – see, punches – Smith in, and Smith dominates Slater. Smith hits the suplex on Slater, going for a cover, but Slater kicks out at two. Smith continues to dominate in the center of the ring, until Slater manages to get behind Smith and Gabriel tags himself in, getting a quick hit on Smith and taking advantage. Slater and Gabriel tag in and out, dominating Smith in their corner. Gabriel gets Smith in the middle of the ring in a headlock, and I see now that Natalya was not out here. Smith hits a scoop slam on Gabriel. Smith manages to get Kidd in, and Kidd gets a good advantage, hitting a neckbreaker before going for a cover, only for Slater to break it. Smith sends Slater flying outside of the ring, and Kidd takes advantage, dropkicking Gabriel out of the ring. Slater shoves Smith into Gabriel, sending Kidd flying into Smith. Slater then distracts Kidd, and Gabriel goes to the top rope and hits the 450 for the win.

WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater win via pinfall.

Smith yells at Kidd for a while, once again teasing the breakup.

Backstage, Cena’s standing there and Truth comes up. Truth says Cena got buck, confusing all of us, and then explains that Cena just stood up for himself. Truth then says when the moment of truth arrives, what is Cena gonna do? He says that he’s Cena’s friend, and Cena walks away.

@KeepItFiveStar Oh Hart Dynasty…ya dun goofed…again

@Niki_Sushi I was all pumped up to see Justin and Heath, but then a couple Harts came out and ruined it for me. Ah, dammit. #BWF #RAW

@seraphalexiel I wanna know when Truth and Cena got so chummy. Did anyone know they were friends before Cena became a slave?

@HitTheRopes Umm, that’s not what “getting bucked” means, R-Truth. #wwe

@kickoutblog I’d really like to see Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel lock up in the future.

The guest star tonight is PeeWee Herman. And just this song is driving me crazy.

It’s a shameful thing, lobster head, too many limes, too many limes!

Sheamus says that everyone expected him to come out and throw a tantrum over Santino’s loss last week, but Santino didn’t beat him, he beat himself. Santino, he’s given you a week to bask in the glory of his fluke victory, but now he’s gonna pay. So, fella, come out here and try that one more time. And come out Santino does, in street clothes. Santino says that first of all, he would just like to say that he respects Sheamus as a human being. In fact, he is a little bit of a fan of his. Actually, he went trick-or-treating dressed as Sheamus. The only problem is that everyone thought he was a ghost. Sheamus smirks a little. Santino says that it was quite irritating and no wonder Sheamus is so angry. Sheamus isn’t grinning anymore. Santino says last night he consumed too much candy, and bad things happen. So, unfortunately, the doctor said that if he wrestles against Sheamus, he’s going to accidentally throw up in Sheamus’ face. He doesn’t think that anyone wants to see that, but the crowd disagrees. Santino says that he did find Sheamus a suitable replacement.

Yeah, you’re a stoopid boy…

Vladimir comes out and says that Sheamus talks funny. Now, Vladimir crush him. HULK SMASH!

Sheamus vs Vladimir Kozlov

Vladimir gets a good start against Sheamus, getting an early advantage, but Sheamus fights back. Vladimir wastes no time in getting it back, and Santino plays cheerleader for Kozlov. Sheamus gets Kozlov in the corner and gets Kozlov in the middle of the ring, hitting a back breaker and going for a cover. Kozlov kicks out at two, and Sheamus uses some rather Orton-like knee drops to the skull. Kozlov then grabs Sheamus and head butts his chest, going for the cover, but Sheamus gets his foot on the rope. Sheamus fights back and hits the Brogue kick for the win.

Sheamus wins via pinfall.

Sheamus then gets Santino’s hand under his boot and steps back, only for Santino to scurry out of the ring. Sheamus follows him, and Santino offers Sheamus candy in exchange for safety, then offers to give him money. Sheamus drops the money and continues to stalk Santino. Santino then offers him the credit card, and Sheamus chucks that too. Santino then offers to write Sheamus a check, but Sheamus shoves him backward, and then kicks his stomach. Sheamus lifts Santino, and gets ready to hit the Irish curse, only for Morrison to come to his rescue, kicking Sheamus in the stomach and head. Santino trumpets the fact that he’s okay, and Morrison watches him.

Truth walks up to Orton backstage and Truth says that he’s cool with Orton, but he and Cena are friends. Truth says that he doesn’t like what he saw, and he thinks that Cena’s already made up his mind. Truth says that Cena’s not going to let himself get fired, and he has a funny feeling that Cena’s gonna count Barrett victorious. Orton says that tonight, he’s going to make Truth his tag-team partner. Cena and Orton have never gotten along, but Orton wants to see how he treats his friends. Orton says that tonight, they’re going to find out that Cena doesn’t have any friends.

@seraphalexiel Obviously, Truth’s new gimmick is Danny Glover. More hood, less awards

@Niki_Sushi Its a shameful thing, lost my shorts! Too much sun, too much sun! #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes When the Hell did R-Truth become Dr. Phil of the Raw locker room? Stop being an instigator, Truth. #wwe

@ThingsColeSays Hey Truth, who is Wade Barriet?

@FrankWWEClown “Odds are I will eventually throw up…….IN YOUR FACE.” –Santino #WWE #RAW

@bethsharae I’m not entirely positive that R-Truth speaks the English language.

Mark Henry is on the phone with PeeWee and says that things aren’t the same since Evan got hurt, because he’s not just his tag partner, but his friend too. PeeWee says that he felt the same thing with a splinter, and I don’t know what he’s talking about. Henry turns around and says it’s a great story, but he still has to find a tag partner, which is why he’s there to see him. Herman says he’d be glad to be his tag partner. Henry says that Herman is just the man to give him a big hug, and Henry crushes him. Herman says that he knows what may cheer him up, and that’s Diva Twister. The Bellas, Melina, an Eve. Dear, God.

PeeWee says he’s taking some time off from his Broadway show – the PeeWee Herman show – for plenty of surprises, and Lita shows up!, joining them for Twister.

@HitTheRopes Thank gawd they introduced the Divas because this segment had *PAUSE* written all over it. #wwe

@kickoutblog Ya know, as much as I love Pee-Wee, it’s probably a really bad idea to play Twister with him. Just sayin.

OH, RADIO, TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!

Well, Joe, you got part of a Ryder entrance!! That counts, right?

Zack Ryder vs Ezekiel Jackson

Ryder gets a small advantage, and Jackson takes that away without even blinking. Big Zeke wins.

Ezekiel Jackson wins via pinfall.

The main event is going to be Orton and Truth against Barrett and Otunga with Cena as special guest ref!

@Niki_Sushi Zack Ryder, meet your new pimp. Be sure to shave your legs and wax your bikini line; clients don’t like that shit.

@kickoutblog Ow, Ow, Ow… you know it! #BigZekeWillBreakYou

… PeeWee came out… but now I’m terrified.

Tonight’s secret word is ring. Apparently, we’re supposed to do something. And King is too excited about this. Scream, of course. I must have erased that from my memory. And I totally did just put arrested… Freudian slip.

AWESOME!

Cole welcome us to Miz-ville, and I want to punch him. PeeWee’s making some kind of noise in the mic as Miz climbs into the ring.

Miz says he thought RAW losing at Bragging Rights was the lowest point of the show, but he was wrong. Miz doesn’t like PeeWee – though Riley does – and he always liked He-Man. PeeWee asks why he doesn’t marry He-Man. Miz tells him to get out of the ring, and everyone screams. Riley tells him not to say the secret word, and Miz says that he doesn’t care about the secret word, and he wants PeeWee out of his ring – cue screaming. Miz says that he’s not a cultural icon, just a pathetic excuse for a man. Miz and PeeWee proceed to fight like kindergartners, and Riley says he’ll handle it, but Riley gets in PeeWee’s face and Miz has to stop him. Miz asks if PeeWee is stupid, and says that he’s Mr. Money in the Bank. Miz doesn’t care who PeeWee is, and asks if PeeWee wants him to beat him into a pulp, and PeeWee says that he’s shaking, and that PeeWee is starting to get angry. He’s a loner and a rebel. PeeWee says that they should not anger the P. He got his cousin backstage, and Miz mocks him a little bit. Miz says that’s so funny he forgot to laugh, and to bring his cousin and the whole Herman family, because he will destroy them all. PeeWee says that he’ll be out there to wipe the smirk off his face.

WELL, It’s a Big Show!

Show comes out in a PeeWee imitation suit, and I die a little inside. Show double clotheslines Miz and Riley out of the ring and picks PeeWee up. Pee Wee asks if they had a nice trip out of the ring.

“Miz, you’re not getting out of this so easy. You said you’d beat anyone in PeeWee’s family, well, tonight’s secret word is pain. Because you’re going to face PeeWee Herman’s cousin, the big PeeWee, next.”

@kickoutblog If Big Show does the Pee-wee Tequila dance, I might have to stop watching wrestling since nothing will ever top that.

@HitTheRopes Okay, who came in and changed the channel. I could have sworn I was tuning in to watch WRESTLING. #wwe

@Niki_Sushi Oh fuck me. This is…. this is horrifying. Even Miz looks embarrassed for Show.

@RingsideRants Jesus, I miss wrestling. #WWE #RIPWrestling

@KKonvictionCom Oh it’s Pee-Wee. Hide yo kids, hide you wives, hide your husbands…cuz he’s rapin errbody up in hurr.

The Miz vs The Big Pee Wee Show

Show dominates Miz, which just hurts my heart even more than- no, less than that last segment. Show Irish Whips Miz, who ducks out of the ring for a moment, climbing back in the ring. Show then returns to dominating Miz, which we all know is because of his movie (alright, alright, I’ll stop being a fangirl. xP), and steps down on Miz’s throat, though Miz comes back, ducking under a clothesline and getting some hits to Show’s knee. Show comes back with a hard hit to Miz, then flips him onto the ground and hits a hard elbow drop. Show goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out. Miz looks a little dizzy, but continues to kick at Show’s knee, alternating between his head and knee. Miz hits a dropkick on Show’s knee, finally getting him down to his knees. Miz then gets Show in a headlock, holding it there tight. Show stands up, but Miz holds on, paying for it as Show falls backwards. Miz and Show both make their way to their feet, Show regaining momentum. Show climbs up to the second rope, watching Riley, and then dropping backward, only for Miz to roll out of the way. Miz then goes for the cover, but Show throws him into the ref. Miz attacks Show while he’s down, kicking him in the face before hitting some hard hits and going up to the top rope, aiming to knock Show down again. Miz goes up again, dropping his knuckles on Show’s head, once, and then doing it again for a third time. He goes for the cover, but Show throws him off again. Miz gets Show in a headlock, holding on tight once again. Show struggles to get up to his feet, flipping Miz off him and then clotheslining Miz once, twice, and Irish Whipping Miz and then throwing him over his back. Show makes a train noise and then runs across the ring, getting Miz set up for the choke slam, but Riley distracts Show, who uses the briefcase and gets disqualified.

The Big Show wins via disqualification.

Backstage, Cena is talking to Barrett. Barrett says after Cena raises his hand in victory, he wants Cena to clean his locker room: Sweep, mop, and then scrub Barrett’s back. Cena looks over and sees Otunga. Otunga says that Cena won’t be scrubbing Barrett’s back, because he’ll be raising Otunga’s hand. Otunga has more talent than anyone in Nexus, and more than Cena. Yeah, okay, Otunga.

@KeepItFiveStar John Cena’s also gonna shave Wade Barrett’s back and Barrett will purr like a Walrus

@kickoutblog Pee-wee + Big Show + The Miz = wrestling gold

That may have been a commercial, but it made me grin. Remember, DiBiase has a personal vendetta against Goldust for stealing Daddy’s belt. Which means daddy’s more pissed off.

Ted DiBiase with Maryse vs. Daniel Bryan

DiBiase starts to get an advantage, but Daniel eats his advantage with his feet. … I don’t know what that meant either. Anyway, Maryse walks over to Cole and says something, and Cole says that he’ll let us know. DiBiase tries to get the advantage away from Bryan, and does so after a hard fight. He gets Bryan in the middle of the ring, holding Bryan in a headlock. Maryse looks like she’s got something in mind, so keep an eye on her Bryan, and not a creepy one. Bryan attempts a LaBell lock in mid-air, but turns it into a cover, twice, and DiBiase kicks out both times. Alright, that staircase flip thing off the ropes was impressive. Bryan pounds the mat as he avoids DiBiase, getting pumped up, and then kicks DiBiase in the chest once, twice, three, four, five, six times. DiBiase counters a jump into a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. DiBiase gets behind Bryan and tries for Dream Street, but Bryan gets him in the LaBell Lock, and DiBiase taps.

Daniel Bryan wins via submission.

DiBiase freaks out on Maryse and says that he can’t concentrate and he needs his title back.

@kickoutblog KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! #LeBellLock

@TheWWETweeter AHAHAH!! David Otunga just said he’s the most talented guy in @TheNexusWWE!! That was hilarious!! ..Oh wait.. He wasn’t kidding..? #WWE #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar #umad Ted. Its Daniel Bryan, there’s nothing you can do

Damn it. LayCool is here. I mean… No, that’s what I meant.

McCool says that she feels that LayCool got off on the wrong foot with everyone and she doesn’t care. They apologize for hurting the WWE Universe. They just need a fresh start, and the more they give, the more people take it the wrong way. Natalya, for example, is what they call special. She’s Canadian, and they’re going to be nice. They say that they’re going to give Natalya another chance at Survivor Series if she beats McCool tonight, but she won’t do that because they’re the best there was, is, and ever will be.

Diva’s Champion Michelle McCool vs Natalya

I really thought Cole was going to say it was time for the most exciting sixty seconds of RAW. I was going to cry a little as I laughed myself to death. Anyway, Natalya gets a pretty good start, but McCool yanks it away from her and beats the shit out of her for a while. Just when it looks like Natalya can’t get back in it, Natalya steals an advantage back and throws McCool into Layla, then moves out of the way so that McCool kicks Layla, and then sneaks a pin in there for the victory.

Natalya wins via pinfall.

We see a heart monitor beeping, and then Freddie Prinze Jr comes up, and says that the someone’s still in a coma, and he’s going to miss the election. Then, we see it’s Vince McMahon?!

@Niki_Sushi Michelle’s weave met some chlorine, apparently. #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog Look out, women are actually wrestling on WWE TV. #SignsofApocalypse

@CawCawBang THERE’S NO TIME OUT IN WRESTLING!!!!!

@BrdWrstlngFn As much as I can’t stand these two – I love the gimmick. It works.

@ThingsColeSays Oh God. That can’t be good.

@FrankWWEClown Aw, Layla is crying. How dare you Natalya. #WWE #RAW

@YourBoyDrew Vince..I just saw you at the appreciation show, what happened within that one day? Haha

Freddie talks to Vince and says that at least Linda comes over to visit, and she’s dedicated, even though she spent $50 million on a campaign. I was right. This is the obligatory Linda for Senate segment!! Now Freddie has to break the news that Taker was buried, Nexus is stronger than ever, Cena’s in Nexus, Paul Bearer’s back, Goldust is getting married, and RAW’s being taken over by PeeWee Herman. Vince says next, Freddie’s going to tell him Bryan is US Champion. Right on the money, Vince. Vince pulls off all the stuff keeping him hooked p and says that he has to go to the bathroom. Then again, if his wife can run for Senate, he can run to be the President. Oh, dear God. There’s a Blumenthal sign on Vince’s butt.

Stephanie suddenly shoots up in bed and says that she had the weirdest dream. She asks Triple H to make sure her dad’s still in a coma, and he says yes, and Thank God.

BRRRRRRRRRRRR What the hell is Creative on tonight?

Wade Barrett and David Otunga vs Randy Orton and R-Truth with Special Guest Referee John Cena

@HitTheRopes With the Blumenthal poster on his keister, WWE gave both candidates time in that segment. LOL

@RingsideRants Stay classy, Vince.

@kickoutblog Okay, Vince waking up after hearing his wife spent $50 million was pretty funny. Not digging the free Linda ads though.

@seraphalexiel D: I hate politics too. Go away

@CawCawBang Mr. Mcmahon is Mr. Krabs

@FrankWWEClown Cena would make a great ref if he wasn’t a Superstar, he just pulled out the tag ropes for this match. So vital. Eat that, Chioda. #WWE

@Lunna1969 Super Cena don’t look right in black and white stripes…

@KeepItFiveStar If John Cena destroys R-Truth I will love him for life

@ThingsColeSays Vince McMahon has lost his damn mind.

Otunga and Orton start out, locking up in the middle of the ring. Otunga backs Orton into a corner and beats on Orton for a while. Orton gets out, and hits a shoulder block on Otunga, getting him to his knees before kicking him in the stomach. He then Irish Whips Otunga and runs into an elbow. Otunga tags in Barrett, who gets a clothesline from Orton as he gets in. Cena gets Orton off of Barrett and Barrett takes advantage and rolls Orton up, only for Orton to kick out at two. It happens again, but Barrett tags in Otunga, who eats a scoop slam. Orton and Barrett lock eyes, and Orton drops his knee in Otunga’s face, then follows him out of the ring. Cena tells them to get back in the ring, and Orton goes to throw Otunga into the steps, only for Otunga to reverse it and throw Orton in. Cena tells Otunga to get Orton back in, and he does. Otunga goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two. Otunga tags in Barrett, who immediately begins stomping on Orton. Barrett gets Orton in a headlock, but Orton gets to his feet and gives Barrett a very hard throw to the mat. Both men are down and work toward their corners, Otunga and Truth tagged in. Truth hits a hard, two hard elbows on Otunga, then throws Otunga down. Otunga Irish Whips Truth, who jumps off the corner and does his fancy dance moves, and goes for a cover, only for Otunga to kick out at two. Truth throws Otunga into the ropes, and Barrett is tagged in. Barrett goes for the cover, but Truth kicks out at two. Barrett Whips Truth into the corner, and Barrett hits a back breaker. Barrett lifts Truth and punches him in the face, then going up to the second rope and missing an elbow drop as Truth moves out of the way. Both men are down, again. Truth tags Orton, but Cena never saw the tag due to Otunga climbing into the ring and distracting Cena. Barrett drags Truth over to their corner and the Barrett tags Otunga in. Otunga slams Truth onto the mat and hits an elbow drop, going for a cover only for Truth to kick out at two. Otunga tags in Barrett, Cena kicks Otunga to the apron, and Barrett beats Truth up a little. Otunga goes for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two, then puts Truth in a headlock. Truth fights back, and the two of them are down in the center of the ring after a double cross body. Otunga tags in Barrett, but Cena misses it because Orton distracts him. As Cena yells at Barrett, Orton hits the RKO on Otunga and takes Barrett out of the ring. Truth then gets the pin on Otunga.

R-Truth and WWE Champion Randy Orton win via pinfall.

For some reason, Truth’s music changes to Randy’s. The sound guys probably realized that playing Orton’s music made more sense since Orton really got them the victory. Either way, we end RAW with an epic staredown between Orton, Barrett, and Cena.

Overall, not a bad RAW, if you take away the scary ass PeeWee segments. See ya next week, ladies and gentlemen.

WWE RAW results 5/10/10

May 11, 2010 5:41 am Leave a Comment

Guess what I don’t care about. RAW tonight. Why? Because I’m going to SmackDown tomorrow night. Oh yeah, yours truly won tickets to tomorrow night’s tapings in Buffalo. YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH BOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYY!

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WWE RAW results 3/1/10

March 1, 2010 11:20 pm 2 Comments

RAW is going Up In Smoke tonight as Cheech and Chong host. Randy Orton takes on Ted DiBiase, more qualifying matches for the Money In The Bank match at WrestleMania should be happening, and Bret Hart may give his farewell address to the WWE Universe. Ready? Me too! Let’s go!

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WWE Elimination Chamber 2010 results

February 22, 2010 2:40 pm 1 Comment

Alright folks, the former No Way Out is now the Elimination Chamber, and following the opening video and pyro, the WWE is wasting no time getting started (ok, they are, but I want to get started, dammit), and neither are we!

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WWE RAW results 01/11/10

January 11, 2010 11:32 pm Leave a Comment

What’s up folks, welcome to our RAW review. We promise not to bite your ear off or eat your children, but we can’t promise you that RAW’s guest host, Mike Tyson, won’t. I’m not sure what else is going on tonight, but I’d expect some interaction between DX and Tyson. Ready? No? Too bad, let’s go!

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RAW results 8/31/09

August 31, 2009 10:52 pm 1 Comment

Well, I guess it’s me reviewing the show this week, since Legend Killer refuses to watch any WWE programming. Ah well. Dusty Rhodes is hosting, Jericho is facing MVP, and The Big Show battles Mark Henry. Let’s go!

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WWE RAW results 7/20/09

July 20, 2009 11:55 pm Leave a Comment

Alright, this should be fun! I’m reviewing the show on a brand new laptop, and I woke up 5 minutes before the damned show started, starving but not wanting to let you guys down, since I missed my last two assignments here on BWF. Well, we’re getting back to normal this week, sort of. I’m back to do all my reviews, Legend Killer will be around on Wednesday with a new article (and he’s also working on something new for VinceRussoWatchesHisBeardGrow.com), and we’ll have Random Randomness on… Friday?!? JT is going on vacation at the end of the week, so he’s going to drop in with his column a couple days early. Anyways, I digress, put on your cheap sunglasses, it’s time for RAW with guest hosts ZZ Top!

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WWE RAW results 7/13/09

July 14, 2009 12:18 am 1 Comment

Triple H kicks off RAW tonight, and gets a huge ovation from the Orlando crowd. He reminds us that Donald Trump bought RAW, and Vince McMahon bought it back for double the price a week later. Meanwhile, something exciting happened – the celebrity guest host. The Game is here to announce tonight’s host. He was in Buffy and Austin Power, he’s also on Family Guy and is a co-creator of Robot Chicken. His name is Seth Green – and his theme song is Welcome To The Jungle. He’s thrilled to be here hosting RAW. he can do whatever he wants, pick the matches and whatnot. So the first thing he’s going to do is make a six diva swimsuit summer spectactular. It’s in the spirit of athletic competition, of course. Triple H sees it his way. It’s the kind of outside the box thinking that makes The Game a fan of Robot Chicken. They put celebrities in the most bizarre situations. The premiere episode has, potentially, the biggest star on the planet (according to Triple H), Triple H.

Clip of Triple H on Robot Chicken, getting his ass kicked by Dakota Fanning, until John Cena turns on her.

Triple H says that didn’t really happen. Triple H has experience fighting whiny little girls since his first match with Randy Orton. Triple H says that may be true, but he never said that. Randy Orton and Dakota Fanning have one thing in common – no male genatalia.

I hear voices in my head…

Orton says he’s got something Triple H don’t – the WWE Championship. He says that if Seth Green wants to take shots at Orton, he should know that Orton has somewhat of an anger management issue. He won’t hesitate to punt somebody in the head or RKO them no matter how big or pathetically small they might be. Triple H suggests himself vs. Orton for the main event. Orton says Green doesn’t wanna do that, since Cena and Triple H are already losing to him at Night of Champions. Triple H says he’ll just drop him right now. Orton has nothing to say to Triple H until Night of Champions, and he’s got nothing to say to Seth Green either. He then asks Green why he’s here. Maybe it’s so somebody might mistake him from being a real man. Green tells Orton he might be interested in tonight’s main event. It’s going to be Randy Orton and Legacy taking on Triple H and John Cena. Oh yeah, and their partner Seth Green.

Kelly Kelly is wasting valuable television time wandering aimlessly in the general direction of the ring in a bikini.

The following is a chance for me to go grab some dinner Six Diva Summer Swimsuit Spectacular or something stupid like that. Screw this, I’m going to get some dinner.

Alicia Fox, Rosa Mendez, & Maryse def. Mickie James, Gail Kim, & Kelly Kelly

It’s your weekly multi-diva clusterf*(#, now with bikinis. BORING. I seriously went to get some dinner and came back in time to see Maryse pin Mickie James.

Seth Green runs into Chris Jericho backstage. Chris Jericho says he’s the guy who made a career of mocking Star Wars after claiming to be a big fan, and is now doing the same thing to the WWE. He needs to cater to Chris Jericho. Robot Chicken is apparently going on a roller skating tour with the band Gym Class Heroes for free. Green tells Jericho that if he’s going to bring negativity to the show, he might as well just leave. Jericho says he’s got something to say, and he’s going to say it whether Green likes it or not.

WWE Slam of the Week – Carlito beat the crap out of his brother after they failed to beat Jericho and Edge for the Unified Tag Team Championships last week.

Primo is in the ring with a microphone and speaking Spanish. He calls out Carlito. He doesn’t get him though. What he gets is the best part of RAW, The Miz! Miz asks where Carlito is. He’s probably doing something more important, like getting a cup of coffee. So since Maryse is probably watching, The Miz is going to leave Primo laying in the middle of the ring like the rejected brother he is, because he’s The Miz, and he’s… AWESOME!

The Miz vs. Primo

Primo and The Miz put on a pretty good match, until Carlito interrupts and allows The Miz to hit a reverse Russian leg sweep for the victory.

After the match, Carlito spits in the face of his brother, who apparently don’t want to be cool.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler talk about Edge’s injury and what could happen with the Unified Tag Team Championships.

Still to come, Legacy take on Triple H, John Cena, and Seth Green.

WWE Rewind: Hornswoggle defeated Chavo Guerrero on Superstars last Thursday.

Hornswoggle is hanging out with somebody his own size backstage. Seth Green tells him tonight it’s going to be Chavo vs. Hornswoggle, and Chavo will have one arm tied behind his back. The Big Show shows up, and Green asks him for advice. Show says to watch his match with Evan Bourne and see how guys his size fare in the WWE. He then says he’ll give some advice to Green, but it’ll cost him… One Million Dollars muwahahahahahahaha.

MVP makes his way to the ring for action. His opponent is the guy who just a week ago said he wouldn’t fight him, Jack Swagger.

MVP vs. Jack Swagger

A very entertaining match that sees Swagger drop MVP with the gutwrench powerbomb (or, as our good friend Green Teabagger calls it, The All-American American’s All-American American Americanator!) for the victory. I’d write more about it, but I’m still eating my meal from that stupid Diva thing earlier in the night.

Chris Jericho is carrying a folder and walking toward the ring.

We know some of you may be eating, but here, enjoy these graphic pictures of Edge’s surgery on his Achille’s Tendon.

And now, please welcome his tag team partner, Chris Jericho!

Jericho says that for the first time in WWE history, the Unified Tag Team Champions are held by one man, and it’s appropriate that that man is the best in the world today, Chris Jericho. He finds it ironic that both Edge and Achilles were great warriors for their time and were taken down by injuries to their Achilles heel. Jericho lists Edge’s injuries and claims he was taking a chance by taking Edge on as a partner. It’s not fair to Jericho that he should have to suffer for Edge’s faults. He’s not giving up his titles. He’s got a contract with him that says that if Edge is injured, Jericho could chose a new tag team partner and remain tag team champion. Before Night of Champions, he’ll pick a devious, cunning partner who is worthy of being in the ring with Jericho, and he’ll also be a truthful, honest man.

Somebody gonna get they ass kicked…

Mark Henry makes his way to the ring, smiling. He enters, and Jericho smiles back. He says Henry is impressive, and just the type of partner Jericho had in mind. Henry puts his arm around Jericho and tells him that they could do unbelievable things. He asks Orlando if they think they’d be a good team. Henry says that he’s not out here to be his partner. Jericho’s look of confidence turns to a look of fear, and Henry tells him he’s out here to be his opponent.

Mark Henry def. Chris Jericho via count-out

Henry tears the suit off of Chris Jericho and tosses him around like a rag doll. Jericho takes some time outside the ring to regroup – and to take off his tie. He stalls as the fans chant “you suck.” He finally gets in the ring and the match officially starts. Henry tosses Jericho around as the announcers theorize that this is punishment for Jericho’s attitude with guest host Seth Green earlier. Jericho gets knocked down, and hightails it out of there, getting counted out in the process, much like Cody Rhodes last week.

Hornswoggle is here and ready for his match with Chavo Guerrero, who will have one hand tied behind his back.

Hornswoggle def. Chavo Guerrero

Ugh. Hornswoggle used a stinkface. Chavo goes for a one armed suplex, but Hornswoggle rolled him up for the pin instead.

Randy Orton is proud of Ted DiBiase for slapping his dad last week. DiBiase says he never wants to be like his old man. He’ll be better. Cody Rhodes says that his father might be the guest host last week, and unlike some people he has a great relationship with is dad. Orton instructs his Legacy mates to not touch Seth Green in this match, because Orton wants him for himself.

Kofi Kingston is on his way to the ring to do commentary for the following matchup. Evan Bourne is out first for this matchup, and his opponent is The Big Show.

Evan Bourne vs. The Big Show

Show dominates, with a little of Evan Bourne offense. Show hits a huge spear and locks in the Camel Clutch for the victory.

Show refuses to break the hold, but Kofi Kingston runs into the ring to make the safe. Kofi will face Big Show this Thursday on Superstars.

The Robot Chicken Star Wars Episode II DVD comes out next week. They show a clip, which I seriously wish was a clip from the first Star Wars episode with Hulk Hogan voicing Abe Lincoln against Jedi George Bush.

We get a rundown of the Night of Champions card.

Backstage, Santino is playing with action figures, making his own figure knock out the Iron Shiek and kiss Trish Stratus. He asks Seth Green for a job on his show, “Electric Poultry.” Cena and Triple H join them and Santino leaves. Cena tells Green that if he abandons them he’ll beat him up. Triple H tells him it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, yadda yadda yadda. Cena and Triple H argue over who’s going to watch out for Green, and Cena says it doesn’t matter who protects him, he’s gonna get killed anyway. Triple H agrees.

Michael Cole reveals next week’s guest hosts for Monday Night RAW. That’s right, I said hosts, plural. They are…. ZZ TOP!

(Thanks to Mr. Random Randomness, JT for covering the rest of the show)

Legacy Comes out first, we get reminded that Orton wants Seth Green to himself (like that’s really gonna happen). Seth Green comes out to “Welcome To The Jungle.” I wonder if Axl knows WWE is using his song. HHH out next. He spits water, it’s supposed to be cool or something. He’s also like a foot taller than Seth. Oh yeah he’s also on the cover of some muscle magazine. Cena out last to mostly cheers, he now has John Deere looking gear. Michael Cole says “this is what it’s all about.” Sorry Cole it really isn’t. We then go to a…

Commercial Break- The Taco Bell Bacon Potato Burrito is pretty good, you should try it. The G.I. Joe movie looks awesome, too bad I’ll be out of town when it comes out. 🙁

Legacy def. John Cena, Triple H, and Seth Green via disqualification

We come back and the match has already started with HHH dominating (shocker).
1st pin attempt- 2 count
Tag to Cena
Continues to dominate
2nd pin attempt- 2 count
Tag to Green- punches Rhodes in the face knocking him down
Outside the ring HHH knocks Rhodes down
Tag to Cena- Back Body drop
Orton takes Cena out while the ref’s back is turned.
Orton now dominating
Orton 1st pin attempt- 2 count
Orton stomps on Cena
Dibiase & Rhodes double team Cena while Ref’s back is turned
Rhodes gets a full nelson on Cena- Cena fights out of it, but is knocked down
Double tag
HHH dominates Orton, then he goes after Rhodes & DiBiase
Match gets out of control
Orton RKO’s HHH
Goes for a pin, Seth Green breaks it up
Orton then attacks Green
Orton goes for The Randy Orton Super Magic Mega Kick of Final Ultimate Death!!! (TM Green Teabagger) but is stopped by Cena
Cena goes after Orton, but is stopped but legacy who attack him until HHH makes the save with a sledgehammer, getting their team DQed
HHH bumps into Cena with the sledgehammer, but it has no effect.
HHH and Cena come face to face but Seth Green comes between them and they raise each others hands.

We fade to black with Legacy at the top of the ramp and Cena and HHH with Seth Green on hos shoulders standing tall in the ring.

My Thoughts: Seth Green should not be wrestling. Guest hosting is one thing, but getting involved in a professional wrestling match is another. The wrestlers are trained professionals, and as Edge’s latest injury has proven, even they get severely hurt doing what they do for a living. Seth Green is not a wrestler. Seth Green is an actor – one who’s work I actually enjoy. He’s got no business getting into the ring in a wrestling capacity. Look, I’m all for this guest host thing. I like it, it gives RAW an air of mainstream acceptance, and sure, Seth Green actually wrestling on Monday Night RAW will probably get some TMZ or Entertainment Tonight coverage, but is it really worth risking the poor guy’s health and career to have him step in and participate in something he’s not extensively trained to do?

Why aren’t Legacy complaining about not knowing who they have to face at Night of Champions? That fits their characters, even if their opponents are also heels. Hell, I don’t think Rhodes and DiBiase were even mentioned in Chris Jericho’s promo about the Unified Tag Team Championship match at Night of Champions, and they’re the challengers.

This show just wasn’t very good. I just hope that ZZ Top don’t jump in and challenge DiBiase and Rhodes to a Night of Champions warm up match next week.

WWE RAW results 6/29/09

June 29, 2009 11:49 pm Leave a Comment

Fresh off of The Bash – I have no idea what’s going on tonight. Perhaps Carlito and Primo will have something to say about Edge and Chris Jericho winning the Unified Tag Team Championships last night? Hey, maybe Edge and Jericho will make an appearance! How about Randy Orton? Is his jaw still in tact after being brutally assaulted by The Game after a successful title defense last night? Who knows? I sure don’t, so let’s go!

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Tag Archive: Voices In My Head

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